Pre-marital sex

The Lagos State Government has concluded plans to start a compulsory premarital counseling exercises for intending couples in its latest bid to prevent and eradicate domestic violence in marriage,

The plan was announced by the government during a one-day engagement program for the state’s marriage registrars, organized by the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence agency (DSVA) in conjunction with the Ministry of Local Government and Chieftaincy Affairs.

Kikelomo Sanyaolu, the permanent secretary for the ministry announced this as a measure to prevent domestic violence across the state. Mrs. Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi, the executive secretary of the DSVA expressed her concerns about the gap in professional pre-marital counseling in the country and how it could have prevented most of the domestic violence cases because over 60% of victims saw the signs before getting married and still went ahead no thanks to inadequate counsel.

The event which had notable facilitators like Tinuke Odukoya, the Executive Director, Center for women’s health and information, Mr. Oladele Emmanuel, Founder, Institute of marriage administrators and counselors of Nigeria also had in attendance Mr. Praise Fowowe of the Institute of Family Engineering and development who had worked closely with the state in designing the 8 module pre-marital counseling program.

Mr. Praise Fowowe shared a data driven approach to curbing domestic violence through effective pre-marital counseling sessions. He commended the Lagos State Government for this initiative and entertained questions from the registrars on the challenges they have been facing and how to resolve complex marital issues.

Mrs. Titilola Vivour- Adeniyi announced a 3 – day training for the registrars to introduce them to the curriculum and train them on how to facilitate effective pre-marital counseling.

The registers took time to express their gratitude to the State Government for this laudable initiative which will promote a healthy family life within the state and a peaceful society

Self-discipline is one of the biggest test in every relationship, especially one void of intimacy. The truth is Celibacy goes against the grain of bodily desires.As a [young] adult, your body is wired to crave sexual release and the fact that your mind becomes tuned to celibacy does not mean your body will be.

There will be times when it will be nearly impossible to keep the sexual urges under control.

So when you find yourself in situations like this, what doe you do? Here are seven useful tips that could help you out.

1. Don’t dwell on it

It’s impossible to not have flashes of sexual desire every now and then but because you do not want to have sex, you need ways to drown out the thoughts. It’s easier to abstain from what you are not thinking about. So try to not dwell too much on it.

It probably won’t be easy. But it’s what you signed up for.

2. Get busy

Invest yourself into something that requires your time, dedication, energy and all. The busier you are, the easier it will be to get lost in activities and forget about yourself and the urges, even if momentarily.

There’s a reason why they say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, remember? You have to always use your sense.

3. Guard your space

Keep to the barest minimum anything that will lessen your inhibitions and trigger the desire for sexual contact. Movies, clips, photos, people, etc.

Mind you, spending time with your partner will also sometimes trigger this desire. Your discipline will especially be most tested in these periods.

4. Know when to run

Never trust yourself with dangerous situations. Better avoid the situations than try to stop the action midway through it.

You know what they say; na from clap dance dey start.

Women chatting [Credit: Black New Zone]

5. Talk to someone

Yeah, it could be quite awkward to ask one or two married people you know if they waited for sex before marriage.

But then, if you somehow know someone who managed to abstain from sex before tying the knot, talk to him or her. It’d require some kind of close relationship to get to the point of speaking about something as intimate as this but if you’re lucky to have such person, ask them how they did it.

Their solutions could come in handy for you.

6. Discipline

The truth is that none of these things mentioned above will completely, absolutely take away the urges. There can be nothing to take that away as it is a natural phenomenon which, to an extent, even confirms your healthiness.

At some periods it could be quite a real struggle to rein it all in; but then again, putting these urges under control is the very underpinning idea of celibacy and you must have known that before embarking on this kind of relationship. This is why the need for sexual discipline cannot be overemphasized.

Waiting while dating is wholly an exercise in self-discipline and above all other things, this is what you need most. Restraint, discipline, a mental fortitude to keep your eyes on the goal is the most supreme here. Foreplay is very important

7. Will it be worth it in the end?

Never forget to keep asking yourself this question, and reminding yourself of the real reason why you decided to abstain from sex before marriage.

Constantly reminding yourself of this reason will also help keep your urges at bay. It’s like setting a personal target and meeting it.

You’ll be happy with yourself, and feel a sense of pride and satisfaction if you see it through. And again, all struggles you overcome make you stronger, right?

Source: Pulse Ng

Lagos Launches Compulsory Pre-Marital Counselling To Prevent Domestic Violence

6 Ways To Deal With Sexual Urges In A Celibate Relationship