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Olabisi Animashaun: A Girl’s Dream Guy Checklist

This is for the ladies! I may not be qualified to talk about relationships since I’ve never been married, neither have I been into many relationships to write extensively about this, but I would like to share my brief knowledge from my experience and hope you find it helpful.

I know every girl has a “checklist” for her dream guy. The “these-are-what-I-want-to-see-in-my-guy” list. I’m sure you are wondering how I know this. Well, that’s because I used to have one too.

A few years back, I was sitting with my friends, discussing random things, and the topic we ladies tend to discuss a lot came up. Yeah, you know that topic; who we would love to spend the rest of our lives with; our dream guy and the qualities he must possess. I recall one of my friends saying her dream guy must be tall, dark, handsome, have biceps to die for, and a lovely accent. Another had said her own dream guy should not be too tall because she isn’t really a tall person, he must have a nice set of teeth, a lovely smile, keeps a low cut, and have sexy dimple! Imagine the sight! He must also listen to everything she says, does everything she asks, must not get angry or argue with her. Hmm… he must really be a dummy.

A year before then, before I knew better, my checklist for my dream guy had been; the guy must be charming, have an amazing fashion sense, dimples to die for, keeps his hair or better still rock a dread, treats me like I’m priceless, takes me on trips, must be fun-loving etc. Please, do not get me wrong. Do note that all these are not bad. A girl deserves these things. She should at least dream. You know, have a set standard and all. She deserves to be treated like the Queen she is. But, she need to also know that it goes way beyond that. It’s way more than just the physical. Maybe at first sight, well yeah! Those are important. They may be what attracts you to your partner at first; but what happens later?

A year before then, I was thinking exactly like my friends. Our checklist for our dream guys does not include the most important qualities like; being a believer, loves and respects God, respects his elders, respects me, be caring, hardworking and purposeful, humble etc. Do our visions align? Do we have spiritual synergy? Do we share similar beliefs? We had only focused on the physical attributes which would only last for a while; the things that do not really matter. We have forgotten that such a man is dangerous if he doesn’t have a relationship with his Creator. We had only based our lists on the looks.

A man with a nice smile, sexy accent, wealthy, dangerously handsome, and all other qualities sounds fictive. Oh, we’ve seen too many fairytale movies. I would give that to Kdramas most of us were addicted to (I still watch sometimes though).  Even if there is such a person, he would turn out to be a cheat. Humans have the tendency of being unfaithful especially when they do not have a relationship with God. Most humans still are unfaithful to God, so who are humans not to be cheated on?

Many of you may not agree with my point of view, but, I know for sure that having a checklist and sticking by it is a limitation. A checklist may be a guide initially, at least to point you towards your taste, but insisting on sticking by it limits you from seeing the possibility of that fantastic guy that is just around the corner which God has specially created for you. In fact, you may be seeing him every day at your workplace or school but you just have never thought of the possibility of you guys being together; why? Because your mind is fixed on the qualities your dream guy must possess.

Most women of marriageable age are still single, and others are in wrong relationships and marriages because they’ve spent their time looking for their special guy, not God’s choice for them. Others just jump into any proposal because of the fear of being ridiculed, being called bewitched due to their ages. Their God-given man had thought he could not stand a chance with their checklist and had gone for a lady on his own level.

I also think that a good relationship shouldn’t involve people of the same qualities. That relationship would be too dry. The world would be a boring place if people were the same. I know we all want exciting relationships and the better way of having that is marrying someone who is different from you, you have different likes, hobbies, and all. That way, you would be able to help each other and also try out new things. See another side of life. Imagine eating the same kind of food every day of your life, isn’t that boring? Imagine a life where he doesn’t have to disagree with your opinion even when you bring up a foolish one, he readily agrees with everything you suggest. Babe, that guy has no sense of his own. He only follows you foolishly, he’ll end up being your slave to your whims and thoughts, and you won’t get better ideas either. The little differences you have would make your relationship fun. His flaws should amuse you and there should be a quality of his that is annoying yet, attractive. Like what you both talk and laugh about, not what you laugh at. He shouldn’t be your stereotype. He should be his own person, unique.

In case you’re wondering about my own checklist, I gave up on it. I gave my life to Christ and then I realized He is so concerned about all that concerns me, even my relationship. I gave my checklist to Him and told him I would accept whoever He gives to me. The best and perfect gifts come from God. Do you want to have a good relationship? Have a relationship with God first, then you have that guy already!

Written by: Idris – Animashaun Olabisi

Handles:

@that_wildflower on Twitter, Instagram and Medium

Olabisi Oluwaferanmi Animashaun on Facebook

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Adaora Okekeocha: It’s Time To Release Your Chain.

I wrote this book to let women know that they don’t know have to live in misery, the constant fear of not knowing when next he will lose his temper and beat them again, living in a state of unhappiness, sadness, and being emotionally drained just because they want a man. The truth is it takes two people to make a relationship work and if you’re will a partner whose not carrying his weight, it might be time for you to let go off dead weight and move on with your life so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

I agree that no one is perfect but your partner’s flaws should be manageable like leaving his socks on the floor or not taking his plate to the sink after eating, it should not be anything like the follows: physical abuse e.g. getting angry and putting his hands on you, verbal abuse e.g. Calling you out of your name, like Bitch, goat, you’re stupid, you’re crazy, etc. or emotional abuse e.g. cheating on you with someone (another woman) (weather emotional cheating or physical cheating) or with something (watching dirty movies like pornography) These vices should be deal-breakers for you because you could lose your life from these forms of abuse.

Physical abuse is very dangerous as you can lose your life at any moment and with this form of abuse, the man would have tried you several times and if you failed to check him, he thinks it’s okay to push it to the next level. I will tell you what I mean before a man gets to the point of putting his hands on a woman, he would first of all start by raising his voice at her during an argument and if she doesn’t politely but firmly tells him, I don’t want you raising your voice at me during a disagreement and if you continue to do that, I would have to end the relationship, if he listens and changes, you continue the relationship, but if he doesn’t and even tries to put his hands on you for speaking up then you know that you have to love yourself enough to leave that relationship. In these relationship waters today, women have to develop a backbone to stand up for themselves or you will end up a casualty.

Emotional abuse is more of a slow but silent killer after you discover infidelity, it breaks you down and if you keep forgiving him and taking him back, you keep breaking yourself down and soon your organs will not be able to function as it should because of the toxicity of the relationship. I know a true story of a woman who kept taking her husband back after cheating on her and sleeping with multiple women and impregnating two of those women but she claimed that she stood on 1Cor 13 vs 4-6, Love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sin but I do not agree that this should be used in the context of an abusive relationship because a man who repeatedly cheats on you is not in love with you in the true sense of the word love. She was recently diagnosed with Cancer and immediately I felt in my heart that all those years of taking this man back have led to this. You have to be able to love yourself to leave a relationship that is toxic and abusive because if you lose your life, that man with move on to another woman and not eve act like you ever existed. Stop taking an abuser back, leave that relationship so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

When going into a relationship, you have to know who you are and have your standards meaning what are your deal-breakers. The reason is a man can fake for a long time and you meat his representative and after one year or two years of marriage, when he is more relaxed, the mask comes off and you see the real him. Another reason why you must have your standards and be ready to leave once those standards are broken is that you do not know who raised him, the truth is some men just grew but were never raised, their mother never held them accountable for telling lies, coming home late, having two to three girlfriends simultaneously and so they grew up thinking they could get away with lying and cheating on women and playing with their hearts as if it’s their doormat.

If you’re in a toxic and abusive relationship, you need to evaluate that relationship right now so you don’t become the next casualty, you must tell yourself the truth; this is not God’s best for you. Somewhere in the bible, it says, “The blessings of God makes rich and adds no sorrow” if the relationship that you’re in brings you sorrow, sadness, uncertainty please understand that the relationship was not orchestrated by God and you have to find the courage and self-love to boldly walk away so that you can stop blocking your blessings so that you can attract real and authentic love and meet the person that God has for you.

 

Blessings

Adaora Okekeocha

Author & Relationship Coach.

 

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“Let me be clear we are failing women and girls” – Toyin Saraki

Mrs. Toyin Ojora Saraki is a Nigerian philanthropist with two decades of advocacy, and she has expressed her displeasure about the state of things with the security of women in the country.

“This year marked the start of the United Nations’ Decade of Delivery, where we were promised that things would change for the empowerment of women and girls. Armed with research to prove how much better off our world would be with the rights of women and girls realised, we in the global advocacy community declared that it is well past time to start living in a gender equal reality,” she wrote.

“But instead of keeping our promise to protect and empower women and girls, in Nigeria in 2020, we are still burying them,” she continued.

Mrs Saraki who is the Global Goodwill Ambassador for World Midwives, on the rape cases wrote, “But with the heartless, thoughtless violent deaths of Uwa and Tina it is clear that we have thus far failed to engage leaders and policymakers to implement meaningful mechanisms to protect them.”

With a strong passion for leadership, Mrs Saraki noted her involvement with gender and promotion of a safe environment for women, “Last year I was honoured to join the International Conference on Population and Development, full of hope to deepen Nigeria’s consultations on gender. I called to build political commitment from leaders and policymakers to speak out, condemning violence against women.

“At the Commonwealth of Nations last year, we made a promise of No More Violence, yet, here we are, from our leaders, and right down to our grassroots, failing women and girls. Frankly, I am outraged. The gruesome deaths of Uwa and Tina are a visceral notice of our failure in Nigeria, and that’s why I am joining the WACOL Tamar SARC and Social Intervention Advocacy Foundation to call for radical reform of our police, to end the impunity of sexual violence against women and girls. In the name of all our global and national commitments to women and girls, the Nigerian state must make systemic changes to protect our young girls. Uwa and Tina’s lives will not be lost in vain,” she wrote.

To read her full heartfelt article, click her website here

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Okonjo-Iweala Gets Nominated as DG World Trade Organizations

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WHO, UNICEF Urge Mothers To Continue Breastfeeding Despite Covid-19 Fears

The World Health Organisation and its sister agency, UNICEF, have encouraged women to continue to breastfeed during the pandemic, even if they have confirmed or suspected COVID-19 infection. According to them, active COVID-19 virus has not, to date, been detected in the breast milk of any mother with confirmed or suspected COVID-19.

On Wednesday, the UN Agency, released a statement via its website saying that COVID-19 would not be likely transmitted through breastfeeding due yo evidence

According to WHO, UNICEF, and the International Baby Food Action Network (IBFAN) countries are not properly stopping the harmful promotion of breast-milk substitutes. They noted that most companies are beginning to take advantage of the pandemic to push their products to the market and that breastfeeding is under threat.

“The numerous benefits of breastfeeding substantially outweigh the potential risks of illness associated with the virus,” the authors find.

Breast milk saves children’s lives by providing antibodies that give them a healthy boost and protect them against many childhood illnesses.

Some female patients had due to fear stopped breastfeeding which resulted in the use of breast milk substitutes.

Breast milk is the only accepted food recommended for infants for the first six months of their lives.

The agencies lamented that breastfeeding is under threat as health systems are stretched thin.

WHO also said the pandemic is having a negative effect on the health care services aimed at supporting mothers to breastfeed, including counselling and skilled lactation.

The Agencies have called on governments to urgently strengthen the legislation on the ban of all breast milk substitutes during the COVID-19 pandemic, including donations of breast milk substitutes in emergency situations.

The Code bans all forms of breast-milk substitutes promotion, including advertising, gifts to health workers and distribution of free samples. Labels must carry messages about the superiority of breastfeeding over formula and the risks of not breastfeeding.

There were some guidelines released for suspected or confirmed COVID-19 mothers who want to breastfeed their babies were also released. They include:

  • Wash hands frequently with soap and water or use alcohol-based hand rub especially before touching the baby;
  • Always wear a medical mask during any contact with the baby, including while feeding;
  • Sneeze or cough into a tissue. Then dispose immediately and wash hands again;
  • Regularly cean and disinfect surfaces after touching them.

Mothers are to follow the prevention measures listed, and should continue breastfeeding.

Reference: https://www.premiumtimesng.com/coronavirus/394992-who-unicef-urge-mothers-to-sustain-breastfeeding-despite-covid-19-fears.html

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#RubyGirls| “If You Don’t Fail Sometimes, How Will You Know What You’re Not Doing Right” – Ejiro Agambi

Ejiro Agambi, a graduate of Computer Science from Lagos State University, is a vibrant and an enterprising Nigerian committed to adding value and creating job opportunities.

She’s the Founder of JEOVIL GROUP which houses one of Nigeria’s leading cleaning companies; Jeovil Cleaning and Maintenance Services, LuxuryVox (The Gift Company) and other brands.

A 2019 SME100 Africa, 25under25 Awardee for professional service, an Alumnus of the U.S Exchange Program- Academy for Women Entrepreneurs.

Ejiro Agambi

1. Let’s meet you. Who is Ejiro

I am Ejiro Agambi, an enterprising Nigerian, committed to adding value and creating job opportunities.

My company is a market leader in the provision of detailed cleaning service for residential, commercial and industrial needs.

 

2. Your hobbies?

Singing, Reading & Graphic designing/ UX/UI

3. Mention three women who inspire you and why

The world is full of inspiring women to study and learn from. But, on a more personal level, I can attest that studying and learning from various great women in history has helped to shape who I am and becoming. They have informed the kind of leader I want to be as a CEO/as an individual as well as the kind of mother I want to be to my future children.

As asked, here are just three examples of the women who have made me the businesswoman and individual I am today.

(1) My mother (Dcns.Mrs.Evelyn Agambi)
She’s a teacher, leader and a business woman. I watched her influence her students, colleagues, women group members, customers and even her neigbours at her place of business simply by the way she carried herself, honour God, and with how hard she worked to solve and think through the problems of others.
She taught me, in this way, what it looks like to be a peoples’ person. How helping others solve problems requires thinking empathetically alongside them so as to truly understand what they’re going through and think about the problem from “their level.”
Thanks to her, I now know that being a real leader requires more than intelligence, ability, or even the capacity to inspire. It requires time, care, genuine concern and God’s grace .

Mrs Ibukun Blessing Awosika and Mrs Tara Fela Durotoye. They both have some ‘similarities’ role models worthy of emulation, they are an inspiration to thousands of women, young and old all around the world from them who have learnt how to effectively balance career, family and spirituality.

4. Your biggest fear?

Failure

5. When was JEOVIL GROUP birthed and what inspired you to start a cleaning company?

Jeovil Group was birthed few years ago. I notice details a lot and sometimes when I visit friends and relatives, I end up helping them to organize and clean their spaces, so I said to my self ‘why don’t I let other people know what it feels like to have an excellently cleaned space?’

6. As an award-winning entrepreneur with with a company that is a market leader in the provision of cleaning service, what has been the major challenge(s) so far?

Major challenges are finance, some contract staff ‘janitors’ disappointing at times, not meeting deadline, not being able to get the kind of high quality cleaning equipment I want but this has resulted to us birthing a Cleaning Equipment, Supply and Hygiene brand which will be launching soon.

7. You have divisions in Lagos, Abuja and most recently in Accra, how do you deal with the demands of operating in different areas and another country and what makes your brand unique?

By the grace of God, we’ve put in place proper structures to enable us handle operations in our different locations effectively. We are unique because our focus is EXCELLENCE and we do not deliver less. We are very detailed and I mean detailed to the core.

8. You are a graduate of Computer Science from Lagos State University. Any plans to venture into tech in the nearest future?

Definitely.

9. If given the chance to be the President of Nigeria for a day, what will you change?

Ohh… there’s a lot to change! From insecurity to electricity to the rules that govern businesses in Nigeria.

10. Luxury Vox is a gift company under JEOVIL GROUP alongside other brands with several awards to your credit, where do you see the group and your brands in the next five years?

I look forward to Jeovil being an household name across Africa and to provide more jobs in the next 5 years.

11. Favourite quote

My favorite quote is “ When you fail to plan , you plan to fail” there’s a lot to this quote, PREPARATION IS IMPORTANT.

12. What keeps you up at night?

(Giggles) I sleep at night.

13. If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

Don’t be too hard on your self, take things one step at a time, draw closer to God, have direction, have a picture of what you want in life, what you want to be.
Turn your goals into prayer requests, strive to develop your self physically, mentally, emotionally and academically. Grow without seeing failure as the end of the world, because failure is a stepping stone to success, I mean if you don’t fail sometimes how will you know what you’re not doing right? No one is perfect, we are bound to be failures sometimes and it’s okay but don’t dwell on it, glean every lesson you can from that experience, and move ahead. Lastly, remember to stay humble and consistent.

 

 

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#NotInMyChurch: Busola Dakolo is not Giving Up on the Fight for Justice

According to her, after the Police concluded their investigation, the report has been handed over to the Ministry of Justice in Abuja for onward prosecution of Biodun Fatoyinbo but there has been silence from the Ministry.

Busola also explained that a letter they wrote has gone unanswered, with stories of manipulation. But a woman resolute in her determination cannot be stopped. The letter below;

She says, “Instead, my lawyers and my family have heard about all manner of manipulation and foul play being attempted to stop the ministry from beginning prosecution immediately.
Or even to get the police report manipulated.”

Read her post below.

It is now officially one year after since I came out and told the most important story of my life up until this point. That when I was a teenager, Biodun Fatoyinbo violently raped me. It wasn’t just me. In the media, on social platforms and in private, women have been sharing stories of how this man either destroyed their lives or tried to.

A lot has happened in that time: and my heart is glad that consciousness continues to be raised about the great evil that sexual abuse is, and how widespread it is, and how much women are at risk, and why we need to ensure justice for those who find the strength to speak out.

Awareness is victory. But we are pushing to another even great victory: Justice.
When the courts last year decided to rule in favour of the man who assaulted me, people were crestfallen. I understood.
What they didn’t know however is that before we even began, we had been prepared for a long haul battle that may take years because the Nigerian legal system isn’t wired to help sexual abuse victims get justice.

Today, I have a major update. The police has concluded its investigation. And handed over its report to the Ministry of Justice in Abuja for onward prosecution of Biodun Fatoyinbo. He clearly has a case to answer.
But there has been silence from the ministry. Silence. A loud silence!

We have written a letter but for over a month we have no response.

Instead, my lawyers and my family have heard about all manner of manipulation and foul play being attempted to stop the ministry from beginning prosecution immediately.
Or even to get the police report manipulated.

My name is Busola Dakolo, a survivor of one of the most horrific acts -rape. My voice will not be shut down. My case will not be silenced. I am thankful to those in and out of the police, the ministry and the corridors of power who have called in solidarity and to reassure me that they are monitoring the ministry of justice and that this pressure to bury the case will not succeed.
I am updating the Nigerian public because you all made my story matter. You joined me to say enough is enough. With you, this has been an easier process.
#wearetired
#notinmychurch
#justice

Photosource: @busoladakolo

 

 

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A single mom recounts her story of patience and hardwork, now she owns her own home

Akilah Moore is a single mother who has been through life’s struggles alone, and has simply managed to pull her way up to growth. Ms Akilah who is from Washington DC, in the US, lost both parents at a young age,

She dropped out of high school after she got pregnant, and the father of the child left, leaving her with nobody to turn to.

“I dropped out of high school when I had my first child. The father didn’t stick around so I had to take care of my child by myself.

Now a Security Officer Howard University Middle School of Math & Science, she narrated her story which was shared in Unsung Heroes.

“I worked in every type of job just so I could provide. I worked at produce places inside of deep freezers, and I cleaned toilets. All of those jobs never lasted more than 5-6 months. It was frustrating, especially because I had to depend on the government. I had $300 a month to travel back and forth with 3 kids.”

“My parents died when I was young so I didn’t have anyone to fall back on. One day, I decided that enough is enough. It took me a lot of courage to go back to high school. I was embarrassed but my child kept me focused and motivated. It’s amazing how much my life has changed since I decided to take that extra step and get my education. I’m getting my life together and providing for my kids. I own a 5 bedroom house, my kids are doing well in school, and I’m healthy.”

With her inspirational story, it goes to show how hardwork and not giving up pulls off.

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“It was horrible” – Toolz Shares Her Child Loss Journey to Healing

Toolz, Tolulope Oniru Demuren has shared her pregnancy journey experience in the latest episode of Life Lessons with Betty Irabor. Like some women, Toolz has initially not had it together when she was trying for a baby.

She had earlier had a baby bump, which few months later was lost. This she openly admitted in an interview, and now she is sharing the experience of losing a child, the disbelief and agony she endured as well as her journey to healing.

Here are some excerpts from the session:

  • After her wedding she got pregnant, few months after she noticed she no movement but stillness in her.
  • She eventually travelled to the UK for proper hospital care, and a scan showed that her baby was too small and may not survive, she said, “I never once thought that the health of my child would be an issue,” more scans were conducted and the doctors tried what they could but a final scan showed the baby was no longer moving and she was told she’ll have to push the baby out.
  • She was given some medications to help push the baby out. The medications were given to her on Thursday and she was told to come back on Sunday. However, she went into labour on Saturday.

Watch the new episode below: directed by Ruyi Irabor and produced by Toyosi Etim-Effiong.

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Conditions surrounding menstruation in Africa you probably don’t know

28 May, is known as Menstrual Hygiene Day. This is because on an average, the menstrual cycle for a lot of women is 28 days and the menstruation period for most women is five days. This year’s theme is “Periods in Pandemic”.

Due to the current pandemic, lots of businesses and human activities have been halted in the past months and as  UNICEF rightly said in a tweet, “Periods don’t stop for pandemics – it’s every girl’s right to manage her period safely and with dignity.”

On a daily basis, women menstruate around the world which in numbers, can be estimated at about 300 million.

They need to know  how to  manage menstruation safely, hygienically, with confidence and with dignity which is critical for their health, education, human rights, economic development and overall gender equality as rightly advised by Theodore Aidoo of Face to face Africa.

She however noted that, for many people in the African continent, this is not the reality. “Menstrual hygiene is often seen as a taboo subject in many communities within the region. Menstruation is rarely easily talked about both in schools and at home probably because of some myths surrounding it,” she wrote.

 

Reference: Face to face Africa -https://face2faceafrica.com/article/myths-surrounding-menstruation-in-africa-you-probably-dont-know

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