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Mary Abye Ombugadu is the very first female pilot from Nasarawa State, North-Central Nigeria.

In a chat with Vanguard, Mary speaks on her life as a pilot, working in a male-dominated field, among other issues.

“I like to say flying chose or found me. Growing up and watching my father have a remarkable career as an engineer, all I wanted to be was an engineer”, she said.

She got trained at the Nigerian College of Aviation Technology, Zaria, Kaduna State. She also had further training in the Finnish Aviation Academy, Finland; Flight Safety in the USA; South Africa and CAE in the UK.

“I had wanted to apply for an engineering course when my mother picked up my form from the Aviation College but because there was no engineering course selection exercise scheduled at the time, I was advised to try the Standard Pilot Course exam and I did.”

Interestingly, she had an exciting training “I was going into something I hadn’t dreamed of but the opportunity availed itself and I caught the flying dream right after resuming as a flying student. I made up my mind to give it my all and excel.”

“There was no bias whatsoever. We all wore the same uniform, black pants, white shirts, black ties, and the school provided the same schoolbags. We were given equal opportunity and I didn’t feel less simply because I am female as much as there were more males than females. Coming into the industry fresh from school.

” I didn’t know what to expect but all the men I have come across so far are encouraging, supportive and I am grateful. I see everyone at work first as a colleague whom I need to work with to achieve a common goal, irrespective of gender. There may be conflict of interest at some point and that comes with living and sharing the world with other humans.

“Although, Mary experienced a low point like most graduate when she needed employment but never gave up. “Low point I remember was after I graduated, and was told at a job interview that I didn’t have the minimum experience required for their kind of operation, and I wondered “how do I get any experience if you do not employ me?” That did not deter me, I kept applying to airlines and general aviation flyers until I got my first job.

A typical day of work for her involve showing up ready and fit for the day. “You show up ready and fit, report at the operations control center where your flight dispatcher gives you all relevant information pertaining your flight, from weather to serviceability of your aircraft, to any route changes, and gives you a briefing pack containing all the paperwork.”

“The captain briefs the entire team also. You then proceed to your aircraft, do your external and internal checks; set up the aircraft and ensure the cabin is comfortable and ready. Checks are done by professional cabin crew.
You call for boarding of your esteemed passengers, fly the aircraft safely and efficiently from point A to point B, and repeat again until you have completed your assigned flights for the day,” said Mary.

To quit flying is something she wouldn’t do because, she loves it so much.

“Since the first day I started line flying in school, I told myself there is no going back. Some of the flight training exercises were tougher than others but we had a chance to repeat before moving onto the next.
I have never felt like quitting. Thankfully, my instructor, Instructor Shettima Abba Jato, was very kind and patient.”

“I have come to love and enjoy flying, it is not just a job but a way of life for me. I intend flying until retirement. I suppose my ever-growing passion for what I do has kept me going.”

Mary believes every young woman has a world full of opportunities before them and can achieve whatever they want because they really can.

“There are different career opportunities in the aviation industry for pilots, from airline to general aviation. After your initial flight training, you decide early what you want out of it and go on to have a rewarding and fulfilling career,” she added.

Perpetua and her slave girl Felicitas including four others, were in jail in Carthage in North Africa. The charge against them: They were Christians.

It was around the year 200 AD The Roman emperor Septimus Severus was out against traitors. These Christians showed a dangerous lack of loyalty. They wouldn’t offer incense to the Roman gods even under threat of death.

Historians like Eusebius and Tertullian who lived centuries later helped this ladies to be known.

Perpetua began writing her diary when she and Felicity, along with three others, were arrested for apostasy.

Perpetua is probably the first known female chronicler of Christianity. She was about 22 years old and had recently given birth to a son, and likely new Christian, too–she was actually baptized while in prison. Felicitas, her slave girl, was like a sister to her. And she too was a new mother, giving birth shortly after her arrest.

Three times Perpetua’s father was allowed in to beg her to change her mind. No decent daughter in this patriarchal society would deny her father’s pleas and cause him public disgrace.

The resolve of the two young women and their friends was unshakable. To deny Christ was worse than death. To follow Him was their first loyalty, no matter what the cost. Shortly before her trial, Perpetua received a series of visions from the Lord, reassuring her of his strength and presence.

When the fatal day came, Perpetua and Felicitas left the prison for the arena “joyfully as though they were on their way to heaven,” as the eyewitness account puts it. Before a raging crowd, the Christians were thrown to the wild beasts. A mad heifer charged the women and tossed them, but Perpetua rose and helped Felicitas to her feet. She was ready, even eager, to die for the Lord.

As the Catholic apologist site, New Advent, puts it: “The sufferings of the prison life, the attempts of Perpetua’s father to induce her to apostatize, the vicissitudes of the martyrs before their execution, the visions of Saturus and Perpetua in their dungeons, were all faithfully committed to writing by the last two.”

For their faith, the two were sentenced to death in the most cruel way. They were let into an arena, the scene of ancient bloodsport and along with others, including actual criminals, Perpetua and Felicity had wild animals released against them to battle.

The two women are now considered martyrs of the Catholic church and in commemoration of their faith, the church celebrates a feast every March 7.

Alake Olanike Pelumi is a plus-size model and fashion designer. She speaks about overcoming body-shaming and how tough it can be because the society made her feel she has to be a particular size to be beautiful. She is now in love with her body and flaunting what she’s got.

Pelumi created Curvy Pink, a platform where she inspires and motivates plus size women to love and accept their body and maximize their talents.

She wrote:

My definition of body negative is how people see their self in a negative way, when you don’t like anything about your body, unrealistic way of how you see your body. Body negativity can be from the result of body shaming, feedback about your body from peers,family members and friends etc.

Sign and symptoms of body negativity * obsessive self criticize or study in mirror *frequent comparison of your own body to our people’s body size and shape *envy : the body of a celebrity or some one else in the media.

I usually tell people that media is one the causes of body negativity, when the media portray the kind of beauty and the society feel you have to look a certain way or standard size, Women and young girls are now living in a society where their bodies define who they are. Girls are terrified to gain weight and are continually reminded by the media about various new diet products on the market, and the value in weight loss.

They are also bombarded by countless television shows on plastic surgery and the number of cosmetic surgeries in this country are increasing every year. Women today face impossible images of beauty on a daily basis when they watch television, see a movie, or view a magazine. It is estimated that young girls are exposed to 400 to 600 media images per day.

Solution to body negativity/ways to overcome body negativity
1. Fighting fatism
Learn to accept people of all sizes and shapes, this will help you appreciate your own body. Who are the people you admire, who are your mentors, do they preach body confidence create a list of people you admire that do not have “perfect” bodies. Does their appearance affect how you feel about them? Do you know in 1940’s the women that are consider beautiful women like Marilyn Monroe(size14) and Mae West were full bodied and truly plus-size women but today those beautiful women will be considered over weight, fat. Learn to fight fatism( the discrimination of fat people)
2. accept heredity
Always remember that many part of your body can not be changed, 20 percent of your body can be determine by your genes. While they are some aspect of your body you cannot Change. Learn to accept change and change start with you it is inside of you and it start with self respect, self love and body confidence. So it important to focus on your health more than your size and it is important not to compare your body with your friends, celebrities, family member or media images.
3. Think of your body as a tool. Create an inventory of all the things you can do with it, You know I usually say this all the time, learning to express your self with what you are good at,what you are best at doing it might be fashion, beauty, motivation talks, just express your self with whatever you are best at. I knew I loved fashion and I wanted to be a voice to plus-size women I combine it and created @curvypink.

5. Replace the time you spend criticizing your appearance with more positive, satisfying pursuits.

6. Be your body’s ally and advocate, not its enemy.

7. Have this positive mind that your body is perfect just the way it is.

Don’t let your size keep you from doing things you enjoy( fat is not a disease).

 

 

Dr Wendy A. Okolo is the first black woman to obtain a Ph.D. in aerospace engineering from the University of Texas at Arlington and the 2019 winner of the BEYA Global Competitiveness Conference award for the most promising engineer in the United States government.

At only 26 years old, did she became the first black woman to obtain this Ph.D, where she earned both her undergraduate and doctoral degrees.

Today, the 30-year-old is an aeronautics and space administration genius. She works as an aerospace research engineer at the Ames Research Center, a major research centre for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) in Silicon Valley.

In her undergraduate she was president of the society of women engineers in the university.

Working in the Control Design and Analysis Branch of the AFRL – Wright Patterson Air Force Base – Okolo was part of the team that flew the world’s fastest manned aircraft, which flew from coast to coast in 67 minutes.

Okolo, then a graduate student, at first felt she had no place working with such a great team.

“I was like I am sure these guys are so smart, what am I going to bring in,” she said.

She found an error in the code in the systems and she fixed it and “that fixed the impostor syndrome for a while,” she was quoted by The Cable.

Image result for Aerospace woman wendy okolo
Wendy Okolo. Pic credit: The Cable

She received her BSc and PhD degrees in aerospace engineering from the university in 2010 and 2015 respectively.

Okolo calls her sisters all-time heroes – who gave her biology and other science lessons through their everyday realities.

She would subsequently excel in school and make tremendous moves during her undergraduate years at the University of Texas in Arlington, where she became the president of the society of women engineers in the university.

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Wendy Okolo. Pic credit: NASA

During this period, she interned at Lockheed Martin working on NASA’s Orion spacecraft and first worked in the requirements management office in systems engineering before moving to the Hatch Mechanisms team in mechanical engineering.

Okolo later worked as a summer researcher at AFRL and has since taken off her career at NASA, a United States agency responsible for the civilian space program, as well as, aeronautics and aerospace research.

Having done research in the area of aircraft formation flight as a fuel-saving method of flight, Okolo has written several publications and is currently a special emphasis programs manager in the Intelligent Systems Division of NASA’s Ames Research Center.

She is working on the System-Wide Safety (SWS) project, where she has led the task of predicting GPS faults in drones, according to The Cable. The talented engineer is further working on a Space Technology Mission Directorate Early Career Initiative (STMD-ECI) project at the Ames Research Center.

Under this role, she “leads the controls team to develop unconventional control techniques for deployable vehicles, to enable precision landing and improve maneuverability during the entry, descent, and landing phases of spaceflight.”

Okolo has also worked with Langley Research Center in Virginia to investigate flight data and facilitate data exchange across and within NASA centres.

She wants other young girls to take an active interest in science technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM).

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Doreen Moraa Moracha, now 25-years of age but was only 13 when she got to know that she was HIV positive. This was despite her parents being aware of her status five years earlier. “My parents knew about it when I was 8. But they informed me about my status when I was 13,” she opened up in an exclusive interview with TUKO. The question is how exactly did she contract a disease that would otherwise pass as deadly among most African societies at such a tender age?

Apparently, Doreen was born with the virus to an HIV discordant couple whereby she is the only child among her siblings to have been diagnosed of HIV. Owing to the stigma that surrounds HIV and the horror of getting rejected by her peers, she was asked to remain silent about her condition through her teenage years.

However, she could not remain silent forever. In 2015, Doreen resolved to go public about her status in a move aimed at offering encouragement and hope for a full life with adherence to treatment to others living with HIV. She also wanted to use her story to raise awareness about the virus and to help the fight against the stigma HIV still has in her community. This was amid protestation and censure from her father who is HIV negative. “I was doing my attachment at TSC and most of the times we would go out to learning institutions for outreaches and HIV testing and while at the field, that is when I learnt that there was need for more information about HIV out there. My boss then, also pushed me that I should come out and try make a change with my story,” she recalls.

, however, acknowledges that this was certainly not an easy process and that disclosure took a lot of courage. “I was afraid considering the stigma associated with HIV. The first time my story came out and NTV shared it on their Facebook page and my friends were commenting how they know me and all that, I got scared and deactivated my Facebook account temporarily,” she remarks. Emboldened, Doreen has been unstoppable ever since. She has been able to share her story at countless conferences, talk shows, and the very latest – the internet. Like many in her generation, she has turned to Facebook to share her 25-year journey with HIV. In one profound Facebook post, Doreen uncovers how she, alongside her mother traveled over 500km from Kenya to the remote village of Loliondo in Arusha, Tanzania to get a cure for the virus.

At the time, the village had shot to fame with thousands of people flocking the area to get a herbal concoction purported to cure HIV/Aids, cancer, diabetes, epilepsy, asthma, hypertension and any other ailment. “I wanted to get well so bad that I convinced my mum that we head to Loliondo for a cup of the herbal medicine. She agreed, but I didn’t get better and this led me to defaulting from taking my ARVs for 2 years which most definitely affected my health,” she narrates. “The journey has not been easy but I finally accepted my status and i’m using my story to end stigma related to HIV and to encourage people infected that they shouldn’t let a small virus that cant talk to control their lives,” she contends.

Her posts have since been gaining so much traction, with many social media users commending her for being bold enough to share her story. Despite her condition, her beautiful and sassy photos have still attracted potential suitors who would love to get into a relationship with her. “I use my social media mostly Facebook for advocacy and motivational purposes and yes, I do get men sliding into my inbox, some even promising to take Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) dr*gs as long as I agree to date them,” she recounts. Her greatest piece of advice to the young people is the very same one that most have likely heard time without number: abstaining or use of protection.

 

Source: WomenAfrica

Omokehinde Elufioye is a graduate of Linguistics at Ekiti State University currently running her second degree in Law at Joseph Ayo Babalola University (JABU.) She is a professional makeup artist and CEO of Mokehinde brushes makeovers.

Omokehinde popularly called Mokenny runs a program on WhatsApp, ‘LoveTalk with Mo’ a platform where Love, it’s action and consequences are discussed. She is a gospel music minister set to release her first single.

Omokehinde recently launched her cooking business in JABU “Just Pasta and Spice by Mo’s Kitchen.”

1.Let’s meet you. Who is Omokehinde….?

Well, Omokehinde is a Lover of God, a goal getter and a strong Faith walker.

2. Who and what is your inspiration?

My Dad inspires me a lot on becoming a better version of myself, seeing him and how he pours out so much into his work and never expecting anything in return and scarcely receiving this “Earthly” reward drives me so much to telling myself I will achieve all I want and I don’t need anyone’s reward for it to keep me at it so long as it blesses God and humanity.

3. One accessory you can’t leave home without?

Pen and Jotter! You would always find it in my bag or my hand… And if I don’t want to carry anything, I have my phone notepad to the rescue.

4. You are a professional makeup artist and CEO of Mokehinde Brushes makeover where you’re into makeup, gele tying, sales of products and training. How did MB start and how has it been so far?

Hmm. Mokehinde brushes makeovers started with a heavy inspiration and passion in 2015 when I quit my job as a teacher after few months of so much work and stress and I knew I wasn’t made to work for anybody. I started out with experimenting on my friends’ faces, I’d call them over, cook for them and work on their faces for hours because I didn’t have the money to go for training and I taught myself.

5. What do you do in your darkest moments?

I sing my heart out to God and I write.

6.You are a gospel music minister. What are the challenges you’ve faced so far, have you ever had to choose between gospel songs and other genres? Do you compose your own songs? And What does faith mean to you as a gospel musician?

No particular challenge. It’s not a competition. We’re all made differently! I’ve never had to choose, I’m sold out to God and so I’m proudly a Music Minister.
For me, Faith is trusting in God and working it out with the mind of God. You can’t have faith and just sit down, faith is activated by works!

7. You recently took your versatility and entrepreneurial spirit to a whole new level by launching “Just Pasta and Spice” by Mo’s Kitchen. How do you balance having your own kitchen with your everyday schedule?

Justpasta and Spice! I Love pastas (noodles and Spag and the likes) and my friends love me making their noodles so instead of doing it for free, I turned it to business. It’s not been so easy but I try to balance it. I take orders before 7pm so I meet up all my cookings before 8pm so I can rest too.

8. What is that one thing you’ll like to change about yourself?

Before it was my height (laughs.) This woman is short but on the bright side, it has its advantages too. I think I’ll still like to have a little more height.

9. You are a graduate of Linguistics at Ekiti State University. You went further to obtain a Diploma in Law and now you’re currently studying Law as your second degree. Why a second degree and why Law?

I had always wanted to study Law. The year I entered Eksu, Law was put on hold so I was given another course. After I finished Dad still pushed me to go on to studying Law. I lost interest and I wanted to back out but I didn’t want the future to arrive and I’d regret why I didn’t do what I wanted. So here I am.

10. If given the chance to be the President of Nigeria for a day, what will you change?

Corruption. I’ve never really thought about it though. But if I was given the chance, I will do what I promise and not do otherwise.

11. Did your upbringing in any way prepare you for everything you are into today?

Yes! I matured quickly! I saw life and things in a different perspective. Lost my mum at quite a young age and being the first child, I just had to grow.

12. Where do you see yourself/your brand in the next 5 years?

Fully fulfilling purpose and writing another vision for another next five years.

13. If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

Do YOU. Let no one or anything stop you. You’re not weak, don’t feed yourself with such mentality and you begin to act in that line. Rise up and be what God has called you to be, be a kingdom warrior and make your generation proud.

While sketching and crocheting is not a common skill, Akosua Asabea Obese’s passion is enabling her to build her dream through the art.

The young Ghanaian creative makes some of the most stunning pieces with unmatched quality.

Akosua Asabea Obese had her secondary education at Wesley Girls Senior High School Cape Coast where she studied Visual Arts.

Prior to having her secondary education, she had an idea of what she wanted to become.

Asabea spent her early days with her grandparents and showed signs of a talented girl while growing up at her grannies.

She recounts her grandfathed realised her potential during the early stages as a toddler.

Asabea disclosed that her granddad often told her that she drew a lot.

”Most times, I drew the pattern of the houses we lived in where I grew up,” Akosua Asabea Obese told Pulse.com.gh.

Asabea perfected her crafts when she enrolled to study Technical Drawing in Junior High School. Her teacher by then let her know her potential.

She started nurturing herself in that direction, taking up Visual Arts as her line of study during her days at Wesley Girls High School.

Having heard on many occasions from her grandfather that she was destined to be an architect, the young Ghanaian realised her dream after being accepted as an architecture student at the Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology.

”My grandfather told me I would be an architect. I realized he and my JHS teacher really had a point,” Asabea said.

Despite becoming an architect, Akosua Asabea Obese fell in love with something different after gaining her architecture degree.

She developed a stint for crocheting during her early days. With the focus of being an architect triumphing over everything else, Asabea didn’t realize that was also a passion.

The wait for national service placement turned an inspiration to channel more of her energy into crocheting.

When she started, she realised she could make money from the art and decided to take it serious.

In 2018, received an award for Female Entrepreneur of the Year at Miss Malaika.

Watch video:

Asabea’s vision has moved on from being just a one-woman business. She wants to have the capacity to train more people and not just focus on the market in Ghana.

The end as an architect is not nigh for Akosua Asabea Obese. She still takes on part-time jobs in what she spent years studying at school.

Currently, she is focusing on building her dream through crocheting.

Marsai Martin’s film, Little, which is based on original ideas from the teen actress but inspired by the movie Big, helped her ink her name in the history books.

 

Article from  WomenAfrica

Nigerian-British Actress and dancer Kelechi Okafor pens an open letter to applaud Meghan- Duchess of Sussex’s choice to live happily-ever-after on her terms.

She has a large online following talking about issues affecting black British women.

Dear Meghan,

When you were a little girl, did you, like me, wonder what happened after the princess married the prince? Did you think it would be what you’re currently experiencing? Probably not. Following the news of you moving to Canada with Harry and Archie, I want you to know that as a Black British woman, I get it.

When people think of Britain they often don’t think of racism. The conversation around race happens more openly in the USA. Racism in Britain is insidious. It festers just under the surface of literally every institution and system that we navigate but we hardly speak about it because, in line with British sensibilities, it is simply impolite to talk of such things.

When it was announced you’d be marrying Harry, I wondered if absolutely anybody had talked to you about the history you’d be joining and the ways of a country you would call home. I kept thinking of that line from Ghost where Whoopi Goldberg’s character deadpans, “Molly, you in danger girl.” From your interview with Tom Bradby, it seems your British friends warned you, still you didn’t think it would be this bad. It’s a shame you had to see a glimmer of the racism Black people continue to face in Britain.

I can’t imagine the frustration you’ve felt watching your integrity be questioned by people like Piers Morgan, who are hellbent on using dog-whistle terminology to communicate their dislike of you which is inextricably linked to your proximity to Blackness. Oh yes, they pretend it’s nothing to do with race. They use cunning means claiming it’s the fact you’re an actress, or you’re American, or in some cases they flat out say they “it’s just something about you.” I wonder what that “something” is?

Probably that same “something” that led to our first Black Female MP, Dianne Abbott receiving 45% of the hate mail sent to all female politicians. The tabloids and ignorant British public claim Abbott’s treatment isn’t “about race” either. They say they just think she’s “incompetent” even though her track record proves the stark opposite.

The very sophisticated nature of racism, and why it thrives in Britain, is that there’s a concerted effort (due to lack of accurate history being taught in schools) to ensure the public is perpetually unequipped to discuss race and racism. Whenever a blatantly racist incident happens, the media fall over themselves to organize inflammatory debates about whether that blatantly racist thing was in fact racist. It’s an elaborate game that the public is incapable of resisting.

I feel sad for the British public really because you seemed rather nice in my opinion, and as much as I have my reservations about the monarchy due to its imperialist past and present, I think your presence could’ve actually helped their image. For a country so desperate to prove their “tolerance” of those deemed as other, embracing you would’ve been their chance to prove that they’re not in fact prejudiced and maybe the Black and brown people who have suffered for centuries because of their actions, might’ve just imagined it. Alas, Britain is so committed to her racism that she isn’t willing to give it up even if it means losing their princely darling, Harry.

Black British women could see exactly what was really being said every time an article spoke about you in ways they would never speak about Kate Middleton for doing the exact same thing. Black British women like myself rallied together and spoke out on your behalf by going on the news, writing articles and highlighting your mistreatment on podcasts. When your son, Archie was compared to a baby chimpanzee literally hours after being born by a well-known radio DJ, we refused for the incident to be swept under the rug despite all who were adamant it was just a harmless joke.

The neuroses of Whiteness manifests itself in Britain in various ways and one of the ways has been made clear since you and Harry have decided to spend less time in Britain. A lot of the British public are very accustomed to the racial violence inflicted on Black people to simply be tolerated. Any push back against racism in this country is met with furor and claims of “reverse racism” which we know doesn’t exist. The fact that you’ve shown your autonomy by choosing to distance yourself from the vitriol makes the dissenting British public and the media furious because, like Diana, they thought you would stick it out for the sake of your family and their “good” name.

We all know what happened to Diana and Black British women are glad you chose your happiness over their bloodlust.

I’m sorry you had to experience the dusty behavior of this woe begotten island. I am glad you were insulated from the maddening violence experienced by the Black people of a lower class in this country. Just as we’ve seen with the Grenfell fire, the government is very happy to deny safe living conditions for working-class Black and brown people.

Meghan, you are creating what happens next when the princess marries her prince, not the ravenous tabloids or ignorant British public. Go get your happily ever after.

Sincerely,

A Black British Woman Who Gets It

Kelechi Okafor (@kelechnekoff) is writer, multi-award-winning Benz Punani Womanist and creator of @SayYourMindPod and #SallyinHR

As women share their stories, awareness increases and the attitude towards post-partum depression is changing for the better. Mother of three, Bunmi Laditan shares her experience with post-partum depression, and here are three things we learned from her post.

1. It does not only happen to first time mothers – Bunmi had instant connection with her first two children and only experienced it after her third child.

2. You can be taking good care of your child and be going about your normal mummy duties even when you have not felt the connection to your child yet – Some people think that having post-partum depression means that you will not want to see or take care of your baby, while this can be true for some women, it is not always the case, so because a mother is going on with her normal activities doesn’t mean she doesn’t have post-partum depression.

3. It can take some time – While some mothers are able to get through it in few months, for others it could take years.

“Let’s talk about postpartum depression.

I had it bad with my third child who is my last baby and first son. We all know about the anxiety, OCD, chilling thoughts, rage that sneaks up on you like a flash fire and then is drowned by your own shame-filled tears and all that fun stuff but what no one can prepare you for is how it feels to hold a baby and not feel like he’s yours.

With my first two I felt that magical insta-connection. You know what I’m talking about. That mama-bear-I will-kill-a-mofo-who-touches-this-stroller-primal-let-me-drink-in-your-euphoric-scent-jacob-imprints-on-renesmee-you-are-in-my-bones-realness. But when I came home with my little cub while he was cute as a button, I knew something was missing.

He didn’t feel like mine. I felt like I was taking care of someone else’s child. My body felt distinctly postpartum and was leaking from too many places but as I’d change his diapers and gently push his sweet little arms through his yellow and white pajamas, I remember locking my bedroom door, half expecting his real mother to walk in and say, “excellent work, fräulein, I’ll take it from here.”

In those early days, I’d sit up in the dark of night nursing him, looking like the picture of maternal devotion, but there was something missing and one of my greatest fears was that someone would notice.

Once I was finally diagnosed and medicated, my mood began to stabilize, but that connection? God is my witness, it took three solid years.

In that time I loved my baby boy, took him to play centres, parks, we cuddled. I painted his hands and pushed them into soft clay for keepsakes and snapped a million photos, but there was a valley between us that I prayed he didn’t feel.

Then one day, or perhaps over several days, or maybe through each day of showing up, his real mother finally walked through the door and it was me. 100% me.

Now I can confidently yell at him to stop standing on the back of the couch because no, I am not going to the emergency room tonight because you think you’re spider man without feeling like I’m stealing someone else’s lines.

I wipe up his messy hands after he’s gotten into the poster paint saying, “What am I going to do with you,” a little annoyed, mostly delighted by his mischievousness the way mothers are knowing this moment is mine, all mine.

I am his mother and he is my child with no doubts, no angst, nothing between us except the hoodies I’ll wear 3- 4 days in a row.

So mother, if you’re going through this today, changing a baby’s diaper or giving a toddler a bath with the shaking fear in your heart that this little one will never feel like your own, please just wait. Keep showing up.

Keep rocking them to sleep searching their little faces for what you need. Keep wiping down that high chair and kissing their pillow soft cheeks. Every time you do you, the angels throw a handful of sand into the canyon between you. One day it will be full and you’ll walk across it to find you were always there somehow.

No, it’s not fair that you have to work at what’s supposed to come naturally, but in life the only thing that’s promised is work. Have faith, sweet mother. Your efforts will be rewarded. Speak gently to yourself. Breathe. Ask for help. Dawn will come, girlie. Just stay.

 

Source: Women Africa

 

Mary was born in Jamaica to a black mother and a Scottish father in 1805. Her father, James Grant was a lieutenant in the British Army, and this privilege gave Mary the right to be born free. Her mother, who was of African descent, earned her freedom after having Mary. Despite their freedom, Mary and her mother still suffered as much as the slaves did at the time. They had no rights to vote or set up businesses to make a good income.

Mary’s mother was a slave brought from Africa who had managed to retain her knowledge and training in traditional herbal medicine and healing as well as adopting the Carribean methods. This made her one of the most sought after in Jamaica, and she passed on a significant amount of knowledge to Mary.

Mary received a sound education learning how to read and write through the kindness of an unnamed elderly woman she lived with for a few years. As slavery was fought, the privileges of mixed race children increased, and this allowed Mary more freedom in movement and working. She used her privileges to assist her mother in setting up a boarding house which served as a private hospital and hotel in Jamaica.

She got married in 1836, but her husband died in 1844. After the death of her husband, Mary travelled extensively and settled in Central America in 1851 where she suffered racial discrimination and struggled to set up a trading business. In the end, she was successful and traded in medicine until she moved to London in 1854.

Her main reason for moving to Britain during the war was to work as a healer in the British Army. Mary was fully aware of the racial disputes but attempted to be signed into the army by visiting the war office. She requested that she be sent as a nurse to Crimea where many soldiers were dying because of poor medication and facilities, but she was rejected.

Mary travelled to Crimea and set up a hotel called the British Hotel. Due to inadequate funds, the hotel was just a small quarter with mess-table for the injured and a resting room. With time, Mary became the most sought-after nurse in Crimea with a reputation for healing all sorts of deadly wounds.

Many wounded soldiers were sent to her hotel, and she visited the battlefield during more dangerous times to cater for the sick. She soon became known as Mother Seacole, the black Florence Nightingale.

After the war in 1856, Mary fell seriously sick and was bankrupt; with the help of the media, a festival was organized for her and money was raised. The festival was supported by Count Gleichen, Queen Victoria’s nephew and it raised enough money to cater for Mary and her illness as well as her livelihood. Mary wrote and published her memoir; Wonderful Adventures of Mrs Seacole in Many Lands.

Between 1860 and 1881, Mary moved in and out of Jamaica and Britain and became nationally recognised in both countries. She became close to the Britsih royal and was decorated with medals by the military in Jamaica. She lived in London until she died on May 14, 1881.

Even in death, Mary still suffers racial discrimination. Her life and the success of Mary Seacole have not been fully accepted by many western historians and scholars. In 1991, she was posthumously awarded the Jamaican Order of Merit.

In 2012, there were threats to remove her from the educational curriculum, but this was stopped in 2013 by a group called Operation Black Votes. This threat started in 2004 when she was voted the most celebrated black Briton.

A statue of the Black British who dedicated her life to saving soldiers stands at the St. Thomas Hospital in London. Although it was significantly spoken against, the figure was raised in 2016 with the inscription: a pioneer nurse.

Curated from WomenAfrica