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HOW TO TURN A BAD ATTITUDE INTO A POSITIVE ONE

These days, the phrase “bad attitude” gets thrown around quite often. You use it regularly and barely stop to think what it actually means. It’s just the nail technician has some bad attitude when you asked her to redo your toes. Your younger sister has a bad attitude when you offered her to put her phone down while you are having a conversation. Your boss has a bad attitude because the deal did not go through.

With the ease that the label “bad attitude” gets applied these days, it is unlikely that you catch yourself saying “I have a bad attitude today.” Though having it is something that you rarely consciously admit to yourself, your own bad attitude is more impactful on you than the attitude of anybody else around.

Staying in a company of people with a bad attitude is something you can choose. It’s similar to an elevator that stinks when you walk in. You suffer for a couple of floors but then you walk out. And soon enough, you manage to erase the unpleasant encounter out of your mind.

Having a bad attitude is different. You don’t notice or pay much attention to a stink, because it’s yours. And, until you are able to identify and manage your bad attitude, you are a prisoner of it, unknowingly to yourself.

So it is not a semantics exercise when you try to put a finger on what exactly you call a bad attitude. It is, rather, the training of your mindfulness to notice when you are in your own stinking cloud and not letting it become your permanent company.

What If You Think You Know More Than Anybody Else?

Coming to a project, a team, a conversation with a sense that you are always right and that you know everything is a sign of a bad attitude. You can be indeed the most prepared and have the deepest expertise – that is not the point. In fact, being the smartest person in the room is often one of the coping mechanisms we often resort to.[1]

The problem with thinking that you know more than everybody else is that, in this mindset, you are not open to feedback or any new information that can be constructive to what you are trying to achieve. Your focus is on proving others wrong, without giving a chance to a possibility that others may actually have a point.

Come back to that nail technician who messed up your toes. She will be adamant pointing that your feet are crooked rather than admitting that she, a professional in this setting, did something wrong. With the huffing and puffing, she will redo your nails. But she may never see where exactly she made a mistake. You can be the same when you think you know more than anybody else.

Catch your bad attitude when you dismiss a piece of feedback, when you defend familiar ways, and when you discredit (even only to yourself) others’ experiences as invalid. At that moment, not only you are impossible to cooperate with. In this mindset, you block any opportunities for your own growth. With the need to maintain your status of know-it-all, you become stiff and blinded to things that can oftentimes benefit you.

From Know-It-All to Knowing Nothing

Once you’ve diagnosed that you are in your usual “know more than anybody else” mode, coming out of the stinky attitude starts with recognizing that sometimes, you might be actually wrong. And it may have nothing to do with the facts, figures, and dates. If anything, you are always spot on with your prep. It is about admitting that others may experience the same situations differently than you and therefore have their own truth, also different from yours.

Preparing to be wrong means understanding that all you know is actually a reflection of your experiences only, and not anybody else’s. Whether it is about personal relationships or business, you can be both right about your own vision of things and wrong about others’ at the same time. Realizing it makes you so much more open-minded, cooperative, and tolerant. And that’s quite a bit of an attitude change!

What If You Think It Will Fail Before It Begins?

Imagine that you perform your best version of an eye-roll and frustratingly ask yourself, “Why do I even have to go through it?” You are about to start something that, in your book, has already failed. Placing a verdict of failure on things, people, or events before they even had a chance is bad attitude!

Here are some examples. You think a meeting with your colleagues will be a waste of time before heading to it. So you mentally write it off and deliberate a way you can pretend participating while going through your own plans. You suspect that your partner will forget your birthday, and you decide to spare yourself from a potential disappointment. You book a restaurant in advance so there are no unpleasant surprises.

Anticipating a failure is a natural defense. Something uncertain is about to happen, and preparing for the worst is a way to control it. However, having a backup plan for the worst-case scenario is different than filing something as a failure in your mind before it starts. The former gives some room for things to turn out fine, with a plan B in the back burner. The latter already has placed the whole enterprise in a grave. No matter what destiny it could have had, you’ve already decided that it’s going to be grim.

When you decide to book a restaurant to prevent your partner from forgetting your birthday, you rip him of the agency he has in this situation. More so, you literally incentivize him to disappoint you next time. You do not believe in him from the start – so why convince you otherwise? And, as your know-it-all mode might kick in here too (see point above), you will inadvertently lead a situation into failure just to prove you are right. Double strike for bad attitude!

From Expecting Failure to Giving the Agency

Bad attitude coming from not believing in people is rooted in past disappointing experiences. Yet writing things off because others have let you down before is just bitter. You literally allow your past to dictate your future. You condition others that there is no way for them to please you, because you’ve already decided it’s going to be a failure. You also condition yourself to only notice disappointments, because that’s all you remember.

Turning this around requires letting others own their mistakes when they make them instead of trying to preempt them. Giving the agency to people you deal with and taking them in good faith means believing that they are doing their best. With that belief, you will be present to see that, instead of tending to the graveyard of failures that never happened.

What If You Criticize to Invalidate?

Let’s say, your team sends a presentation, and you see every bullet point that is not aligned well. Or maybe your friend tells you about her mysterious new boyfriend, and you find every inconsistency in his behavior. Attentive to details and analytical, one thing you do extremely well is finding holes in anything. Nothing that does not sit well skips your eye.

While your forensics skills came handy on more than one occasion, they’ve probably brought you into one particular trap: you can criticize something to completely destroy it. At first, it may seem like fun. Because look at you not letting any imperfection pass through! But then you just cannot stop. The more you discover, the more your inner detective gets both enraged but also aroused by an idea of finding more. It goes on until you stand in the middle of ruins, aggravated. “Couldn’t others see what I had to deal with just now?”

Bad attitude! You’ve just destroyed something into pieces without building anything in return.

How come is it a bad attitude when you just pointed at everything that is wrong with an idea? Well, your role in the whole undertaking is destructive, not constructive.

For someone you’ve provided feedback to – all you’ve done is invalidated that person’s vision (even for a good reason), which, without an alternative vision, leaves that person directionless.

For yourself, you have just spent time finding negative. Without rebalancing it with positive and offering ways how it might work, the net result of your effort is another confirmation that people do sloppy work, do not pay attention, let alone care.

From Destructive to Constructive

The only way to remedy this bad attitude caused by a detective syndrome is to take it for a rule that whenever you criticize – you offer an alternative. Literally! Do not like a sentence in a presentation – offer a rewrite! Do not like a proposed strategy, instead of stopping at finding problems, – find how the problems can be resolved.

A good attitude is whenever you are a critic, you are also a creator. This way, instead of being a party pooper to be avoided, you will be someone to come to for solutions.

You being constructive is not only important for people around. It is most important for you. So, between things that you’ve criticized to death and things that you helped to progress forward, the balance would always remain on the latter. Even after all the sadist pleasure you’ve derived marking up your teammate’s draft into a bloodbath, at the end of the day, you are the one who moves this draft to a next level, not throws it in the garbage.

What If Everybody Around You is a Problem?

There is a saying that:

“If everybody around you is a problem, you are a problem.”

Finding the culprits is a common strategy for masking a bad attitude. Yet this is the exact time you should turn to yourself.

If others have no clue what they are doing, perhaps it’s a good moment for you to examine your conviction that you know more than anybody else. If you feel like things are bound to fail before they even commence, probably it’s your desire to control everything taking the best of you. And, if you encounter more issues than solutions, it can be the case that the real issue begins with you.

Identify your bad attitude before pointing at anybody else’s, and you are halfway turning it around. Then, prepare to be wrong, give people ownership of their mistakes, and offer alternatives when you criticize, and that’s a much better attitude

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#MONDAYMOTIVATION| 5 STRATEGIES TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE AT WORK

Let me be honest with you: I was never a straight-A student.

Sure I had good grades, but they certainly weren’t anything special. And, because of this, my self-esteem and confidence levels were lower than many of my high-achieving friends.

However, I later discovered one of the keys to abundant confidence.

This discovery came about what I started to become interested in computer coding. As I began to learn how to code and to create programs, something unexpected happened — my confidence started to soar.

What was behind this sudden boost in confidence?

It was the self-reliance I was developing by overcoming issues and bugs with the code I was working on. By learning how to solve difficult coding problems, I learned the little-practiced arts of persistence and creativity; which led to a tangible uplift in my self-confidence.

As you can see from the above, confidence must be found from within. It can never be found from outside.

Working through difficulties is one of the best ways to develop your self-confidence. Each time you overcome a challenge or break through an obstacle — you’ll push your confidence a little higher than it was before.

So next time you find yourself struggling with a deadline at work or facing a financial challenge, be sure to meet them head on. With a positive mindset, you’ll be able to find ways to overcome these and other challenges. And, as I’ve already mentioned, you’ll be rewarded with a tangible boost to your self-confidence. You’ll also open the door to opportunities that can help you reach and exceed your goals.

Of course, as well as overcoming challenges, there are other ways that you can increase your confidence levels.

1. See Yourself as Equal to Everyone Else

Do you see yourself as equal to your line manager? How about your company’s directors? Do you see yourself as equal to them?

If you allow yourself to feel less than others, you’ll never reach your full potential. You’ll lack the necessary confidence to do the things you want and need to do.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Instead of seeing others as more important than yourself, start seeing them as equals. One easy way to do this is to keep in mind that your manager, your company higher ups and even their leaders — are all on the same team!

You all want your company to succeed, and each person (including you) has their part to play.

2. Do the Right Thing

Have you noticed that when you do something morally wrong, you feel bad inside? But, when you do something good (perhaps helping someone out of a difficult situation) — you feel great!

So guess what?

The more bad things you do, the lower your self-esteem and confidence levels will drop. But, the more helpful and useful you are in your life, the higher your self-esteem and confidence will rise.

That’s why I recommend that you should always strive to be kind, compassionate and helpful. This will allow you to benefit the greater good — as well as benefit yourself.

3. Dress for Success

Imagine turning up to a job interview in T-shirt and jeans, only to find that the other candidates are all smartly attired in suits or dresses. I’m guessing you would feel a little embarrassed, a little out of place, and perhaps… a little deflated!

That’s why it’s always best to dress smarter than you might think is needed. This will always be better than looking underdressed.

But, how about your day-to-day appearance? Do you make an effort in a morning to make sure you look your best?

If you don’t; you should.

When you dress and groom well — you’ll feel good about yourself, too.

And, others will pick up on your confident manner and appearance, and will inevitably treat you with more respect (further boosting your confidence.)

As Friedrich Schiller once wrote:
“Appearance rules the world.”

4. Celebrate All Your Victories, Both Big and Small

You’re 15 years old, and you’ve decided you’d love to become a medical doctor.

To make this goal a reality, you discover that you’ll need to train for at least 11 years before you can gain your medical license.

Yes, 11 years!

Clearly, this is a HUGE commitment, and will take intense persistence, focus and energy on your part to reach your end goal

Now, let me ask you a question:

“Would you throw a big party when you finally got your license?”

I’m sure you would. And, you’d definitely deserve it.

But to keep you on track throughout your years of training, I’d suggest celebrating each milestone along the way. For example, throw a few parties… one when you complete your undergraduate degree program, one when you complete medical school, and one when you complete your residency training.

You could also reward yourself for the small but important steps that you take to achieve each of these milestones.

When you celebrate the big and small victories in your life, you’ll keep yourself pumped up, confident and enthusiastic for success.

Try it and see!

5. Always Be Prepared

Do you always expect the unexpected?

From my experience as an entrepreneur, I’ve learned the hard way that even our best and most precise plans can be blown out of the water in an instant!

For example, I remember many years ago pitching my Lifehack idea to potential investors. At one meeting, I whipped out my laptop to launch my prepared presentation, only to find that the machine was completely unresponsive. My impressive charts, data and business plan were trapped within a dead metal case! Fortunately, I was able to talk at length without notes about my idea, but I have to admit that I was knocked off balance by the laptop issue.

This experience and others taught me the value of always being prepared.

While it’s impossible to know exactly what’s going to happen in the future, you can at least be mentally prepared for things to go wrong, differently or even completely crazy!

So prepare for the worst — but expect the best!

As you can hopefully see from the strategies above, there are several simple ways to begin boosting your confidence right now.

But, it all starts with your mindset.

Shift this into positive gear, and begin seeing obstacles as opportunities for growth. Do this, and your self-confidence levels will hit the roof. You’ll no longer feel downtrodden and left behind. Instead, you’ll have the spark of life that allows you to achieve whatever you set your mind on.

Source: Lifehack
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HOW TO STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST AND MOVE ON FOR GOOD

If there’s a thing or two that pain will teach you in this lifetime, it’s how it feels to swim and how it feels to sink. We must learn both. We must make this discovery because without determining how much effort it takes to keep our head afloat, or even understand how it feels to hit rock bottom, we will not truly understand our power.

With that power, we can break away from the past and stop dwelling.

Dwelling on the past means reading the same chapter over and over again while expecting the ending to change. It’s reopening wounds and allowing opportunities for self-sabotage. Dwelling on the past is the biggest roadblock from moving forward, and life will move forward whether you’re on board with it or not.

No matter what we do, time will continue to tick, and days will begin to pass. The morning will turn to night, seasons will change, and years will pass with or without our consent. I get it, letting go is easier said than done. It may take some time, but the first step is the willingness to take that step.

“1. You must let the pain visit.
2. You must allow it to teach you.
3. You must not allow it to overstay.”
— Ijeoma Umebinyuo, three routes to healing

When you begin to recognize that it’s time to move on, then you are letting the universe know that you are ready to accept and welcome change. Change is nothing to be scared about, because without change, there is no flow.

Here’s how to stop dwelling on from the past and move on for good.

1. Remember You Are the Author of Your Own Story

Look at it like this – you are the author of your book; this book is your whole life, and you are writing it as we speak. In this book, there are chapters, and each chapter tells the story of that particular year. For example, chapter 14 is a chapter that tells the tale of when you were 14-years-old, and chapter 30 is when you were thirty-years-old. Like a novel, each chapter introduces a series of supporting characters and events that will shake up your world. These supporting characters come in the form of friends, lovers, colleagues, and family members, all who are here to help the growth of the protagonist.

Now take a look at this book and see which chapter you are currently dwelling on. How many chapters have you written since then? How many chapters have you written before that? Now, how many times have you dwelled on the same chapter expecting the ending to change?

We have the power to write the ending to whatever we please, but we must keep writing our story. No one else will write it and can write it for you. Always remember that.

2. Own Your Mistakes and Grow from Them

The true art of letting go is ownership. This includes owning up to the mistakes you have made, acknowledging the imperfections we all have as humans, and opening yourself to grow from them.

It may be a tough pill to swallow, but studies show that forgiveness can lead to lower stress and anxiety levels.[1] Forgiveness is a powerful tool for your self-gratitude.

3. You Can Only Connect the Dots Going Backward

In life, there will be moments when you realize that things had to unfold the way that they did. You will begin to understand why certain things didn’t work in your favor, but connection will become clear in due time.

Dwelling on the past also means resisting what’s in store for you. Trust the process and give yourself some credit for coming this far.

4. Better Things Await

Our energy may be finite, but the possibilities of what we can achieve in this lifetime are infinite. Remember that you are using energy when you dwell, when you worry, or when you become angry. What’s exhausting is focusing on things that are out of your control.

Letting go is easier said than done, but like the muscles in our human body, this takes time to build and trust. The beautiful thing about letting go is that you are making room for new things in your life.

Change does happen for a reason, and sometimes, it’s resistance that’s preventing it from manifesting.

5. Honor Yourself

When you look back on some of our life choices, are there a few that stand out? Ones that usually start with the phrase, “what if?”

Before we go down that never-ending rabbit hole, ask yourself if you were honoring yourself during that specific period of your life. The needs and wants when you were 23 are probably not the same priorities you have today. Our financial requirements, job expectations, qualities in a partner, and our life necessities all evolve with change. If there’s ever a moment you find yourself dwelling because of a decision you made in the past, remember that you were honoring yourself and what you needed then.

Let go, move on, and start honoring yourself today.

5. Get Inspired by Others

Who doesn’t love a great success story? Watching Ted Talks, Goalcast, inspirational documentaries, and reading autobiographies is a great way to fuel your inspiration. Every hero and successful leader has a story of their own. Stephen King’s first novel was rejected 30 times before being published, Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime, and Steven Spielberg couldn’t get into his dream film school. One must go on a journey in order to find your life’s purpose.

Watch this inspirational speech by the co-founder of The Manifesting Academy, Sarah Prout, as she shares how she overcame 10 years of suffering and went from welfare to multi-millionaire:

6. Meditate on What You Want Today

As we change, our dreams can change. One way to stop dwelling on the past is to focus on the future, and that works if we live presently today. A vision board is an empowering tool to help you gain clarity by re-shifting your focus on your goals. You can never move forward by moving backward. You can only move forward if you have a vision to work toward.

Final Thoughts

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.” — Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential.

Your past is only a part of you and by no means the definition of you. You are currently evolving, learning, and nourshing yourself to be the best version you can be. Learn from the past, but never live there.

Author: Arkuna Chargulaf for Lifehack

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WHO TOLD YOU THAT CHECKING YOUR DAUGHTER’S HYMEN IS GOOD PARENTING?

From time memorial, women have been faulted for having ‘bodies’ that ‘attract men’ and punished for men’s inability to keep their private parts to themselves or control their sexual urges. There’s a need to control women’s sexuality and diminish the power and confidence a woman has over her body. We have had many cases of mothers dipping their fingers into their daughter’s private part to see if they are still ‘tight’. In many villages, the act of ‘breast ironing’ is still a thing.

 

Social media has a way of exposing many anomalies; it not only amplifies the news, but also helps spark up discussions. So when T.I, an American rapper said on the Ladies Like Us podcast, that he takes his daughter, Deyjah Harris, for an annual hymen check, we knew we just had to discuss this.

According to T.I, he believes he is being an amazing father who doesn’t just educate his daughter about sex, but also takes the extra mile by ‘Hymen-checking’ her every year immediately after her birthday.

Does T.I know that aside from sex, women also lose their hymen as they grow, especially if they perform rigorous activities? Of course, he knows! Yet his hymen-checking instinct always gets the better of him once Deyjah celebrates her birthday. His need to ensure that his daughter remains a virgin supersedes the crime of privacy invasion, the knowledge and science of ‘hymen-losing’ in women and the emotional trauma he might be putting his daughter through. His need to also announce to the world about how good a father he is, also overrides the public embarrassment and the risk of future sexual assault his daughter might face in a world where men are swiftly aroused by the littlest information about a woman’s body and are quick to want to ‘pop a woman’s cherry’.

There are so many fathers like T.I.  Men whose sole responsibility is to police their daughter’s bodies while letting their son(s) run amok. You don’t need to look far before you find them – especially in your immediate environment.

We live in a highly patriarchal and misogynistic society. There’s this need for women to remain at the lower rung of the society – don’t be too successful so you won’t chase a man away, don’t dress this way so a man will not become sexually aroused, cover your body from head to toe so you don’t tempt a man, keep your virginity for your future husband. Keeping your virginity also extends to “it’s the greatest gift you can give your husband and he will respect and honour you for it”. It’s more exasperating that everything the girl-child is being told to do is not for herself, but for the pleasure of a man.

On the flip side, there is no need for male children to adhere to these rules. No one cares if they walk about shirtless or if their chest is tempting a lady. No one cares if they are virgins or not. In fact, it is almost seen as abnormal if a guy remains a virgin until his wedding night. If men are expected to be sexually active before their wedding and women are expected to be virgins, who then are the men having sex with?

In our society, when the female child is going to the university, she is escorted with words like “don’t have a boyfriend and keep yourself”. But these same parents give their male children packs of condoms and tell them “you can have enough fun, just be safe”. What’s with the double standard?

With the level of sensitization going on in the world, especially by feminists, one would hope that men (and women) will stop policing the bodies of women. It is awesome that you teach your child sex education, but it is appalling that you will invade her privacy and ask doctors to check to see if her hymen is intact. Not once. Not twice. Yearly!

Do you do this to your sons? No!

From time memorial, women have been faulted for having ‘bodies’ that ‘attract men’ and punished for men’s inability to keep their private parts to themselves or control their sexual urges. There’s a need to control women’s sexuality and diminish the power and confidence a woman has over her body. We have had many cases of mothers dipping their fingers into their daughter’s private part to see if they are still ‘tight’. In many villages, the act of ‘breast ironing’ is still a thing. Female Genital Mutilation is still rampant in some parts of the world – all of these are being done to ensure the woman remains a virgin. All these are being done to ‘protect’ women from the wandering private parts of men.

Perhaps if we raised our sons better, there’ll be no need to protect women from men.

History has also shown that this obsession to control women’s bodies is mostly done by men who are misogynist and sexually predatory by nature. Because of their many sexual escapades, they feel the need to protect their daughters from men like them. Men who are sexually irresponsible are quick to watch over their daughters like a hawk; they know what they do to other people’s daughters. In the process, they end up raising sons who are just like them – even worse.

How then can the world find a balance? And when are we going to find that balance? How do we teach women to grow up bold, lend their voices and own their power when they cannot even own their bodies? Their. Own. Bodies.

We cannot keep policing the girl child, pummelling her confidence over and over again while the boys are left to be who they want to be and reach their full potential.

This sexual purity culture meted out to only women needs to stop!

There are better ways to be a good parent: give your children sex education, show them the right/wrong and trust them to make the right decision.

If you cannot trust your children to make the right decision on sex, then perhaps as a parent, you haven’t done a good job in giving them sex education. T.I not only violated his daughter, but he also embarrassed her and set her up for future sexual assault.

Come to think of it sef. If, at the end of the hymen-checking routine, his daughter is ‘discovered’ not to be a virgin. What will T.I do?

If you are still confused about the hymen, then this thread will help you:

Source: Bellanaija

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COPS SHOT HER FATHER, NOW CHLOE IS LAUNCHING THE NEXT BIG PLATFORM FOR SOCIAL CHANGE

For the last 28 years, Chloe Cheyenne Sledd-Rogers has watched her African American father suffer from immense physical and psychological pain after being shot by Chicago police and left for dead. The near-fatal incident took place in March 1989 when undercover cops shot Andrew Sledd over a dozen times inside of his home in Hyde Park, Chicago, leaving him permanently handicapped at just 23 years old.

“He was getting ready to work the night shift [when he] heard a loud banging on the door,” Sledd-Rogers tells BLACK ENTERPRISE, recalling the incident that almost killed her father. “He went to go see what it was and by the time he got there, the door was already off its hinges and a group of plainclothes Chicago police officers began to raid my grandmother’s townhome and opened fire on my dad over a dozen times, hitting him on the crown of his head and multiple times in his groin area.”

“THEY PLANTED DRUGS IN HIS BEDROOM DRESSER, PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED HIM AFTER SHOOTING HIM, AND WAITED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE, HOPING THAT HE WOULD JUST DIE.”

But as he was bleeding to death the cops realized that they had the wrong address on their search warrant. “It was a case of mistaken identity. [They] had identified the wrong black man,” she says. In order to cover up the mistake, she claims “they planted drugs in his bedroom dresser, physically assaulted him after shooting him, and waited to call an ambulance, hoping that he would just die.”

Once Sledd was sent to the hospital doctors predicted that he wouldn’t make it through the night. Nonetheless, he underwent a series of operations—over 72 hours—and miraculously survived. “But in between those operations, he was actually handcuffed to his hospital bed because the CPD maintained that he was a threat and he had done something wrong, despite him being totally unconscious and disabled,” said Sledd-Rogers.

Sledd spent weeks in the hospital recovering before entering a lifetime of physical rehab. To make matters worse, he was attending St. Xavier College on a basketball scholarship at the time when his dreams of going semi-pro were crushed. “He learned how to walk again, regained his motor skills, and [how to] feed himself,” she says

A year later, Sledd-Rogers was born in 1990 in the thick of the tumultuous aftermath that her father and family were experiencing. Throughout her childhood, she watched her dad go to rehab and relive the trauma he experienced all while going back-and-forth to court, fighting for his innocence against the city of Chicago.

“I remember being a little girl watching him put on a bulletproof vest under his clothes before he would leave the house because he suffers from extreme PTSD from what happened to him,” she said. “Every single day that my family and I interact with my dad, we have to watch him in pain because he still has a bullet fragment lodged in his spine that can never be taken out, or else he will become a paraplegic.”

The emotional and physical trauma that her father has endured, however, has not gone completely in vain. In addition to being used as case law for similar issues, it has become the source of motivation for Sledd-Rogers’ quest to change the world.

Communityx

Chloe and her parents, Andrew and Maria Sledd

TURNING PAIN INTO PURPOSE

In 2015, the Howard University School of Business graduate left her full-time job at Google to launch a social justice startup. In addition to her father’s pain and resilience, Sledd-Rogers was compelled by the shooting death of Mike Brown, an unarmed black teen who was fatally shot by a white officer in Ferguson, Missouri, in 2014. “Just watching that image of his lifeless body in the streets of Ferguson really hit home in a way that I just can’t ever hope to describe. And I decided that while I really appreciated my job at Google, that there was something more important that I have to do.”

Sledd-Rogers leveraged her experience in tech with her passion for social justice to create a platform to mobilize and accelerate activism called COMMUNITYx (Cx). The social impact tech startup aims to connect activists, organizations, and community leaders around shared causes and movements. It’s run by an all-black board of directors and was funded by investors of color in its angel round. Plus, former U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan serves as a special adviser to the company, while MSNBC host Joy-Ann Reid is one of her mentors.

“When I first came up with the idea for this company, I could have never imagined that we would have built the network allies that we have,” she says. “Joy has not only been a big supporter of the company, but she’s also one of my greatest mentors in life. So having like her guidance for direction and her support throughout this whole process has been honestly just a dream come true.”

Google

Chloe Sledd-Rogers and Joy Reid at the Cx Social Impact Summit

KEEPING ACTIVISTS SAFE

While Twitter and Facebook have notoriously been infiltrated by racist trolls and even penalized black voices, Cx promises to be a safe space for socially conscious people to connect. The app allows users to build local and global communities that focus on prescient social issues, from the climate crisis to racial justice to prison reform to mental health. After downloading the app, users can select their preferred causes and get instantly connected with others nearby and around the world that share their passion. Cx also provides people with the opportunity to connect in real life through experiences like its inaugural Cx Social Impact Summit, which took place in September at Santa Clara University.

The buzz around the budding tech startup is growing. Since its launch in 2018, the Chicago-native raised $125,000. Plus, Cx tied for first place at the Forbes Under 30 Startup Pitch Competition in October, earning a $250,000 media grant while becoming the first startup with a black founder and black leadership team to ever win the contest. Cx is bound to receive more accolades and may even catapult social change in the 21st century. But even that will not give Sledd-Rogers the justice she says her father deserves.

“Justice is really hard to gauge in these types of situations,” she says.  “For my dad, the city did settle with him out of court, [but] it wasn’t nearly enough to cover the medical expenses and issues that he had both at the time and to this day.” She asserts, “There’s the other side of justice, which is actually addressing this systemic police militarization issue. And, as we all know, these things still continue to happen to people like us in communities across the country. So, has justice served? I wouldn’t say so.”

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MEET CELESTE BEATTY, THE FIRST BLACK WOMAN TO OWN A BREWERY IN THE U.S.

Celeste Beatty, owner of the Harlem Brewing Company, is the first Black female brewery owner in the United States, Insider reports.

Beatty founded Harlem Brewing in 2000, making her first batch of beer in her apartment using a home brew kit she received as a gift. She worked hard perfecting her recipes and grew the business into the specialty craft brew that it is today. Beatty creates beers inspired by Harlem and ancient African traditions, using loads of flavors with the aim of celebrating Black culture and heritage. 

The craft beer industry has been mostly made up of rich white men for the last 40 years. Beatty’s presence alone is a disrupter. Beatty suggests that less than 1% of US craft breweries are owned by African Americans and studies show that Black people only make up 10% of weekly beer drinkers. But Beatty hopes to change that through her company while also educating people. 

“Even though we brought our traditions from Africa, and we brewed beer for Thomas Jefferson and various people that enslaved us, we were never able to actually open the brewery, we were never able to actually be the entrepreneurs early on. So, there is no tradition of owning breweries, of owning bars, because of that discrimination,” Beatty said.

Harlem Brewing aims to create a new tradition. With flavors like the Sugar Hill Golden Ale, Renaissance Wit and 125 IPA, Beatty is telling the story. And she hopes that through that story, she is able to create community. That’s why her next step is to open a brewpub in Harlem. 

Beatty previously spoke to Edible Manhattan about the brewpub saying that she wants “to make it a teaching brewery, where [she] would invite people from the community to learn to brew.” She also wants to make sure that the people in the community have ownership in the brewpub.

“My interest is to make sure that some part of the company is owned by the community. In this world that we live in, we’ve got to find a way to get people in the community not just working there, but they’ve got to have some equity in it,” Beatty told Insider. 

 

Source: Beacuseofthemwecan

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HOW MY PAR-TIME JOB WAITING TABLES CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER

I was a senior in college applying for a waitressing job that I would only do until I figured out exactly what I wanted to do with my life. They told me this job would be part-time. They told me this job would have its ups and downs dealing with customers.

However, no one ever told me that table 13, table 31, or even seat number 2 at the bar would teach me more lessons than any professor or lecture I have ever had in school. What started off as a job to pass some time and save some money, turned into a year and a half full of friendships, conversations, and strangers that would change my life forever. Serving did a lot more than just put money in my pocket.

I will never forget the man that taught me just how short life is. He sat at table 23. The kindest man with the biggest smile ordered two appetizers, a salad, and a burger, all for a table full of just him. After acknowledging the appetite he had, he looked me in the face smiling cheek to cheek and said, “I have been terminally ill for years and I never lost my appetite.”

I was shocked, caught off guard, and slightly embarrassed that maybe I made him feel uncomfortable. After a small pause, I replied, “You look great.”

He smiled even bigger and said, “I feel great.”

He made me really reflect on how foolish I sounded when I called hitting a red light or spilling my drink “a bad day.” We have all been there. We title an inconvenient incident as a bad day, when in reality, it is nothing close to that.

I will never forget the man that taught me to make time for the ones you love before it is too late. He wore a beautiful necklace that was clearly cut in half. He sat at seat 2 at the bar. Being the curious romantic that I am, I asked who had the other half. He proceeded to tell me his wife wore it, but that he had lost her two months prior.

Again, feeling embarrassed, I stood there. If I never said anything about his necklace, I would have never known he had lost the love of his life. We kept talking and he told me that his kids lived far away and they hadn’t been with him much. It broke my heart in more ways than I could tell you.

I thought of my own father and how lonely he would be if I did not call or sit by his side when he was more alone than ever. I also thought about his kids. I didn’t know them but I was angry at them. They lost one parent and now they weren’t with the other one? I guess we are all guilty of that as well. Life gets in the way and we just kind of always expect our parents to be there, until one day they aren’t.

I will never forget the woman that taught me how important it is to have a beautiful heart and to always be kind. She sat at table 24. Nothing was wrong with her. No sob story here. In fact, she was beautiful, and she was pregnant. While table 23 was losing themselves and the man at the bar was losing someone else, this woman was bringing another life into the world.

The difference between her and the other two men is the way she spoke to me. She made it clear that I did not do my job well enough, and she made it awkward for everyone at the table: her, her husband, and myself. She made me shake in fear, and felt as if I did not have any place doing my job. She taught me that how you speak to people says more about you than it does about them. I couldn’t help but look at her stomach and wonder: How would she feel if one day her child was serving tables and someone talked down to them the way she did to me? I then felt bad for her. I felt bad that she was so hurt or angry in life that I had suddenly become the worst part of her day.

I will never forget all of these people because of the lessons they taught me. While I’m stuck at a red light, spill my drink, or continue on a morning that went wrong in every way possible, I will smile because of table 23. I will remember that I am alive, I am here, and there are people who would do anything to just have a bad morning that would end quickly after.

When I look at the clock and hours have passed without me calling my parents, I will think of the man at the bar. I will dial their number before they dial mine. I will leave them a message about how much I love them before they leave me a message about how much I hurt them. I will treasure my time with them before it turns into the time that we “had.” I will do this with all my loved ones. I will make sure those close to me know just how important they are before it is too late to tell them.

When I see someone not doing a job as well as they could, or even someone who is inconveniencing me in any way, I will remember table 24 and be kind. I will not forget that everyone is human, and that sometimes people have off days, and that is just fine. I will remember that a beautiful face does not last forever, but a beautiful soul and heart lives on far longer than we do.

Serving tables introduced me to these three people, along with many, many more. It taught me lessons that a textbook cannot teach. Serving tables did a lot more than just put money in my pocket.

About the author

I only write for people that I am close with. I want to change that. Follow Kaitlyn on Instagram or read more articles from Kaitlyn on Thought Catalog.Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

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THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ARE THOSE WHO REALIZED THAT GOD IS ENOUGH

I envy these people.

I want their faith.

I want their strength.

I want their solid feet when their world is falling apart.

I want their forgiveness when their heart is breaking.

I want their pace in moving on when something isn’t meant to be.

I want their ease in letting go of what they can’t control.

I want their peace of mind, knowing that God is enough, knowing that God is writing their story, knowing that God has better things planned for them and knowing that loving God is the only love they really need in their lives.

They’re not concerned with worldly pleasures, with things that are temporary or people who decide not to love them anymore. They have learned that as long as you depend on people for your happiness, they’ll always disappoint you but as long as you depend on God, you’ll always be reassured, you’ll always be satisfied and you’ll always wake up every morning thankful for life, grateful for everything in it, even your hardships.

People find happiness when they find God.

People understand life, when they understand God.

People truly start living when they make God their guide, their leader and their voice.

I don’t know how they got there but I know that this is the ultimate truth, this is how you enjoy your life and this is how you stay calm, strong and patient in times of pain and distress. This is how you heal.

Because once you learn that God is enough, you’ll never have to question yourself, you’ll never have to doubt yourself or your decisions. You become whole again. You become complete.

Maybe we’re all confused, hurt and sad because we still don’t know how to talk to God. We still don’t get it. We still ask for things that are wrong for us. We still hope to change our destiny. We still think he’s being too hard on us. We still think he doesn’t know what makes us happy.

Maybe we all can’t trust each other because we still don’t know how to trust God.

The happiest people are those who trust God blindly, because that’s how they see the light. That’s how they walk through life steadily no matter how bumpy the road may be, because they know that they’re being looked out for. They know they’re being protected. They know they’re being loved by God and that’s enough. More than enough.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

Source: Thought Catalog

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#7QUESTIONS| “MY BIGGEST FEAR IS FAILING MY SONS”- FOLASAYO AYODELE

Folasayo Ayodele is a business woman and founder of Single mothers Tribe, She answers our famous #7Questions below

What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is failing my sons. I will not give anyone a chance to say they lack in any aspect in life because they were raised by a woman.

2. In your darkest moments, what do you do?

I look back at where I’m coming from and how far I’ve come. Then I look ahead with gratitude for all things.

3. What is that one thing you would like to change about yourself?

Procrastination and not finishing up whatever I start. I have too many abandoned projects and decisions I’ve been procrastinating on.

4. Where do you see yourself five years from now?

I projected where I’d like to be now five years ago. I didn’t meet my mark and had to make some brave adjustments like relocating to Lagos. I am looking at five years from now; I should have been well settled into my business in Lagos. I see a me who has got everything together; business, my tribe would have by then made unforgettable impacts on more single mums.

5. What keeps you going?

I stay focus on the positive, I try not to permit negative energy in my headspace and around me. My tribe also keep me going, just knowing my challenges are not peculiar to me is a sure sign that I’ll win.

6. What is your stand on feminism? Do you consider yourself a feminist?

I like to consider myself humanist. I believe every human being deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Be they male or female.

7. What keeps you up at night?

My dreams for myself and my kids keep me awake. Thank you.

 

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MEET PROFESSOR OLABISI UGBEBOR ,THE FIRST NIGERIAN WOMAN TO OBTAIN A PH.D. DEGREE IN MATHEMATICS

Professor Olabisi Ugbebor is the first Nigerian  woman to have a PhD in mathematics at the age of 25.

Born in Lagos, Professor Olabisi attended Queen’s College, Lagos and proceeded to Cambridge Higher School Certificate.

During her time at Queen’s College, she taught her classmates mathematical topics that seemed difficult for them.

In 1969, she won a Federal Government  scholarship to study mathematics at University of Ibadan, where she was the only female student in her class of seven, and graduated in 1972 with Second Class Upper Honours degree in mathematics.

The University of Ibadan later sponsored her to the University of London, the First University Statistics Department in the world,  for her masters programme in 1973 and her PhD in 1976 at age 25.

Professor Olabisi is also the first Nigerian woman to be appointed Ag. Head, Department of Mathematics, University of Ibadan.

She is a Reciprocity member of the London Mathematical Society; she is also a member of the Nigerian Mathematical Society, member of the Mathematics Association of Nigeria, member of the African Economic Society, and a member of the Third World Organisation of Women in Science, Italy.

An associate Professor of the Mathematics Department in University of Ibadan, she still derives pleasure in imparting knowledge.

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