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Esther Ijewere

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Circumcised Women May Have Low Libido – Elohor Ovite

Leading and trending Nigerian sex therapist based in Abuja, Elohor Ovite, has identified that women most prone to low libido are women who were circumcised while adding that the uncircumcised too are not immune.

Speaking in a recent interview the sex therapist, who is also the Chief Executive Office E&E Skincare, posited that most Nigerian women have sexual problems but not too disposed to discussing it or seeking help.

She said, “Most women have sexual problems, a lot of women actually, but they won’t say it. As I said, a lot of them shy away from the conversation. Men also do not help matters in telling the women they, (the women) have problems. This is because they either do not want to kill their ego or make them feel bad.

“In matters of sex, everyone wants to have the mindset that they are giving their partner the best, but when you tell someone they aren’t, it becomes a problem. From my experience, most women suffer low libido or sex drive. Other sexual problems in women range from vaginal weakness, looseness, vaginal infections, vaginal dryness etc. Many factors may be responsible for the problems and one of them is circumcision. In fact, circumcised women tend to have a low sex drive and may need my product, Kayanmata to start enjoying blissful sexual life again.”

She added that with Kayanmata, she has been able to help many women get out of their sexual gloom.

“I am into Kayanmata business, this business deals with problems that concern women mostly. Most women have issues in their marriage and relationships that could be easily sorted out by this product but they don’t know. These products are purely herbal, no side effects at all, in fact in seeing them alone you know these are all-natural products from herbs. But most women still shy away from their problems.

“Sex is very important in a relationship and marriage but most people ( women ) especially would act as if they are not interested in having that conversation. Kayanmata is a Hausa word, meaning ‘Women’s things’. They are herbs used to enhance sexual pleasure. Kayanmata is the same as aphrodisiac, anything that is used to stimulate sexual pleasure,” she explained, saying women who have used the herbs have amazing story of love and fulfilment to tell.

“Kayanmata are natural products which could be in form of fruits, herbs or even seeds that help in resolving sexual issues, creating intimacy and love between women and man. With Kayanmata, we have products that help in different ways, such as vaginal tightener, which helps to tighten loose vagina caused by something else, say childbirth or natural causes. We also have products like sweeteners, that are lubricants that make a woman very wet and sweet.

“There are also products for libido booster that help a woman have a good urge for sex ( most women suffer from this everyday, especially those who were circumcised),” she added.

Elohor Ovite was born August 17, 1994. She hails from Uwheru, Ughelli North local government area of Delta State. She had her primary and secondary education at Oxford Primary and Secondary School, Warri, Delta State. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Public Health from Espan University, Cotonou, Benin Republic. She’s happily married with children. She founded her company December 19, 2016.

Source: Guardian

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Adanna Elechi: The Single Girl’s Guide To Dating A Single Dad

Single parents exist. Some people become single parents, not by choice, but as a result of their partners dying. There are also people who do not care about marriage or dating. They choose to be single parents. Some people are single parents because of failed contraceptives, or because things went awry. Things happen that we don’t usually plan for.

The long and short of this is that single parents, or in this case, single fathers are here to stay. Discriminating against them is not even an option, with the way some men are fighting over who will win the title of scum of the earth. It is best to hold the good man you have tight, whether he has a child or not.

As this is the situation some of us have found ourselves in, or will find ourselves in future, it is imperative that we learn how to make our relationships work. To be honest, it can’t be a walk in the park.

There are a few ground rules to know before you decide to go into a relationship with a single dad, feel free to add yours. Ladies, bring out your pen and paper or screenshot as we go.

1. You will never be number one. You heard that right. His child comes first; after God, if he is religious. So prepare your mind for cancelled dinner dates or any other events. If that child’s temperature goes one degree higher than normal, best believe plans will get cancelled. Unless of course, he has the same relationship 50 Cent has with his first son. You chose this life, so don’t fight it.

2. Don’t force the child or children to love and accept you. If you are genuinely nice, they will fall in love with you eventually. I am tempted to say ‘eventuarry’.

3. Not all baby mamas are crazy. Some are, but definitely not all, so don’t come in guns blazing. Buy a figurative gun but don’t load it till she starts messing with you. Don’t go and buy a real gun o, see you see kirikiri o! I pray you never experience it. Spirit of fighting die die die!!! We are children of peace.

4. Men with crazy baby mothers are already stressed, don’t add to the stress by nagging him every day. You are not too cool to be dumped, Sis. I didn’t say tolerate bad behaviour, but don’t go about nagging like it’s the oxygen you need to live.

5. Don’t look down on your boyfriend’s baby’s mother. Trust me, your man was once in love with her too. We are assuming it wasn’t a ‘one nightstand’ here. We are all virtuous men or women who only sleep with the ones for us, we don’t go about sowing our seeds everywhere.

6. If they were never married and they have two children with two-year age difference, run sister, run. That is some planned births going on over there and baby number three is on the way.

7. Trust your man, but bear in mind that Okafor’s law is as strong as the law of gravity. Once that ass has been tapped, there is a very high chance it will be tapped again. We come against every spirit of repeat tapping!

8. Till he has put a ring on it, don’t take up any stepmother role. Love the child but remember to keep your distance. The father should tell him or her about you, you have no business telling them you are now the mom around here. They have a mother.

9. Remember to give father and child(ren) some alone time. You don’t have to force yourself into every conversation or picture. It is one big happy family, but still, let them breathe and be. Get your own life, watch TV or knit a sweater sometimes.

10. If you know you can’t be a part of a blended family, end that relationship now. The world is already filled with wicked stepmothers, don’t add to their number. I am also pleased to inform you that the witchcraft coven isn’t taking any more candidates. If you like, pretend to be good till you go in then change to a monster, some of us will be happy to drag you from blog to blog on social media.

Dear single girl, when you are dating a single dad, or considering dating a single dad, just know it is a different level. You have more than one person to consider in your relationship and it is not a bed of roses. If you like being the centre of attention, this is not for you. If you are the very jealous type, it is also not for you. If you are an instigator, this is most definitely not for you. For the sake of the child(ren) involved, please strive for peace and unity. If the baby mama is crazy, just mind your business and remain sane. If you start showing signs of madness too, wetin you gain? I wish you luck as you make the right decision for your dating life.

Remember to order my book, The Cover, and also connect with me on all social media platforms. I have missed my BellaNaija family. Please, all of you should join hands and pray away the spirit of laziness and writer’s block from my life. Of what use is a writer who doesn’t write?

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“Don’t Be Ashamed To Discuss Sex Education And Boundaries With Your Kids – Dr. Nimi Ekere

“Says Social Media made people more aware of Child Sexual Abuse “

The Coronavirus has in no little way made the world appreciate frontline workers more, people who defy odds to stand in gap and keep the society safe. Dr. Nimi Ekere is one of such unsung heroes, working tirelessly to keep us safe.  She is a trained medical doctor and a consultant Family Physician. A Fellow of the National Postgraduate Medical College of Family Physicians. She is a life coach, mentor and teacher who is extremely passionate about children and young people, walking in the right path to achieve their full potentials.

She is also very passionate about effective and intentional parenting. Her Foundation, Ekom Charity Foundation mentors’ young people and also cares for the less privileged in the society. She is also the founder of Smile and Shine Children’s Foundation which is a non-profit organisation for children, aimed at preventing child sexual abuse, providing the needed help and support as well as emergency care and treatment with adequate follow up and rehabilitation for victims( children) of sexual abuse. She is the author of a collection of books that teach children and parents all they need to know about child sexual abuse. They include; ‘Some parts are special’ for children aged 2 to 5 years, ‘Setting boundaries’ for elementary schoolers’ , ‘Sparkles at dawn’, for teenagers and young adults and ‘Into the light’ for Parents and guardians.

 

Dr. Nimi Ekere is also a well sought-after public speaker, and happily married with kids. The inspiring Doctor who is a sought after online for medical and parental advice, shares her journey with me in this mind-blowing interview.

Childhood Preparation

I grew up seeing my mother care so much for others. My mother literally lived for others, especially the indigent. Up till now she still pays fees and house rents for people that are in need. She taught us how to love people, show empathy and go the extra mile for others. Even if I have a warm and calm personality, I can say that the act of giving, showing love and generosity to others were things I saw my mum do, so it became a part of me. My dad on the other hand, made me love to write. He would buy newspapers like Concord, punch and magazines like NewsWatch, prime people etc. and would hand over to me after reading as I would insist, I had to read them. Afterwards, I started to write articles and then I started to write short stories. I would take a wooden spoon and stand on front of the mirror and just talk. I liked Oprah Winfrey and I thought I could talk like her. Looking back, I think my childhood truly did play a significant part in what I am doing today albeit subtly.

Inspiration Behind Ekom Charity Foundation

I have always loved children and young adults. I had always known I would mentor children and since I also have a heart for humanity, I decided to start Ekom Charity Foundation years later to mentor young children and care for the less privileged, especially women. We go to schools to teach children about charting a good course for their lives. They are taught to avoid peer pressure, drugs, all forms of vices and we counsel them too. The foundation also does free medical outreaches and health campaigns.

So far, we have carried out numerous free medical services for the less privileged. We have organised events like Christmas parties in slums with Santa Claus giving wonderful gifts to the children. Most of these kids had never had a Christmas party in their lives and the excitement on their faces remain indelible, to say the least. I am deeply passionate about children…maybe this is because I am the first child.

Smile and Shine is new, and it was started because I had and still have a burning desire to end child sexual abuse. I had seen children become medically and psychologically traumatised because of CSA. Some became suicidal and one of them. Even committed suicide. I have seen parents lose their children to the deleterious effects of CSA. I have also seen people blame the victims or survivors rather than give them the help that they deserve while the perpetrators walk the streets like heroes. I want to stop this.

I want to be able to help children not to get abused in the first place and in the sad event that they get abused, that help is proffered and these children are subsequently reintegrated back into the society and become healthy adults regardless. I want to also break the silence that is attached to CSA. I call it the “don’t tell anyone” phenomenon which is common in this part of the world. I believe that if victims are allowed to speak up, help would come faster and so, healing would also be faster and long lasting.

The Journey So Far

It has been an emotional journey for me, financially tasking and truly time consuming but it is worth every step. As long as a child gets help and never goes back to that experience, I am so happy and fulfilled. I would need collaborations from the government as well as other NGOs as sometimes, the children need more than the emergency medical and psychological care. They could need to go to a safe place as their “homes” might be unsafe for them. We also need justice to be served as the perpetrator should ideally get prosecuted. Again, this would require collaborative efforts from the legal angles and law even agencies.

Being A Medical Doctor, Life Coach, Teacher, Wife, And Mom And Managing It All

It really isn’t easy, but I thank God for the strength and wisdom. I work hard and try my best to give my best at anything I do. I do not joke with my role as a wife and mother. I do well to take care of the Homefront because I believe that your home should be a prototype of what you want to see in the society. So, I spend time with my husband to train our kids. I try to spend time to teach them, support, and nurture them on the right path. It is not surprising that they are always get the best behaviour awards in addition to their outstanding academic awards. I owe it all to God. I also have a supportive husband who is my best friend and stands in just well when I have to be away caring for patients, teaching or mentoring children and young people.

Book Publication

I have published four books for Preschoolers and young children, older children and preteens, teenagers and young adults and parents. So, I have a collection of books for the family on how children can prevent sexual abuse and how they can build a formidable relationship with their parents. The book for parents is an exposé on child sexual abuse. Everything a parent must know; from red flags to tell tale signs and how a child and the family can get help when an abuse occurs, including when and where to get help. Additionally, it also gives practical steps on how a parent- child relationship can be built and sustained. It is indeed a must have for the family.

The Epidemic Of Sexual And Why We Should All Be Involved

I would like to state here that child sexual abuse has always been here with us. Social media has helped a great deal to make people more aware of the menace called CSA. If it appears to be on the rise, I will say that the state of the economy could be contributory. Parents have to work so hard and the child are left in the hands of their nannies and relatives who may even be the abusers. Also, a lot of parents are not friends with their children. Having a good reputation with your child and instilling the right values in them is a step towards preparing CSA. A child who needs to seek validation from external sources is a vulgar child at risk for molestation. Also, parents need to start early to teach their children sex education using age appropriate words and terms. All these are contained in my books.

On Parents Who Hardly Have Time For The Kids

Create time for your kids. No one can take care of your children better than you. No maid or relative can care for your kids better than you. And this is not only for mothers, even fathers should be involved in raising the children. Both parents need to spend time to speak with their kids as often as possible and build a good relationship with their children. Your children should be able to tell you anything without the fear of being judged or criticized.

Being A Medical Doctor And Children’s Advocate

I think it is easier for me because i am taken seriously. The children open to me and tell me things they can never tell their parents and because I create an enabling and confidential environment with them, it makes it lot easier for me. They tell me I am their role model and some even say they want to be doctors when they grow up. I would say that being a doctor makes the walk somewhat easier.

 Women Who Inspire Me To Be Better

My mum, Mrs. Joy Raymond; She is an amazing woman who set the pace for what has become my lifestyle today. She is generous, kind, selfless and really caring. All these qualifies I see in myself and I truly thank God for a great mother.

Oprah Winfrey- I love her love for humanity and like I said earlier, I had dreams of being on TV as a child because of Oprah.

Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was something I admired greatly. I think she was a great woman and I really loved her family values and all she stood for. I still listen to her messages. She inspired me so much.

Being a Woman Of Rubies

I would say that I am a go- getter and once I put my heart to a cause that I think is right, I go all out. Again, I am touching lives, which is what God requires of me as a Christian. I think these and more make me a woman of rubies.

On Protecting Kids From Sexual Abuse During The Pandemic

Make your children your friend. Let them not walk on eggshells when they relate with you. Make sure you call from work to check up on them from time to time. Installing a CCTV would also be of great help. Do not be ashamed to discuss sex education and boundaries with them. Also talk to their caregivers or nannies. Let your children know how to say no to untoward behaviours and advances. Also educate the nannies about your expectations, do’s and don’ts and boundaries.

To place an order for my book , send an email to books@nimiekere.com or send a WhatsApp message to+ 2347038829374

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Funkola Odeleye, Temie Giwa-Tubosun Shortlisted As Finalists In the 2020 Edition Of The Cartier Women’s Initiative

Funkola Odeleye and Temie Giwa-Tubosun have been shortlisted as two of three African entrepreneurs who could stand a chance to win the sum of US$ 100,000 in grant at the 2020 edition of Cartier Women’s Initiative.

The Cartier Women’s Initiative which was founded in 2006, has helped women over the years to reach their full potential by shining a light on their achievements, whilst providing them with the necessary financial, social and human capital support in growing their businesses and leadership skills. This initiative is open to women-run and women-owned businesses across the globe and sector with the aim of ensuring a strong and sustainable social and environmental impact as defined by the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals.

Owing to the social impact of their businesses within Nigeria, Funkola Odeleye and Temie Giwa-Tubosun were amongst the selected 21 finalists from a pull of 1200 applications from 162 countries across 7 regions. A winner will be selected from each region and take home the sum of US $100,000 in prize money, whereas the second and third runner-ups will receive the sum of US $30,000.

Funkola Odeleye who is the Co-founder and CEO at DIYlaw, a legal technology company committed to empowering Nigerian entrepreneurs through the provision of accessible and affordable legal services and free legal and business resources. She is also the Corporate-Commercial and Intellectual Property lead at The Longe Practice LP (TLP), an entrepreneur focused law practice.

Funkola has a Masters in Finance and Financial Law from the School of Oriental & African Studies, the University of London in addition to her LLB from the Lagos State University and BL from the Nigerian Law School. Her legal experience prior to founding TLP and DIYlaw cuts across capital markets, investment advisory, compliance, and securities.

She is an Obama Leader, having been chosen as a 2019 Obama Africa Leader and also an Innovating Justice Fellow of “The Hague Institute for the Innovation of Law” (HiiL).

“With our goals aimed at reducing unemployment in Nigeria by 50 percent by 2030, DIYLaw’s services and partnerships at the end of 2019 had created more than 120,000 jobs in Nigeria. Every job increases an individual’s financial independence, provides a chance for stability, and in some cases even offers the possibility of moving off the streets” she added.

Temie Giwa-Tubosun, also shortlisted as one of the finalists is the founder of LifeBank, a medical distribution company with the mission aimed at helping hospitals find critical supplies and deliver them in the right condition and on time within three cities in Nigeria.

Since it’s founding in 2016, LifeBank has consistently ensured the timely delivery of vital medical supplies and blood to hospitals in its service area within 55 minutes’ day or night, thereby relieving doctors of the logistical stress associated with locating blood and giving them ample time to focus on treating patients.

The company has transported more than 20,000 units of blood and other medical products, served 450 hospitals, engaged 5,823 donors, and saved over 6,757 lives.

LifeBank’s ambitious mission is to save a million lives across Africa in 10 years and to reach all of Africa, India, Southeast Asia, and South America to deliver critical supplies around the clock, eventually becoming a profitable public company.

Seven (7) laureates out of 14 finalists from the 2020 edition of the Cartier women’s initiative will be announced in early June 2020. The Seven (7) laureates and 14 finalists will all benefit from financial advisory services, strategy coaching, media visibility, and international networking opportunities, as well as a place on an INSEAD executive education programme.

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Wunmi Adelusi: How To Stay Visible While Working Remotely

Sometimes, you need to be confident and vulnerable to share opportunities with your colleagues. By so doing, you are helping them turn their candles on while building your social capital. Sometimes, offering value is how to stay visible.

With the recent global turn of events, has become pertinent to redefine workplace visibility beyond physical appearances. Most people have gone digital, so should you.  Being available is not enough, you must be seen, and you would need to promote yourself to be seen. You, and the value you offer, must be visible to your target audience to get noticed. You know the saying, “out of mind is out of sight” – that is the rule now. However, the digital space has afforded us opportunities without borders to be visible while working remotely.

Why is visibility important?

The kind of opportunities that fit you only get to find you when you are visible. Being visible is like a magnet; opportunities around your area of competence locate you – the law of attraction.

To Build Your Network

Visibility is that tool that helps you build your network steadily. You don’t want to wait until you need help to start building a network. Now is an excellent time to start. Visibility brings you closer to people of like-minds. Because visibility reflects your values, it makes it easier for the right people to find you and vice-versa.

Reinforces Your Personal Brand

We all are a brand, and whether we are deliberate at working on it or not, it is being built. You know how you forget about someone simply because you haven’t seen their posts on social media for a while, that is precisely how visibility works. The more visible you are, the better your credibility. Ever wondered why big brands like Coca-Cola, MTN, and so on still advertise? They do so to reiterate their commitment to their consumers – staying credible. You are creating how you want to be perceived and rightfully so. You are a brand, and you are your first manager, do it well.

How can I be visible while working remotely?

Maximize LinkedIn

At the risk of sounding cliché, allow me to tell you again that LinkedIn is the ‘real-deal’ for any professional at this time. Have you been there lately? Things have changed! More people are joining every day to showcase their value.

I remember getting a job offer sometime two years ago on LinkedIn. That is still happening because head-hunters are there continually searching for potentials. But it’s only if you are there and adequately positioned that you can be seen.

Glory Edozien, the LinkedIn visibility queen, has been sharing a lot of relevant tips on getting visible on LinkedIn. LinkedIn seems subtle, but it works, particularly for career folks!

Reach out to your circle

Working from home can be lonely. Recently, I wanted further clarifications on a job and I had to send a mail to a colleague for that. It made me miss how I could walk to my colleague’s cubicle in time past. Because working remotely can get lonely, you need to reach out to your circle – it shows you want them to be better at what they do, particularly in this unprecedented time. And for your boss, it puts you in his/her mind. As you share these things with them, it makes it easier for them to remember you when opportunities they consider relevant to you pops up.

While I understand the importance of keeping things at work strictly professional, you can not run this race alone. You need career sponsors and mentors. At the same time, you should always help your team members grow and develop.

The other day, I reached out to a sponsor at work and asked if there was anything I could help him with. With the whole pandemic and his workload, I assumed he might be overwhelmed. He responded, telling me the areas he wants to read on. Swiftly, I swung to action and got him relevant and recently published articles by reputable institutes.

Share opportunities with your colleagues/superiors

Putting someone’s light on doesn’t make yours dim, it only makes it shine brighter. Sometimes, you need to be confident and vulnerable to share opportunities with your colleagues. By so doing, you are helping them turn their candles on while building your social capital. Sometimes, offering value is how to stay visible.

Keep abreast with industry news

In these unprecedented times, there are industry trends you must be aware of. Companies are pivoting; some job roles are going into extinction while new roles are emerging, you should know all these. This helps you stay alert, have reasonable conversations and give relevant comments at virtual meetings, emails, and webinars.

So, how have you been staying visible?

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Mirabel Centre: A Call To Men In The Justice And Law Enforcement Sectors To Fight To End Rape In Nigeria

We call on men in our law enforcement and justice systems to rise up to the demands of our times and put an end to the growing menace of rape and sexual assault. But most importantly, we urge all men – if you run a hospital, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a school, make it safe for women and girls. If you are a vice chancellor, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a business, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a hotel, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a church, mall, Chambers, airport, airline, petrol station, restaurant, radio and TV station, record label or a mall, please make them safe for women and girls. Every man has the capacity to create a rape free zone and ultimately end all forms of violence against women and girls.

The entire world has been dealing with a pandemic for a few months now – a pandemic that has since almost brought everything to a standstill. According to experts, it is a new virus, a new pandemic, and now we have to adjust our lives just so we can deal with it.

We have learnt to put on a mask, wash or sanitise our hands regularly, observe social distancing and even if necessary stay at home.

But we have been condoning and tolerating a more deadly pandemic for ages now. A pandemic that kills, maims, infects and destroys. It is a pandemic that takes the life of its victims – whether physically or psychologically. Unlike the new pandemic currently redefining our lives, this old pandemic does not spare its survivors – it kills their dreams, their aspirations, their essence and self worth.

The epidemic of rape and its murderous and monstrous inclinations is in our homes, on our streets, in our schools, in our offices, in our communities, in our society. But we have refused to declare it as an emergency of deadly albeit unimaginable proportion. Or how else do you describe a monster that preys on a woman every six minutes. One woman, our sister, our daughter, our mother, our Aunty is raped every six minutes in Nigeria every day. How else do you describe an epidemic?

As men, we are deeply troubled about the epidemic of rape. We are concerned about its unending spate. But we are even more disturbed about the silence of our communities and how this silence is empowering rapists in every nook and cranny of our society. The boldness and effrontery of these rapists have made them deadlier than ever, leaving in their trail deaths, anguish and painful indelible scars.

Every incident of rape casts aspersions on all men and challenges our claim to manhood. Every incident of rape questions our definition of masculinity and threatens the very essence of our humanity as men.

The rape of one woman should give every man something to worry about. It is a bereavement that we should all mourn collectively because of what truly dies in the woman.

When rape happens, nothing indicts good men more than silence. There can be no neutral ground when it comes to rape. You are either the rapist, for the rapist or against the rapist. Hence silence in time of rape is an eloquent position statement. The silence of good men may be a convenient stand but it goes a long way to empower the rapist, condemns and dehumanises the victims and further deepens a rape culture.

We call on every good man anywhere in this country to rise up and speak out against rape. We call on every man, anywhere in this country to take responsibility for creating a society that is safe for women and girls. We can no longer live in a society where women and girls cannot move freely not because there are dogs and lions but because there are men and boys.

Not on our watch!

We call on men in our law enforcement and justice systems to rise up to the demands of our times and put an end to the growing menace of rape and sexual assault. But most importantly, we urge all men – if you run a hospital, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a school, make it safe for women and girls. If you are a vice chancellor, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a business, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a hotel, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a church, mall, Chambers, airport, airline, petrol station, restaurant, radio and TV station, record label or a mall, please make them safe for women and girls. Every man has the capacity to create a rape free zone and ultimately end all forms of violence against women and girls.

Let’s do it!

As we take our stand against rape today, we commit to doing the following:

  1. Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women.
  2. Pledge to examine and challenge our individual sexism and the role that we play in supporting men who are abusive.
  3. Promise to stop colluding with other men by getting out of our socially defined roles, and take a stance to end violence against women.
  4. Recognize that our silence is affirming. When we choose not to speak out against men’s violence, we are supporting it.
  5. Promise to educate and re-educate our sons and other young men about our responsibility in ending men’s violence against women.
  6. Pledge to challenge traditional images of manhood that stop us from actively taking a stand to end violence against women.
  7. Accept and own our responsibility that violence against women will not end until men become part of the solution to end it. We will take an active role in creating a cultural and social shift that no longer tolerates violence against women.
  8. Recognize that violence against women is rooted in the historic oppression of women and the outgrowth of the socialization of men.
  9. Take responsibility for creating appropriate and effective ways to develop systems to educate and hold men accountable.
  10. Create systems of accountability to women in our community.

This is our stand as men against rape.

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Biodun Da Silva: If It Looks Toxic & Feels Toxic Then It Is Toxic… Get Out Of That Relationship NOW!

The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

“We teach people how to treat us” – Dr. Phill.

We are all created to live dependently; dependent on food for sustenance, clothing for coverings, housing for protection from harsh weather conditions. As much as we don’t like to hear this, humans depend on humans to survive. The success of our life endeavours is contingent upon developing positive relationships with people from all spheres of life.

Physical and emotional dependency is very vital to our overall well-being in life in more ways than one. Human relationship and co-existence is a highly complex and extremely volatile topic. We are cognitively wired differently. It is not a one-size-fits-all kind of conversation and one of the key elements to peaceful coexistence is to understand this.

The need for dependency is why we are in a relationship, be it a business, cordial, or marital relationship. The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

A symbiotic relationship exists in almost every aspect of life. Give the earth seed, it will give you fruit in return. When a spouse gives his partner love, care, and attention, he expects all those, and more, in return. When you are vulnerable and divulge your concerns to a friend, you expect that it will remain confidential. A fetus depends on its mother to be incubated and successfully carried until it is birthed. A symbiotic relationship is also a significant factor in business transactions and in civil society.

Understanding that we are wired differently and having respect for other people’s genetic composition, taking cognizant of whom you entrust your life to, and being aware of the courtesies you extend to others are the first steps towards avoiding toxic relationships.

Irrespective of how carefully we avoid toxic relationships, there will be situations where we will encounter people who love to take without giving. They abuse privileges, takes loyalty for granted, and develop a sense of entitlement. So at what point do we draw the line? How do we untangle our emotional and physical dependency from such situations, think rationally, and find a path out of a toxic relationship?

The first step towards finding a path that leads to freedom is to identify what a toxic relationship means to you and how that relationship has impacted your life. Then place value on and prioritize your self-worth. How much are you worth to yourself? People treat you based on how valuable they perceive you to be.

You can be cheap or expensive, there are no in-betweens and if you price yourself cheaply, then you will be susceptible to all kinds of devaluation which will gradually seep into and affect other areas of your life. You also have to recognize what you can and cannot stand for, and what you desire out of life. Trust me when I say human tolerance can only take you to an extent. But most importantly, you will be doing yourself a total disservice by wallowing in toxicity in the long run.

Our relationships with people have the tendency to define us but we have the capacity to change the narrative as to how we want to be treated. Anything below our expectations will breed contempt, which will then lead to self-doubt and may eventually impact our mental health negatively. It is vital to find ways to detach or reduce our emotional dependence on people we are in relationships with.

This can be done by being confident, knowing your self-worth, building your self-esteem, potentials, practicing self-love, and loving yourself enough to walk away when it gets toxic.

Never allow other people’s inability to own up to their inadequacies overwhelm your progress or your sense of accomplishment. People will never hesitate to bring you down if you give them permission to.

Remember, we are wired differently, as a woman, your partner may not see the toxicity he is dishing you. You may even tell him you are uncomfortable with his behavior and he’ll tell you the feeling is mutual and he wouldn’t be wrong. Know where you belong, search yourself, find your peace of mind, and run with it.

Source: Bellanaija

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Barbra Streisand Helps George Floyd’s Daughter Become Disney Shareholder

Gianna Floyd, the 6-year-old daughter of George Floyd, is now a Disney shareholder, thanks to Barbra Streisand.

On Saturday, the young girl thanked the singer for the gift with a post on her Instagram page, featuring a slideshow of photos displaying the letter and certificate she received in the mail. Streisand, 78, also sent Gianna two of her studio albums, My Name Is Barbra and Color Me Barbra.

“Thank You @barbrastreisand for my package, I am now a Disney Stockholder thanks to you 🥰🥰🥰,” Gianna’s post read, alongside a photo of her smiling with her certificate.

While the Walt Disney Company no longer gives shareholders discounts to its theme parks, the brand is known to return on investments, with shares doing well over the years. In a recent CNBC report, they calculated that an investment of $1,000 in Disney 10 years ago would be worth more than $4,600 as of February 2020 for a total return of around 370 percent.

It is unclear how many shares Gianna received from Streisand.

Last week, Gianna learned she was granted a full-ride scholarship to Texas Southern University in Houston should she choose to attend. In a press release on their website, the Board of Regents of TSU revealed they had “approved a fund to provide a full scholarship for Floyd’s beloved daughter, Gianna … if she wishes to attend the University.”

The board said the scholarship was a way for them to “honor the memory of George Floyd on the day that he is laid to eternal rest” and ensure that Gianna has a secure future.

“This Board is committed to education and understands that a college degree is one of many powerful steps toward a productive and successful life,” Albert H. Myres, chair of the Board of Regents, said in a statement. “We know that this gesture cannot take the place of her dad’s loving presence, but we hope that it will contribute to easing her journey through life.”

In addition to the scholarship, TSU announced on Tuesday that they had issued a resolution for Floyd’s family, which commemorated his “exceptional life of dedication.”

“[Floyd] will be remembered as both a leader and a mentor, a colleague and a friend, as well as a major inspiration, to change the world through endless pursuit of justice,” the resolution read.

Also, earlier this month, Kanye West created a 529 college savings plan to fully cover tuition for Gianna.

Gianna Floyd
Gianna Floyd

RELATED: George Floyd’s Daughter Gianna, 6, Says ‘Daddy Changed the World’

And at just 6 years old, Gianna already understands the significant impact her late father left behind.

Last week, retired NBA player Stephen Jackson, a longtime friend of the Floyd family, shared a clip of himself with Gianna on his shoulders. In the clip, she smiled as she exclaimed, “Daddy changed the world!”

Gianna recalled some of her favorite memories with her father during an interview with Good Morning America last week. “I miss him,” Gianna said after being asked what she wants people to know about her dad, adding, “He played with me.”

“She didn’t have to play with nobody else because Daddy was going to play with her all day long,” her mother Roxie Washington said in the same interview. “I mean, that was his baby. He loved his little girl.”

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11 Signs A Male Co-worker Likes You

Do you think that a male coworker likes you?

Don’t know whether he’s just an extra nice guy, or he’s actually flirting with you?

We’ve all been there before, and there’s no doubt it can be tough to figure out.

But it becomes a lot easier when you study and learn about male psychology.

So in this article, I’m going to go through every tell-tale sign that your co-worker has a crush on you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

1. He tries to spend time alone with you.

If you work in an office, I’m sure that you have quite a few co-workers around you.

But even with all the busyness and professionals rushing around, if you find yourself spending a lot of time with just him, then it could be a sign that he is orchestrating time alone with you.

For example:

He may try to go to the lunchroom at the exact same time as you, or when the workday ends, he makes sure to walk to the car with you.

To work this sign-out, all you have to do is notice how often he manages to be side by side with you, and then compare that to how often your other co-workers get one-on-one time with you.

If it is A LOT more than anyone else, then you can get your bottom dollar that he is a romantic crush on you.

2. He asks about things that have nothing to do with work.

If he likes you, he’ll want to move the rapport and connection beyond work-related topics.

For example, he’ll ask you about what your favorite hobbies are, or where you like to hang out with your friends.

Whatever it is, he just wants to build rapport outside of work.

More importantly, he wants to get to know you!

A giveaway sign is if he asks you directly if you’re seeing someone. This is a clear-cut sign that he likes you.

However, he may not come out and say it directly, and instead, he’ll be more subtle about it.

For example, if you tell him that you went to a party on the weekend, he’ll ask you if you went with your boyfriend.

That way, he can work out whether you are actually seeing someone.

If he does this, then it’s obvious that he is interested in your relationship status.

In the end, if he is asking you a lot of personal questions, it means that he wants to build rapport and get to know you for who you are outside of work.

Does he seemed interested in what you are saying and does he engage in the conversation or is he just checking his phone in between drinks of his beer? If it’s all eyes on you, then he’s interested.

This is a sure sign that he likes you and might be pushing to ask you on a date soon.

3. He looks at you with those seductive eyes

You know what kind of eyes I’m talking about.

Those staring, puppy dog type of eyes that stick on you like glue.

He loves the way you look, he’s attracted to you, and he can’t take his eyes off your face.

And you know that the way he looks at you isn’t the same as everyone else.

If you believe that this is true, then the signs point to the fact that he has a crush on you.

If you’re not totally sure, here’s how you can tell:

  • If he maintains eye contact with you, he’s definitely interested.
  • If his eyes wander to your mouth, he’s interested.
  • If he looks away quickly when you catch him looking, he’s probably interested and shy. This is especially important to remember. If his head turns ridiculously quickly, he is likely shy. Have patience and you’ll get more opportunities for eye contact!
  • On the other hand, if he breaks eye contact with you and continues gazing around the room, then he may not be interested in you.
  • If you don’t like the guy, break eye contact and continue scanning the room.
  • If he tells a joke or says something funny, his eyes will glance towards you to see if you’ve laughed.

4. He wants to connect with you on social media

Let’s be honest:

It’s pretty rare to connect with your co-workers on social media.

It only really happens when you’ve worked a long time with someone.

So if he is making the move to get your contact details on social media, then there’s a fair chance he likes you.

Why?

Because he is trying to move your relationship outside of work. More importantly, he is trying to build rapport in a different setting.

A man knows that nothing can happen inside the workplace. The magic happens outside of work!

If it’s normal for your work colleagues to connect on social media, then perhaps it may not be as big a thing.

But if you catch him liking and commenting on all your photos, then you know that he is snooping around because he likes you.

However, watch out for him if he just sends you one-word responses on social media. This means they’re not making much of an effort in their messages to you and probably don’t like you the way that you like them.

If their responses are thoughtful and they’re responding back quickly, it means they’re willing to dedicate a lot of time to you. Time is a great indicator that they like you.

5. When you have an issue at work, he wants to be your hero

When you have a problem, is he the first person jump at the chance to help?

When a guy likes a girl, they tend to get very protective and they want to be their hero that saves the day.

Not only that, but if he jumps at the chance of helping you, he is probably doing so so he can spend more time with you.

After all, spending time alone with you is a way to build rapport.

6. He never looks scruffy at work

If a male coworker likes you, then they’ll want to impress you with every chance they get.

You know what this means, right?

He won’t rock up to work looking scruffy!

This is especially the case if you notice he started dressing better since he started getting to know you.

That’s what guys do. They don’t typically care how they look when they’ve got no females to impress, but as soon as they’re crushing on someone, BAM! They’ve got a haircut and they’re wearing a whole new wardrobe.

Expert tip:

Keep an nose out for how he smells. If he is wearing nice smelling cologne, you can bet your bottom dollar he’s into you.

7. His body language is picking up what you’re putting down.

Body language is probably the most important indicator to figure out if someone likes you.

Why?

Because most of us don’t typically notice what our body is doing. It’s completely reliant on our subconscious.

One of the biggest body language signs to look out for is if his body is facing towards you.

This means that his attention is really on you, and he cares about what you’re thinking.

On the other hand, if his body never really facing yours, then it might be a sign that he doesn’t really have feelings for you.

Does he smile at you and gesture at you? It could be the real thing.

If you are standing near a guy and he is interested, he’ll lean into you, want to be near you, and make eye contact on the regular to try to let you know he is interested.

He could also just come right out and say it, but that is highly unlikely. So stick with deciphering body language and some of these other tricks to tell if a guy likes you for sure.

Another body language sign to look for is how nervous he is around you. We all know that we tend to get nervous around our object of affection.

If you notice that he is fidgety, or he is talking fast, then it might be the case that he is nervous because he wants to impress you.

You can work this out by seeing how he acts around other co-workers. If he is usually relaxed and calm with others, but is a bit hyper, fidgety, and talking fast around you, then it’s probably because he likes you,.

Also, look out for what he is doing with his lips. He may lick his lips or part his lips when he is looking at you.

He won’t notice he is doing this, but subconsciously it shows that he is trying to sexually excite you.

8. He can’t help but compliment you

This isn’t exactly subtle, but if he compliments then you know that he likes you.

I’m not talking about the generic, boring compliments like “You look great”.

I’m talking about the more thoughtful compliments. If he says he loves your walking style, or he loves your cute awkward smile, then you know he is paying attention to the finer details of who you are.

He is noticing what makes you different, and more importantly, that is what is probably turning you on.

At least you know it’s genuine. Now you can just need to figure out if you like him, too.

Also, if you can, see how he talks about you to others. If he is highly complimentary of you when he talks about you to others, then that’s another sign that he is picking up what you’re putting down.

9. You have inside jokes together

Are you two the best of friends in the office? Are you always laughing together about something that no other co-workers would understand?

This is obviously a clear sign that you have a Jim and Pam situation going on.

You’ve both got chemistry together and he’s always trying to make you laugh.

Not only does it make office life more fun, but he actually seeks you out to tell you a joke.

Look, it’s no secret that when a guy likes a girl, he tries to make her laugh.

So if he is telling you jokes, making you laugh and you’re both enjoying shooting the shit together, then he probably likes you.

10. He flirts, flirts and flirts some more

Office life is boring, and to make it a little fun, flirting can go a long way.

While there is a lot of harmless flirting between co-workers, if he likes you he is probably taking it a yard further.

This is especially the case if he doesn’t worry about flirting with other female co-workers, and instead, focuses his efforts on flirting with you.

You’re probably wondering:

What constitutes flirting?

It could be playful jokes, or playful roleplays that he plays with you and no one else.

He might tease you to get an emotional reaction out of you.

Or it could be something as simple a smile directed at you from across the room.

If you know that every day you go to work, he is going to try flirting with you, then you can be sure that he genuinely likes you.

11. Your co-workers tell you that he likes you

Co-workers aren’t as dim as they sim.

Everyone observes what goes on in the office, and most people can pick up when there’s sexual tension between co-workers.

So if your co-workers are mentioning to you the fact that he likes you, then you can bet that they’re onto something.

Maybe they’ve even heard him talk about you. Who knows!

They may also notice that you spend time together or comment on how you would be a good couple.

Source: Hackspirit

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From Immigrant To Millionaire: The inspiring Story Of Disney Martinez

If you have not taken a browse through Disney Martinez’s instagram FitCouple, do yourself a favour and check it out, but be warned. You will immediately be overwhelmed with the desire to know how you can achieve the incredible success, lavish lifestyle, and fulfilling family that Disney has cultivated for herself.

Disney Martinez, or as she is now known, Disney de la Concepcion, is actually a name you may have heard before. If you are a big fitness buff, you may already be one of her one million followers on Instagram who flock to her feed for inspiration and motivation. If you keep tabs on successful entrepreneurs, you may have read about her tremendous success with the company Herbalife. If you are a proponent of women’s empowerment, she may even be one of your role models. In any case, the life she has made for herself is enviable in many ways, and none of it was handed to her on a silver platter.

Born in Havana, Cuba and arriving in the United States at age 15, Disney is your classic American Dream story hero. She moved here looking to achieve greatness, and found one of her greatest assets at 16, her husband Jorge. The couple has two children: Lucas who turns 7 this year, and Jade, who turns 5. They recently purchased a gorgeous home in Miami. Of all her many achievements, Disney cites her family as the one that brings her the most pride and joy.

In the professional spectrum, Disney has made a name for herself through the building her company. As of June 11th, 2018, Disney and Jorge went into business with each other, and were noted to be globally successful in their industry. The success really shows. If you follow her on Instagram, you see it every day.

Due in part to her skills in marketing as well as word of mouth of her successful, physically fit, lavish lifestyle, Disney has amassed over one million followers on Instagram. She frequently updates her adoring fan base with workout clips, cute couple pics, and the numerous travels and activities that she and her children enjoy. She also uses this popularity as a platform for women’s empowerment, a subject that is very near and dear to her heart. You can tell from the many appreciative comments on her posts that her goal of inspiring women to be the best they can be and love themselves for their strengths is being effectively achieved.

A successful businesswoman who is incredibly fit, lives life loud and large, and has a loving, happy family is a rare sight. Disney is the American Dream personified, and her numerous successes only continue to grow as she sets her sights for the future.

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