Says: “Growing up I never had a textbook of my own

Founder of Self-worth Organization for Women Development, Mrs. Chinyere Anokwuru is a replica of a woman who has been through the vicissitudes of life she didn’t bargain for what life offered her. Having lost her mother at a tender age of 16 when she needed motherly direction and care, she was left to create her future all alone. She got into school with a resilient resolve to make something out of her life. She engaged in several petty businesses just to realize her dream of attending a university. She is a graduate of Lagos State University where she studied Microbiology.

Early preparations

I became responsible for myself from a very young age. I was born into a very poor family and getting three meals a day was not an easy task. My other siblings and I never had textbooks of our own. I always had to copy from my friends who could afford theirs. After the close of school each day, I would visit the houses of neighbors to wash their clothes, fetch water for them and generally run errands for them in exchange for food, their used clothes or little cash. So I grew up desiring a better life. I managed to sponsor myself through university by engaging in petty trading on campus. Getting a job became practically impossible. In order to survive the poverty, I became a road side telephone call operator and recharge card seller. Along the line, I lost a child because I could not afford N1, 500 for a hospital scan that would have detected the complications I had during pregnancy. I held on in faith and did not relent in praying to God. To cut a long story short, I overcame every of those challenges and began to live the life of my dreams. I recall making a vow to God, that if he helped me get over that difficult phase of my life, I would do my best to ensure that no woman or girl around me would go through life feeling helpless and vulnerable.

Passion for philanthropy

Like I said, I understand what poverty is. I have experienced what it means to go to bed not knowing where your next meal would come from. I know what it means to be threatened with a quit notice. I know what it means to be sent out of class for non-payment of school fees.

Therefore, immediately I found my feet, I knew I could not allow other women and girls go through the same thing, particularly the widows who have their children depending on them alone for their every need. These factors birthed in me the passion to do whatever I can for women and girls. I practically have to empty myself to do all that I do, but you see, what matters is the feeling of fulfillment; I can’t begin to describe the peace and joy that overwhelms me whenever I give of myself.

Empowering widows and girls

In order to effectively carry out my social responsibility, I founded Self-worth Organization For Women Development; a non- governmental organization that works with the rural and urban poor to alleviate the lowest form of poverty and create wealth through skills-acquisition, capacity building, leadership training, advocacy, gender mainstreaming and entrepreneurship training.

Our women empowerment project replaces aid with sustainable income and helps women to “graduate” from extreme poverty by giving them the tools they need to start small businesses in their communities. We implement a high-impact poverty graduation program for ultra-poor women. We help them acquire life skills. We fund them to start small businesses in their rural communities. With these, they can pay for food, school fees and medical care for their families. The organization has had significant success in developing a micro lending scheme that empowers women to break cycles of poverty and become financially independent. We have conducted several teen girls’ conferences and have empowered the girls with personal self-esteem kits. Many women have received generators, chillers, sewing machines, hair dryers, industrial stoves, etc to boost their businesses.

Challenges

Like every other humanitarian organization, our major challenge is funding. There are so many women and girls on our list waiting to receive aid. We do the much we can, but there is still a lot to be done. We are constrained by limited funds. We are thinking outside the box on how to establish social enterprises that will generate the needed support for our projects.

Tempted to give up?

I have never felt like throwing in the towel on this cause. No one forced me to do what I am doing. Nobody talked me into it. This is a cause that is very dear to my heart. I am very passionate about this. Therefore, there is no stopping me.

Testimonies of impact

Well, I have been blessed with a lot of testimonies from women who have benefitted from our empowerment projects. For me, this is the greatest reward. Seeing their confidence restored and their initial despondency turned into hope. No other reward beats this feeling of fulfillment. My joy cannot be quantified when I come across these women and they just run up to hug me. Another game changer for me was when I was appointed as Senior Special Assistant to the former governor of Lagos state for my efforts in alleviating poverty and empowering women in Lagos State.

No excuses

Let nothing stop you. Lack of education, poor communication skills or your background should not prevent you from pursuing your dreams and excelling. This is not the time to wallow in self pity. Think outside your circumstances. All over the world, women are rising up and smashing glass ceilings. Your success depends on you and on the actions you take. Understand that chatting all day will not put money in your purse. Buying every Aso Ebi that they bring to you will drill more holes in your pockets faster than you can imagine. Who says you can’t go back to school? Who told you can’t learn a new skill even as a graduate? You can become whatever you want.

Being a woman of rubies

In addition to being a mother and home maker, i am also an author, inspirational speaker, empowerment expert as well as a business woman. I feel blessed knowing that my role as a key player in improving the socio-economic conditions of women and girls has been widely recognized. Today, you have nominated me as a woman of rubies and I am greatly honored. Thank you.

On the morning of the 2011 elections, Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi woke without the inclination that she will be raped that day. She was undergoing her mandatory NYSC programme and was raped by election touts who wanted her to collect bribe and compromise on her values. Though Seun was violated, but she has become a testimony, helping other rape victims to overcome their hurt and ordeals. The unassuming damsel is the founder of Stand To End Rape Initiative (S.T.E.R), an NGO geared towards helping rape victims overcome their hurts and helping them to speak up .She shares her tale of survival in this interview

My rape story

I was a corps member who was delegated by the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) and the National Youth Service Corp(NYSC) to serve as an INEC registration official in one of the villages in the State. During the course of my work, I was offered bribe by one of the political aspirants to register under-aged children as being eligible to vote, so as to boost the votes from that community for the aspirant. An offer I rejected. This resulted in the village and community members detesting me for hindering one of them from attaining his political right. They set a trap for me to be raped by one of the village boys. When I was raped, I was devastated. I was shattered because I had been raped as a virgin. I had broken the family tradition of girls from my household marrying as virgins. I was angry that society didn’t protect me when all I​desired was for the society to be better through credible elections. I was infuriated by the negligence of the Nigeria Police Force towards getting justice for a poor rape victim like myself. I was the shadow of myself, a mirror broken that couldn’t reflect the beauty it saw.

My regret refusing the bribe

I regretted refusing the bribe. Maybe if I had, I possibly wouldn’t have experienced such an incident. I asked myself questions like: “What made me believe my personal beliefs or expectations for my country will make a difference? ​These bugged me and gave me restless moments that led to​ self victimization. The shame of losing my virginity was unbearable; I felt filthy and was drained of any self-worth.​

 Psychological effects of being violated

​ Victims experience both short and long-term psychological effects of rape. One of the most common psychological consequences of rape is self-blame, which is used as an avoidance-based coping tool. Self-blame slows or, in many cases, stops the healing process. Other common emotional and psychological effects of rape include:

Available help

My housemate at the time had seen me bleeding. So, she was the only help available to me at the time. I spoke to her and she gave me basic first aid at the time. I was clueless as regards “What to do when raped.” Going to the hospital for checkup wasn’t something I was accustomed to .Just like most people today, I only knew I had to report to the Police Station — a place I had expected to get all the help I required.

Police wanted to confirm the veracity of my experience

Like I mentioned earlier, I reported to the Police Station. I met my waterloo when one of the officials had said they needed to “confirm” my claim of being raped. He literally said they had to check me. I felt humiliated. The problems victims generally face dawned on me. The Station didn’t have a rape kit or any amenity required to confirm rape had occurred. How exactly did they intend to carry this out? I decided to live with my ordeal and save myself from further emotional degradation.

My mum said complaining wasn’t enough?

I advocate for rape victims because I was one of them. I had no help or support. My mum said it was not okay to complain about the problems, it is also taking the initiative to be the solution in my own little space. She motivated me to know that the incident didn’t just happen to me. It happened for a reason and she counseled me to figure that out and fix whatever the problem was. I decided to bridge the gap between victims of rape and the services, laws and support they require. Most times, rape victims need direction on where they can get help. Due to the culture of silence that thrives in Nigeria, they require laws that alleviate their already painful situation. This and more motivated me to at least contribute my own quota and help the few that cross my path.

From a mess to a message

I believe my life was orchestrated for a divine purpose. God is preaching a message through my mess. This isn’t to say I had to be have been raped before fulfilling purpose, however, God used my story to reshape that of others. Maybe my life would have probably had no meaning as much as it does today if the incident hadn’t played out. There is nothing more important to me than being a reason someone can make lemonade from the lime that has been thrown at them .I believe I was branded to motivate other rape survivors to be limitless. I created no space for the rape experience to brand my existence and reality. God helped me use my story to create a platform to speak about his awesomeness.

My inspiration

My inspiration is to fulfill what the master has carved me to accomplish. If I was doing it for myself alone, perhaps I wouldn’t be where I am today. I possibly would have long sought another part. But because I was made for this, I didn’t know where to turn to when the incident happened to me, now that I know better, I can help people with that information and also ensure they are able to access the various services at their disposal and that which my organization can provide. My inspiration is to serve God more in this capacity and also to encourage rape victims to become survivors and reassure them that life doesn’t end at the point of rape. I am inspired to use my experience to connect with other people’s trauma and shame. I am also inspired to see more rape victims become healed, because the more I see people thriving beyond their stories, the more my heart leaps for joy. I forget my pain and just glory in the gain. I am inspired to sowing a seed of joy and restoration into people’s lives

Challenges of running Stand To End Rape

We live in a country that is wearing a veil of silence. Therefore, getting more victims to speak up has been a bit challenging. We have free medical, legal and psychological services to offer. If people do not access this, it will be a wasted effort for our organization. Some survivors who have actually taken the courage to speak out have lamented on the responses and body language of the Nigeria Police Force as a discouraging factor .This stops them from appearing once more at such stations. Also, their inability to immediately arrest the erring rapist poses a lot of threat.

Being a woman of rubies

In this context, I believe a woman of rubies is a woman of substance, value and worth. ​ A woman of rubies is one who not only makes an impact, but is exceptional and also inspires others to do same. I and other women working to make the world a better place in their own little capacity, are women of rubies.