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Imposter Syndrome
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4 Things To Remember When You Don’t Believe In Yourself

When I picture life, I picture us all walking down our own winding path, pulling a wagon behind us. Each person’s wagon is filled with their self-belief and self-worth. Walking down the path of life, carrying our inner beliefs, we happily trundle along the path toward whatever our own goal is, but sometimes life isn’t so breezy.

When you’re having a hard time seeing the good in yourself, remember these 5 important things.

1. Opinions Aren’t Facts

At some point in your life, you believed in yourself, and you were feeling great. Then, someone came along and made you doubt yourself. They gave their opinion of you, and it hurt. You believed in yourself less and carried the hurt with you.

You need to understand that the comment was someone’s opinion, not a fact. Just because someone doesn’t see your worth doesn’t mean no one will. You can’t please everyone, so don’t even try.

Someone had an opinion, and that’s okay. We are all entitled to opinions. But it wasn’t a fact. Don’t let that person’s negativity get absorbed into your estimation of yourself. Let it wash over you and float away.

Learn to take feedback critically and consider where there something you can use in the comment to change and grow as a person.

2. Growth Takes Time

Give yourself a break. This is so important if you don’t believe in yourself. You are still growing, and you are learning, failing, and learning again. No one has all the answers, and there is no right way to do something. You are just growing, and you are going to make mistakes, and that doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure. It makes you a human who is growing.

Let go of perfectionism and the idea that you have to have it all together and be right all the time. That pressure is slowing you down and causing you to doubt yourself. Just breathe. You are where you are on your journey, and that is beautiful and it is enough.

Don’t let the pressure of expectation take away from your self-belief. You are not a list of all your successes and failures; you are so much more than that.

Failure is an event, not a personal characteristic.

Learn, grow, and let yourself fail. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect as that has never done anyone any good. Embrace your failure and know that you learned something and are moving forward.  There is comfort in having faith that everything will be all right in the future. Your self-belief will thrive when you release these unrealistic expectations.

3. Fear Can’t Stop You

Let’s chat about your fear. When you don’t believe in yourself, it is most likely that you are afraid to. To be yourself and put yourself out there, you risk being criticized for who you are. That is scary, and as we learned from opinions, it can really damage your self-belief.

Believing in yourself takes bravery; you have to be the one who pushes you forward and believes in you. If you don’t, you just stand still. You have to believe in yourself to move forward, and fear holds you back.

  • Fear holds you back from trying in case you fail.
  • Fear stops you letting go of opinions in case they are right and you will have to go through this again.
  • Fear stops you moving forward.

Let go of fear. Adventure forward with careless abandon. Face your fears one by one and say “I see you fear, and I know everything I want is on the other side of you. I see you, and I am afraid, but I am going to face you and move past you anyway and face the consequences of my actions because I believe in myself, and I can handle anything.”.

Never fear failure; failure is just another opportunity to try again, except this time more wisely. It is the best teacher and the fastest way to succeed. Have a healthy relationship with failure and you will have a better relationship with your inner courage.

4. You Are Unique

You are unique, and I say this with all the passion in the world. You are different; you walk down your own unique and wonderful path. Not everyone is going to understand it, but that is how history is made. It is made by people who no one believed in, who stood up, defied fear and doubt and said what they believed.

You don’t have to have support to believe in yourself. You can connect with what you believe in, and if you believe it strongly enough, you can achieve anything. When you don’t believe in yourself, just remember, you are still important and unique, and you still matter.

Don’t give up on your journey because not everyone understands it. Keep connected to the knowledge that you are important and you matter.

Final Thoughts

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When your self esteem is low, it can be really hard to nurture it all by yourself. Sometimes you need a confidence boost from someone who does believe in you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling and ask for support.

Something to always remember is that your self-belief comes from you, and no one can take it away without your consent. You have the power to validate yourself and your self-esteem and the power to ignore the negativity in the pursuit of your own goals.

Source: Lifehack

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Celebrating Abimbola Balogun, The Co-Founder Of So Fresh NG

Abimbola Balogun, is  the co-founder of SoFresh, a healthy food chain, providing fresh delicious, nutrient-rich healthy meals and committed to promoting a healthy lifestyle.

Abimbola, together with her husband, Goke, founded the company in a little corner shop in the Ogba area of Lagos after moving to Lagos from Kwara state, a year prior.

So Fresh was originally founded as Fruitivegies Limited in 2010 – a modernised Farmer’s Market. It was conceived to be a departure from our traditional way of shopping for fresh produce in Nigeria, by providing a clean serene and hygienic environment for Nigerians to buy fresh produce.

In a few weeks of opening the store, Abimbola and Goke discovered the market wanted something more and they started to shift focus to freshly prepared meals, in order to tap into the increasing health consciousness and culture shift in the ‘what’, ‘how’ and ‘where’ people shop for food.

Reality soon hit 2 months later and sales were dropping. They decided to take to the streets, engaging in door-to-door advertising and distribution of flyers. Sales began to go up again. But by the end of 2012, they encountered a bigger issue – sales kept going up, but there was no profit.

Early 2013 was a defining point for the company – to stop the business or keep going, with a different strategy. Abimbola and Goke took the latter, invested almost x5 of their initial capital, and moved to the Ikoyi area of Lagos, to a bigger market yet to mature, to set up another store. This was round the time the name was changed to SoFresh.

Two years after that move, SoFresh opened a second outlet at Opebi in 2015, then a third at MMA2 Airport, Ikeja in 2017. SoFresh currently has 9 locations across Lagos and Abuja.

Abimbola is a Law graduate from the University of Ilorin and apart from running SoFresh, she’s also an HR professional, focusing on capacity building for organisational growth.

Abimbola and Goke’s story is one of determination, passion and partnership that works, and we hope it’s something you can learn from.

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Ife Durosinmi-Etti – The Amazon Helping Women Win At Life

Ife Durosimi-Etti

Ife Durosinmi-Etti is an author, entrepreneur and a sales and marketing expert with over a decade experience across fashion, marketing and manufacturing industries.

She holds a bachelor’s degree in Biochemistry from Covenant University, Nigeria, and an MBA in Global Business from Coventry University.

Ife started her career as an operations analyst in a bank in Nigeria during her mandatory one-year National Youth Service.

She volunteered with the British Red Cross at the time she was completing her MBA and joined a British multinational retailing company headquartered in London.

She moved back to Nigeria in 2012 and joined Nigerian Breweries (Heineken Operating Company in Nigeria) as a Young African Talent (YAT) and transitioned to their Corporate Communications Department as Corporate Social Responsibility and Sustainability Support Manager.

In 2015, Ife decided to bridge a gap in the furniture market for newborns and together with Olamide Olatunbosun, founded Parliamo Bambini, a baby and child furniture company with products manufactured locally.

In 2016, Parliamo Bambini was selected by the Tony Elumelu Foundation for its Tony Elumelu Entrepreneurship Program as one of the companies whose idea can transform Africa.

Parliamo Bambini is also the winner of the Jumia Super Startup Competition in 2017 In the same year, Ife was also selected as a Global Shaper of the World Economic Forum.

She has been selected as a mentor on one of Young African Leaderships Initiative (YALI)’s programmes and has been a panelist at Harvard University’s African Development Conference discussing the role of women in democracy and how it impacts on business in Africa.

Ife is the author of “Accessing Grants for Startups,” a book that shows the opportunities available locally and internationally for entrepreneurs in Africa that can help take their businesses to the next level.

Ife is also an associate member of the Advertising Practitioners Council of Nigeria (APCON).

Ife is also one of the Leading Ladies Africa’s 100 Most Inspiring Women in Nigeria for 2019.

Ife, alongside her AGS tribe also raised N22M for Late Olamide Alli Kid’s.

We celebrate her for giving women a voice and helping them win at life.

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Meet Omotade Alalade, The Woman Supporting Families Through Their Fertility Journey

Omotola Alalade is the founder  of Beibei Haven Foundation – a non-profit supporting women and couples through their fertility journey. The organisation focuses on providing support to couples dealing with infertility, pregnancy/baby loss and genotype challenges.

A lot of families, especially young couples battle with fertility issues, and sometimes, the journey can feel very lonely. Omotade experienced this too in the early years of her marriage: infertility, genotype challenges, miscarriages and a complicated pregnancy. She was devastated, overwhelmed and isolated as she went through numerous fertility challenges. She was living in fear of being judged by what she was going through and unable to find adequate support to help her through.

In addition to her fertility challenges, financial difficulties also played a major role as they could not afford the necessary treatments and had to get a loan. For the first 2 years of her marriage, she was constantly working to pay for fertility treatments.

She decided to do something by founding Beibei Haven Foundation to stand by married women in similar situations, giving them assurance that they are not alone and all hope is not lost.

Beibei Haven provides free fertility treatment grants to low income earners (these treatments include In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and surgical operations; provides support, information and education; creates awareness on fertility challenges through its fertility walks and pregnancy/baby loss summits; and promotes equal access to fertility treatments.

Through Beibei Haven, Omotade raises funds from private individuals and organizations to enable the foundation give free fertility treatments to those who cannot afford it.

Omotade is also the co-founder of Elev8 Media, an outdoor advertising company in Lagos, Nigeria, and was director in the company up until 2016 when she started Beibei Haven.

In 2016, Omotade was named in BBC’s “100 Women List” and in 2017, she was named one of the 100 Most Inspiring Women in Nigeria in celebration of International Women’s Day by Y! Naija and Leading Ladies Africa.

We celebrate Omotade for rising above her challenges and setting up a platform to help other women and families do same.

Source: Bellanaija

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American Express Names First Black Woman To Executive Committee In 170 Year History

Another win for Black women!

Corporate finance giant American Express just appointed the first Black woman to its executive committee in the company’s 170 year history, Black Enterprise reports.

Glenda McNeal is an AMEX veteran who has been with the company for more than 30 years. Currently, McNeal serves as President of Strategic Partnerships for the financial giant, leading strategy and negotiations for various partnerships that span the e-commerce, travel, technology, and retail sectors. Prior to that she worked in a number of capacities including sales and client management, business development, and marketing and strategy, spearheading efforts with key clients for AMEX including Delta, Marriott, Hilton, PayPal and Amazon. 

A Wharton School alum, McNeal has an extensive resume which includes serving on several boards including Nordstrom Inc., RLJ Lodging Trust, the World Travel and Tourism Council, and the United Negro College Fund. She also recently led the “Stand for Small coalition,” an initiative focused on helping small businesses navigating the financial impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. As a new member of the executive committee, McNeal will bring all of her expertise to the table to help push the company forward. 

Stephen J. Squeri, AMEX Chairman and CEO spoke about McNeal’s appointment, saying, “Having Glenda’s expertise and experience on the Executive Committee will be a huge asset for us. [The current economic challenges are] making it even more important to adapt our leadership structure to the challenges we face so that we can emerge in a stronger position. We must ensure we have the right expertise at the table.” 

McNeal joins fellow appointees Andres Espinosa, Chief Credit Officer for American Express, and Pierric Beckert, President of Global Network Services. “[The appointees will] bring to the Executive Committee invaluable knowledge and experience which are particularly relevant for the times we are in. We will benefit from their diverse perspectives as we navigate through the challenges we face and position our company to win going forward,” Squeri said.

Congratulations Glenda!!

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Esther Ijewere :12 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do

Mentally strong women have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do…

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

READ ALSO : 5 MONEY BELIEFS KEEPING YOU POOR

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8.They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

 

 

 

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Olabisi Animashaun: A Girl’s Dream Guy Checklist

This is for the ladies! I may not be qualified to talk about relationships since I’ve never been married, neither have I been into many relationships to write extensively about this, but I would like to share my brief knowledge from my experience and hope you find it helpful.

I know every girl has a “checklist” for her dream guy. The “these-are-what-I-want-to-see-in-my-guy” list. I’m sure you are wondering how I know this. Well, that’s because I used to have one too.

A few years back, I was sitting with my friends, discussing random things, and the topic we ladies tend to discuss a lot came up. Yeah, you know that topic; who we would love to spend the rest of our lives with; our dream guy and the qualities he must possess. I recall one of my friends saying her dream guy must be tall, dark, handsome, have biceps to die for, and a lovely accent. Another had said her own dream guy should not be too tall because she isn’t really a tall person, he must have a nice set of teeth, a lovely smile, keeps a low cut, and have sexy dimple! Imagine the sight! He must also listen to everything she says, does everything she asks, must not get angry or argue with her. Hmm… he must really be a dummy.

A year before then, before I knew better, my checklist for my dream guy had been; the guy must be charming, have an amazing fashion sense, dimples to die for, keeps his hair or better still rock a dread, treats me like I’m priceless, takes me on trips, must be fun-loving etc. Please, do not get me wrong. Do note that all these are not bad. A girl deserves these things. She should at least dream. You know, have a set standard and all. She deserves to be treated like the Queen she is. But, she need to also know that it goes way beyond that. It’s way more than just the physical. Maybe at first sight, well yeah! Those are important. They may be what attracts you to your partner at first; but what happens later?

A year before then, I was thinking exactly like my friends. Our checklist for our dream guys does not include the most important qualities like; being a believer, loves and respects God, respects his elders, respects me, be caring, hardworking and purposeful, humble etc. Do our visions align? Do we have spiritual synergy? Do we share similar beliefs? We had only focused on the physical attributes which would only last for a while; the things that do not really matter. We have forgotten that such a man is dangerous if he doesn’t have a relationship with his Creator. We had only based our lists on the looks.

A man with a nice smile, sexy accent, wealthy, dangerously handsome, and all other qualities sounds fictive. Oh, we’ve seen too many fairytale movies. I would give that to Kdramas most of us were addicted to (I still watch sometimes though).  Even if there is such a person, he would turn out to be a cheat. Humans have the tendency of being unfaithful especially when they do not have a relationship with God. Most humans still are unfaithful to God, so who are humans not to be cheated on?

Many of you may not agree with my point of view, but, I know for sure that having a checklist and sticking by it is a limitation. A checklist may be a guide initially, at least to point you towards your taste, but insisting on sticking by it limits you from seeing the possibility of that fantastic guy that is just around the corner which God has specially created for you. In fact, you may be seeing him every day at your workplace or school but you just have never thought of the possibility of you guys being together; why? Because your mind is fixed on the qualities your dream guy must possess.

Most women of marriageable age are still single, and others are in wrong relationships and marriages because they’ve spent their time looking for their special guy, not God’s choice for them. Others just jump into any proposal because of the fear of being ridiculed, being called bewitched due to their ages. Their God-given man had thought he could not stand a chance with their checklist and had gone for a lady on his own level.

I also think that a good relationship shouldn’t involve people of the same qualities. That relationship would be too dry. The world would be a boring place if people were the same. I know we all want exciting relationships and the better way of having that is marrying someone who is different from you, you have different likes, hobbies, and all. That way, you would be able to help each other and also try out new things. See another side of life. Imagine eating the same kind of food every day of your life, isn’t that boring? Imagine a life where he doesn’t have to disagree with your opinion even when you bring up a foolish one, he readily agrees with everything you suggest. Babe, that guy has no sense of his own. He only follows you foolishly, he’ll end up being your slave to your whims and thoughts, and you won’t get better ideas either. The little differences you have would make your relationship fun. His flaws should amuse you and there should be a quality of his that is annoying yet, attractive. Like what you both talk and laugh about, not what you laugh at. He shouldn’t be your stereotype. He should be his own person, unique.

In case you’re wondering about my own checklist, I gave up on it. I gave my life to Christ and then I realized He is so concerned about all that concerns me, even my relationship. I gave my checklist to Him and told him I would accept whoever He gives to me. The best and perfect gifts come from God. Do you want to have a good relationship? Have a relationship with God first, then you have that guy already!

Written by: Idris – Animashaun Olabisi

Handles:

@that_wildflower on Twitter, Instagram and Medium

Olabisi Oluwaferanmi Animashaun on Facebook

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Adaora Okekeocha: It’s Time To Release Your Chain.

I wrote this book to let women know that they don’t know have to live in misery, the constant fear of not knowing when next he will lose his temper and beat them again, living in a state of unhappiness, sadness, and being emotionally drained just because they want a man. The truth is it takes two people to make a relationship work and if you’re will a partner whose not carrying his weight, it might be time for you to let go off dead weight and move on with your life so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

I agree that no one is perfect but your partner’s flaws should be manageable like leaving his socks on the floor or not taking his plate to the sink after eating, it should not be anything like the follows: physical abuse e.g. getting angry and putting his hands on you, verbal abuse e.g. Calling you out of your name, like Bitch, goat, you’re stupid, you’re crazy, etc. or emotional abuse e.g. cheating on you with someone (another woman) (weather emotional cheating or physical cheating) or with something (watching dirty movies like pornography) These vices should be deal-breakers for you because you could lose your life from these forms of abuse.

Physical abuse is very dangerous as you can lose your life at any moment and with this form of abuse, the man would have tried you several times and if you failed to check him, he thinks it’s okay to push it to the next level. I will tell you what I mean before a man gets to the point of putting his hands on a woman, he would first of all start by raising his voice at her during an argument and if she doesn’t politely but firmly tells him, I don’t want you raising your voice at me during a disagreement and if you continue to do that, I would have to end the relationship, if he listens and changes, you continue the relationship, but if he doesn’t and even tries to put his hands on you for speaking up then you know that you have to love yourself enough to leave that relationship. In these relationship waters today, women have to develop a backbone to stand up for themselves or you will end up a casualty.

Emotional abuse is more of a slow but silent killer after you discover infidelity, it breaks you down and if you keep forgiving him and taking him back, you keep breaking yourself down and soon your organs will not be able to function as it should because of the toxicity of the relationship. I know a true story of a woman who kept taking her husband back after cheating on her and sleeping with multiple women and impregnating two of those women but she claimed that she stood on 1Cor 13 vs 4-6, Love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sin but I do not agree that this should be used in the context of an abusive relationship because a man who repeatedly cheats on you is not in love with you in the true sense of the word love. She was recently diagnosed with Cancer and immediately I felt in my heart that all those years of taking this man back have led to this. You have to be able to love yourself to leave a relationship that is toxic and abusive because if you lose your life, that man with move on to another woman and not eve act like you ever existed. Stop taking an abuser back, leave that relationship so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

When going into a relationship, you have to know who you are and have your standards meaning what are your deal-breakers. The reason is a man can fake for a long time and you meat his representative and after one year or two years of marriage, when he is more relaxed, the mask comes off and you see the real him. Another reason why you must have your standards and be ready to leave once those standards are broken is that you do not know who raised him, the truth is some men just grew but were never raised, their mother never held them accountable for telling lies, coming home late, having two to three girlfriends simultaneously and so they grew up thinking they could get away with lying and cheating on women and playing with their hearts as if it’s their doormat.

If you’re in a toxic and abusive relationship, you need to evaluate that relationship right now so you don’t become the next casualty, you must tell yourself the truth; this is not God’s best for you. Somewhere in the bible, it says, “The blessings of God makes rich and adds no sorrow” if the relationship that you’re in brings you sorrow, sadness, uncertainty please understand that the relationship was not orchestrated by God and you have to find the courage and self-love to boldly walk away so that you can stop blocking your blessings so that you can attract real and authentic love and meet the person that God has for you.

 

Blessings

Adaora Okekeocha

Author & Relationship Coach.

 

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“Let me be clear we are failing women and girls” – Toyin Saraki

Mrs. Toyin Ojora Saraki is a Nigerian philanthropist with two decades of advocacy, and she has expressed her displeasure about the state of things with the security of women in the country.

“This year marked the start of the United Nations’ Decade of Delivery, where we were promised that things would change for the empowerment of women and girls. Armed with research to prove how much better off our world would be with the rights of women and girls realised, we in the global advocacy community declared that it is well past time to start living in a gender equal reality,” she wrote.

“But instead of keeping our promise to protect and empower women and girls, in Nigeria in 2020, we are still burying them,” she continued.

Mrs Saraki who is the Global Goodwill Ambassador for World Midwives, on the rape cases wrote, “But with the heartless, thoughtless violent deaths of Uwa and Tina it is clear that we have thus far failed to engage leaders and policymakers to implement meaningful mechanisms to protect them.”

With a strong passion for leadership, Mrs Saraki noted her involvement with gender and promotion of a safe environment for women, “Last year I was honoured to join the International Conference on Population and Development, full of hope to deepen Nigeria’s consultations on gender. I called to build political commitment from leaders and policymakers to speak out, condemning violence against women.

“At the Commonwealth of Nations last year, we made a promise of No More Violence, yet, here we are, from our leaders, and right down to our grassroots, failing women and girls. Frankly, I am outraged. The gruesome deaths of Uwa and Tina are a visceral notice of our failure in Nigeria, and that’s why I am joining the WACOL Tamar SARC and Social Intervention Advocacy Foundation to call for radical reform of our police, to end the impunity of sexual violence against women and girls. In the name of all our global and national commitments to women and girls, the Nigerian state must make systemic changes to protect our young girls. Uwa and Tina’s lives will not be lost in vain,” she wrote.

To read her full heartfelt article, click her website here

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