#EstherIjewere - Women of Rubies

In Career Gems January 22, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Rubies Ink Initiative Feed The Aged For Christmas

Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children and Women of Rubies, put smiles on the faces of 100 seniors and vulnerable in Alimosho LGA and Makoko community with it’s Christmas Food Drive initiative. The project which was funded through the support of the public was a huge success.

The team went into the two communities to give food packages to the elderly in a bid to make them happy and feel loved.

Rubies Ink has been into advocacy, empowerment, and development projects since 2008, and runs multiple projects, empowerment workshops, trainings, campaigns, media advocacy, and women’s outreach programs centered around domestic violence, gender equality and women’s health.

They also organize the annual Walk against Rape campaign , celebrated over 1000 exceptional women through their womenofrubies.com platform, and raise funds online for women and children in urgent need of medical and other support.

Speaking about the Christmas food drive for the aged, the founder of Rubies Ink, Esther Ijewere said;

“Old age is a blessing, we need to continuously make our seniors feel loved and appreciated. The pandemic has taught us to live in the moment and be intentionally kind, that’s one of the reasons we supported our seniors this festive season, In our bid to spread love and light. We appreciate our donors for their unwavering and continuous support over the years.”

The Project Coordinator, Michelle Inegbese said;

“This is what we love to do, supporting those in need, and putting smiles on faces. Our seniors deserve that and much more. We hope to do this more often”.

You can see more of Rubies Ink work on rubiesink.org and womenofrubies.com, and follow their social media handles; Facebook- Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children, Women of Rubies, Walkagainstrape. Instagram; @rubiesink, @womenofrubiesng, @walkagainstrape.Twitter; @rubiesinkng @womenofrubies and @walkagainstrape.

In Editor's Choice December 11, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Esther Ijewere: Repressed Emotions-Finding And Releasing Them (Personal Experience)

Repressed emotions refer to emotions that you unconsciously avoid. These differ from suppressed emotions, which are feelings you purposely avoid because you don’t know exactly how to deal with them.

When you realize that you are repressing your emotions, you have to take drastic measures to stop it for your emotional and physical health.

I have struggled with this for many years, and it got intense when life happened.

I look back at some of the challenges I dealt with silently this year, and wonder how I survived.

I was in between repressing and suppressing my emotions just to stay grounded.

I battled with arm injury for many months, was on strong medications, yet I put on a brave front.

At some point, I couldn’t sleep for months as my pain kept me awake. I’d binge series on Netflix or pace my apartment, just to get my mind off the pain. Sometimes I practice “Mindfulness” through meditation.

I was struggling with balancing my duty as a parent, working, home schooling my daughters, and staying on top of things. I’d speak with folks and act “normal” even while I was breaking apart, drained and numb.

I have lived the past 11 months with repressed and suppressed emotions. Perhaps all of my almost 4 decades on mother earth.

I was encouraging people to stay positive, and telling them to keep faith, and keep pushing, yet I as dealing with my own physical pain that almost made me relapsed into depression, maybe I did and wish not to call it that.

I couldn’t lift the affected arm to say “Halleluyah” . Just giving a visual representation of how bad it was lol.

I was sleeping on one side for months, couldn’t sleep on my back either, as my shoulder blade and back were badly affected.

Esther Ijewere – At the beach In June 2021 for “mindfullness” while battling with arm Injury

While dealing with my physical pain, I had other matters that threw me off balance; from breech of privacy, Gmail account hacked, laptop bugged, trespassing, and attempted theft. Just to mention few…

I almost lost my mind, but for God, my commitment to his word and prayer, plus Therapy.

Through my pain I found a stronger purpose in Christ. I started praying better and objectively without season.

I even turned my prayer to conversations, like God was sitting right in front of me.

I can’t also downplay the role Physio-Therapy played in my healing journey. Grateful to my Physio-Therapist (s). Two amazing humans who focused on my healing, and made sure I didn’t downplay the level of pain I was In. I guess they saw through my “Repressed emotions” approach. *Laughs*.

However, I had to also address my repressed emotions through therapy, on the count of separating spirituality from reality. I committed more time to Therapy.

I became intentional with Therapy, digging deep into my repressed emotions, and sharing some of my painful experiences with my Therapist (s).

What emotions are you repressing or afraid to confront?

How do those emotions affect your life ?

What measures are you taking to address those emotions?

What kind of emotions are you trying to repress? Anger, frustration, sadness, fear or disappointment?

Perhaps you grew up hearing things like:

“You don’t have any reason to be sad.”
“Calm down.”
“You should be grateful.”

Childhood trauma is one of the major causes of repressed emotions, and could lead to chronic illness if not addressed.

It’s not always easy to recognize when you’re dealing with emotional repression, and there’s no definitive test you can take.

If you do have repressed emotions, however, you might notice a few key signs. These signs might show up in your feelings or your behavior — both toward yourself and other people.

People with repressed emotions often have trouble naming and understanding their emotional experience; I do. This can make it tough to describe how you feel to others, but it also makes it difficult for you to recognize when certain aspects of your life aren’t serving your needs.

You might:

regularly feel numb or blank
feel nervous, low, or stressed a lot of the time, even if you aren’t sure why
have a tendency to forget things
experience unease or discomfort when other people tell you about their feelings
feel cheerful and calm most of the time because you never let your thoughts linger on anything significant or upsetting
feel distressed or irritated when someone asks you about your feelings

Emotional repression can affect your ability to:

talk about things that matter to you
build intimate relationships
understand how other people feel
encourage of praise yourself

You might also notice that you:

go along with situations instead of expressing what you really want and need – I’m guilty of this one.
use TV, social media, or other activities to help you numb and avoid feelings you don’t want to explore
spend most of your time with other people to avoid being alone
exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors to deal with situations that upset you

If you have trouble expressing or regulating your emotions, talking to a mental health professional is a good first step. A therapist can help you explore potential causes of repressed emotions and offer guidance and support as you begin to address these reasons.

Therapy also provides a safe space to:

work on naming and understanding your feelings
increase your comfort level around talking about emotions
learn more helpful methods of emotional regulation

What worked for me?

Using “I” statements. Expressing my feelings with phrases like; “I feel confused. I feel nervous. I feel terrified.”
Focus on the positive. I do this through therapy and positive affirmations, using the “I statements”. I often say things like; “I am healed”, “I am whole”, “I am resilient”, “I am a magnet for light and love”, “I am winning at life”, “I am highly favoured by the divine”, “I am at peace”, “I have will-power”, “I am fine”….You can choose what resonates with your situation or midframe.
Let go of judgement. No matter what emotion I am feeling , I am learning to avoid judging myself I shouldn’t feel a certain way. Instead, I try finding a reason for the feeling: “I feel nervous because I just read something that triggered me”. “I am afraid because I don’t feel safe”. etc
Make it a habit. I name and share my emotions with the people I feel closest to, and encourage them to share their feelings, too. That way I create balance.

Above all, I take therapy seriously.

I am still on a journey of healing, and releasing baggages and things that no longer serve me.

I hope you find comfort in my article and confront your repressed emotions before the end of the year.

You can also read my article on Understanding the Impact of Trauma Here

Sending love, light and peace to anyone on this journey of releasing repressed emotions.

You are not alone.

At least since I became a single parent.

In Editor's Choice December 7, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Esther Ijewere: Understanding The Impact Of Trauma (Personal Experience)

I try to stay away from sensitive issues to avoid triggers, sadly I can’t sit this Sylvester Oromoni issue out.

The 12-year-old who was killed at Dowen College by his seniors for allegedly refusing to join a cult group

My motherhood hormones won’t let me turn the other cheek on this case.

His dad’s account of the situation as revealed in the interview with Punch is heart wrenching 💔

They tortured and de-humanized Sylvester Oromoni.

Nobody should be treated that way.

Poor boy, he would have wished someone teleported and saved him from those wicked humans.

I have not been myself since I watched that video, it re-opened old wounds, especially when I was falsely accused of theft in the University & tortured.

I know I have shared that story many times, but it’s a part of my life that killed & awakened another part of me.

The torture & humiliation – I can’t forget.

Torture could make you wish for de.a.th.

The chants of “Oju ole re” as me and my friends took the walk of shame to the shrine we were taken forcefully to prove our innocence….

The look of disgust from onlookers as we walked down to Ijebu Igbo road….

I repressed my emotions for years, and blamed myself instead for following my friends to Bisoye’s apartment in Oru, Awa -Ijebu, that year.

From the moment I confronted my repressed emotions, I became overly ⚠️ cautious when I visit people & my threshold of pain doubled up.

I thought I was some hero for many years because I’d rather keep silent than confront situations, even when I was unhappy. I”d woman up…

I didn’t go for therapy…nothing.

Just went about my life till the wound re-opened after another episode of violence & psychological abuse.

I’m shaking writing this…no worries I’m good.

When I have the courage to confront situations, I become empathetic almost immediately.

I had a safety concern at home the other day, and instead of calling the police immediately, I focused on my luck of getting out of the situation.

I felt pity for the human who could have hurt me.

It shouldn’t be so, but it was a denial and numbing stage I’ve gotten used to.

I went about my day, and woke up at 5.37am, processed what had happened the previous day, and realized I should have called the police immediately.

I should have gotten this human arrested, she could have hurt me badly if she had a sharp object.

Self-blame kicked in again.

Trauma & Torture can mess your whole system up, no matter how many therapy sessions you go for.

Let’s not even talk about the PTSD jab that puts you in fear and flight mode constantly.

You are easily startled and frightened.

The pain lives rent free in your head.

You may experience very strong feelings of anxiety, sadness every now and then.

You are healed, but the reality of being human or hearing other people’s story triggers you.

You don’t want to be grateful at the expense of another person’s pain too. Perhaps that’s what I feel towards Sylvester’s death.

I have experienced other forms of pain in life, even worse than the false theft accusation, but that experience is hard to forget.

Perhaps it’s the residue of the torture, and the reality that those boys could have killed us, and made it look like an accident.

The sight of armful objects they kept as last resort if we didn’t confess.

All for what? N22k gold chain.

They were cult boys too.

I wish I slapped the day light out of Bisoye when she begged after we were vindicated, but I just wanted to go to our hostel, and get away from the humiliation.

They said I should always wish her well, but Karma won’t. That’s on what goes around.

Perhaps I need to document this in a book for closure.

For those asking us to take it easy on the boys who killed Sylvester, I hope you never experience what that little boy suffered.

I pray your kids never find themselves in that kind of situation.

I pray your kids never experience bullying and torture.

I hope they are not hiding their experience from you, because you don’t pay attention to them.

I pray you never lose a child 🙏🏿

I pray you don’t raise bullies who would become menace to the society.

Don’t ever judge a pain you’ve not experienced.

There are many people living with different childhood traumas, experienced at school or their home.

Some of us have mastered masking our pain just to look the part society demands, even when we are standing with our broken parts.

Justice must be served! Not just for Sylvester alone, but to encourage silent victims of bullying in our schools to speak up and break the silence.

I said I was “good” at the beginning of this write up, I’m triggered actually, but I’d check in with my therapist.

Therapy….I’d address on another post.

I just had to get this off my chest 😩.

May Sylvester’s soul rest in peace 🙏🏿 🕊

#Justiceforsylvester #dowencollege

In Inspiration November 2, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Esther Ijewere: 9 Powerful Ways to Be More Confident

Do you sometimes feel you are not good enough, or think your best isn’t enough? This article is for you.

Confidence — it’s a powerful word and an even more powerful feeling. Can you remember a time in your life when you felt confident? A time when you felt unstoppable… on top of the world? Now imagine you could feel that way more often. What impact would that have on your health and well-being, your career, your relationships?

Not only does being confident feel good, it helps you seize potential opportunities, take more chances and make that big change or take the next step in your life and career. Life is crazy, busy and beautiful. Figuring out how to be more confident is just part of the journey.

So how to be more confident?

Lack of confidence can stem from many places.

Perhaps, growing up, your parents said a certain career was outside your reach and you could ‘never do that’. Or maybe you have a belief system that says ‘I could never start my own business, I’m not entrepreneurial’.

Perhaps you had a bad experience which opened the door for self-doubt to creep in. Or maybe your inner self-critic is telling you ‘you can’t’ or ‘you’re not good enough’. Maybe (ok, likely) you’re comparing yourself to someone else – a friend, colleague or spouse.

Or perhaps you feel there is something missing in your life – a relationship, the dream job, kids, a degree or title.

Here are 9 powerful ways to be more confident

1. Uncover What Gives You Confidence

This is personal, so it will vary from person to person. There’s no one size fits all approach to confidence and what works for one, won’t always work for another.

How can you figure out what gives you confidence? Think about a couple times in your life when you felt most confident. Now, think about what was it about those times that made you feel so empowered.

Was it the environment you were in? Something you were doing? A feeling you had? The more you get clear about this for yourself, the easier it will be to tap into when you need it.

2. Be True to You

One of the surest ways to lose confidence is try to be someone else. One of the best ways to build your confidence? Be true to yourself

When you’re trying to be someone you’re not, every part of you resists it. You are not everyone else. You are you. And the more you can understand who you are and what you value the stronger you will be.

When you stray away from who you are, you lose confidence because it’s ‘just not you’.

How?

Think about what makes you, uniquely you. Write it down. Think about what you value and what’s important to you. Write that down, too.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself

Nothing zaps your confidence more than comparing yourself to others. Especially now, with social media and the wonderful opportunity to judge yourself against so many others! Lack of confidence comes from a gap in where you see yourself and where you think you should be.

Imagine you are preparing to give a big presentation or speech. So you do your research, which includes watching some of the best speakers in the world doing their Ted Talks. Of course you are going to feel inferior.

How?

Stop comparing yourself to others. Just stop. If you still feel a compelling need to compare – compare yourself to yourself. Measure how far you’ve come. See how much improvement you’ve made. Acknowledge your wins and successes.

4. Realize You Are Enough

This may sound a little bit corny, but try it. This positive affirmation will resonate at a deep level and have a powerful effect on your subconscious.

How?

Every day for the next 21 days repeat this mantra “I am enough.” Don’t just say it, but feel it, deeply, at the core of who you are.

Want to get more specific? Replace ‘enough’ with whatever word you’d like to ‘be’. What would give you the most confidence?

I am brave. I am strong. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am confident. I got this.

5. Acquire New Skills

Since confidence is often directly linked to abilities, one of the best ways to build your confidence is to get new skills or experience and step out of your comfort zone.

Growing your skills will in turn grow your confidence. And please, as you work on building your skills and expertise, don’t mistake a lack of perfection for a lack of ability. No one is perfect. But if you’ve got a perfectionist bone in your body (like I do), it can make you think that just because you’re not the best, that you’re not good at all.

Make sure to check yourself – am I really not good at this, or am I not good as I want to be just yet?

How?

Ask yourself: Is there a specific area where you are lacking confidence? How can you expand your expertise in this area?

6. Change Your State

Changing your physical and mental ‘state’ is one of the quickest ways to access a feeling of confidence. To do this, you need to know what the state of ‘confidence’ looks, feels and sounds like for you.

How?

Here are a few strategies you can use to access that:

Remember – Think of a specific time, associated with feeling confident. Sink into that feeling deeply and moment by moment relive every detail.
Imagine – Imagine how you would feel if you were confident. How would you act? Feel? Be?
Modelling – Think about someone you know who exudes confidence. Imagine what that person would do.

7. Find Yourself a Cheerleader

Yes, while I understand confidence is a state from within, you can also boost your confidence by the people you choose to spend your time with.

How?

Make a concerted effort to surround yourself with others who provide encouragement, positivity, and inspiration.

Spend more time with people who ‘get you’ and see all of your greatness – and less time with those that zap your confidence or cause you to feel self-doubt.

8. Just Do It

When Nike came up with this slogan in the late 80’s, they knew just how to get the general population off their butts and moving. Turns out, this is a great strategy for being more confident too.

Action builds confidence and each step you take builds it further.

How?

Think of one step you could take right now that would get you moving in the right direction. Then Just Do It and see what happens. An incredible thing about human brain is that once it realizes something is working, it will keep that momentum going!

Final Thoughts

Being more confident starts with one thing — YOU.

YOU making the decision to take action. And when all else fails, YOU can make a choice.

YOU can choose to be confident. YOU can choose confidence over fear and self-doubt.

Your mind believes what you tell it. If you continue to tell yourself the story that you are not confident, you will believe it and your self-doubt will continue. But if you tell yourself you can do it, that you got this, your mind will believe that too.

Remember, fostering a strong sense of confidence is critical to experiencing overall levels of health, happiness and success.

And once you get started you’ll be unstoppable. Be brave. Be confident. You got this.