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“Are you in a relationship presently and you are trying to figure out how to love your partner more?”

“Are you about to go into one and need to know how to love your partner right ?”

This article is for you!

Read on and learn some of the doable ways in which you can learn how to love — become more loving, win your partner back, and enjoy a satisfying relationship. Once you know what genuine love looks like, it will be easy to implement.

Most people mistakenly think that love is a feeling. Here’s the thing, they have it all wrong.

In order to be more loving, you have to understand what love truly is. It’s not just a feeling. It’s a Commitment. It’s an Action. It’s a Decision..

It’s understandable why we’re confused about love. The movie industry has put a spell on us. They have us believe that two people can fall in love.

True, genuine love begins after the spell wears out, after the honeymoon ends and real life begins.

Are you ready to become a more loving partner? You look ready to me. Let’s go!

1. Commit to Your Relationship

Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability. Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.

If you have that commitment, read on.

 

2. Invest Time

The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take. One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.

If you want to become more loving, find time every day to connect with your loved one. You can do this with a text, a phone call, or a lunch date. Be creative.

 

3. Communicate Your Love

There are countless and effective ways to do this. Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand.

As a writer, one of my favorite guidelines is, show, don’t just tell. By doing this, the writer provokes a reaction from their readers, helps them feel the emotion the character is feeling. This works in real life as well.

Take an action, however small, that SHOWS your partner you love them.

4. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does

One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it.

Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million little things that keep a home going, and it’s easy to forget that someone is doing it. Acknowledge it.

 

5. Be Supportive

In what ways can you be supportive to your partner? Maybe it’s supporting a hobby they have, or wishing them a fun girl’s day out, or being there for every music recital, etc. When you’re supportive, your partner will feel like they can’t fail. It will provide the encouragement they need to keep going and have fun at the same time.

6. Provide Space

Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.

Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family is important. You don’t have to be by their side 24/7.

“We all need time to explore, reflect, and express ourselves individually.”

Create a space for your partner so that they can express their creativity. Let them be them without you. Remember, they were someone long before you came along.

7. Avoid Put Downs

Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.

For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!”

What are you trying to accomplish? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having a constructive discussion. It actually sounds like a war in progress.

We have enough strife in the world. Don’t allow it to infiltrate your home. Speak with respect. Let love be the motivator, not pettiness.

8. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.

Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take. Willingness to compromise can go a long way in creating happiness and feelings of well-being in the relationship.

9. Listen

You might think you’re listening, but next time your partner is talking, pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are you really listening? Are you formulating your answer? Have you tuned out? True listening requires a great deal of effort, but it is a gift to the person who is feeling heard.

When you truly listen, the other person feels valued, important, like they matter. And isn’t that a gift you want to give your partner? It doesn’t cost a thing, but the dividends are priceless. True listening is the encapsulation of love.

Try this exercise, ask your partner a question, then really listen. Don’t get discouraged if your mind wanders for a spell, bring it back and re-focus. Your partner will sense your attentiveness and be ever so grateful.

10. Drop Old Issues

It might sound crazy to bring up past issues and hurts while in an argument, but couples do it all the time. There is no reason to bring up the past. Ask yourself: “What’s the point? What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to fix the problem or make it worse?” Old issues have no place in the present. Let them go. Concentrate on the here and now.

The bottom line is: make your relationship stronger, not weaken it.

11. Learn to say “Sorry” and mean it

People make mistakes. It’s good to apologize. Not just a fake apology, but a true, heart-felt apology. Apologies go a long way to repair a broken relationship. If you are in the wrong, say it. Mean it. Make sure the person understands that you are making amends.

You are not going to come off as weak if you say you’re sorry. Not only will you validate your partner’s feelings, you’ll gain respect. More than likely, your partner will say something like, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that.” Make amends when you need to. Your partner will look at you with the loving eyes you crave.

Final Thoughts

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Being loving is the most amazing gift you can give. All the heart flutters, the butterflies in the belly, and the buckling knees, can’t replace genuine loving acts.

Don’t allow your relationship to be fed by simply stringing a set of words together. It takes a great deal more than that. It takes a Commitment, an Action, and a Decision. Done over and over again.

You have everything you need right here. It’s the start you need to make it to the finish line of your relationship. If your relationship has suffered an injury, implement the above tips for a week, a month. See what happens.

  • Esther Ijewere
Understanding what makes sex great for you is crucial to enjoying a mutually fulfilling and highly plGreat sex is not necessarily about going more than one round. I can’t count how many people force themselves to go more than one round. What is wrong with going one round and enjoying that round? Anyway, story for another day.

Having great sex is not just about having orgasms, neither is it about experiencing temporary paralysis because somebody almost ‘banged’ you to death.

While all those things seem interesting, many people focus on trying to measure up to certain standards – to the detriment of discovering what great sex really means to them.

So for a moment, throw away the general prescriptions for great sex and think, “What makes sex great for me?”

Let me take it a step further and simplify this for you…

Think about your best sexual experiences so far. At least, the top three most amazing sexual experiences. What made those experiences amazing for you? Why do they stand out so strongly?

If you could bring any of those things into play again, would the experience still be amazing for you?

This very simple exercise is a great way to define your unique recipe for great sex.

Great sex for you may require that your partner takes time to pay attention to your body. For someone else, it may mean adding an element of naughtiness (sex cuffs and blindfolds). To others, the element of urgency might make sex more exciting (Yeah baby, I can’t wait long enough to get to the bedroom, I want you here and now), or it may be as simple as having a participative partner.

Your recipe for great sex may vary, depending on the situation or what you are in the mood for. Whatever that recipe is, embrace it!

It would also be great to do this simple exercise with your partner and share your findings with each other.

Understanding what makes sex great for you is crucial to enjoying a mutually fulfilling and highly pleasurable sex life.

Olawunmi Esan is a trained Psychotherapist, who specializes as a Sex Therapist & Coach. She helps couples take Sexual Intimacy from Routine to Mind-blowing and has worked with over 1,000 individuals and couples to help them enjoy more fulfilling Intimacy and Sex lives.She is a founding member of The African Association of Professional Counsellors (ANEPCO) and the Founder of The Thriving Family, a Counselling Organisation working to promote positive and well balanced family life.You can learn more about her work HEREOlawunmi is married with children.

Here are some important tips to help you safely handle your first date in the “real” world.

A couple with Down Syndrome have gone viral on the internet after heartwarming photos of them surfaced online.

Gareth and Deana Tobias who are officially the world’s first couple with Down’s syndrome to get married, are still inseparable 27 years later.

Gareth Tobias was just 17 when he met 19-year-old Deana and they both eventually tied the knot in front of 40 friends and family on July 4, 1992.

Gareth in an interview with Metro uk said:

‘Before I met Deana I had three girlfriends. ‘I chose the right one, and that’s Deana.’

‘I put up with Deana and she puts up with me.’

Deana, 57, talking about the relationship said: ‘I thought “he’s ginger”. I like gingers. He had a beard at the time as well. A red one.’

‘I’m ginger as well.’

See more photos below ;

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV).

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard work. It takes deliberate effort to follow through on the vows we make on our wedding day. No matter how well prepared we think we are for marriage, we aren’t—not until we begin to walk those vows out. Whether you’ve said, “I do,” recently or you’ve been together for decades, you can count on one thing—your lives will be full of for better or for worse.

So how can you keep your marriage strong in the better and build it back up in the worse? Love your wife more than yourself. Push your needs aside and instead of asking what she can do for you, ask, “What can I do for her?” The list I’m offering next is only meant as a springboard to answer that question. God knows your wife and your marriage. He put you together, and He wants you to stay together. Ask Him to reveal her heart, then pay attention to what He shows you.

1. Touch Her

Most women crave affection outside of the bedroom. In the beginning of your marriage, you probably didn’t even have to think about holding her hand or rubbing her back. The longer we’re married, the more absent our touches can become. Jobs, kids, and financial stress can take priority over focusing on one another.

But even though life gets busy, her need to feel loved by you hasn’t changed. Look at it from her side—the day you married her, she became off-limits to every other man. Any affection she receives only comes from you. That’s a privilege, not a chore. She’s yours to take care of and love. You get her in ways no one else can have her. Don’t withhold something she needs; make touching her a priority. An unexpected hug can be worth a thousand I-love-you’s. Try it and see.

2. Show Her Respect

When you first met, I’ll bet you asked her where she wanted to eat, what movie she wanted to see, or what she thought about her future. When you knew she was the one, you probably saw her as a partner, an equal, and someone to talk things out with. Her opinions mattered.

Now that you’re married, remember that. Keep listening to her, and value her input. Consider her needs even if you don’t understand them. Remember, she’s just as invested in the life you’re making together as you are, and she wants to feel as if she’s standing by your side instead of walking behind you.

3. Carry Her Burden

We get married for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that we don’t want to go through life alone. There’s something appealing about that picture of growing old and gray together. Part of that appeal comes from having someone else to shoulder your burden.

When life weighs her down, step in and bear some of her load. Give her a chance to rest—emotionally, physically, spiritually. Be there for her, and when it comes time to return the favor, she’ll be strong enough to be there for you.

  • 1. Touch Her

    4. Speak Her Love Language

    It’s true that women and men show and receive love differently, but I don’t think it’s about gender as much as it’s about personality. Not everyone speaks the same love language. Chances are, the things that make you feel appreciated and wanted won’t always make her feel the same. When you cart the kids around to give her a break, your heart’s in the right place. But if she really needed you to bring her flowers to feel loved, you’re going to go through a lot of effort to show your devotion and be left disappointed.

    Stop, drop, and roll. Stop and pay attention to what makes her feel cherished. What makes her feel like she’s your number one. Drop what you’re doing if it doesn’t match up. Then roll with what you discover. If you’re not an observant guy, cheat. Ask her what she needs. Yes, she may be irritated that you couldn’t figure it out, but she’ll also be touched that you cared enough to try.

    5. Let Her Be Herself

    You fell in love with your wife for who she was, whether you met her in high school, college, or after. Maybe what first made you fall was her sense of humor, the way she wore her hair, or how you felt when she smiled at you. And you never wanted her to change.

    But people do change. Life brings experiences and circumstances along with responsibilities. And we have to adapt, good or bad. Plus, we want to grow as people, and God is pruning us to be our best. Encourage her to pursue new interests, make new friends, and change her style. Love who she was yesterday and be excited for who she’s going to become tomorrow.

    6. Give Her Space

    When you get married, you naturally spend most of your time together. You live in the same place, have a lot of the same friends, and go to the same events. But even though you’ve merged your lives together, you both still need space. Give her time to be alone, but also give her the space to do the things that are important to her, even if they don’t interest you. If she feels good about who she is alone, she’ll be able to be a stronger partner when you’re together.

    7. Treat Her Better Than a Stranger

    Test yourself this week. Watch how you interact with people you’ve just met. Are you polite? Considerate? Do you answer questions patiently? Listen to their opinions? Check yourself when you’re angry? Now compare that behavior with how you act around your wife.

    It’s been said that we treat the people closest to us the worst—because we feel safe in our relationships to express how we really feel. Expressing ourselves is fine, but we have a choice in the way we go about it. Why not take the gift you give strangers just for being strangers and offer it to your wife?

    8. Expend the Effort

    Whoever tells you marriage is an equal partnership hasn’t been married long—or ever. Not only don’t the numbers come in at 100/100, but they rarely come in at 50/50. Marriage, like life, tends to move in uneven cycles. It’s not fair; it will never be fair. But the bottom line is that you expend the effort it takes to keep the relationship going or you don’t. Your marriage works or it doesn’t. It’s good, bad, or neutral. That’s where your control lies—in what you choose to do.

    If you love your wife, don’t be satisfied with mediocre. You didn’t walk down the aisle thinking you’d be roommates who barely speak. You wanted better—go after it. Even if she’s given up, chances are once she sees you putting her and your marriage first, she’ll jump in and do the same.

    9. Ask Questions

    At first, learning about her feels easy. You want to know her favorite food, the movie she’s seen the most, what she wants to do with her life. Getting married opens a new stream of questions as you learn to live together and make life plans.

    Eventually the newness wears off and the questions taper. You’re worried about what you need to accomplish at work, checking things of your honey-do list, meeting your financial obligations, and your world isn’t in sync with hers the way it used to be. Stop letting her drift away and start asking her questions. Show her you care about what’s going on when she’s not with you.

    10. Be Still and Pray

    There’s a time to ask questions. And then there’s a time to just be quiet and be there. You can’t always fix everything, even if you want to. But you’re not out of options when it feels like everything’s falling apart.

    Don’t beg her to tell you what she needs. Pray.

    Don’t argue over things that will destroy your marriage. Pray.

    Don’t push your ideas on her. Pray.

    And don’t give up. Ever. Just pray.

In narrating his marital issues to me, a man wrote… “I MET my wife during one of my visits to Nigeria. We got married with the understanding that her joining me in the UK is immediate. We soon had a child but, after some time, I noticed her body language towards me wasn’t right, and I asked her questions. Her response was like I shouldn’t bother, that we are fine.

Each time I’m visiting, she never does anything special to woo me. No special hair-do, no makeup, no special food, etc. On several occasions, I’ve asked her if I’m doing anything wrong or if there’s something she needs. Her answers are always “everything is okay.”

The love-making is just zero. She doesn’t show she misses it! Then, I said to myself that she must have been getting it from someone else. So I started looking for clues and secretly investigating.

I managed to get hold of her bank statements. I then noticed a very small amount of money coming into her account from a man!
I asked her about it, and she said the man is a family friend from her mother’s side.

During my visit to Nigeria in January, I asked her mum about the man and she said they’re not related. Immediately I returned to the UK, we had a big argument, words were exchanged and both families were insulted. My wife blocked me on all her phone lines and social media platforms. A friend of mine helped me to persuade her to talk to me after awhile.We started talking but she has so much anger in her.

The issue now is that she said she doesn’t love me anymore and not joining me in the UK. What should I do? Should I just let her be?

Please note:
. Her documents for joining me in the UK are being processed.

. I send money to her on a weekly basis.

. I buy her lots of things whenever I am coming to Nigeria- from mobile phone to underwear.

. I visit two to three times a year.

. I bought her a car even before she learned how to drive.

I wouldn’t know if her anger is because she once saw a chat between me and a lady that I dated in the UK.
But, that relationship has long ended.’’

By: Chukwuneta Oby for Guardian Newspaper

Today, we are going to talk about the one thing a man must feel in order to desire a committed relationship with you.
I have always thought about it that what brings two people together for a lasting relationship. I asked a male friend of mine and he shared with me dis short story.Jide had recently broken up with a woman he had been dating for a few months. He was frustrated because all of the relationships he got into seemed to be superficial and fleeting. They did not last.

And he did not really enjoy them. He was starting to think that being in a relationship was not really worth it.
So then one day, he came upon a realization, something that changed the way he looked at how to create and build a relationship.

He said it was something that seemed so simple yet it had never even occurred to him before.
He said, the formula for commitment has one powerful ingredient. Then he digresses by telling me a bit about his childhood.While growing up, he never knew how to talk to women. He had one girlfriend before the age of 21 and she cheated on him with a close friend of his. He felt alone and frustrated and was determined to figure this stuff out.

He read books, attended seminars, and even got some counselor to guide him. He said he learned it all.

And it did not take long before he could meet a woman anywhere and create a relationship with her.
He got so good that most but if not all of his friends started coming to him for advice and he eventually became a coach. But he had a problem; none of his relationships would last.
Everything he learned was about playing games, manipulation, and pretending like he was someone he was not. He could not take it anymore.

No matter how many women he met, he always ended up in a miserable relationship that eventually ended in frustration and heartbreak.

No matter how many women he did meet and date, he always just felt empty inside.
Then he began drinking heavily to numb the pain of his disappointment. With everything he learned, he felt like he had not really accomplished anything.

His life seemed to be plagued with chasing short-term satisfaction and nothing to show for it.
So one day, he got together with some other friends of his and they realized that many of the guys using the kind of techniques he used in getting girls could not stay in relationships.

They just did not last. Some of the guys ended up in great relationships but most of them did not. So they decided to look at the ones that worked. What was different about them?
What were the patterns, the key elements that made these relationships last? Alignment.
The people who were successful were aligned. It was not just compatibility. It was not just shared interests. It was not just chemistry.
While those things are important, the most important factor was alignment. Alignment is the biggest key to commitment.

If you want a man to think of you as someone he can get into a committed relationship with, he needs to be able to see you as someone he can be with in the distant future.

He needs to see you as “marriage material”, He needs to see that his life and values align with yours.
If you do not align with a man’s life, he will never see you as anything more than a casual fling.
So how do you do this? You need to find out what his dreams are in life and consistently show him that you see him becoming the man he wants to be in the future.

Do this and he will begin to see you as someone he could commit to forever. It is that simple. Trust me.
To our happiness. Cheers.