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Women of Rubies

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A Lawyer by profession, Temilolu Okeowo is the founder, Girls Club of Nigeria, The Girls Club of Africa and The Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations, all aimed at re-orientating the Nigerian girl, as well as empowering and imparting girls all over the world. An author and certified forensics examiner, she has in the last few years, vigorously campaigning for the preservation of virginity till marriage and encouraging a chaste life through the media.

As an undergraduate, she authored her first book, The Beauty of Life, which discusses the trials and triumphs of a girl growing up in a morally decadent society. She also has other publications to her credit, including a free daily devotional, Life Nuggets For Girls. She has been involved in girl-child advocacy in all forms, which has taken her the council chambers of the United Nations Headquarters, New York, where she’s invited annually to rub minds with other girl-child advocates across the world.

In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she talks about activities lined up to mark this year’s World Chastity Day, why women and even men must remain chaste till marriage, building a new generation of women global giants, stemming child sexual abuse and gender-based violence amongst other issues.

This year, you are planning to mark World Chastity Day, how much is this day known here in Nigeria?
It’s the maiden edition and not yet known at all. It’s a special day set aside by The Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations to affirm our very special mission of encouraging girls to toe the path of righteousness in a highly depraved world.

What do you have lined up, what can attendees look forward to?
For obvious reasons, activities to mark the day would be restricted to the media, which we would employ actively to create awareness that sexual purity still matters and is also very important.

Why are you passionate about preserving women’s chastity until marriage?
God expects both genders to be sexually pure. However, my ministry is specifically for girls and ladies, although in recent times, I have been writing articles for men, encouraging them to pursue a chaste life in their own interest. My passion for women and girls in this regard could also stem from the unquantifiable gains of staying chaste long before even venturing into marriage.

What made you decide to go down this path of evangelism? Do you still practice law?
I want to attract the attention of girls to the kingdom of God, open their eyes to a lot of things most women are ignorant of, especially the proper use of their spirituality. I also want to rescue them from the dire consequences of sexual immorality. Yes, I’m still practising law and in recent times, in the light of the upsurge in gender-based violence, especially child sexual abuse, I decided to offer pro bono legal services for victims within my reach.

You have authored some books, right from when you were in school. What do you intend to achieve through those books?
They seek to discuss the trials and triumphs of an average girl growing up in a morally decadent and patriarchal society and also proffer practical solutions. They also seek to inculcate godliness and moral discipline in readers while teaching them basic life skills and nuggets to survive in a highly competitive and hostile world.

You are very much into girl-child advocacy, what are some of the things you have done/are doing in this regard?
I have been involved in campaigns against sexual abuse, child labour and trafficking, child marriage, female genital mutilation and so on. I also give lectures in schools, churches, government institutions, and also write articles against these vices. As usual, I make useful suggestions on the way out. I’ve also collaborated with sister organisations within and outside the country and every October, I attend the International Day of the Girl Summit, which holds at the United Nations Headquarters, New York, to rub minds with other girl-child advocates across the world on the way forward.

On the other hand, I have so many ‘daughters’ whom I’ve had to pay their tuition, feeding or accommodation, just to alleviate their sufferings and assist them as much as I can so they wouldn’t have cause to succumb to the advances of men, who won’t assist until they have sexual relations with them. I’ve also had to rescue a good number of them in distress resulting from domestic violence, child sexual abuse and so much more. I pay for an English tutor to teach some girls from a particular community, who can’t speak English and want to learn. I encouraged them to have as much education as they can just to have some knowledge and skills by providing the needful.

There has been a rise in cases of girl-child sexual abuse and violence in recent times, what can we do to stem this tide?
We must begin to raise our boys differently from how most African men are raised, with a lordship and entitlement mentality. We must as a matter of urgency include moral instructions in their syllabus, as well as age-appropriate sex education because a lot of them have also been defiled and discovered sex too early and desperately want to feed their lust.

Also, I’d suggest parents spiritualise their children and practically drive positive values into their souls before society gets into their heads, as we are all driven by a force and so are our actions. Also, there must be stiffer penalties for perpetrators so others can be dissuaded from these despicable acts.

You aim to birth a new generation of female, how do you intend to achieve that?
I encourage my mentees to avoid dating or getting romantically involved in their teens so they can concentrate on their self-development. They need to make the most of their potential academically, spiritually, psychologically and so on and lay a solid foundation for their future. The teenage years are very delicate; a time when an individual’s imagination is very vivid and powerful, one could magnetise and actualise phenomenal dreams and visions. You’ll agree with me that an average female is a gold mine.

How do you carry your message to women and girls in hard to reach areas, especially those with no access to mobile phones and Internet?
Over the years, I’ve been to several market places with my megaphone to talk to mothers on the importance of encouraging their girls to stay chaste while distributing pamphlets. I’ve also had to go to remote and riverine areas, even by boat, to talk to girls, who live in extreme poverty, that can’t speak or understand English. Sadly, I’ve barely reached the number of girls that need help; we have barely scratched the surface of where we need to be.

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in the course of doing what you do?
A major challenge is not being heard enough; not being able to reach as many girls as I would love to. The immorality in the world today is loud and deafening and has over-powered our society.

If you could influence change for Nigerian women, what’s the first thing you would do?
I would ensure they are given a 50 per cent chance in every area of life.

You do so many things at the same time, how do you make everything work?
I’ve always been very energetic and my spirit just naturally fuels whatever catches my fancy.

What is your passion, what drives you?
Believe me, when looking at a young girl, I see an institution, a mighty fortress, a giant which must be protected, developed and nurtured to greatness and highest potential possible.

What last words do you want to leave for women reading this?
You have the power to rewrite your life’s script, dictate the type of life you want to live and in fact, live the life of your dreams no matter how battered your life is.

Source: Guardian Nigeria (By Tobi Awodipe)

Aysha Tofa is serial entrepreneur who is also helping other women succeed in their entrepreneurial journey.

Aysha is the founder of StartUp Kano, an incubator and accelerator for startups. It promotes and advocates for technology, entrepreneurship, agribusiness and self-employment.

StartUp Kano provides founders with training on bootstrapping strategies as well as ways to secure funding from venture capitalists, angel investors and government grants.

Aysha started out in business in her third year in the university, buying and selling clothes to her friends and other students. When one of her friends was getting married, Aysha took a major risk, assuring the bride-to-be that she could supply 400 pieces of fabric for family and friends even though she had no idea how. Fortunately, things panned out; she made good of her word and some good money too.

Today, she’s a realtor, a youth and women advocate. She’s also the founder of Wave Advertising, Startup Kano, Women Founders Group, a platform for creative and innovative tech and non-tech women entrepreneurs.

WFG holds an annual event tagged Women Founders Conference for women in business, budding entrepreneurs, and startups. The goal is to make these women a family, to make them feel included, and speak up, and to help them connect and network.

Aysha is part of the World Economic Forum’s Global Shapers Community (Kano Shapers), which is a network of inspiring young people under the age of 30 working together to address local, regional and global challenges.

Aysha holds a B.Sc in Mass Communication from Bayero University, Kano, a psot-graduate diploma in the same discipline, as well as certificates in digital marketing and business and entrepreneurial journalism.

We celebrate Aysha for providing a space for startups, especially those founded by women, to grow and scale up.

 

Divine Favour Osomujie-paul Mumeh, also known as DF or Divi. is a lover of God. She is a Law student, content creator, a youtuber and a Podcaster, birthed out of her love to talk to people and communicate her own view.

She is the CEO of lashes by divi, where she sells quality lashes for affordable prices.She loves talking, engaging in self development conversation and loves reading alot.

Who is Divine Favour?

Divine Favour Osomujie-paul Mumeh is a 400l student of Law at Rivers state university(RSU). She is a lover of God, a jovial and goofy fellow.

She is a content creator, vlogger, (Ilahi’s empire on YouTube), and also a Podcaster (Coffee time with Divi).

2. Who and what inspires your creative flow?

My creative flow is inspired by God, by my environment, my creative flow is also inspired by myself. I desire to continuously impact lives and because of that I keep on pushing.

3. How has the covid-19 pandemic affected you as a student, creative and business owner?

Covid-19 has affected me greatly as a student because since it’s inception into Nigeria, schools have been shut down and education has being on a pause, especially for students in the public schools.

As a business owner, it also has a negative effect because due to the interstate lock down, delivery of products have been low. At a point the whole business was on a hold.

As a creative, the lockdown has been a blessing, this is because now people are at home, there is less workload, and people are looking for platforms to keep them engaged during this period.

4. You vlog with your YouTube channel “Ilahi’s Empire” and recently started a podcast last December “Coffee Time With Divi”. What birthed both and what do they border on?

When I was undergoing the process of self discovery, I realized that there was nothing I liked to do and I am not like those very fortunate to know what their talents are. I realized within that time that I loved to talk, I didn’t know and still don’t know if it counts as a talent but anytime I am talking, I am happy, so I decided to rebrand my talking and make it useful, also before that time I had always dreamt of having a YouTube channel, and I kept waiting for the right time, then one day I just woke up did makeup and I started a relationship series shot 7 videos that day and started uploading.

My podcast was also birthed by my desire to talk. My YouTube channel and my podcast borders on Relationship talks, lifestyle, Vlogs and also me sharing my views on trending topics.

5. Major challenges young creatives and entrepreneurs face in Nigeria?

I think the major challenge young creatives and entrepreneurs face in Nigeria is that they tend to put themselves under pressure by comparing themselves with bigger brands that have toiled to be where they are, I believe your starting stage is a stage to acquire all the experience you need, make mistakes and get forgiven.

6. What has Covid-19 pandemic taught and opened your eyes to?

Value. It has taught me value, the world at large is on hold, but people are still relevant and still making it big in these times, the big question is: Is what you are doing adding value to people around?

7. What is one thing you’ll like to change about yourself?

My unserious nature.

8. List three women who inspire you and why?

Michelle Obama: She inspires me to be that successful woman behind a successful man, her love and support to her husband is overwhelming.

Tara Durotoye: She was amongst the pioneers of makeup brands in Nigeria, I like her perspective to life.

My mom: She is the strongest woman I know and she inspires me to be strong.

9. What inspired you to start your own beauty line: Lashes by Divi. Any plan to expand it to more beauty products? Challenges when you started and any till now?

I actually learnt how to do make-up and during that period I got interested in makeup products so when I had the opportunity to start I took it, yes if money comes I plan to expand to more beauty products.

Getting a good customer base is a huge challenge

10. If given the chance to be the Chief Justice of Nigeria for a day, what will you change?

Go through the cases of those in the prisons and the innocent ones, apply for pardon for them.

11. Did your upbringing in any way prepare you for everything you are into today?

Yes it did. Character wise, and also my love for business grew from staying in my mom’s shop and selling for her.

12. Where do you see yourself/your brand in the nest 5years?

I see my brand becoming a household name, a brand that offer value to people globally.

13. If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

You are a queen don’t settle for less.

Madeline Swegle just made history by becoming the United States Navy’s first Black female tactical jet pilot. 

wegle’s best friend, Alissa, shared the news  along with celebratory images on Twitter stating, “ just my best friend making history.”

The Chief of Naval Air Training also acknowledged the historic feat with a tweet.

“BZ to Lt. j.g. Madeline Swegle on completing the Tactical Air (Strike) aviator syllabus. Swegle is the @USNavy’s first known Black female TACAIR pilot and will receive her Wings of Gold later this month. HOOYAH!”

The Virginia native completed her Tactical Air Strike Aviator course with VT-21 Redhawks in Kingsville, Texas. 

Senator Kamala Harris joined hundreds of others in praising Swegle for her accomplishments and its impact.

“Congratulations Lt. j.g. Madeline Swegle! You’re paving the way for young girls everywhere,” Senator Harris tweeted.

It took 110 years to happen, but Swegle has blazed a permanent trail that will inspire Black girls to continue to break the mold and soar high. 

Achieving personal goals feels great. However, failing to achieve them can deal a massive blow to our egos. After all, this failure is personal, and it often makes us question our own convictions. Of course, every life is filled with failures: some are not too severe, and some are valuable lessons, but failures make us feel weak, powerless, and demotivated.

When things don’t go as we planned, we start to experience this lack of control, and that is truly depressing. It affects how we behave; it prevents us from being happy, and we feel stressed out as a result of all the self-doubt we are experiencing. Luckily, these problems are not beyond solution, and you can conquer this weakness one step at a time.

  1. Learn to accept yourself and give yourself some more credit.

You need to know that every trait you possess can be viewed from both a negative and a positive perspective. If you consider yourself to be determined, and if you do not give up easily, other people might perceive this trait as stubbornness. If you are ambitious, others might call you greedy, whereas if you are humble, they might say that you lack ambition. Abandon the notion that you can become someone that everybody will admire, and focus on being someone you would admire. If you try to impress everyone, you’ll end up forsaking yourself and, as mentioned, these personal failures are far more disappointing. It’s a truth as old as humanity itself: we have our own vision of ourselves, while others have a different perception, and the truth is somewhere in between. In other words, do not take criticism too seriously, and do not be self-absorbed all the time; just learn to accept yourself, and only work on the flaws that you truly wish to eliminate.

  1. Learn how to handle your finances.

Another reason why we might feel stressed out and powerless is when we have trouble handling our finances. When you start to live your own life, there are unexpected expenses that pop up each month, and since these expenses can easily lead to debt, you need to think ahead and save money for those occasions. Whether we want to admit it or not, money is also a form of power, and without it, we feel less secure and less confident. If you are stressed out because of your finances, there are two solutions. You can see what you can do to earn more money; you can ask for a higher paycheck at work, and see what the requirements are; or, you can simply learn how to redistribute your spending budget. Sit down and calculate how much money you need to pay the bills, and then see how much money you have left and create your daily budget based on that number.

  1. Add more organization to your life.

When you feel a lack of control over your life, then you can combat it with a grain of OCD. Start to organize everything you can. It was already mentioned how you can organize your finances and how to earn money by selling things you don’t use. However, you can take this a step further and reorganize your home and daily schedule. The main reasons why this is useful is because you’ll feel a lot better when you are in a well-organized environment, and unexpected problems and obligations are less likely to sneak up on you when you monitor things more adequately.

One thing is certain though: you will feel so much better if your entire living space is neatly organized and if everything feels in its place. Plus, you’ll be motivated to maintain that order, since you worked hard on building it.

  1. Work on self-improvement.

Self-improvement can imply a lot of things. It can mean a change in your governing philosophy, or acquiring new skills, or simply changing your lifestyle for the better. So far, everything mentioned here was a form of self-improvement, and all that remains is that you work on your competence. You can try and do better at work, or you can start to learn other skills that can help you with house maintenance. You don’t need to spend money on this, since you can find online tutorials and start learning this way. As you improve, you will start to fix things on your own; you will start to feel that you have greater control of your life, and you will be proud of yourself. You can train yourself to become a good craftsman, which is fulfilling, and it can help you earn some extra cash on the side.

  1. Learn to rely less on other people.

Lastly, the less you rely on others to solve your problems, the more powerful you will feel. It’s all right to ask for help, and you don’t have to do everything on your own, but if you aren’t able to solve problems without relying on others, then you will be frustrated.

This is why self-improvement is important, because when you are self-sufficient, you feel more liberated and less pressured. Furthermore, with more skills at your disposal, you can even help others, and people will start to appreciate you more. Besides, when you are helpful, you will feel better.

So, know that you are capable of many things, know that you do not need to rely on others, but also, do not refuse or shy away from asking for help. The whole point of this is to make your life easier and to gain more control over it — not to embrace unnecessary struggles.

By: Esther Ijewere

Email : Esther@womenofrubies.com

Instagram & Twitter : @estherijewere

Facebook : Esther Ijewere

***Esther is a social activist, Entrepreneur, Author and prolific writer. She is the Editor-In-Chief of the Award winning Blogazine “Women of Rubies”.

Oluremi TejumoJesu, also known as TenaciousTejumoJesu is a child of God and a Mindset Fixer, she helps individuals move their minds from average and mediocre to positive and excellent.

She has a coaching academy, Discovery Point With TenaciousTejumoJesu Academy,and this offers Coaching classes on Self Esteem,Purpose Discovery, Relationship with God and fellow humans.

She is the author of the book “You Are Enough.” She is also the Lead Volunteer of Blissful Vines Network.

She is also the CEO of Emerald Empire (a catering and event planning hub).

TenaciousTejumoJesu loves meeting people, cooking, reading, inspiring the world around her and leveraging on experiences.

She shares her Ruby Girl story with Aduragbemi Akintepede

1. Let’s meet you. Who is Tejumojesu?

TejumoJesu is a child of God who loves going about His Business. She is the second child in her family and she believes in ORIGINALITY and REBRANDING oneself as an individual.

2. What is Mindset Revamp?

Mindset Revamp is one of the programs from Discovery Point With TenaciousTejumoJesu Academy, and it aims to help individuals reset their mindset and also break some mindset myths that has been naturally built over a long period of time.

3. When did you realize your gift of revamping minds?

I realized this gift last year, precisely in the month of December.

4. You published a book titled “You Are Enough” what is the story behind it?

The story behind it is that of a young girl who suffered from low self esteem which affected her sense of identity. And she was able to overcome when she realized that she is enough just the way she is.
And that young girl is ME, TenaciousTejumoJesu

5. What does your book entail?

It is a true life story of how I struggled with low self esteem and what I did to overcome that defect.
I was very vulnerable with my readers as I gave personal examples from experiences.

6. What has the Covid-19 pandemic taught you?

It has taught me to go all out to add more knowledge to myself, it has also taught me COMPLETE TRUST IN GOD.

7. As a caterer and event planner how has the pandemic affected your business?

This pandemic didn’t affect my business, as I quickly switched to digitalization as soon as I noticed that the whole world virtually went online.
And it has since then been useful.

8. How do you relax or unwind from your busy schedule?

I take out time to REST, see a movie and spend time with my family.

9. As a Mindset coach what are the major challenges young people face in Nigeria and what is the way out?

All the challenge starts from the mind, and the only way out is to be concious and intentional about your thought pattern.

10. How do you juggle coaching, event planning and other activities you’re involved in?

I try to balance everything. And when I see that everything is overwhelming, I switch into “observation mode.”

11. *Mention 3 women who inspire you and why?

My mum
Chichi Ogbonnaya
Tolulope AkinbinuThey have been able to successfully groom me, and show me that as a woman, you can attain the greatest height and still be balanced!

12. *Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

Married with two children.
Winner of the Forbes under 30 successful women.
Established in my coaching career and own a restaurant.

13. *If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

You can be whatever you put your mind to, you can be successful and no one can stop you from being the total and complete woman except you.

Priscilla Ekwere Eleje is the first woman to have her signature on the Naira note!

Ladi Kwali, Nigeria’s renowned potter, has been the only woman on the N20 note in Nigeria’s 59-year history but Priscilla’s latest feat is another history made.

She is the first female director of currency in the history of CBN, and her signature has been appended on the naira notes, starting from the N1000 naira.

Source: Woman.ng

Financial literacy is essential to anyone, and for women responsible for providing for their children and families, the skill of making, managing and growing wealth is fundamental. One of the common threads of most single female breadwinners (single mothers) is that they live in survival mode. When society continues to portray women responsible for their families as struggling, broke and always needy, it is not farfetched for women to begin to believe these narratives and live into it, but it does not have to be so.

Wevvo Nigeria  partnered with  the founder of Smart Money Africa and Author of “The smart money woman” and “The smart money tribe”; Arese Ugwu to educate single moms on financial literacy and savings culture last week, and here are some of the nuggets the financial coach shared.

-Pay yourself a percentage of your revenue monthly: this is an investment mentality and helps in personal finance. Make sure you set aside a portion of your income to save.

-Understand how money works

-Have assets that can be converted to cash if your income stops: these assets can be investments, real estate and businesses that generate a recurring revenue.

-Reduce your liabilities: restructuring your liabilities doesn’t necessarily reduce the overall money you owe but it can give you more cash. Pay the loans with higher interest first.

-Track your expenses, print your bank statements or use apps: make sure to know what you spent every amount on and refrain from spending on things that are not necessities.

-Build a foundation, no quick fix to making money: have a plan, there are no simple ways of making money.

-Beware of schemes that promise quick returns: beware of ponzi schemes and the likes. They offer out of the ordinary returns and there’s no guarantee that you’ll get your money back.

-Have self-awareness of what motivates you: understanding and developing your self-motivation can help you take control of your financial life.

-Budget, budget, budget: always have a budget for everything and make sure you work within your budget.

-Every investment comes with a risk, determine your risk appetite before going in. E.g stock market, private credit loan companies, purchase of distressed asset etc

-Leverage on providing solutions to problems, listen to peoples problems and position yourself as a solution provider.

-Prioritise your spending: prioritizing your bill’s and expenses in order of importance allows you meet basic needs, protect your credit and lower your financial stress. It allows you focus on finding ways to cut costs.

-Live below your income: you must not spend more money than you earn.

-Have an emergency fund. It is important to have 3 to 6 months of your income saved up at any point in time Separate from your rent: the purpose of an emergency fund is to be able to pay for unexpected expenses without taking new debts.

I didn’t know the importance of setting boundaries until life hit me in the most unusual way. It was in that moment I realized I was an “Open book” and “Easy target” for emotional warfare that often times stems from my lack of having personal boundaries  . From finding it hard to say “No”, to being scared of hurting others even when their actions hurt me. I had to take my personal growth as a project, and it all started from putting myself in check.

If the first paragraph  sounds like you then this article is just for you…. Let’s dive in!

How would your life change if you were able to maintain personal boundaries? This includes stopping people from overstepping into your personal space, as well as sticking to the personal boundaries that you set for yourself later.

What Are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the limits that you set when it comes to what you expect from a person and how they behave towards you. They indicate what you find acceptable and unacceptable in someone else’s behavior, particularly with someone that you are close to, such as family, friends, or a partner.

Personal boundaries can be restrictive or free depending on your own personality and preferences. Other common domains of personal boundaries include personal space,, time, energy, interaction, communication, religion, and ethics. However, personal boundaries are by no means limited to these things.

Why Are Personal Boundaries Important?

The fundamental reason why people set boundaries is to try and create stronger relationships with themselves and other people. Personal boundaries are an essential part of any thriving relationship and should never be overlooked.

Just like fences and walls in the physical world are used to determine where you can and can’t go, what is yours and what isn’t yours, personal boundaries determine how far others can go before crossing the line.

They stop people from walking all over you. They stop people from manipulating you. They stop people from getting too far into your personal business.

How to Set Personal Boundaries

Just like anything else in life, in order to become an expert at setting and being comfortable with personal boundaries, you have to practice. Luckily, we have 7 amazing ways for you to get started and to start reclaiming your own life.

Are you ready?

1. Identify Your Boundaries

It is impossible to begin setting personal boundaries when you don’t even know what they are or where they lie. This is why the starting point for anyone who feels like they may need more/fewer boundaries is to identify where they currently stand.

Are you getting pushed around too often? Or are you completely resistant to any change?

Do you find yourself arguing with people a lot? Or do you find it difficult to speak up when you know you should?

Everybody has different starting points when it comes to their personal boundaries, and those boundaries will inevitably change with time. The first thing you should do, though, is to find your starting point.

2. Determine Your Values

One of the best ways to identify what your boundaries are and how you want them to change is to determine what your values in life are. If you value creative freedom and thinking time, consider placing a strong boundary around your personal space and your free time.

If you value the small things in life over the big, extravagant things, maybe consider loosening your boundaries a little to let more serendipity in.

If you value yourself or you want to start valuing yourself more highly, start placing firmer boundaries around how people speak to you and treat you.

Whatever your unique personal values are, your personal boundaries that you set are going to be what helps you to maintain them.

3. Start Simple

Rather than completely pushing back on people that are overstepping, turning your back on every single aspect of your old beliefs, or selling all of your stuff to live in a remote forest, there are small steps that you can and should take first.

If you have a friend that always calls you to make plans, and you feel pressured into doing so, politely tell them that you don’t want to this week. What will happen? Not much, probably. This small step will give you the confidence to say no again in future weeks when you don’t feel like going out.

If you feel like you are getting too much input and overwhelming information from your phone, my favorite hack is to delete the troublesome apps for a day. Missing them? Download them again tomorrow. Didn’t miss them as much as you thought? See what another day without them is like[2].

It is just as important to set boundaries with yourself and your own routines as it is to set boundaries with other people. The only way to begin in both respects is to start simple.

4. Listen to Your Feelings

If you aren’t sure about where your personal boundaries should be, it might be a good idea to check in with your feelings and the sensations in your body every now and then[ These will usually give you an excellent indication.

Signs to look out for include an increased heart rate, sweating, tightness in your chest or stomach, and other general feelings of discomfort. Of course, just because you feel these sensations does not mean that you should close yourself up to the world — that won’t help you in any way.

Your feelings are like directions on the side of the road. They will let you know what areas that you should probably investigate a little further.

5. Learn to Say No

Possibly the biggest stumbling block that people who struggle with setting personal boundaries have is that they find it extremely difficult to say no.

This comes in all sorts of packages. You might find it impossible to say no to social gatherings for Fear of Missing Out . You might find yourself doing loads of favors for people who asked you even though they could have probably done those things themselves.

You might even have a friend or spouse who encroaches too far into your personal stuff, but you struggle to tell them no because they are your friend or partner. The problem is with you and not them, right?

Probably not. The reason most people face resistance to saying no is that they are worried about how it will make the other person feel. Maybe it’s time to stop and think about how you are feeling for once.

You are allowed to say no without an explanation . It likely won’t affect the other person nearly as much as you think it will.

6. Practice Self-Awareness

When you are aware of your thoughts and feelings and what they are doing for you (or to you), you can start to work out where specific boundaries need to be set.

For example, if you are an overthinker, and your thoughts begin to race whenever you are in a situation, be aware of this. Set a boundary with yourself that whenever a negative thought pops into your mind, you will let it go. No matter what. It won’t have anything useful to say, so don’t fall for it.

Of course, this can apply to other people, too. However, self-awareness and boundaries with yourself not only go hand-in-hand, but are essential to a life of peace and joy.

7. Seek Support

A common mistake to make when trying to set personal boundaries is that you have to do it alone. You have to plan everything yourself, enforce everything yourself, and work out what is and what isn’t working for yourself. That simply isn’t true.

If you find yourself struggling or simply want an easier ride, talk to your friends, family, or spouse about the boundaries that you will set and explain why. You might think that opening up will create arguments and resistance, but more often than not, people appreciate you letting them know.

Setting boundaries can be extremely difficult though, whether that be setting them with other people or setting them with yourself. Don’t ever have any shame about seeking professional help. If you feel like your life will greatly benefit from help, then it is something that you absolutely should consider getting.

About Esther

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

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IBM Corporation has announced its first African and female Regional Head for Africa, Ghanaian Angela Kyerematen-Jimoh.

Angela, who until her appointment served as the Chief of Staff to the Senior Vice President in charge of Global Markets and Sales in IBM’s corporate headquarters in New York, will be responsible for IBM operations in over 40 countries in Africa including Morocco, Nigeria, Kenya, Senegal, Uganda, Ghana and Tunisia.

She was also IBM’s first female Country Head, serving in that capacity for the company’s operations in Ghana.

Prior to joining IBM she worked in banking for UBS Investment Bank and ABN AMRO in London, and GTBank Ghana.

Accolades have poured in from everywhere, with Chris Kirubi, East Africa Business Mogul and founder of Centum Investment, saying:

I am exceptionally proud of Angela. Her dedication and commitment to her work is unwavering. She has all our support and I know she will make this a huge success story. We welcome her back to Africa.

Halima Aliko Dangote, Executive Director of Dangote Industries, also hared her enthusiasm for the news, saying:

This is indeed an inspiring story for our continent to have a woman lead this very important region and we look forward to her making great strides in this role.

Angela Kyerematen-Jimoh is an alumna of the Harvard Business School, and has been named one of Africa’s most influential women by Avance Media. Her awards include the US African Women Forum’s Global Impact Leadership Award and the prestigious African Achievers Awards for Excellence in Business.