“A common saying states that; “You attract who you are” and a lot of ladies wonder, how come they’re attracting players into their lives when they don’t do the same.
I understand that you may have these questions and thoughts in your mind like:
- I am a good girl but I keep attracting men that want to rape me. Does it mean I’m a rapist too?
- I try to spend all of my income on my girlfriends yet they always end up using me. Am I guilty of the same offense?
- Why is it only married men that come after me? What have I done to deserve that?
My answer:
You don’t have to be a player or rapist to attract one but you can be projecting a part of you that attracts such men.
Let’s look into life of Monique for an example.
Monique was raped at the age of 8 and she developed a quick hatred for men following that incident. At the age of 10, when she went visiting her uncle. His friend molested her yet she could not tell anyone. Her parents were the busy and absent type and even when they came around, they were usually fighting or shutting her down which made her develop low self-esteem.
She grew wishing she didn’t come to that family and she also hated God for making the rape happen. When she got into the university, she became difficult for men to talk to yet she was very pretty. Some cult guys in the school that tried chasing her decided to set her up for a rape again at age 20. At this point, she was done for. She became bitter. She went ahead to join a girls cult and became a lesbian too. Her aim was to gun down men that try to get at her or punish her rapist in the best way possible.
After she graduated, she had to go for her NYSC, get a job and start her life all over. Monique had also lost some of her gangs in the final year while she was in school. All through school, she never dated any man. She joined a church later on after much persuasion from her neighbor and she got better by the day.
The only problem she had was that, she still had her secrets. She had not worked on herself or sorted things out. Most of the men that came around her were either touchy or requesting for sex at the first date. What could be wrong?
She was trying to run from the kinds of men that raped her but it wasn’t working that way.
Monique has to undergo an emotional therapy that can help her understand what happened in her past, change the meanings attached to her experience, spot out the positive reasons behind her past, forgive herself for the hurts, forgive the rapist which is very difficult but possible, forgive her parents for their kind of parenting, seek completeness in God, release the total experience and start a new journey.
Now, it sounds easy to write but it is a long journey to activate. Why is this necessary?
For every experience you have had, there is always a belief system you create around them which forms your perception. All of these reality becomes your model of the world.
Monique must have created beliefs like; “All men are bad”, “All men are rapist”, “Parents are always too busy”, “Any man coming around wants sex” etc. As little as these beliefs sounds, they determine your decisions and destiny.
The law of projection works with the beliefs in your subconscious mind which is the main reason why you need to undergo a process of recovery, transformation and repositioning. If you don’t, you will keep attracting the unhealthy beliefs you have.
As tough as she thought she was, she was insecure, had low self-esteem and didn’t see any worth in herself. As much as she projected that image behind her expensive dress, insecure men came around and tried to touch her too. It works in a mysterious way.
If you are a plus size, you may keep thinking that you cannot meet a man that can appreciate your size, you may be forced to start begging a man to stick with you.
“If your mind believes that it is impossible to attract a man that is not a rapist, that will be the reality.”
This is why when I engage my coaching clients, I start with the vision they want in a relationship or marriage and then tackle what the problem is. It usually stems from the mindset. There’s usually a fault in the belief system or an emotional trauma.
When I was younger, my uncles lived with us and almost every day, I kept hearing about their sexcapades with girls and I developed a thick skin against players, the truth is, for so long, I kept attracting men that wanted to sleep with me. It was a struggle actually.
Anything you try to run from can end up being your reality.
So what should you do? Seek for professional help that can help you identify and eliminate the wrong beliefs and experiences. You deserve the best relationship ever.
About Nike
Nike Adedokun Folagbade helps singles build healthy relationships via break up, dating and relationships coaching.
Her goal is to help many singles recover from heartbreaks, attract and keep the right partner and build healthy relationships.
She has been featured in numerous magazines, newspaper, television and radio programs like Channels, The Punch, Business Day News, CoreTv, The guardian, City fm, Happenings Radio amongst others.
Her Facebook group, The Right Partner Community is targeted at helping one single at a time achieve their relationship milestone. She blogs at www.nikefolagbade.com and can be reached via adenikeadedokun@gmail.com or hello@nikefolagbade.com
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