Nigerian writer - Women of Rubies

In self development June 6, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OLACHI OLATUNJI: CHOOSE HONESTY OVER HEROISM

#Part 3

When you look at your kid or your ward or someone younger that you ae somehow responsible for, you want them to look at you are be proud. You always want them to be able to see in you the perfect example. Ask any parent – what drives you? You’d hear stuff like, “I want to give my kids a good example, I want them to look up to me, I want to show them that they can achieve anything they set their minds to” and who wouldn’t want to do or be all these things?

But parents, you need to take some pressure off yourself too. Even Superman needs a little Clark Kent time once in a while – we like to think we can do and be everything for our kids’ but the truth is – we can’t. Guess what? the kids don’t expect us to either.

I remember growing up, my mum was everything rolled into one and some days I just wanted her to rest. I saw what it was doing to her attempting all questions with 5 children every single day. Not easy.

I would understand if she could not be there for me at a time because she just needed to do HER but she never let up and many of you might never let up either. Maybe it’s how we were made – who knows?

Here’s what I want you to take from this –

Every parent wants to be their childs’ hero, they want to be the one their kids look up to but trust me when I tell you it’s better to just be honest with them. Tell the truth, they will understand.

Sometimes as parents we have to make tough decisions – sometimes we need to live away from our families for work or school or whatever. It sucks but telling them the truth helps them understand instead of just cope.

So, you can’t make the school game this week. Say, “Baby, I can’t make your school game on Friday ok – I am really sorry and I promise I’ll try to be at your next one – I’ll get your teacher to record it for me and we’ll watch it together at home, ok?”

That is so much better than promising them you’ll show up when you know – you really won’t be there.

Everyone loves a hero, but no one loves a liar and if you can’t be a hero, at least be honest.

You will disappoint them more by your lies rather than your truths. The truth you tell might hurt for the moment but the pain of lies can last a lifetime.

I was talking with a friend one time who said when he was 5, his parents dropped him off at boarding school and said they’d be right back. The next time he saw them was 3 months later at the end of the school term. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. He cried every day for days until it became clear that neither mum nor dad was turning up and so at age 5, he was forced to become a man.

You might say – his parents probably just didn’t know how to explain it to a 5-year old and I think that too but did not-explaining make it easier on the child or on the parents?

Please stop trying to have it all figured out, stop trying to be so strong for them –Tell your kids the truth. Tell them in a way they can understand – they will and will love you for it too. You will demonstrate to them that honesty does not always feel good, but when the choice is presented – you should choose honesty over heroism, always.

You know one of the things I love most about being a parent – it’s that I get to hold right now in my hands what could be a crucial part of shaping a future generation and even if I cannot change the world myself – the idea that I can raise someone who CAN is hands down THE most amazing and terrifying part of being a parent. For me!

We don’t know everything, but we know some things. Let’s do the best we can with the best we know.

Think about how you’re going to choose honesty with your kids even if what you have to tell them is really difficult.

The End.

About Olachi Olatunji

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

In self development May 30, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

QUEENETTE ENILAMA ADVOCATES FOR THE BOY CHILD IN NEW BOOK

‘

Stop Crying! You’re a boy.

Boys don’t cry!”

So, you think boys don’t need attention? Think again

The Affirmed Boy, is a book by Nigerian writer Queenette Enilama, that could change the way we raise our boys. At a time when the negative effects of social media and peer pressure, are wreaking havoc on the developmental process of the boy child, The Affirmed Boy is a book that gives boys an affirmation that they are enough and do not need to succumb to all the pressure to belong.

They can be positive influencers and immune to negative influence. Each page contains a unique lesson, in the form of an affirmation, that tackles a specific challenge in the life of a growing boy. Following the declaration of the affirmation, there is a supporting biblical scripture and a short but boy-tailored prayer, he would love to say. The affirmation page is followed by a Notes page where the reader can write thoughts and feelings about the lesson learned that day. Each page is colorful, with images to enhance its aesthetic value and make for a pleasurable read. At the end of the book, the affirmed boy would have begun to discover himself and develop self-awareness, self-worth and self-confidence, as well as, a well-rounded and emotionally sound.

The Affirmed Boy is a daily companion developmental book for boys between the ages of 6 and 14 years.

The Affirmed Boy is published by TAF PUBLISHING VENTURES Published: 18/05/2019 Available online at https://paystack.com/pay/affirmationforboys or you can pay into Zenith Bank account 2008632045, then send request, with proof of payment to WhatsApp at the number listed below. Queenette Enilama is a writer, certified Emotional Intelligence Coach and Co-Founder of the “NoBoyLeftBehind” Initiative, with a contagious passion for the boy child. She has written several stories, reviewed on a number of online platforms and is set to launch a series of E-books in the coming months. Her No Boys Left Behind initiative, trains, and grooms young boys and teenagers into excellent young men, with a different and responsible perspective on society. For more information about The Affirmed Boy, or to schedule an interview, with Queenette, please contact her on 09096780595 or email her at qenilama@gmail.com

In self development May 2, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OLACHI OLATUNJI: BE VERY AWARE THAT BIG BROTHER IS ALWAYS WATCHING

This is part 2 of a 3-part series so if you haven’t read part 1, you really should so you can get the flow of the series. But we all know you are just going to go ahead and keep reading this anyway…*side-eye* Don’t worry – we know “ourselves”.

Parenting isn’t easy, we are still trying to figure out how to be adults and suddenly we are supposed to raising entire individuals – no pressure huhn?

Dealing with all of this can be a lot and it is my personal experience that a lot of younger parents and even older parents are frustrated half the time. We need to find smarter ways to deal with all the pressure that accompanies life and not pass on that pressure to our kids.

You really should read part 1 of this Here, don’t say I didn’t try.

When it comes to raising kids, everyone seems to think they know how you can do it and they are very quick to tell you, whether you ask for their opinion or not.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

Yeah, I know the feeling – the first thing I said you could do in #part1 was ‘Hold your center’. The second thing you should know is big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

Be very aware that Big Brother is ALWAYS watching

I’ve got 2 kids, one of them is 5 and the other is 2. Recently, I noticed my 5-year-old yelling at my 2-year old “come here, pick up your toys, get down from the table – NOW”, complete with this huge scowl as he peered down at his sister. He was being a big brother and correcting her but what was scary was how he was doing it. He was doing it just like me, word for word, action for action.

He was using the exact same words I used on or at him and in the exact same tone (I was mortified, o dear – when I asked for a mini me – I didn’t mean for him to copy wrong traits too).

Have you ever met a kid you thought was so polite only to meet their parent(s) and go – “oh, I see why” – because they are just as polite. It’s not a coincidence. Its ‘monkey see, monkey do’ especially when kids are so young.

Children rarely do as you say, they do as you do. Heck, even adults mimic behavior. Truth is whether your child is very young or much older, she is still learning by observing your behavior. It is the design of nature for humans to learn first by observing.

Your kids are watching you. They see how you treat others, how you speak, and in the most unlikely of times they will replay your behavior to you much to your amazement. Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, children are the real big brother.

They will copy your eating habits, copy how you treat yourself; they will learn esteem from you. They will learn how to treat others by the way you treat them. This is why YELLING and SHOVING are just soooo unproductive. You teach them not to be violent and at the minutest slip-up, you whip out the back-hand or scream at the top of your voice. Yet you expect these creatures to magically take on a calm, non-violent demeanor. How?

You constantly ask your child to do better, to be better; isn’t it high time you start taking your own advice?

Knowing that big brother always watches shouldn’t make you paranoid or make you feel bad. No. Don’t get overwhelmed. No matter how long you have been a parent you are still learning – its ok. Do the best you can.

Model the behavior you want to see in your kids. Show them how to act and how to behave and when you slip up, show them how you recover.

How you choose to do that is up you, just remember you are showing them how to behave by the way you behave, especially to them.

Now that you are aware, what is that one thing you know you do a hell of a lot of but you really don’t want your kid to copy? You know what to do.

Look out for #part3, last but certainly not the least of the series. It might make you cry.