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Career Gems

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Consider this relationship tips  101, these are  some things you really should not be telling that your boyfriend or girlfriend if you intend to keep the relationship going.

It’s OK to cut down on openness in a relationship from 100% to somewhere in the region of 90% or so. And here’s the reason: some people really just can’t handle the truth. It does not make them bad people or bad partners; they’re not just wired to be calm or stay sane in the face of certain revelations.

So instead of risking something beautiful over an inconsequential detail that’ll likely not hurt anyone if forever locked away in a vault, just keep mum and continue coasting with the love of your life.

Here are 5 times when it’s OK to leave some things unsaid;

For real, not many boyfriends/girlfriends want to hear the step by step narration and graphic details of how you had sex in a bathroom stall at the mall with your ex or some random babe.

As we already discussed in detail here, for the ladies, only your doctor and/or gynecologist deserves this information.

Really, this is literally opening the door for problems no one wants. Here’s the thing about revealing this information – you put your partner in a position to have his imagination roam and become paranoid.

Even if you searched and found out that they’ve been loyal and loyal to you, keep the good news to yourself.

There really is no way to justify snooping through his stuff in the first instance. You’re going to come off as distrustful and things may just go downhill from there. Better keep the info to yourself.

Ladies, your boyfriend does not need to know that you have been stalking his ex on social media. You’ll come off as insecure and you don’t need that.

Related;

5 relationship goals you should yearn to achieve

12 relationship deal breakers deal breakers you should not negotiate

To really know that the love in your relationship is genuine or fake, here are some of the signs to look out for.

Is the love in your relationship real, or fake?

If it is, all you should do is keep growing the love, keep staying truthful to each other, keep drinking a lot of water, and just keep treating each other in all the good ways that will allow the relationship thrive further.

On the flipside, fake love is not something anyone would want to live with. Sadly, it is exactly what some people have in their relationships. If the relationship is based on anything different from a genuine willingness to see the other person flourish in every sense of the word, if it is based on something fleeting and temporary, then it is likely fake.

To really know that the love in your relationship is fake, here are some things you may want to watch out for:

1. They’re emotionally distant

In a relationship, fakers have a tendency to be non-communicative. They’ll provide little to no substance to what’s going on in their life. They’ll also make excuses why they “couldn’t” communicate especially when it is a little difficult to do so.

The difference between them and someone with genuine love for you is the extra effort needed to reach out when it’s not so easy.

 

If you are happy in a relationship, you need to look for a way to keep at it. If they make you happy, don't let it go. [Credit Freepik]If you are happy in a relationship, you need to look for a way to keep at it. If they make you happy, don’t let it go. [

2. Always willing to throw in the towel

Conflict happens in every relationship. It demonstrates a level of care which partner have for one another.

That said, every conflict demands a resolution. If you’re the only one trying to resolve any conflict or problems that arise, it’s often a telltale sign of emotional detachment and this of course, is a major sign you’ll find in people who have got only fake love for you.

They really won’t care whether the relationship works or fails.

3. They don’t meet you halfway

Are you always the one to plan things? Check on the other person? Take responsibilities and all that? If so, what concessions, if any, is your partner making? Where’s the effort on their part?

Relationship and compromise are like two peas in a pod. A lack of effort is a universal sign of disinterest – and a relationship is no different.

A lack of effort from a partner is a universal sign of disinterest and you should not ignore it if you see the sign in a relationship [Credit - Shutterstock]A lack of effort from a partner is a universal sign of disinterest and you should not ignore it if you see the sign in a relationship [Credit – Shutterstock]

4. Unconcern

An authentic relationship sparks feelings of passion for each other. You’ll be curious, concerned, involved, etc in all that the other person does.

Someone who continuously acts indifferent isn’t engaged, likely detached, and unfit – not to mention unworthy – of a real relationship.

5. That gut feeling

Many times, when someone does not really love you, you will know. There’s usually that sixth sense, that gut feeling in the pit of your stomach that keeps pricking you.

Add this to all the signs that you will see, and the picture is clear that this babe or that guy doesn’t really love you. They’re only with you because they have no option, or for the money or some other fake reason.

Be honest with yourself. Are you wasting your time? Money? Energy?

Extra: You can also find love on these dating apps 

Related:

 

Henrietta Ogochukwu Mark is the brain behind Lagos-based Henrimac Cakes. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she shares experience-based ideas on the art of cake making, the opportunities and challenges, how to start and excel at running a cake-making business, thriving during pandemic among other issues.

How would you describe the business of cake making?

TRUTH be told, it is a hectic but fulfilling one because, this is a business that you might have just N1000 in your account one moment and the next moment, someone calls to order a wedding cake worth N150, 000 or more. This is the benefit of having a skill; you will never go hungry. This has happened to me several times, helping me take care of financial responsibilities and more.

Abroad, you have ‘Cake Tasting’, why don’t we offer such services here?

I used to do this before, but it was thoroughly and badly abused by our people and I was compelled to stop. Some people want to come and taste all the cakes in the bakery first before talking about price, whereas in the western world you referred to, there is a paid appointment, which covers the cake tasting, except, of course, you already know what you want then you just have the usual appointment where you discuss what you want for your wedding cake.

They conclude price and go on to choose flavour, it is not even to taste. Do you see the difference?

There are clients here who would insist that they must taste your cake first before they order from you.

They don’t do like that over there; you can’t just walk into someone’s shop and demand to taste her cakes. Of course, if you have made payment into my account and you want to have a taste of my cake, you’re entitled to come and have a taste; I know you mean business then.

Some people, it is after eating that they will now start pricing the cake even after I have wasted precious time and resources on them. I don’t do that but if you have made the payment, there is room for that, it is included in your payment and you can always choose flavours.


What kind of cakes do you enjoy creating more?

In this industry, we have different styles and methods; there are some people that add pastries and cookies to their cake. This is great, but I mostly stick to wedding and birthday cakes; I don’t do cookies and pastries for now. Well, they say, ‘Never say never,’ but for now, I want to focus on cakes and now, I have developed over 15 cake varieties I offer clients.

Are multiple smaller cakes more cost-effective than a single big one?

I think it depends on the client. With the present downturn in the economy and further worsened by COVID-19, with no parties or weddings, I had to improvise and explore other options. Before now, I didn’t do smaller cakes, but now, customers tell me they don’t want big cakes but small ones, so I had to start it. Smaller cakes are not really cost-effective, but I understand we are all trying to balance with the current situation in the world.

 

How do you source clients in these tough times?

Mostly from referrals, they call me up. Sometimes, they say they attended a party where they ate a cake I made and want me to make one for them. Instagram has also been very helpful in sourcing clients. People also tell me they referred their loved ones and friends to me and I am thankful. In all, it is the grace of God that has been helping me.

 

What stands you out in this business?

For me, it is not just about designs; it is about the cake inside. But at the same time, if you have seen my work, if it is not neat, then it is not from me. I have someone who sent me a message; she told me she went to a party and the celebrant who is also a mutual friend, had various cakes but she identified my cake out of the several on the table. It felt very good to hear that because a neat cake is my trademark. I believe that the eyes eat first before the mouth and more importantly I want people to eat the cake and come back for more. No matter how small or how big it is, it has to be neat. No matter how beautiful, intricate a design is, if it is not neat, the beauty reduces.

If a simple design is done on a cake, even if you put a small flower there, the beauty pops out. However, it is not all about the design, the taste is also very important. A lot of people these days are more concerned with design rather than the actual taste but no matter how beautiful it is, if the taste is not so great, people will not come back for more.

Are you training other women to take up this skill?

Right now, I don’t, but I have a blog, Cake It With Henrietta, which I started in order to help upcomers. Not all of us are blessed with money or funds and I know what it means to start with nothing. Even when I started the blog, I know the kind of negative criticism I encountered because no one was doing what I was doing. I was giving out free recipes; everyone was busy hoarding recipes. My critics said I was giving away for free what people should be paying for, but I was unperturbed and told them that it was my way of giving back to others that really needed it. I have been down that road before, being unable to pay for expensive training classes and all and I had to resort to watching Food Network before I got a hang of it.

What would you say has been the lowest point for you?

In my early years, a client slapped me after I made an error. I put the wrong temperature on the oven so the cake was not properly baked inside. I delivered it, they did not eat it immediately; I think the next day or so. When they finally cut it, it was smelling; it was for her child’s birthday. That experience made me stop baking for six months. They almost beat me up thoroughly and I cried for one week straight.

My husband consoled me, reminding me that I was still new in the business and mistakes are bound to happen. He encouraged me to continue baking, that practice makes perfect. I refused, saying I didn’t want to touch my oven anymore and would try my hands on something else, but my husband countered my decision, advising me that I was perfect at my craft. He pointed out that he noticed I was always happy whenever I was baking. He encouraged me to go to baking classes to learn more rather than just via the Internet.

For those six months, I worked on being better and I got better indeed. That was four years ago and now, I have my own recipes and teach interested individuals via my blog. Also you know our work is all about recipes; it is not like tailoring where a person has to cut a pattern. Our work is quite straightforward, what you need is recipe, once it is written down; you give it to staff to implement.

Speaking of staff, once they stay with you for a month, they assume they know it all; steal the recipes and disappear, believing they have gotten your recipes not knowing that more will come. If you think you have taken what I’m using to excel in my business, God will surely raise another medium. It is not just about having the recipes; do you know all the intricacies involved in baking?

It really amuses me when they play these pranks, thinking they’re smart. I’ve also had an issue in the past whereby someone called my staff and was telling him to send my recipes, but unfortunately for the person, my other girl was around.

The staff was asking which of the recipes the person needed if you can imagine. I usually have hem sign a non-disclosure agreement, but even at that, how will you know what they do behind your back? Even when they sign, I can’t tell what they do after work; I can’t be going through their phones to know whether they sent someone recipes or not.

There is no way you can prevent people from stealing from you in this work, it is difficult. For now, I don’t know how to control it; it is really a very difficult situation.

How do you get your inspiration?

My inspiration comes from the personality of the client. I had issues when I made red velvet cake for a customer, she always ordered vanilla cake and she has been a loyal customer for years. I thought she didn’t know that we do red velvet and chocolate and decided to surprise her.

She booked her cake and I said let me do something different for her. So, when I made the red velvet cake, she called me and was screaming, ‘what is this occultic red cake?’ I had to apologise and she asked why I didn’t make the white cake (vanilla cake) she always liked.

So, for me, if I’m working on your cake, it has to be what you like; I’m meant to serve you and not myself. I will just add a little of me there but it has to be what the client wants because what I like might not be what the client wants. It’s not really about me, I can put little of myself but it is what you want.

What significant challenges are you experiencing that are setting you back?

The prices of the items we use are now double of what was obtainable before and I don’t think most people understand that we have to increase the prices because basically everybody is trying to make ends meet business-wise.

A bag of sugar was N10, 800 before, but now it’s N26, 000. Flour that sold for 9800 is now almost N18, 000; butter was also N9800 before but it’s now over N15, 000. At times, they would even tell you it’s not available. The increase in prices is a major challenge for us; I try to communicate with clients to see that ingredients have increased, but most of us still have to do the old prices to stay afloat. If you’re not baking, another person is baking. The price of items is the number one challenge.

Number two is poor electricity and the little gain we get goes to diesel. I have to use diesel because of the fridge, oven and other machines. The little gain we see, we use it to buy fuel and diesel. We are basically working for the government. We still pay tax despite all these hardships. I think everyone is just working to stay afloat, even if N500 is the gain, we will manage it like that.

How has cake baking evolved over the years?

Sometime last year, the baker that made my wedding cake called to tell me that she wants to learn from me. Cake is like fashion; every day, new techniques emerge. A decade or two ago, baking was seen as a skill for less privileged people, but things have changed now. In this axis, we have over 100 bakers. I think the country has also changed our views on skill acquisition because when you carry your certificate from Ajegunle to VI for months, you have to sit down and think of what you can do to feed.

Now, you even have graduates mixing cream, so it’s not just in baking. I know someone that, apart from baking, she goes to work, comes back to bake, trying to do both things. Everybody is trying to do many things at the same time. Some people are now doing ready-to-wear, small chops, food and so on. The economy forced many of us into getting a skill to survive.

What is your advice for women who want to go down this path?

When I first started out in life, I was a jack-of-all-trades. I also learnt how to be a milliner because I tried to add extra to the business; I wanted to do everything at once. Don’t try to be a jack-of-all-trades, focus on your strength.

In this industry, you can be good at baking; you can be good at creating sugar crafts used to cover cakes. Don’t allow social media pressure to distract you. Focus! What are you good at? Focus on that and let people know. For instance, if you go to my Instagram page, it’s clear I’m good at baking because I always show the inside of my cake. Focus on what you excel in and make a business out of that.

Source: Guardian

If there is one thing this generation suffers from, it is poor posture. Take a look around you and observe keenly the people around your environment. You would see people with poor sitting, standing and walking postures.

In your work place, you would have noticed people hunched over their seats, with their backs bent.

You’re probably currently sitting at your desk reading this, blissfully unaware of your posture right now—and that’s perfectly normal. It can be difficult to always be mindful of your posture, especially during a hectic workday through hours of Zoom meetings and conference calls.

Your posture is a very important indicator of your overall health, as it supports blood flow, improves your mood, increases your confidence, and strengthens your other muscles and joints. Practicing better posture while at your desk at work or at home, even in the smallest ways, is a great way to be mindful of your health on a daily basis.

Here are a few quick ways you can improve your posture as you go along your workday.

Sitting posture

1. Switch up your seating

Your seating can make or break your posture—literally. Seating with little to no back support, worn-out chairs, and working from your couch or bed could wear on your body over time, straining your shoulders, spine, and lower back.

If your desk chair doesn’t have the support you need to sit comfortably and in an upright position for an hour or two at a time, you may need to switch up your seating.

A good, ergonomic chair for your workspace will have lumbar support to help the middle of your back, where most of the tension goes when you’re hunched over your desk. You also want to pick a chair that keeps your body at a neutral, upright position with an adequate seat height that keeps your arms and legs leveled and a backrest that isn’t too firm or too soft.

If you’re now working from home, make sure to be mindful of where and how you’re sitting. Set up your own workspace with a desk and chair that supports your back and shoulders and promotes better posture over time.

As much as you can, avoid working from your bed. Your spine will thank you.

2. Take frequent stretch breaks

It’s easy to get wrapped up in your workday and forget to move, so set an alert on your work calendar or on your phone as a regular reminder to take a break and switch up your posture by taking a walk, standing briefly in between meetings, stretching, or getting a quick exercise in.

Spending hours upon hours every day in a seated position where your back is either slouched or hunched over is detrimental to your posture. Many health professionals have declared that sitting has now become the new smoking, a popular myth that compares the negative chronic health effects of both, such as weight gain and diabetes.

Prolonged sitting can have long-lasting effects on not only your back but also on your overall health.

Make it a priority to get up and move around on a regular basis throughout your workday to give your body some relief from sitting and staring at a screen all day. Put yourself on a daily schedule to get some time away from the desk so you can give your back a break from sitting in an upright position, putting more pressure on your spine.

3. Exercise for better posture

When we exercise, we often forget to exercise for better posture, especially as working from home becomes more prevalent. Your posture is key to better overall health, and taking time to focus on it during your workday can help prevent lifelong body issues.

Exercising throughout the workday for better posture can be as simple as standing upright for an hour or two at a time at your desk, stretching and rotating your neck to relieve some of the tension from hours of working, or getting a good back bend at the waist to loosen up that lower back.

Give yourself a few small breaks during the workday to work out those kinks in your shoulders, neck, and back from sitting too long, and focus on exercises specifically for those areas.

4. Keep your workspace eye level

Hunching over your desk to look at your laptop or to type is one of the key indicators of poor posture. If your laptop or desktop computer isn’t eye level, it makes it easy to slouch and get stuck working that way for hours.

Do an overall assessment of your workspace, including your laptop, your monitor, your desk, and your computer accessories like your keyboard and mouse to make sure they are level to your eyesight and body to ensure that you’re not straining your neck, shoulders, and back to use your devices.

Your workspace should be at a comfortable level but upright enough where your posture isn’t compromised. Switch up the positioning of your workspace so that it’s easier to sit upright while still being effective throughout the day. If you work remotely or from home, find a better place to set up your workspace like on a high bar-style countertop where you can easily sit in an upright position, or even stand and work for a change of pace.

5. Be intentions about your sitting posture

Taking the time to connect with your body every so often throughout the day to see how it feels can seem like another item for your to-do list, but your back will definitely thank you for it!

Practice being mindful of your posture throughout the workday by setting frequent reminders on your phone to check in with your body.

Use this mindfulness to be more aware of your posture on a daily basis and when you place the most tension on your back. Do you find that your posture suffers during long Zoom meetings? Are you sitting for more than two to three hours at a time in the mornings or afternoons? Take note daily of all of your workspace habits and how it impacts your posture and your overall body. This will help you anticipate and be more mindful of your posture during the most stressful times of your day and prepare to change it up.

6. Keep your feet flat on the floor

Your feet and their position while at your desk play a crucial role in your overall posture while sitting. If your feet are crossed or elevated, that could compromise your posture, as your weight is primarily on one leg or your back is taking the brunt of it.

When your feet are flat on the floor and properly leveled, the weight of your body is evenly distributed across your hips. Keeping your feet flat on the floor also makes you more mindful of the overall stance of your body, as it unconsciously makes you straighten up.

Practice keeping your feet fully on the floor for longer periods of time instead of elevating them using a footrest or crossing your legs at the knees underneath your desk. Planting your feet on the ground will help you be more aware of your posture and if you’re slouched or hunched over your desk.

Your posture is a key indicator of your body’s health during your workday. Don’t ignore any signs of back or shoulder pain; make it a point to take care of yourself while working, starting with your posture

Which of these tips do you find helpful?
Which of these tips would you start practicing today?

What other useful tip would you like to add? Please share with us in the comment box below.

All successful women seem to share a particular innate quality. They all carry themselves with a kind of confidence that matches with their level of success.

They all know there is a need to invest in certain not-so-secret things and they also show that acquiring and attaining these characteristics won’t buy you success. But it will give you the confidence to be the woman you dream to be and show you that it’s not someone you need to transform into, but someone you’ve been all along.

So here is how you can become the best version of yourself as a woman by investing in these 6 things.

1. Education

Sheryl Sandberg has openly admitted that one piece of advice she would tell her twenty-year-old self would be to create an 18-month learning plan.

Alongside your goals, you need to plan out exactly what you want to learn over that period and improve on the things that scare you the most. Because the successful woman knows that in order to succeed she needs to commit herself to education.

More importantly, she knows that it doesn’t finish when University does – the process of learning does not stop there. It’s up to you to further your education and build your knowledge. It’s a choice and it’s a choice you should make for yourself every day.

Your day should consist of at least one hour of personal development. And this can be as easy as signing up to coursera and learning a new skill in an hour.

2. The tools you need to get things done – such as a personal computer, a tablet, a journal.

Oprah famously keeps many journals to get her through, she keeps a health and wellness journal to track her growth so she can look back on it and reflect.

But it’s not only her, no successful career woman can get through any day without her planner. It’s her right-hand man and it goes wherever she does.

A journal helps you keep tab of things and a planner helps you note down things you need to do at particular times. And no, it’s not just about keeping up with a to-do list. You need one for every area, finance, fitness, business plans.

3. Your wellbeing

Gwyneth Paltrow is a huge wellness advocate and has even built a brand around it – and there’s no wonder she looks so good. But it’s not only her on that’s on a wellness mission, Arianna Huffington also boasts that yoga is the best thing she can do to achieve and maintain balance in her life.

Because if you look after your body, in turn, it will look after you. It’s your wellbeing that will help you become successful, it goes hand in hand! Without it, you’ll struggle, but with it, you’ll be bigger and better.

This concerns your health, what you eat and put into your body (make sure to only eat for energy) and how you switch off at the end of the day.

4. Mindfulness

If you want to become successful you have to start taking mindfulness seriously.

Take a leaf from Victoria Beckham who uses crystals to keep her grounded, or Gwyneth Paltrow who is very holistic. It’s about clarity and keeping your mind clear.

By doing this you’ll be ensuring that you’re well looked after and calm of mind, which will help you not only to perform better at work but be more present daily.

5. Your self-development

Growth should be one of your top goals always. And it’s something you need to always remind yourself to do.

What makes you different from six months ago? If you reply with nothing then it means you’re not progressing.
Finding the time can be difficult, but that’s where you need to make the time because it will only help you in your career.

Read and buy books you usually wouldn’t, expand your horizons, attend those classes you never get around to – just do it.

Make a list of the areas of your life you want to progress in and then come up with a plan that will help make this happen.

6. Proper Organization

I could talk about organization for days. It’s something that excites me and helps me operate at my best. I cannot think clearly if it is not tidy around me, which means it’s essential that not only my work life is organized by my home life too.

Emma Watson, for example, said she swears by multiple notebooks to get things done. “I keep a dream diary, I keep a yoga diary, I keep diaries on people that I’ve met and things that they’ve said to me, advice that they’ve given me,” she revealed.

Keeping multiple notebooks is no bad thing, it’ll allow you to organize your thoughts and keep everything in the right place. Invest in stationery that’s designed to help your life run smoother.

 

Christina Hammond is a freelancer, with a busy schedule, on Essence she shares her experience with c-section and tips on how to prepare and recover quickly from it, especially those who didn’t plan to have one. She believes there isn’t enough information about this

“I have what doctors call a bicornuate uterus. This means that my uterus is split and somewhat heart-shaped. A woman with my condition has a high chance of miscarriage and going into preterm labor. By the grace of God, I was able to go full term. A woman with a bicornuate uterus is also more likely to deliver via C-section, which turned out to be my only option. OKy little one remained breached the entire pregnancy, so I mentally prepared to have major surgery. Three years prior to that, I had to have my left ovary removed. Because my recovery was a speedy one, I believed the C-section recovery would be similar.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is never as easy as saying, “Hit the road, Jack!” – especially not when you are in love with your partner.

If you’ve been in a toxic relationship, you know exactly how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting they can be. But if a toxic relationship is so taxing, why is it so hard to leave?

In this article, you will find out why it’s difficult to leave a toxic relationship and how to leave a toxic relationship for good.

How to Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether you are in a toxic relationship or not. It is often because of the manipulation involved in partner -toxicity.

Another reason why it may be difficult to admit that you’re in a toxic relationship is that there isn’t any outward abuse. Your partner may not hit you or cross any obvious sexual boundaries,[1] but that doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy relationship.

Making a pro/con list can be a helpful first step when learning how to leave a toxic relationship.

Pros might be that your spouse makes you laugh, you enjoy the same hobbies, and you love them.

But, what are the cons of being in your current circumstances?

When you make out this list, it’s important, to be honest with yourself. Does your partner do any of the following?

 

  • Doesn’t give you privacy
  • Cut you off from friends/family/finances
  • Prevents you from attending school or work
  • Is controlling and jealous
  • Makes all the decisions in your relationship
  • Pressures you into things you aren’t comfortable with
  • Makes “jokes” or criticizes you
  • Is unfaithful
  • Talks down to you
  • Destroys property
  • Sends threatening text messages
  • Invades your privacy (checks your phone/social media/follows you)
  • Threatens to do something horrible if you leave the relationship
  • Gaslights/acts like the things they are doing are not a big deal

If these toxic behaviors remind you of your spouse, this may be the wake-up call you need to take action and get out of your dangerous relationship.

Why Do People Remain in Toxic Relationships?

One of the main culprits is oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone in your body that releases during moments of intimacy. This could include making love, holding hands, kissing, or even cuddling with someone.

When oxytocin is released, it causes you to be more trusting of your partner, even when trust is not warranted. This sneaky little hormone is also guilty of promoting bonding, which can make it feel impossible to leave your spouse, even when you know they aren’t good for you.

In addition to the effect of oxytocin, here’re 5 more things that make leaving a toxic relationship difficult:

1. Abuse Weakens You Emotionally

Emotional abuse can be devastating to everyone, leaving the individual weak without self-esteem, making starting afresh a difficult decision to make.

2. It Can Be Life-Threatening

Leaving a toxic relationship can be dangerous, leading to all sorts of consequences, even death. Research shows that a toxic partner kills a larger percentage of women in weeks after leaving a toxic relationship than when they remain in the relationship.

3. The “It Will Stop Mindset’

Society has ingrained in us a “don’t give up on anything” mindset in which people follow even when they recognize it might result in something catastrophic. That mindset is also followed by having the thought that the abuse will stop eventually.

4. Social Pressure

There is always that social pressure from friends, family members, etc., to want a relationship – this pressure only makes the situation worse.

5. Social Reaction

People often don’t want to admit to anyone that they are going through a hard time, which cuts across relationships. People in toxic relationships don’t want to admit the kind of abuse they are going through because of fear or shame of being blamed or judged.

 

The Effects of Emotional Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

1. Fear

This is a constant concern or awareness of danger. You start to have trust issues with anyone you find yourself with that building a relationship becomes issue overtime.

2. Shame

You don’t feel free to interact with anyone who knows what you have gone through like Friends, family members, etc., which often can result in loneliness.

3. Confusion

Your mind consistently wonders, and you seem to lose concentration and cant focus on a particular task.

4. Drugs or drinking

Abuse often results in excessive use of drugs and drinking. Thought that it could take away the pain is a delusion.

5. Suicide

When the pain and trauma get too much, it can often result in the party taking their lives.

6. Sleep trouble

You don’t get to enjoy sleep as you are supposed to. Thoughts and anxiety become the order of every moment.

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

1. Know That You Deserve Better

Months or years of being told that you’ll never find anyone better than your spouse can wear on you, and you may even start to believe it. But this isn’t true.

Tearing down self-esteem and self-worth is what abusers do to keep their victims trapped in the relationship.

Let “I deserve better!” become your daily mantra. Remind yourself of your worth every day.

You’ve tried your hardest to make your relationship work, but sometimes love is not enough, and you need to move on for your own mental and physical wellbeing.

2. Build a Support System

The emotions you go through for a toxic breakup are much the same as going through a breakup of a healthy relationship. You will feel conflicted, lovesick, relieved, depressed, and more.

Leaving a toxic relationship is especially difficult if you have been financially reliant on your ex – but don’t despair!

Instead of focusing on why this will be hard, focus on building a support system you’ll need when you take the plunge. Research shows that friend and family support during trying times lowers psychological distress.

Having a support system around will make it easier for you to move on.

3. Be Firm About Your Decision

Breakups are hard, no matter what the circumstance is. You’re leaving a life that you’ve grown accustomed to, and even if you know the relationship is no longer safe, it still sucks, leaving the life you’ve built for yourself.

There may be times when you are tempted to get back with your partner, but stand firm! You deserve a partner who loves and respects you.

Do not give your ex any false hope of getting back together. Be firm in your decision to leave the relationship and don’t budge.

4. Cut Off Contact

One of the biggest times for how to leave a toxic relationship would be to cut off all contact with your ex once you’ve broken up.

 

Keeping in contact with your ex opens the door for you to get back together. Plus, seeing your ex across social media will make the memory of the relationship feel fresh in your mind. Here’s what to do when you experience that.

Instead of dwelling in the past, focus on the future, keep yourself motivated. Delete your ex from social media, block them on your phone, and find ways to avoid seeing them in person. These actions will make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.

5. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

If you’re at the point of breaking up, you’ve likely tried all of the tricks to get your spouse to change their toxic ways.

Maybe you went to therapy, took a relationship class, or made date nights a priority – but nothing worked.

Your partner is not going to change, and it’s important to remind yourself of this often.

You did everything you could to help them and reason with them, and it didn’t work. Do not expect miracles after a breakup.

Even if an abusive ex changes their ways, it is likely only due to the shock of the breakup. If you got back together, their likelihood of returning to their toxic behaviors is incredibly high.

Learning how to leave a toxic relationship is one thing, but following through with it is an entirely different story. If you are having trouble leaving an abusive or toxic partner, reach out to a trusted friend, family, or call/text/chat with an abusive relationship support line like Day One.

Source: Lifehack

Popular Nigerian singer, Aituaje Iruobe, popularly known as Waje has recounted how she was banned from church after she got pregnant at an early age.

Waje, who is a mother of one, in an Instagram Live chat with gospel rapper, Bouqui, said she loved the father of her child at the time and that sex was the only way she could express her love.

Recounting her experience, the singer said: “I had a relationship in SS3 and the relationship went from ‘puppy love’ to sexual. I felt I loved him and that (sex) was the only way I could express my love.

“I got pregnant and one afternoon, my pastor came to the house to see me. I knew that day, there were two things that would happen, either I died or I died. Everything inside me got drained.

“The Pastor was in a conference room with other pastors and he said to me, ‘If you lie, you will die, because you are standing in front of God, Holy Spirit and me.’

“He asked me, ‘Are you pregnant?’ and I said, ‘Yes’. He was so disappointed and told me to be in church every Wednesday and Sunday but I would no longer sing in the choir.

The award-winning singer further revealed that her mother did not find out about her pregnancy until she was five months gone, adding that she wrote WAEC with it and no one noticed.

“I wrote the WASSCE while pregnant and nobody knew, not even my mother. She got to know about my pregnancy after five months.

“I knew something in her broke that day after I told her because she didn’t go back to sleep,” Waje added.

Waje has a 21-year-old daughter named Emerald Iruobe

Karrie Brady is a 24-year-old business coach and sales expert. Her income is currently bringing in $750K annually.

Karrie teaches women how to become coaches, educators, within their respective fields. She shows them how to turn their expertise into something that can help others and as well build their income, too.

Any skill set can be turned into education

She believes the opportunities for this is limitless.

After leaving school for biomedical engineering, she had returned home to take care of her father following an accident. Needing a way to make money in a flexible way, she began her business as a fitness and health coach at just 19-years-old. Her selling power became popular, and soon influencers were hiring her to sell their own products.

Today, Karrie Brady’s own clients use her expertise through one of the following:

  • One-on-one coaching
  • A mastermind group
  • A course for small audiences
  • A course for building authority
  • A forthcoming course on pivoting to online education.

Brady wants all women to know they have the power and potential to monetize their skillsets in a similar way.

“There are probably 40 different ways that people can get into online education. There’s coaching, they can create courses or memberships, e-books are so common, too,” she explains. “There are so many opportunities. A gardener could be an educator. You could create a course or book called ‘How To Take Care Of The 10 Most Popular Houseplants.’”

To date, some of Brady’s biggest successes include one woman who, in her first year of coaching, grossed $220K and saved $120K of it. Another was a photographer who transitioned to coaching and earned an additional $75K in her first year.

Read Also: How To Trick Yourself Into Saving More Money

However, it’s not just about learning how to package your knowledge into a course, book, or coaching program. It’s first about learning how to position, market and brand yourself to draw in potential clients in the first place.

“I think what people need to realize is that in today’s day-in-age, they want to buy from someone they are connected to. They want to be able to stand behind the brand,” Brady shares. “When you’re positing yourself as an authority and building up a social media presence, you are humanizing your business. It allows people to feel more invested in you and it allows people to stand behind your brand in more ways than just the product.”

“There are three people you’re selling to,” Brady explains. “The person who doesn’t even know that their problem exists; the person who knows the problem but not the solution; and the person who knows the problem and the solution. The last one is who you are positing the offer to.” .

Karrie Brady

Brady explains that the biggest obstacle she sees women facing is the dreaded imposter syndrome. It’s an issue, she says, that requires a lot of work to overcome. “People feel like they are not enough, they are not ready. If you’re ‘ready,’ you’ve waited too long. There’s so much power that you have. You only need to be two steps ahead of someone to effectively coach them.”

“Any skillset can be turned into education,” Brady says.

“There are billions of people in the world, and I can think out of the top off my head there are probably 10 people in their current audience that would love to learn from you.”

She helps her clients with from the “magic formula” to writing an Instagram bio, which photos are more appealing (she argues that straight-on is most inviting, second best is when your head is turned toward the follow button, as sort of a subliminal nod). She also coaches on making SEO-optimized content, to doing your captions the correct way, or how to nail the exact verbiage that would appeal to a potential client.

Related:

4 Bad Money Habits That Will Keep You Broke Forever

How To Survive While Unemployed

 

Chioma Ogamba Ifediata is the founder and Chief Executive Officer of Kisha Immigration, a licensed Canadian immigration company located in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. The trusted brand was born out of her passion for helping people find greener pastures and sharing in their joy when their dream becomes an exciting reality.

Kisha Immigration is affiliated to the Regulated Canadian Immigration Consultant (RCIC), College of Immigration and Citizenship Consultants (CICC) and Canadian Association of Professional Immigration Consultants (CAPIC).

Chioma studied Applied Business Computing in the United Kingdom and graduated with First class Honors and got educated in four countries.

Being an ardent believer in personal development and never-ending improvement, she immigrated to Canada as a permanent resident, then acquired degrees in Canadian Immigration Consulting, Information Technology, and an MBA (Business administration), graduating at the top of her class with a perfect CGPA of 4.0/4.0 in all three.

Chioma Ogamba Kisha Immigration

Chioma is delighted in witnessing people’s lives change entirely for the best. Their lives get transformed in a way that generations will be inspired by her actions to become a licensed Regulated Canadian Immigration Consultant (RCIC).

In this interview with Esther Ijewere, the sought-after Immigration consultant shares her inspiring journey and how she didn’t let the ASUU strike deter her from chasing her dreams.

Childhood Influence

My childhood did inspire me on my current path, even without my knowing it at the time. My father passed away when I was five years old; I remember hearing about how he was diagnosed with cancer and needed to seek a different opinion and receive treatment outside Nigeria. Sadly, his first visa application got rejected, and it was already too late for him by the time the second visa was approved. He passed away before the planned travel date.

Around the same time, I heard the story of another family member who was diagnosed with the same kind of cancer but had the access to travel abroad and was able to receive treatment there.

These two scenarios stirred up many emotions for me as I grew up pondering so many “what ifs” that might have averted my dad’s unfortunate demise.

What if he had global access? What if he did not require a visa to have access to good healthcare in the first place? He still would not have survived even if he got good medical attention… we will never know. There is nothing like having a second option to fall back on if necessary.

When most people think about Immigration, they see it solely as a gate pass to better living opportunities, but in some cases, it bottles down to life and death.

As citizens of third-world nations where most of our leaders travel abroad to seek better healthcare, what becomes the hope of the others that cannot afford it? My dad’s untimely demise birthed my passion for attaining global access and high quality of life for myself, my family and future generations. This eventually snowballed into me having a business immigration program decades later.

The Inspiration Behind Kisha Immigration

The inspiration for Kisha immigration came when I realized that I spent most of my free time since 2016 speaking to people on the phone for long hours, guiding them on how to get a second residency.

Consequently, when it came down to choosing a business idea to develop, Global Mobility was a perfect choice; there was nothing else I was more passionate about and also solved a problem people needed help with.

When trying to figure this out, the first question I asked myself is ‘what is in my hands?’  It was helping people become global citizens which would totally change not just their lives but that of their immediate family and future generations!

In other words, helping them unlock their global access by attaining a second residency/citizenship through entrepreneurship, investments, education, and work experience.

I thought to myself, “If I enjoyed doing this for free, I might as well get paid doing it while changing lives at the same time.”

I believe that as a child of God, I should have dominion from sea to sea, and from the river to the ends of the earth. One of the ways I hold onto this scripture is that I should not be restricted in my movement or access to other parts of the world.

There are diverse ways to achieve this; for me one of the ways was through immigration, cultivating a global mindset and unlocking my global access. Seeing how immigration transformed my life and the lives of everyone I helped achieve the same results inspired me to start Kisha Immigration Inc.

So, I transitioned from my 9 to 5 aspect of my career that spanned across different domains and industries (financial services, information technology, business analysis, robotic process automation and project management) to focus squarely on my passion – Global Mobility.

 The Advantage of Studying in Four Countries

The exposure I gained from studying in four countries gave me the right foundation for my career. I started at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, then moved to Malaysia to start a new program at a UK-affiliated university. I transferred to the UK to finish that degree and graduated from the University of Sunderland.

That experience as a young woman gave me an insight into how different the world was from where I hailed from. The diverse cultures, global opportunities, and higher standard of living. I had the resolve, as a young lady, to strive for better. I wanted the opportunity to operate on a global interface, interact with different people across the globe, and experience diverse cultures. I did not want to be restricted to where I was from.

One of the goals that preceded my other goals at that moment was obtaining a second passport. I was confident that it would open the doors of the world to me. This turned out to be our mission at Kisha: to open the doors of the world to our clients and help them gain global access.

Being able to provide the same for my children and future generations started from my studying abroad and seeing what was obtainable outside Nigeria. Today, my entire family is Canadian; my child even became Canadian before my husband and me. It all started with my dream of what I wanted for my family, and today that dream has become my reality.

How I Became a Regulated Canadian Immigration Consultant

I started as a regulated Immigration consultant and expanded toward having global partnerships to offer business immigration, citizenship, and residency by investment programs in over twenty countries. However, this feat was not achieved overnight; it took years of persistent arduous work.

I was aware that to help more people attain the transformational heights that come with immigration, I needed to have a team and structure set in place. I could not do it alone.

However, I could not start Kisha Immigration without a Canadian immigration consulting license, and getting this license required obtaining a Diploma in Canada Immigration Law first. I was operating on a hectic schedule then, and the only way I could start and finish the program was during my maternity leave.

Canada grants a one-year parental leave to nursing moms, and this was one of the rewards of Canada that intrigued me as a young girl even before I moved to the country.

Being as ambitious as I am, I decided to use the opportunity to complete my one-year diploma and my MBA. I graduated from both programs with a perfect CGPA of 4.0/4.0, and went on to write my license exam, which I aced on the first trial.

My Relocation Journey

My first stint at relocating was over a decade ago during a protracted ASUU strike when I was still in UNN. I did not want any breaks in my studies, and I loved learning. That was when I relocated for the first time with my immediate younger sister to complete my studies. After graduation, I had to go back home due to the change in the UK immigration policies.

I was determined to relocate again. I had shared my plans to relocate a second time with one of my friends, and through her, I learned of a new program that had recently launched in Canada at the time – Express Entry. It was the opportunity to gain Canadian permanent residency based on my professional work experience. A year later, I got selected by the Canadian government to send in my application and I did.

The rest they say is history. This goes to show that there is no one way to get a second residency or citizenship. It commonly happens through education, but it can also happen through entrepreneurship, real estate investments and skilled work experience

Challenges Of My Work

Owing to the fraudulent experiences that most of our prospects & clients have had with fake immigration agents, sometimes, their ability to trust us is diminished when they first approach us. We aim to be very transparent when we work with our clients.

The goal is to deliver as soon as we can within a reasonable timeframe. If there are any immigration changes along the way, we notify them immediately because a few of my core values are transparency, excellence, and integrity. These form the foundation on which Kisha Immigration is built.

Lastly, explaining to prospects and clients the importance of working with a licensed immigration consultant who is a Regulated Canadian Immigration Consultant can be challenging. Finding out if the immigration consultant managing your application is licensed or working in collaboration with a licensed consultant is more important than having a physical office.

This is because an unscrupulous company can easily pack up and vacate the office, but a license obtained in a country like Canada with as much diligence and sacrifice as I have put in is priceless. The chance of me deliberately jeopardizing my license is non-existent.

Profiling Of Black Women and How They Can Be Supported

Black women can have high performing careers and businesses. They should not be under-estimated because they can excel at endeavors they set out to accomplish. However, they also need support and should be encouraged. So, encourage them in their work, business, and other achievements; not only when they get married or have children.

We can be supported by having our businesses posted online and circulated among your WhatsApp and Facebook groups; if you are the ideal client, we seek that you patronize us. Let us do all we can to empower and support Black women to succeed.

How We Help Our Clients Immigrate To Canada At Kisha Immigration

We help first class clients get second citizenship or residency through Canada business immigration programs, citizenship by investment programs in the Caribbean, and residency by investment programs in Europe and beyond – over twenty countries worldwide. We also go the extra mile to help them settle in when they relocate to a new country as residents and guide them on the path to citizenship.

For our ambitious ‘study abroad’ clients, we help them select the right program, school, and country to study in and process their admissions and visa applications as well. We also help them settle in the country that will become their new home.

Sometimes, international students find it difficult to excel in their studies and land great jobs. We help them achieve this through our Academic and Career Excellence Coaching program. We also ensure that they have the right citizenship blueprint for that country. That is usually the ultimate goal for most clients.

Three Women Who Inspire You And Why

Despite being a young widow, my mom gave us the best education possible. So, I grew up without feeling the impact of not having a dad so much. She remained diligent and focused on giving us the best, which set the bar high for what I wanted for my children; I wanted to provide them with beyond what my mom gave me, and thankfully, I am already doing that. My aunt is another hugely inspiring figure in my life.

Her name is Mrs. Chibuzo Barth-Akaba. She is a fantastic woman, and it is so inspiring to see her build her different businesses and try to utilize all her talents. Then, growing up there was Oprah Winfrey, an inspiring Black woman on a global stage spitting wisdom. She looked like me so that was so encouraging and inspiring. Representation is so important; it acts as a catalyst to walk on a journey that once seemed out of reach.

My Advice For Nigerian Youths Affected By ASUU Strike

I would first address the parents and guardians of students who have experienced or are currently experiencing the arduous ASUU strike. As much as you would want them to go back and continue the program, the best course of action would be to send them abroad. If it seems too expensive, they could try applying for scholarships, and there are schools with affordable tuition fees abroad.

My mom did not necessarily send me to a top study destination at first, but when I got there, I could transfer to the UK on a partial scholarship.

Delays in getting an education and becoming a graduate are saddening. I was studying electronic engineering at UNN before I relocated. Because engineering was not available during my program selection, I opted for IT, which I had to start over, but I ended up graduating months ahead of my counterparts at UNN. I went through the fast-track route and had three semesters in a year instead of two semesters.

It might be different for everyone; you might be required to stay an additional year or two, but even with that, coming out with a marketable degree makes it worth it. Studying abroad makes you a well-rounded individual with a global mindset.

To the youths in question, if studying abroad does not seem attainable, then the ASUU strike is the ideal opportunity to develop and hone skills that would prove helpful, whether in your immigration journey or other general aspects of your life.

I still need to improve, but I try to ensure they coexist nicely. I have gotten to a point where I have consciously decided to stop working on weekends to spend quality time with my family and give attention to other aspects of my personal life. Because these are two crucial facets of my life, I try to understand how to manage both so that one does not adversely affect the other. It is all about being disciplined with time management.

Chioma Ogamba

Other Projects And Activities By Chioma Ogamba Ifediata

I am enthusiastic about helping young people access good education without financial constraints. Given this, we are launching a foundation in my dad’s memory dedicated to keeping his name and legacy alive. The Foundation will be launching soon and will cater to the needs of the underprivileged while equipping them with capacity-building skills. I do not believe in the saying that says “don’t just give a person fish but also teach them how to fish,” which proves to be more sustainable. We will also have workshops targeted at teaching them skills that they can monetize to create a better life for themselves.

Being A  Woman Of Rubies

I consider myself a woman of value and excellence, and I am also a robust and tenacious woman who sticks with what she starts until she finishes it. No matter how long or complex, I keep going as long as I can achieve it. Inspiring people to become the excellent version of themselves is also one of my favourite things to do.

One Thing I Wish To Change In The Canadian Immigration Process

It is common knowledge that Britain colonized Nigeria. Therefore, we speak, write, and hold degrees in English, so it is puzzling that Nigerians are still required to take English language proficiency tests for visa purposes. Most schools in Canada no longer demand IELTS from international students, but the Government of Canada still mandates that IELTS be taken for specific immigration pathways. It should be scrapped, as it is unnecessary for Nigerians.

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