At exactly 10:42pm on 8th of March 2017, I wrote “Heaven I need a Hug” on my wall , perhaps I needed a hug considering the fact that I have several back logs and I was stressed at the time, but beyond that I wanted to see how people will respond , I wasn’t disappointed with the number of e-hugs I received within thirty minutes BUT two friends had to slide to my inbox and asked me to put down the post, one said it showed too much emotions and the other said “you are too strong to be perceived like a weak woman Esther , bring it down its not good for your brand”. Wetin concern personal brand with emotions ogini?
This is exactly the reason why people suffer and die in silence , imagine if all the people who committed suicide recently put up a post similar to mine just to let people know they need help and get such response from their friends?
Please let’s allow people express themselves on social media the way and manner they like, as a matter of fact I want to encourage anyone who is down, depressed or about to give it all up , put up a post and let’s know what you are going through , sometimes the closet people to us are our biggest problem and you cant tell your problem to a problem, it’s fine to seek help on Facebook or any other social media platform or other direct means.
Feel free to write messages such as :
“I am Depressed”
“I need help”
“I need to talk to someone ”
“Please help”
“I need a therapist”
“I need a counsellor ”
Etc etc etc
Just express yourself however you feel and I am sure someone out there will reach out to you. I am positive we have good people who truly care in Nigeria, all you need to reach them is to SPEAK UP!
I have been down that road before, and it’s not just being depressed because life happened or stress, I was in my world, the over analysing and over thinking stage where you feel living isn’t worth it anymore, and I don’t pray to ever go there again, I was in self denial of my state of mind till a true friend who didn’t judge me asked that I seek help from a therapist . I am a survivor, no shame at all, and a proud Mental health advocate for She Writes Woman
I have a listening ear , I will give you a hug, give you my time and attention, walk you through the process but sadly I can’t offer you the professional help you need like the above mentioned persons. Please don’t die in silence , reach out, SPEAK UP and don’t let depression and suicide win.
Kindly add names of other therapist in the comment section ???.
A lot of girls are growing up accepting the
fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling
for just that.
I am sure we all saw the disturbing videos, read the stories of the women who were arrested and assaulted for going to night clubs. These women were arrested, and then harassed both physically and sexually, and guess what? There were people who found a way to justify these hideous acts.
Some people said, “Well, thank God they were sex workers and not normal women.” Others said, “As a woman, why are you out of your house by this time?” I saw a comment that struck me, and it came from a fellow woman; she said, “I wish they had done this earlier, and I hope they continue.” To the people, especially women, who left these heartless comments, let me break it down for you. I hope, for all our sakes, you really learn something.
First of all, these women were not arrested for being sex workers; they were arrested for being women who were out at night, and God forbid this ever befalls you or any woman you know.
Another thing: they are not ‘just sex workers,’ they are human. They are women before any other thing, and I hope everyone remembers this.
Women were raped and abused, and the first thing that comes to your mind is “What was she wearing?” “Why was she out by that time of the night?” “As a woman she should not be in the club at night.” I hope you learn that no Nigerian woman is safe, and I hope one day you join to make a positive change.
There were protests on May 4, 2019, and to those who went out to voice their pains, anger and support for a better society, we say thank you. We will keep pushing in our own little ways to achieve positive change.
Now, some people might think the police raid wasn’t close to them, so they weren’t bothered. Well, let me bring it home. A few days ago, a friend asked our group chat if it was okay for a woman to downplay her success because of a man. This was apparently because successful women scare suitors away, and I was glad when everyone said it was not okay to lower your standards for anyone. Why should a woman’s success be downplayed to fuel a man’s ego? You are a woman, and you deserve the same level of success and the right to celebrate your success, just as much as any man.
I can’t speak for other societies, but I can definitely speak for the Nigerian society when I say a lot of people (both genders) see women as lesser humans to their male counterparts. When men voice their displeasure, we often tag them heartbroken and hurt, but when a woman does the same she is seen as bitter and ungrateful. Many people say things like “no man will marry her,” “she is disgracing her family/children,” “she is just bitter, she should move on.” When a man does the same exact thing guess what people say. “Wow, thank God he dodged a bullet,” “I hope time heals his heart,” “I hope he finds someone better.” We have taught females, consciously and unconsciously, that silence is the way for them to be accepted.
The last time, I spoke about speaking up and not suppressing your emotions, and I am here to echo it once again: if you are woman hurt and emotional, speak your truth. Do not let the society make you suppress your feelings. You deserve to express your hurt and heartbreak the way you wish. Sadly, a lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.
I hope the younger generation works hard toward ensuring that gender inequality becomes history, and females in the future don’t have to downplay their success and emotions in order to be accepted. From so called moral standards, to success and achievements, up to self-esteem, women are constantly given the shorter end of the stick, and I hope this changes during our time.
Favour Osiri Wisdom is an encourager,
a certified marriage and relationship mentor with The Institute of Marriage and
Family Affairs USA. A certified negotiation and conflict analysis expert with
(USIP). United States Institute for Peace. She is the coordinator of the
foremost marriage academy in the south south region of Nigeria;The Wisdom
Driven Marriage Academy in the city of Port Harcourt which equips both married
and intending marriage couples to acquire skills to build the marriage of their
dreams.
Favour is passionate about women
and girls. Having suffered so much under intense poverty growing up as the
first child amongst seven children. She founded the Model Woman Foundation in
2016 where she mentors weekly organizing online seminars. She and her Pastor husband
are presenters of a weekly relationship show called “For better for
us” on Facebook . She recently authored two books tilted How Not to Marry
an I.D.I.O.T and Before You Marry.
Favour believes her background cannot keep her back on the ground and she is determined to help restore more homes. She shares her story in this inspiring and educative interview.
Childhood
My childhood is full of
interesting events that have shaped me into the woman I am today. I didn’t have
luxury growing up so being the first child amongst 7 children; my mind was
constantly processing on what next to do to make money. I learnt how to braid hair at age 10 and
every Christmas season I made money from braiding hair I wanted to go to school at all cost because
at that time I was going to be the first graduate in my compound ( both in my
maternal and paternal home) .The poverty around me was just too much, I sold
oranges during its season, I was involved in the “bole” business (roasted fish
and plantain) which I inherited from my mother. I ran a bukka joint in a
mechanic garage at age 19. In 1998 I went to NYSC orientation camp in the city
where I lived at that time to do food business. When I saw the corp members
come to buy food from my stand, I remember weeping one day because I wanted to
be like them. I thank God I later saved up money from my mechanic garage food
business to buy forms into the Polytechnic and went on to become the first
graduate in my family (maternal and paternal) with many other degrees. All of these experiences are instrumental to
what I do now which is to encourage and stir women around me to rise up
Inspiration behind The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy and The Model woman foundation
We relocated to Portharcourt in
2013 to start a church ministry and much later started a weekly show on radio
called “Family Matters” Nigeria Info PH 92.3 every Monday 2pm to 3pm
The vision for the radio show was
to help marriages and those intending to marry with the wisdom that has helped
us because at a point in our marriage, we went through turbulent times. We
thought the devil had relocated to our home but as we researched more we found
out it wasn’t the devil; it was deep ignorance of the skills to do marriage
that we lacked. So as we shared these tips on radio, the counseling issues in
our office weekly increased. We went into more research, got professional
training then we decided to set up the marriage academy to proactively address
marital issues. This is because there are issues that 30 mins counseling cannot
handle, it will require an entire program to unlearn, learn, re-learn. The
wisdom driven marriage academy kicked off in 2016 and has brought illumination
to a lot of singles and married couples. The testimonies are amazing.
The Modelwoman foundation is my
gift to womanhood. It was founded in 2016. I am an encourager so I never fail
to shamelessly use myself as an example of a woman who dare to excel against
all odds I could speak to someone for hours with the intent to make sure they
move to another level. I was doing this with women around me and I saw them
began to soar and felt I could reach more women globally using technology so in
2016, we started on whatsapp with few women and today we are grateful. We now
hold an online conference tagged “The Complete woman Conference and a live
conference tagged “Ignite”
My
books;how
Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T & Before You Marry
How not to marry an I.D.I.O.T
came as a result of my personal experience of manifesting these traits in the
past and my interaction with intending couples and married couples alike. I
have seen people marry with all the red flags telling them not to and the
marriage breaks after few months. Some people also think marriage does not
require skills but it does seriously. In fact it is the most skilled intensive
venture I know because you are dealing with the emotions and destiny of people.
I.D.I.O.T is an acronym for traits which are red flags telling you not to
continue with the relationship. People with Idiotic attitude are not ready to
learn, they want to do marriage the way they like. A lot of marriages are going
through pain because of these Idiotic attitudes. The beautiful thing about the
book is that it proffers solution on how to overcome these traits as a single
or married person and gives you a step by step approach to end a forever
idiotic relationship.
Before You Marry is a compilation
of 50 things (There might be more) to consider before you marry. The book is to
help intending couples with some of the relevant questions and discussions they
need to have before they walk the aisle we live in the age where people see
marriage as the next thing to check on their list without asking relevant
questions. Questions reveal a lot of things. An example is having a discussion
on the possibility of adoption where there is delay in child bearing. These
questions and discussions brings clarity in the marriage.
Impact
of Model Woman
The modelwoman foundation has been a blessing
to a lot of women. Most of these women I have never met because 90% of our
engagement is online. The vision of the foundation is to build excellent legacies
so we deployed the strategy of pray and learn. Weekly we pray and organize
seminar sessions addressing different issues. We have testimonies of over 60
women who have started new businesses in the group, women who had no idea on
what business to start when they joined us, we have marriages restored through
the seminars in the group, we have women discovering their purpose and pursuing
them. We have women who have been spiritually revived, the sessions on
parenting was life transforming for the women. we have single mums, divorcees
in our midst whose self esteem has been restored and are doing so well. We have
ladies who were so deep into being side chic to married men end the
relationships and turned a new leaf, we have married women involved in illicit
relationships end the relationships and became purpose driven. We also have
weekly diverse testimonies of changed lives in the the foundation. We have a
project called ‘Value driven Life Project for secondary schools. The project is
to impact the students with soft skills to make informed decisions about their
lives and to make them aware they are valuable.
Recently we had an amazing outing on Valentine’s Day titled SEX IS NOT
LOVE. We had students who planned to break their virginity as a mark of love come
to us willingly seeking for help which we have followed up..
The wsidom driven marriage has
impacted a lot of singles and married couples. The “Save Your marriage program”
which is an intensive 8weeks program for deeply troubled marriages have revived
and saved marriages on the verge of divorce.
We have seen singles quit relationships because they suddenlyfound out
that even though the relationship looks good to them, it may not be good to
them.
Challenges
I work with women mostly, the challenge has been the limiting mindset where some of them believe they cant get to certain heights because of their gender. Another challenge is some people think getting married is the next thing to be checked on their list without adequately preparing for marriage. They prepare for wedding and not marriage. Just like flying a plaane requires skills, marriage, even relationship in the work place requires skills else the marriaage will crash like a plane manned by an ignorant person. Some couples are excited and working hard ontheir marriage, it is not that they have not had issues, they were only equipped with tools to handle even challenging seasons in their marriage.
Other project and activities
Because I have a passion for women, I also want them to pass the same passion to their daughters so we have the Mum and Daughter Ball (MDB) which is aimed at creating that intentional bonding relationship. The maiden edition will hold this year. I also have a project for single mums and single dads which will come up before the end of this year. The big one is the Wisdom driven marriage retreat and resorts. A place for couples to unwind and bond.
Reward
The testimonies of changed lives. One incident is a single lady who has been in a relationship with a married man for many years and depended on him for financial assistance. She told me she had always wanted to end the relationship but couldn’t because of the financial assistance she was getting. Through the sessions on the modelwoman platform, she was able to break free and has an amazing life today working and making a living. So my greatest rewards are women who have found themselves and are unapologetically living their best lives.
On
the cause of broken marriages lately
Ignorance is a big issue. I am a firm believer that whatever you are not skilled in, you will kill and if you keep doing it for a long time, it can kill you.. People go to different schools to acquire knowledge in different fields and that’s why they do well. Some even specialize. For example I cannot fly a plane no matter how passionate I am because I do not have the skills. Also marriage requires skills. Communication skills, negotiations skills, parenting skills, financial skills and many other skills to build a solid marriage.. These skills are supposed to be acquired pre and post wedding. Most pre-marital counseling curriculum are not updated to even handle today’s peculiar challenges. When these skills are lacking, marital frustrations begins to set it. Another reason for broken marriages is that the impatience level today is very short especially with technology where everything is fast. Many people want it fast and are not ready to be patient.. Another example is when you do not recognize that the spouse you married 20 years ago has changed and you also need to change.( change here means growth)
To
women who are about to get married
Ans: Discover yourself before you
say yes to a marriage proposal. Your purpose in life will guide your choice. Be
economically empowered. Go into marriage
as an asset not a liability. Be equipped with the skills and ensure your would
be husband does same. Do not give in to pressure to marry anyone just because
everyone around you is getting married. You will stand alone when the heat
comes as those who pressured you will be no where to be found. Give the relationship time. Ask questions.
Because I am a Christian and believe that God ordained marriage, I will
encourage that women talk to God about their proposed spouse or marriage. Also
don’t be carried away by emotions, ensure both of you are agreeable.
My Inspiration
My husband is my number one inspiration and cheer leader. The way he handles pressures and responds when there is a challenge is inspiring. My 3 wise children constantly push me to study because of the enormous potential they carry. Every day I want to become a better parent who will continually unleash their potential for them to impact their world.
Being a woman of Rubies
Wow! I decided long ago I was going to make a positive mark on every woman I meet. So intentionally mentoring them and ensuring they follow the process to make progress is what I think makes me a woman of rubies. When we as women collaborate and not compete we will achieve so much because value is in people not places. God has trapped what we need in relationships. Having the skills to find and nurture these relationships as women will make life so easy. So I must commend Women of Rubies for what they are doing by celebrating women. That’s the spirit!
Final
words of advice for women all over the world
Lookout for other women in your community, office, neighborhood. Collaborate, don’t compete. Aspire to the highest level God has designed for you. Don’t think because you are a woman you are inferior; you are the express image of God. Learn from other women. Celebrate a sister whose time of shinning has come and you will attract same
I once went to cosmopolitan shopping mall in my home town, in Lusaka Zambia, and as I
was window shopping, I stopped to look at jewellery in the American Swiss store, and while
in the store, my attention was caught by a pair of beautiful pearls and a necklace, my eyes
wide open and face glowing, all I thought of was “I need to get these”. I turned to the store
attendant to confirm the price I was looking at, (seemed expensive to me) and with a smile
she looked at me and said,” yes it is K5, 000($ 500).I smiled and said thank you, as I was
about to walk out the store, she said the value of pearls is like that of a woman, rare but well
deserved.
I walked away with a smile, but her words made a statement to my spirit. It brought me to
the realization of a woman’s true worth ,How it is mostly, underestimated, over looked,
taken for granted ,(even by herself),just as I thought the price of those pearls would have
been. Today ,many of us do not only know, but don’t realize the value that comes with being
a woman, Many today don’t realize that the value they carry can change not only their lives,
but our world, and that with our diverse values, color, stature, zeal and caliber, the value of
the pearls around your neck remains the same, as a woman, accept who and what you are
,and work towards preserving and improving that, if we as women value our worth, we will
create a platform for the opposite sex, and the feminist fighting for our voice to be heard. A
platform where a woman will be accepted as strong, intelligent, a decision maker, a worthy
human being to be heard, to be taken seriously, and for all this to come to reality, we need
as women to realize the our worth, we need to realize that we are deserving of rare pearls,
and because we are rare, our uniqueness stretches beyond clothes, weaves and designer shoes.
Ladies the value of pearls will never vary depending on the environment, whether
you are the richest woman on earth or an average woman, the pearls around your neck
have the same value, we should not be defined by society, by the environment around us,
nor the voices that constantly speak less of who we are. Pearls are preserved, they are
guarded jealously, and as women, we need to preserve our character even at the point we
fight for our rights, we need to constantly improve our selves through knowledge, upgrading
our skills, research and making sure we are well acquainted with our environments and see
where a hand is needed, and see where a voice is to be heard. Lastly, the value we have
within is and can be the push needed by another woman, a hand and support given to a
fellow woman will not reduce your worth and value, but rather improve your character and
there will be an increase in the number of confident women.
We all are deserving women.
About Nasilele
Nasilele is a Zambian writer and account assistant with a reputable company in her home country.
No man is an island of his own, there will be times you will need people’s contributions, opinions and help. Working together with people has been useful in different circumstances and has contributed to productivity and time management. Team work is essential in the organization and management of tasks. Team work isn’t confined to the corporate world, you could have teams in schools, religious gatherings and some couples even consider their relationship or family a team. When managed properly, there will be a positive impact on the team goals and its members. Have you ever been friends with someone and one day you get to know people are being selected for different teams and you wish to be in the same team as your friend. After a while you hear you names announced under the same team, if this were you, how would you feel? Teamwork can contribute to having a higher sense of purpose with its members. This article will concentrate on how a relationship/marriage can be seen as a team. Some factors that shouldn’t be ignored when building a team includes;
A common goal-
Without a common goal and interest, it is considered a group. A team is usually formed with the desire to achieve a particular goal and all members of the team will be interested in accomplishing this goal. For instance if you consider your relationship a team and decide to achieve a common goal which is ultimately to build a future together, you both should make it your priority, talk about it and plan to make it achievable.
Compatibility –
Two or more people can’t work together if there is no compatibility. I don’t just mean in personalities, you might not have compatible interest or future plans. Although some won’t mind as long as they ‘love’ each other but how sustainable can love be when faced with issues that could have been avoided? Being realistic about your compatibility is huge step in becoming a team.
Team size
A team consists of people with a shared goal, since this article addresses relationships becoming a team, it should consist of TWO individuals who love each other, have the desire to build a future together not Two individuals and some people by the side. If you wish to include your children, that is totally fine as long as the size is restricted to your family. Being in a relationship and having others by the side destroys trust, respect and the overall purpose of the team. Being committed to your partner is of essence in becoming a team.
Shared task –
Like any other team, a relationship team should have shared task. This can be developed or identified by recognizing each other’s strengths. What are you good at? How will the bills be shared? Who will take the children to school in the morning? Who will pick them up? And so on. It is important to discuss tasks that should be performed, failure to do so might lead to expectations and disappointments.
Conflict management –
As long as two people are involved, there will be disagreements. How do you plan to manage conflict? What’s you apology strategy? What can you do to make things better. Don’t assume that there won’t be conflict as this is considered failing to prepare or assume that there should always be conflict as this is considered preparing to fail. Sometimes conflict can be avoided when there’s understanding in the relationship and when it occurs, the ability to resolve quickly depends on how you are willing to make it work.
A leader –
First of all, I believe everyone should do what they are comfortable with. Some believe men are the leaders or head of a relationship/ home while others believe both people in the relationship are leaders. In my opinion, my husband being the leader doesn’t make me a weaker member of the team. It has been that way right from our dating phase. Let’s face it, What are the qualities of a leader? They should be willing to communicate, guide, direct, listen, give constructive feedback and so on. A leader sometimes may need assistance in taking a decision and he will consult his team member. That goes to show how much he’s interested in your opinion.
In summary, making your relationship/ marriage a team requires commitment, understanding and a common goal.
About Grace
Grace Asemota is a Business Psychologist (M.Sc) and a Certified Life Coach. She has partnered with Organizations and solopreneurs to grow their personal and professional brands and has coached students and staff in different institutions and organisations.
She continuously coaches and trains on the importance of goal setting, happiness,personal development and self- confidence in a wide range of organisations and institutions by motivating staff to develop a collaborative culture and identify key factors that can enhance personal growth.
All over the world, there are diverse ways an ideal woman is looked upon. Some countries or tribes judge this based on the ethnicity, the looks, the moral disposition, social nature of a woman. Some however even judge this idealism based on trivial things such as her body size, her feminine curves, her sensuality, her height, accent or even the way she walks. It’s funny and inconsequential but the world has placed insanely high standards on women that some find it quite hard to come to terms and be happy with whom they are.
To us however, these are the standards by which an ideal woman should be measured :
An Ideal woman is an independent woman, she is a woman who is capable of taking care of her emotions, her duties, herself and people who depend on her. She is someone who does not manipulate people around her to do her wishes but instead takes the bull heads on and achieves the task needed. She is a goal getter, a trend setter and one who does not shy away from duties no matter the sexual barriers that are attached to it. She is one that’s able to put sentiments aside and forge ahead with the right things.
An Ideal woman is a purposeful and creative lady, she is a lady with a purpose. She is a career oriented woman with set goals. She is one who sleeps at night and wakes up with a refreshed and energized spirit to fight for her dreams. She is one who does not conform to the world’s standards for good, but seeks to become better with each passing day.
The Ideal woman is a motivator and helper to people around her. She is one who motivates and encourages people around her. If she is in a relationship, or married, she is one who’s not just there in favorable times but even in the gloomy days. She is one who understands and is ready to help whenever and however she can. She is a loyal woman.
Our ideal woman is one who understands that her worth isn’t just defined by her sex. If she is married she is one who knows that motherhood isn’t her totality but also an added role she plays. She is one who focuses on being the best mother and also the career woman she is. She is one who does not accept the people’s definition of a good woman but goes ahead to create her own version of it.
Our Ideal woman is the confident lady. She is one who is extremely comfortable in her own skin. She is one who is not intimidated by what the world throws at her but takes it and makes the best out of it. She is one who is not deterred by her failures but rather sees it as a chance to becoming better. She is one who revels in her capabilities and pulls up those all around her . She is the hard working woman.
Photocredit: Google
About Jane
21 year old Udoka Jane O is a trained Engineer, She is a professional freelance writer on Relationship and healthy lifestyles. Jane has written a number of mind engaging articles….
I actually did not know that foods that have gone through fermentation are powerhouses of nutrients until my father shared a research done on locust beans (Irú) with me. He said that locust beans was spread on some cancer tissues and the locust beans killed all the cancer cells! Apart from killing cancer cells, locust beans also promotes good eyesight, aids digestion, the water and alcoholic extracts of fermented locust beans are used to reduce blood sugar. Locust bean does more but it’s so unfortunate that most of us hate this wonder food.
Fermented foods are foods that have been through a process of lactofermentation in which natural bacteria feed on the sugar and starch in the food creating lactic acid. This process preserves the food and creates beneficial enzymes, b-vitamins, Omega-3 fatty acids, and various strains of probiotics.
Some foods are not safe for human consumption; it is only through fermentation that the plant toxins in them are removed and it is this process that brings out the best in such foods. A good example of this is soyabeans . It is less harmful when fermented. The Japanese eat Miso, Tempeh, Natto and Tofu which are all made by fermenting soyabeans. Now, guess what? When it comes to living healthy and long lives, the Japanese are good in that department! If you still take soya milk, I advise that you try to be fermenting it before drinking or, better still, use your soyabeans to make soya locust beans .
Fermentation has also been shown to preserve nutrients in foods and break the food down to a more digestible form. This, along with the bevy of probiotics created during the fermentation process, could explain the link between consumption of fermented foods and improved digestion.
Apple cider vinegar is also a good example. It is made from fermented apple. It is loaded with a lot of health benefits. Women who have met me for their menses to be induced naturally would testify to the fact that this wonder drink is part of the treatment.
Yogurt is another fermented food. It is made by adding bacterial cultures to milk, transforming the milk sugar, lactose, into lactic acid. Here is why yogurt is better than milk. As a matter of fact, it is healthier to take yogurt than milk because, like I have discussed before, the cows that produce the milk we drink are given hormonal injections so that they can produce more milk and also become fleshy on time. While we take milk, we ingest all those hormones too! Fermentation reduces all these. However, not all brands of yogurt are healthy; some have preservatives and that is why they have a long shelf life. This is why I advise people to make their yogurt at home. I know a particular brand that has a shelf life of three weeks because it doesn’t have any preservatives. It is made here in Nigeria. I can be consulted to give the name.
Besides the fact that they taste great , there are several great reasons to start making and eating fermented foods:
1. Eating fermented foods will introduce beneficial bacteria into your digestive system and help the balance of bacteria in the system. Probiotics have also been shown to help slow or reverse some diseases, improve bowel health, aid digestion, and improve immunity!
2. Having the proper balance of gut bacteria and enough digestive enzymes helps you absorb more of the nutrients in the foods you eat. Pair this with your healthy food diet, and you will absorb many more nutrients from the foods you eat. You won’t need as many supplements and vitamins, and you’ll be absorbing more of the live nutrients in your foods.
3. Incorporating healthy foods into your diet can get expensive, but not so with fermented foods. You can make them at home. Adding these things to your diet can also cut down on the number of supplements you need, helping the budget further.
4 Fermentation allows you to store these foods for longer periods of time without losing the nutrients like you would with traditional canning.
5. Fermentation brings out some amazing health benefits in foods.
6. Fermentation removes anti-nutrients from foods .
So, when next locust bean is added to your soup, I want you all to eat with so much relish. In fact, you can eat it raw without adding to soups!
You call it a habit, they call it an addiction. There seems to be a fine line that separates the two. Knowing the difference between habits, compulsions, and addictions can help you in making much-needed changes in your life.
Here are 4 strange addictions that you often mistake for habits:
Checking your Phone
Cell phone addiction is getting worse.
So many people are addicted to technology. It is common to see a family of four sitting at a table in a restaurant and all four of them looking at their own technological device. Technology is slowly taking away the “social” out of “social events”. Facebook has taken technology addiction to a whole new level. Technology addictions have become so prominent that researchers have created a Facebook addiction scale.
It is time we, as a society, start learning how to limit our time with technology and especially our time on websites such as Facebook. It is like one big webpage full of gossip, which happens to be another addiction a person can have.
Some researchers call attention seeking addiction narcissism or attention validation addiction. There are different types of attention seekers: the sufferer, the saviour, the rescuer, organizer, manipulator, mind-poisoner, drama queen, busy bee, false confessor, abused, online victim, victim,
All of these kinds of attention seekers are a real drag to be around. But it is like they can’t help themselves. They can’t stop making themselves the center of attention no matter how many times they been talked to or coached.
On some level, their behavior gives them a sense of pleasure and they have gotten a response from others that made them feel good. I know, it sounds weird; a negative behavior gives them a positive feeling.
But that’s very similar to using drugs or alcohol, right? So they continue to seek attention in negative ways, and they don’t understand why they can’t keep friends for a long period of time.
Watching TV and playing video games
Television and video games seem harmless. In fact, most people see television and gaming systems as relaxing things to do at the end of a long day.
But, there is a downside to watching too much television and playing video games for a long period of time, you can even become addicted to it. This happens because you create a habit that revolves around television and video games and those habits can turn into addictions.
If so, you may want to make a few changes in your daily routine so that you can break addictive patterns.
Gossiping
There are many reasons we gossip. In a selfish way, gossip makes us feel better about ourselves, and at least, for a moment, it tells us we’re not the only ones on this planet with problems. It becomes an escape from our own reality. However, there is a dark side to gossiping.
Gossiping can become addictive for similar reasons we become addicted to other things. Gossip is associated with entertainment and pleasure, according to some research. This is not good since most gossip is negative.
I once asked a group of entrepreneurs ‘’why do you tell stories?’’
I got the following responses.
I tell stories for:
Clarity, sharing of insights and my life lessons
To inspire/encourage
Connect with someone
Brand awareness – more people need to know about my brand
More eyeballs = more prospects = more sales
I’ll be seen in the right light, by the right people at the right time
Why these reasons are great, they may not give you the result you need as an influential storyteller or entrepreneur.
They are good reasons to tell a good story, however, there are 4 important steps you need to take to telling great stories that resonate.
Find the people who have the same worldviews as you do
What do I mean by that?
Worldviews refer to people’s perspectives or beliefs on different life issues.
You need to find the people who share the same perspective or belief about your subject matter.
Find people with a bias to listen to you
Beyond finding people with similar beliefs, find people with a bias to listen to you.
People interested in listening to your message and falling in love with your brand and your stories.
Why do you need to do that?
You need to do that so you can share stories that resonate deeply with them and inspire them to take massive action.
For my brand, I focus on attracting new entrepreneurs who love stories, understand the power of stories and are willing to learn to tell better stories so they can attract more of the right audience to their stories and grow their business.
Be clear about who your audience is and why they would listen to you
You should also ask yourself who exactly is my audience and why would they listen to me?
Understanding who your audience is helps you determine how you will communicate your stories to them, what mediums you will use and how frequently you will engage with them.
Be clear about where you will find them
Another thing you need to know is how to find them.
How do you find these people?
Get clear about the kind of people who need your message and stories
Find out where they congregate online and offline
Find out the issues or topics they are very passionate about
Find out what common problems and experiences they have
Find out what common result they seek
Most importantly get clear about the kind of customers you do and don’t want to attract.
Beyond knowing these 4 steps, ensure you implement them so you can start seeing results in your business.
Remember, good things happen to those who take massive action.
About Esohe
Esohe Igbinoba is the Founder, The Global Brand Network. GBN is a brand management organization with a focus on teaching entrepreneurs the art of influential storytelling for attracting visibility and building an engaged audience so they can build profitable businesses. She helps them to achieve this through her unique system: The Influential Storytelling Formula. She has helped over 150 people in 10 countries. She helps them through her online school, GBN Business School where she offers one on one coaching programs, online courses and training programs.
You can connect with her on Social media @queenesohe
On Saturday November 25th , 2018 The Eloy awards held the 10th edition of it’s prestigious award ceremony and Esther Ijewere, founder of Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children and Editor-In-Chief of Multiple award winning blog Women of Rubies won the Social Entrepreneur award, for her selflessness and contribution towards the empowerment of women both at the grassroots and social level.
While she was unable to attend the epoch making event, Esther was well represented by her Mentee Lordwilliams Gusi Tobby of Girlhub Africa, who gave an outstanding speech on behalf of her Mentor and also congratulated other Nominees.
Reacting to the award, Esther took to her social media page to show her appreciation;
“Thank you Jesus for yet another award! Who am I? Nothing but pencil before you Heavenly father … absolutely Nothing!
Just a young girl whose life is a movement she barely can understand.
I dedicate this Award to my Mom! Mummy I never reach where I dey go o but this is for you! For bringing me to the world against all odds and always standing by me through thick and thin… I owe you so much Mama!!!
To everyone that voted for me, May God honour you all, I appreciate you for your love and constant support! We won!!!
Our beautiful Queens at Women of Rubies You guys rock! Thanks for making it all worth it
Thanks to my wonderful team, this is our Win guys! Yes! We did it.
Thanks for picking yet another award for me my ever supportive mentee and aburo Lordwilliams Tobby. I appreciate you!
To Tewa Onasanya and the @eloyawards team, I Stan you. May God bless the work of your hands. Thanks for counting me worthy
Thank you Jesus, for this, that and everything! I remain Loyal
This is Esther’s second award this year, it will be recalled that the social entrepreneur won the “Humanitarian of the year award” at the D&K Soumi awards back in August.
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