Category

Career Gems

Category
Parenting has no module but there are significant signs that you as a parent ignore or overlook but it only makes you a toxic parent.
Building a healthy relationship with your child is  as important and sending them to acquire formal education. To some parents they call strict discipline but in the actual sense they are creating an invisible dangerous wall between them and their kid(s)
Here are signs that you may be having a toxic relationship with your child.

1. Not being you

Kids tend to confide in someone who show them love, listen to them without judging and allows them express their feelings and thought. As a parent if your child gets all these from a stranger, then you really need to re-evaluate their stances.
Knowing the level of menace and harm going on in today’s society, parents should try to build that trust and earn their confidence that way they will be the first to hear and know if there be any form of threat or danger to their wellbeing.
Also your relationship with your child should be one in which they can have access to discussing all which includes their academics or even social life. Make them understand your principles but still be that friend that they can depend on always

2. Your absence is irrelevant

It is a known fact that kids want to be around those who they see always and gives them that attention they crave for. To kids communication means alot and thanks to technology that has bridged the gap so parents  who are far should take advantage of this. Your opinion of them understanding your tight schedule may not be totally acceptable to them.

3. Comparing them with others

Every child is unique and no child is the same. Parents who use abusive words or deteriorating words produce kids with low self esteem.  Every child has his own potentials and should be allowed to manifest with proper  guidance and not forced  into competing with his mate. Help build their self confidence and encourage them in both their win and loss.  Celebrate their efforts and never limit their dreams and aspiration.

4.Limiting them to a particular ideology

Train a child in a way that when he grows he should be able to differentiate good from bad. He should be allowed to make certain decisions without re straying him as long as it brings no harm to him. Enforcing any form of especially when they are of age to make choices makes you a toxic parent. Allow them express their freedom of choice and when they make mistake, correct them in love without talking down their self confidence.
And finally be a role model to your child. It makes the work easier and they directly and directly pick up certain traits that shapes their being. Match your words with godly character and see the beauty in parenting. Also never forget that no child is the same with the other and every child is special in his ways.

Are you looking  for love? Is one of your 2023  goals to find love? Then this post is for you.

When it comes to app-based dating, no other application comes close to Tinder in popularity and membership size. But because it’s increasingly becoming perceived as more of a hookup app than a platform for serious relationships, more and more people are looking elsewhere to find the one.

Here are 5 best dating apps:

Hinge

Based on Hinge’s bold claim that it’s a dating app that’s “designed to be deleted,” you could immediately tell that it’s serious about forming genuine, long-lasting connections between users. And they’re serious about

Hinge boasts of an algorithm that improves itself by taking into account how successful users feel their first dates are. This means your results from using the app are bound to get better over time.

OkCupid

For the young and liberal crowd looking for lasting connections, OkCupid is as good as it gets. With dedicated space in your bio to specify your preferred pronouns and an emphasis on users’ political and social views, this app brands itself as online matchmaking that’s relevant to the times.

serious relationships

Bumble

Bumble was first founded to challenge the antiquated rules of dating. Now, Bumble empowers users to connect with confidence whether dating, networking, or meeting friends online.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Do you ever feel like your online matches never end up turning into real dates? If the answer is yes, consider using Coffee Meets Bagel.

This unique app imposes an 8-day limit on online message exchanges, which encourages dates IRL and taking things to the next level. And unlike Tinder, women outnumber the men on this app.

Match

Match.com’s dating app is best suited for people over 30. This is awesome considering how most of the newer apps coming out these days are targeted towards the younger crowd. You’re going to have to shell out some money to exchange messages through the app. But since it’s a paid app, this means you’re only going to encounter people who are serious enough about meeting someone to invest in a paid subscription.

best dating apps

A parting note

In today’s coronavirus-ridden world, being able to date and meet people virtually is a godsend. Although the world’s most popular dating app, Tinder, is now known to be more of an avenue for casual dating and hookups, there’s no need to despair. There are a number of fun, safe, and effective apps for people looking for serious relationships.

So go ahead and take your pick! Who knows? Your soulmate may be one swipe and like away.

Related:

10 Ways To Have a Successful Relationship

14 Ways To Deal With Insecurity And Jealousy In A Relationship

How To Leave A Toxic Relationship

Cyclical pain is the pain that is associated with menstrual cycle. It is the most common type of breast pain and usually occurs in both breasts.

Studies have shown that seventy percent of women experience breast pain during menstruation.

And while it can be serious for a few, it is usually mild for most of them.

There is also the group that experiences breast pain, which is also known as mastalgia, regularly; and a good number of them are advanced in age.

However, the causes of breast pain may vary based on the type or category of breast pain. And according to studies, breast pain can either be categorized as cyclical pain or non-cyclical pain.

1. Cyclical pain

Just as the name implies, cyclical pain is the pain that is associated with menstrual cycle. It is the most common type of breast pain and usually occurs in both breasts.

Known to come with a heaviness or soreness that radiates to the armpit and arm, the primary cause of cyclical breast pain can be linked to the fluctuation of estrogen and progesterone.

However, observations have shown that cyclical pain tends to subside during or after menstruation period.

2. Noncyclical pain

Unlike cyclical pain, noncyclical pain can have many causes which includes injury to the breast, breast size, cysts, muscles or tissues rather than the breast itself, and other numerous unknown factors.

Nevertheless, noncyclical pain has been found to be much less common than cyclical pain, and its causes can be very difficult to identify.

Here are some home remedies for treating cyclical pain

1.Home therapies

Medical practitioners have advised that applying cold compresses or heating pads to the breasts can help reduce cyclical breast pain.

Additionally, taking a warm bath with soothing essential oils, like rosemary or lavender can help relieve the pain as well.

It has also been advised that wearing loose cotton clothes and massaging breasts in the shower with soap can help bring relieve breast pain.

2. Lifestyle changes

Some experts have also suggested that breast pain may be improved by:

  • Reducing your intake of caffeine, which is found in tea, coffee, and cola
  • Reducing your intake of saturated fat, which is found in butter, crisps, and fried food
  • Not smoking (if you smoke)

However, the benefits of making these changes have not been scientifically proven.

3. Herbs

In addition to the solutions stated above, herbal remedies have long been proven to be a natural and economical method of treating breast pain.

And two popular herbs for relieving cyclical breast pain are chaste berry and soy. Chasteberry helps reduce prolactin levels, which in turn reduces breast pain.

On the other hand, soy contains phytoestrogenic compounds, which raise estrogen levels and ease breast pain, making it popular among menopausal women.

Other nutrient-rich food that can help relieve breast pain includes Salmon, avocados, spinach, kale, and guavas.

4. Nonprescription medicines

It is also possible to reduce breast pain with the following nonprescription medicines. But ensure to read and follow the instructions on the label!

  • Acetaminophen, such as Tylenol
  • Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), such as ibuprofen(Advil or Motrin), naproxen (Aleve or Naprosyn), or aspirin (Anacin, Bayer)

However, it is advisable to visit a doctor if breast pain becomes severe or lasts longer than three weeks.

Consider this relationship tips  101, these are  some things you really should not be telling that your boyfriend or girlfriend if you intend to keep the relationship going.

It’s OK to cut down on openness in a relationship from 100% to somewhere in the region of 90% or so. And here’s the reason: some people really just can’t handle the truth. It does not make them bad people or bad partners; they’re not just wired to be calm or stay sane in the face of certain revelations.

So instead of risking something beautiful over an inconsequential detail that’ll likely not hurt anyone if forever locked away in a vault, just keep mum and continue coasting with the love of your life.

Here are 5 times when it’s OK to leave some things unsaid;

For real, not many boyfriends/girlfriends want to hear the step by step narration and graphic details of how you had sex in a bathroom stall at the mall with your ex or some random babe.

As we already discussed in detail here, for the ladies, only your doctor and/or gynecologist deserves this information.

Really, this is literally opening the door for problems no one wants. Here’s the thing about revealing this information – you put your partner in a position to have his imagination roam and become paranoid.

Even if you searched and found out that they’ve been loyal and loyal to you, keep the good news to yourself.

There really is no way to justify snooping through his stuff in the first instance. You’re going to come off as distrustful and things may just go downhill from there. Better keep the info to yourself.

Ladies, your boyfriend does not need to know that you have been stalking his ex on social media. You’ll come off as insecure and you don’t need that.

Related;

5 relationship goals you should yearn to achieve

12 relationship deal breakers deal breakers you should not negotiate

To really know that the love in your relationship is genuine or fake, here are some of the signs to look out for.

Is the love in your relationship real, or fake?

If it is, all you should do is keep growing the love, keep staying truthful to each other, keep drinking a lot of water, and just keep treating each other in all the good ways that will allow the relationship thrive further.

On the flipside, fake love is not something anyone would want to live with. Sadly, it is exactly what some people have in their relationships. If the relationship is based on anything different from a genuine willingness to see the other person flourish in every sense of the word, if it is based on something fleeting and temporary, then it is likely fake.

To really know that the love in your relationship is fake, here are some things you may want to watch out for:

1. They’re emotionally distant

In a relationship, fakers have a tendency to be non-communicative. They’ll provide little to no substance to what’s going on in their life. They’ll also make excuses why they “couldn’t” communicate especially when it is a little difficult to do so.

The difference between them and someone with genuine love for you is the extra effort needed to reach out when it’s not so easy.

 

If you are happy in a relationship, you need to look for a way to keep at it. If they make you happy, don't let it go. [Credit Freepik]If you are happy in a relationship, you need to look for a way to keep at it. If they make you happy, don’t let it go. [

2. Always willing to throw in the towel

Conflict happens in every relationship. It demonstrates a level of care which partner have for one another.

That said, every conflict demands a resolution. If you’re the only one trying to resolve any conflict or problems that arise, it’s often a telltale sign of emotional detachment and this of course, is a major sign you’ll find in people who have got only fake love for you.

They really won’t care whether the relationship works or fails.

3. They don’t meet you halfway

Are you always the one to plan things? Check on the other person? Take responsibilities and all that? If so, what concessions, if any, is your partner making? Where’s the effort on their part?

Relationship and compromise are like two peas in a pod. A lack of effort is a universal sign of disinterest – and a relationship is no different.

A lack of effort from a partner is a universal sign of disinterest and you should not ignore it if you see the sign in a relationship [Credit - Shutterstock]A lack of effort from a partner is a universal sign of disinterest and you should not ignore it if you see the sign in a relationship [Credit – Shutterstock]

4. Unconcern

An authentic relationship sparks feelings of passion for each other. You’ll be curious, concerned, involved, etc in all that the other person does.

Someone who continuously acts indifferent isn’t engaged, likely detached, and unfit – not to mention unworthy – of a real relationship.

5. That gut feeling

Many times, when someone does not really love you, you will know. There’s usually that sixth sense, that gut feeling in the pit of your stomach that keeps pricking you.

Add this to all the signs that you will see, and the picture is clear that this babe or that guy doesn’t really love you. They’re only with you because they have no option, or for the money or some other fake reason.

Be honest with yourself. Are you wasting your time? Money? Energy?

Extra: You can also find love on these dating apps 

Related:

 

Henrietta Ogochukwu Mark is the brain behind Lagos-based Henrimac Cakes. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she shares experience-based ideas on the art of cake making, the opportunities and challenges, how to start and excel at running a cake-making business, thriving during pandemic among other issues.

How would you describe the business of cake making?

TRUTH be told, it is a hectic but fulfilling one because, this is a business that you might have just N1000 in your account one moment and the next moment, someone calls to order a wedding cake worth N150, 000 or more. This is the benefit of having a skill; you will never go hungry. This has happened to me several times, helping me take care of financial responsibilities and more.

Abroad, you have ‘Cake Tasting’, why don’t we offer such services here?

I used to do this before, but it was thoroughly and badly abused by our people and I was compelled to stop. Some people want to come and taste all the cakes in the bakery first before talking about price, whereas in the western world you referred to, there is a paid appointment, which covers the cake tasting, except, of course, you already know what you want then you just have the usual appointment where you discuss what you want for your wedding cake.

They conclude price and go on to choose flavour, it is not even to taste. Do you see the difference?

There are clients here who would insist that they must taste your cake first before they order from you.

They don’t do like that over there; you can’t just walk into someone’s shop and demand to taste her cakes. Of course, if you have made payment into my account and you want to have a taste of my cake, you’re entitled to come and have a taste; I know you mean business then.

Some people, it is after eating that they will now start pricing the cake even after I have wasted precious time and resources on them. I don’t do that but if you have made the payment, there is room for that, it is included in your payment and you can always choose flavours.


What kind of cakes do you enjoy creating more?

In this industry, we have different styles and methods; there are some people that add pastries and cookies to their cake. This is great, but I mostly stick to wedding and birthday cakes; I don’t do cookies and pastries for now. Well, they say, ‘Never say never,’ but for now, I want to focus on cakes and now, I have developed over 15 cake varieties I offer clients.

Are multiple smaller cakes more cost-effective than a single big one?

I think it depends on the client. With the present downturn in the economy and further worsened by COVID-19, with no parties or weddings, I had to improvise and explore other options. Before now, I didn’t do smaller cakes, but now, customers tell me they don’t want big cakes but small ones, so I had to start it. Smaller cakes are not really cost-effective, but I understand we are all trying to balance with the current situation in the world.

 

How do you source clients in these tough times?

Mostly from referrals, they call me up. Sometimes, they say they attended a party where they ate a cake I made and want me to make one for them. Instagram has also been very helpful in sourcing clients. People also tell me they referred their loved ones and friends to me and I am thankful. In all, it is the grace of God that has been helping me.

 

What stands you out in this business?

For me, it is not just about designs; it is about the cake inside. But at the same time, if you have seen my work, if it is not neat, then it is not from me. I have someone who sent me a message; she told me she went to a party and the celebrant who is also a mutual friend, had various cakes but she identified my cake out of the several on the table. It felt very good to hear that because a neat cake is my trademark. I believe that the eyes eat first before the mouth and more importantly I want people to eat the cake and come back for more. No matter how small or how big it is, it has to be neat. No matter how beautiful, intricate a design is, if it is not neat, the beauty reduces.

If a simple design is done on a cake, even if you put a small flower there, the beauty pops out. However, it is not all about the design, the taste is also very important. A lot of people these days are more concerned with design rather than the actual taste but no matter how beautiful it is, if the taste is not so great, people will not come back for more.

Are you training other women to take up this skill?

Right now, I don’t, but I have a blog, Cake It With Henrietta, which I started in order to help upcomers. Not all of us are blessed with money or funds and I know what it means to start with nothing. Even when I started the blog, I know the kind of negative criticism I encountered because no one was doing what I was doing. I was giving out free recipes; everyone was busy hoarding recipes. My critics said I was giving away for free what people should be paying for, but I was unperturbed and told them that it was my way of giving back to others that really needed it. I have been down that road before, being unable to pay for expensive training classes and all and I had to resort to watching Food Network before I got a hang of it.

What would you say has been the lowest point for you?

In my early years, a client slapped me after I made an error. I put the wrong temperature on the oven so the cake was not properly baked inside. I delivered it, they did not eat it immediately; I think the next day or so. When they finally cut it, it was smelling; it was for her child’s birthday. That experience made me stop baking for six months. They almost beat me up thoroughly and I cried for one week straight.

My husband consoled me, reminding me that I was still new in the business and mistakes are bound to happen. He encouraged me to continue baking, that practice makes perfect. I refused, saying I didn’t want to touch my oven anymore and would try my hands on something else, but my husband countered my decision, advising me that I was perfect at my craft. He pointed out that he noticed I was always happy whenever I was baking. He encouraged me to go to baking classes to learn more rather than just via the Internet.

For those six months, I worked on being better and I got better indeed. That was four years ago and now, I have my own recipes and teach interested individuals via my blog. Also you know our work is all about recipes; it is not like tailoring where a person has to cut a pattern. Our work is quite straightforward, what you need is recipe, once it is written down; you give it to staff to implement.

Speaking of staff, once they stay with you for a month, they assume they know it all; steal the recipes and disappear, believing they have gotten your recipes not knowing that more will come. If you think you have taken what I’m using to excel in my business, God will surely raise another medium. It is not just about having the recipes; do you know all the intricacies involved in baking?

It really amuses me when they play these pranks, thinking they’re smart. I’ve also had an issue in the past whereby someone called my staff and was telling him to send my recipes, but unfortunately for the person, my other girl was around.

The staff was asking which of the recipes the person needed if you can imagine. I usually have hem sign a non-disclosure agreement, but even at that, how will you know what they do behind your back? Even when they sign, I can’t tell what they do after work; I can’t be going through their phones to know whether they sent someone recipes or not.

There is no way you can prevent people from stealing from you in this work, it is difficult. For now, I don’t know how to control it; it is really a very difficult situation.

How do you get your inspiration?

My inspiration comes from the personality of the client. I had issues when I made red velvet cake for a customer, she always ordered vanilla cake and she has been a loyal customer for years. I thought she didn’t know that we do red velvet and chocolate and decided to surprise her.

She booked her cake and I said let me do something different for her. So, when I made the red velvet cake, she called me and was screaming, ‘what is this occultic red cake?’ I had to apologise and she asked why I didn’t make the white cake (vanilla cake) she always liked.

So, for me, if I’m working on your cake, it has to be what you like; I’m meant to serve you and not myself. I will just add a little of me there but it has to be what the client wants because what I like might not be what the client wants. It’s not really about me, I can put little of myself but it is what you want.

What significant challenges are you experiencing that are setting you back?

The prices of the items we use are now double of what was obtainable before and I don’t think most people understand that we have to increase the prices because basically everybody is trying to make ends meet business-wise.

A bag of sugar was N10, 800 before, but now it’s N26, 000. Flour that sold for 9800 is now almost N18, 000; butter was also N9800 before but it’s now over N15, 000. At times, they would even tell you it’s not available. The increase in prices is a major challenge for us; I try to communicate with clients to see that ingredients have increased, but most of us still have to do the old prices to stay afloat. If you’re not baking, another person is baking. The price of items is the number one challenge.

Number two is poor electricity and the little gain we get goes to diesel. I have to use diesel because of the fridge, oven and other machines. The little gain we see, we use it to buy fuel and diesel. We are basically working for the government. We still pay tax despite all these hardships. I think everyone is just working to stay afloat, even if N500 is the gain, we will manage it like that.

How has cake baking evolved over the years?

Sometime last year, the baker that made my wedding cake called to tell me that she wants to learn from me. Cake is like fashion; every day, new techniques emerge. A decade or two ago, baking was seen as a skill for less privileged people, but things have changed now. In this axis, we have over 100 bakers. I think the country has also changed our views on skill acquisition because when you carry your certificate from Ajegunle to VI for months, you have to sit down and think of what you can do to feed.

Now, you even have graduates mixing cream, so it’s not just in baking. I know someone that, apart from baking, she goes to work, comes back to bake, trying to do both things. Everybody is trying to do many things at the same time. Some people are now doing ready-to-wear, small chops, food and so on. The economy forced many of us into getting a skill to survive.

What is your advice for women who want to go down this path?

When I first started out in life, I was a jack-of-all-trades. I also learnt how to be a milliner because I tried to add extra to the business; I wanted to do everything at once. Don’t try to be a jack-of-all-trades, focus on your strength.

In this industry, you can be good at baking; you can be good at creating sugar crafts used to cover cakes. Don’t allow social media pressure to distract you. Focus! What are you good at? Focus on that and let people know. For instance, if you go to my Instagram page, it’s clear I’m good at baking because I always show the inside of my cake. Focus on what you excel in and make a business out of that.

Source: Guardian

If there is one thing this generation suffers from, it is poor posture. Take a look around you and observe keenly the people around your environment. You would see people with poor sitting, standing and walking postures.

In your work place, you would have noticed people hunched over their seats, with their backs bent.

You’re probably currently sitting at your desk reading this, blissfully unaware of your posture right now—and that’s perfectly normal. It can be difficult to always be mindful of your posture, especially during a hectic workday through hours of Zoom meetings and conference calls.

Your posture is a very important indicator of your overall health, as it supports blood flow, improves your mood, increases your confidence, and strengthens your other muscles and joints. Practicing better posture while at your desk at work or at home, even in the smallest ways, is a great way to be mindful of your health on a daily basis.

Here are a few quick ways you can improve your posture as you go along your workday.

Sitting posture

1. Switch up your seating

Your seating can make or break your posture—literally. Seating with little to no back support, worn-out chairs, and working from your couch or bed could wear on your body over time, straining your shoulders, spine, and lower back.

If your desk chair doesn’t have the support you need to sit comfortably and in an upright position for an hour or two at a time, you may need to switch up your seating.

A good, ergonomic chair for your workspace will have lumbar support to help the middle of your back, where most of the tension goes when you’re hunched over your desk. You also want to pick a chair that keeps your body at a neutral, upright position with an adequate seat height that keeps your arms and legs leveled and a backrest that isn’t too firm or too soft.

If you’re now working from home, make sure to be mindful of where and how you’re sitting. Set up your own workspace with a desk and chair that supports your back and shoulders and promotes better posture over time.

As much as you can, avoid working from your bed. Your spine will thank you.

2. Take frequent stretch breaks

It’s easy to get wrapped up in your workday and forget to move, so set an alert on your work calendar or on your phone as a regular reminder to take a break and switch up your posture by taking a walk, standing briefly in between meetings, stretching, or getting a quick exercise in.

Spending hours upon hours every day in a seated position where your back is either slouched or hunched over is detrimental to your posture. Many health professionals have declared that sitting has now become the new smoking, a popular myth that compares the negative chronic health effects of both, such as weight gain and diabetes.

Prolonged sitting can have long-lasting effects on not only your back but also on your overall health.

Make it a priority to get up and move around on a regular basis throughout your workday to give your body some relief from sitting and staring at a screen all day. Put yourself on a daily schedule to get some time away from the desk so you can give your back a break from sitting in an upright position, putting more pressure on your spine.

3. Exercise for better posture

When we exercise, we often forget to exercise for better posture, especially as working from home becomes more prevalent. Your posture is key to better overall health, and taking time to focus on it during your workday can help prevent lifelong body issues.

Exercising throughout the workday for better posture can be as simple as standing upright for an hour or two at a time at your desk, stretching and rotating your neck to relieve some of the tension from hours of working, or getting a good back bend at the waist to loosen up that lower back.

Give yourself a few small breaks during the workday to work out those kinks in your shoulders, neck, and back from sitting too long, and focus on exercises specifically for those areas.

4. Keep your workspace eye level

Hunching over your desk to look at your laptop or to type is one of the key indicators of poor posture. If your laptop or desktop computer isn’t eye level, it makes it easy to slouch and get stuck working that way for hours.

Do an overall assessment of your workspace, including your laptop, your monitor, your desk, and your computer accessories like your keyboard and mouse to make sure they are level to your eyesight and body to ensure that you’re not straining your neck, shoulders, and back to use your devices.

Your workspace should be at a comfortable level but upright enough where your posture isn’t compromised. Switch up the positioning of your workspace so that it’s easier to sit upright while still being effective throughout the day. If you work remotely or from home, find a better place to set up your workspace like on a high bar-style countertop where you can easily sit in an upright position, or even stand and work for a change of pace.

5. Be intentions about your sitting posture

Taking the time to connect with your body every so often throughout the day to see how it feels can seem like another item for your to-do list, but your back will definitely thank you for it!

Practice being mindful of your posture throughout the workday by setting frequent reminders on your phone to check in with your body.

Use this mindfulness to be more aware of your posture on a daily basis and when you place the most tension on your back. Do you find that your posture suffers during long Zoom meetings? Are you sitting for more than two to three hours at a time in the mornings or afternoons? Take note daily of all of your workspace habits and how it impacts your posture and your overall body. This will help you anticipate and be more mindful of your posture during the most stressful times of your day and prepare to change it up.

6. Keep your feet flat on the floor

Your feet and their position while at your desk play a crucial role in your overall posture while sitting. If your feet are crossed or elevated, that could compromise your posture, as your weight is primarily on one leg or your back is taking the brunt of it.

When your feet are flat on the floor and properly leveled, the weight of your body is evenly distributed across your hips. Keeping your feet flat on the floor also makes you more mindful of the overall stance of your body, as it unconsciously makes you straighten up.

Practice keeping your feet fully on the floor for longer periods of time instead of elevating them using a footrest or crossing your legs at the knees underneath your desk. Planting your feet on the ground will help you be more aware of your posture and if you’re slouched or hunched over your desk.

Your posture is a key indicator of your body’s health during your workday. Don’t ignore any signs of back or shoulder pain; make it a point to take care of yourself while working, starting with your posture

Which of these tips do you find helpful?
Which of these tips would you start practicing today?

What other useful tip would you like to add? Please share with us in the comment box below.

All successful women seem to share a particular innate quality. They all carry themselves with a kind of confidence that matches with their level of success.

They all know there is a need to invest in certain not-so-secret things and they also show that acquiring and attaining these characteristics won’t buy you success. But it will give you the confidence to be the woman you dream to be and show you that it’s not someone you need to transform into, but someone you’ve been all along.

So here is how you can become the best version of yourself as a woman by investing in these 6 things.

1. Education

Sheryl Sandberg has openly admitted that one piece of advice she would tell her twenty-year-old self would be to create an 18-month learning plan.

Alongside your goals, you need to plan out exactly what you want to learn over that period and improve on the things that scare you the most. Because the successful woman knows that in order to succeed she needs to commit herself to education.

More importantly, she knows that it doesn’t finish when University does – the process of learning does not stop there. It’s up to you to further your education and build your knowledge. It’s a choice and it’s a choice you should make for yourself every day.

Your day should consist of at least one hour of personal development. And this can be as easy as signing up to coursera and learning a new skill in an hour.

2. The tools you need to get things done – such as a personal computer, a tablet, a journal.

Oprah famously keeps many journals to get her through, she keeps a health and wellness journal to track her growth so she can look back on it and reflect.

But it’s not only her, no successful career woman can get through any day without her planner. It’s her right-hand man and it goes wherever she does.

A journal helps you keep tab of things and a planner helps you note down things you need to do at particular times. And no, it’s not just about keeping up with a to-do list. You need one for every area, finance, fitness, business plans.

3. Your wellbeing

Gwyneth Paltrow is a huge wellness advocate and has even built a brand around it – and there’s no wonder she looks so good. But it’s not only her on that’s on a wellness mission, Arianna Huffington also boasts that yoga is the best thing she can do to achieve and maintain balance in her life.

Because if you look after your body, in turn, it will look after you. It’s your wellbeing that will help you become successful, it goes hand in hand! Without it, you’ll struggle, but with it, you’ll be bigger and better.

This concerns your health, what you eat and put into your body (make sure to only eat for energy) and how you switch off at the end of the day.

4. Mindfulness

If you want to become successful you have to start taking mindfulness seriously.

Take a leaf from Victoria Beckham who uses crystals to keep her grounded, or Gwyneth Paltrow who is very holistic. It’s about clarity and keeping your mind clear.

By doing this you’ll be ensuring that you’re well looked after and calm of mind, which will help you not only to perform better at work but be more present daily.

5. Your self-development

Growth should be one of your top goals always. And it’s something you need to always remind yourself to do.

What makes you different from six months ago? If you reply with nothing then it means you’re not progressing.
Finding the time can be difficult, but that’s where you need to make the time because it will only help you in your career.

Read and buy books you usually wouldn’t, expand your horizons, attend those classes you never get around to – just do it.

Make a list of the areas of your life you want to progress in and then come up with a plan that will help make this happen.

6. Proper Organization

I could talk about organization for days. It’s something that excites me and helps me operate at my best. I cannot think clearly if it is not tidy around me, which means it’s essential that not only my work life is organized by my home life too.

Emma Watson, for example, said she swears by multiple notebooks to get things done. “I keep a dream diary, I keep a yoga diary, I keep diaries on people that I’ve met and things that they’ve said to me, advice that they’ve given me,” she revealed.

Keeping multiple notebooks is no bad thing, it’ll allow you to organize your thoughts and keep everything in the right place. Invest in stationery that’s designed to help your life run smoother.

 

Christina Hammond is a freelancer, with a busy schedule, on Essence she shares her experience with c-section and tips on how to prepare and recover quickly from it, especially those who didn’t plan to have one. She believes there isn’t enough information about this

“I have what doctors call a bicornuate uterus. This means that my uterus is split and somewhat heart-shaped. A woman with my condition has a high chance of miscarriage and going into preterm labor. By the grace of God, I was able to go full term. A woman with a bicornuate uterus is also more likely to deliver via C-section, which turned out to be my only option. OKy little one remained breached the entire pregnancy, so I mentally prepared to have major surgery. Three years prior to that, I had to have my left ovary removed. Because my recovery was a speedy one, I believed the C-section recovery would be similar.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is never as easy as saying, “Hit the road, Jack!” – especially not when you are in love with your partner.

If you’ve been in a toxic relationship, you know exactly how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting they can be. But if a toxic relationship is so taxing, why is it so hard to leave?

In this article, you will find out why it’s difficult to leave a toxic relationship and how to leave a toxic relationship for good.

How to Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether you are in a toxic relationship or not. It is often because of the manipulation involved in partner -toxicity.

Another reason why it may be difficult to admit that you’re in a toxic relationship is that there isn’t any outward abuse. Your partner may not hit you or cross any obvious sexual boundaries,[1] but that doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy relationship.

Making a pro/con list can be a helpful first step when learning how to leave a toxic relationship.

Pros might be that your spouse makes you laugh, you enjoy the same hobbies, and you love them.

But, what are the cons of being in your current circumstances?

When you make out this list, it’s important, to be honest with yourself. Does your partner do any of the following?

 

  • Doesn’t give you privacy
  • Cut you off from friends/family/finances
  • Prevents you from attending school or work
  • Is controlling and jealous
  • Makes all the decisions in your relationship
  • Pressures you into things you aren’t comfortable with
  • Makes “jokes” or criticizes you
  • Is unfaithful
  • Talks down to you
  • Destroys property
  • Sends threatening text messages
  • Invades your privacy (checks your phone/social media/follows you)
  • Threatens to do something horrible if you leave the relationship
  • Gaslights/acts like the things they are doing are not a big deal

If these toxic behaviors remind you of your spouse, this may be the wake-up call you need to take action and get out of your dangerous relationship.

Why Do People Remain in Toxic Relationships?

One of the main culprits is oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone in your body that releases during moments of intimacy. This could include making love, holding hands, kissing, or even cuddling with someone.

When oxytocin is released, it causes you to be more trusting of your partner, even when trust is not warranted. This sneaky little hormone is also guilty of promoting bonding, which can make it feel impossible to leave your spouse, even when you know they aren’t good for you.

In addition to the effect of oxytocin, here’re 5 more things that make leaving a toxic relationship difficult:

1. Abuse Weakens You Emotionally

Emotional abuse can be devastating to everyone, leaving the individual weak without self-esteem, making starting afresh a difficult decision to make.

2. It Can Be Life-Threatening

Leaving a toxic relationship can be dangerous, leading to all sorts of consequences, even death. Research shows that a toxic partner kills a larger percentage of women in weeks after leaving a toxic relationship than when they remain in the relationship.

3. The “It Will Stop Mindset’

Society has ingrained in us a “don’t give up on anything” mindset in which people follow even when they recognize it might result in something catastrophic. That mindset is also followed by having the thought that the abuse will stop eventually.

4. Social Pressure

There is always that social pressure from friends, family members, etc., to want a relationship – this pressure only makes the situation worse.

5. Social Reaction

People often don’t want to admit to anyone that they are going through a hard time, which cuts across relationships. People in toxic relationships don’t want to admit the kind of abuse they are going through because of fear or shame of being blamed or judged.

 

The Effects of Emotional Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

1. Fear

This is a constant concern or awareness of danger. You start to have trust issues with anyone you find yourself with that building a relationship becomes issue overtime.

2. Shame

You don’t feel free to interact with anyone who knows what you have gone through like Friends, family members, etc., which often can result in loneliness.

3. Confusion

Your mind consistently wonders, and you seem to lose concentration and cant focus on a particular task.

4. Drugs or drinking

Abuse often results in excessive use of drugs and drinking. Thought that it could take away the pain is a delusion.

5. Suicide

When the pain and trauma get too much, it can often result in the party taking their lives.

6. Sleep trouble

You don’t get to enjoy sleep as you are supposed to. Thoughts and anxiety become the order of every moment.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

1. Know That You Deserve Better

Months or years of being told that you’ll never find anyone better than your spouse can wear on you, and you may even start to believe it. But this isn’t true.

Tearing down self-esteem and self-worth is what abusers do to keep their victims trapped in the relationship.

Let “I deserve better!” become your daily mantra. Remind yourself of your worth every day.

You’ve tried your hardest to make your relationship work, but sometimes love is not enough, and you need to move on for your own mental and physical wellbeing.

2. Build a Support System

The emotions you go through for a toxic breakup are much the same as going through a breakup of a healthy relationship. You will feel conflicted, lovesick, relieved, depressed, and more.

Leaving a toxic relationship is especially difficult if you have been financially reliant on your ex – but don’t despair!

Instead of focusing on why this will be hard, focus on building a support system you’ll need when you take the plunge. Research shows that friend and family support during trying times lowers psychological distress.

Having a support system around will make it easier for you to move on.

3. Be Firm About Your Decision

Breakups are hard, no matter what the circumstance is. You’re leaving a life that you’ve grown accustomed to, and even if you know the relationship is no longer safe, it still sucks, leaving the life you’ve built for yourself.

There may be times when you are tempted to get back with your partner, but stand firm! You deserve a partner who loves and respects you.

Do not give your ex any false hope of getting back together. Be firm in your decision to leave the relationship and don’t budge.

4. Cut Off Contact

One of the biggest times for how to leave a toxic relationship would be to cut off all contact with your ex once you’ve broken up.

 

Keeping in contact with your ex opens the door for you to get back together. Plus, seeing your ex across social media will make the memory of the relationship feel fresh in your mind. Here’s what to do when you experience that.

Instead of dwelling in the past, focus on the future, keep yourself motivated. Delete your ex from social media, block them on your phone, and find ways to avoid seeing them in person. These actions will make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.

5. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

If you’re at the point of breaking up, you’ve likely tried all of the tricks to get your spouse to change their toxic ways.

Maybe you went to therapy, took a relationship class, or made date nights a priority – but nothing worked.

Your partner is not going to change, and it’s important to remind yourself of this often.

You did everything you could to help them and reason with them, and it didn’t work. Do not expect miracles after a breakup.

Even if an abusive ex changes their ways, it is likely only due to the shock of the breakup. If you got back together, their likelihood of returning to their toxic behaviors is incredibly high.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is one thing, but following through with it is an entirely different story. If you are having trouble leaving an abusive or toxic partner, reach out to a trusted friend, family, or call/text/chat with an abusive relationship support line like Day One.

Source: Lifehack