In self development October 26, 2020 By Women of Rubies

7 Essential Books On Relationships To Help You Understand Love

There are many kinds of books on relationships out there to help people lead long-lasting marriages, couples, and lives. But out of the vast selection of them, some of the most impactful books to pick up are the ones about love and how to love.

As you know, 50% of marriages end in divorce—which is terrible—and I think it comes down to love. People don’t quite know what it means to love someone else properly.

So, to help, I’ve picked out some of the best books to help with understanding love on a deeper level than you can imagine.

The best kind of books on relationships I find are ones that have the following specifications to them:

Backed by research – This is based on whether the author is a professional or someone who does a lot of research. A reliable book is one that has plenty of facts to back up claims.
Clarity – Clarity not only in readability but also in the actionable advice that it gives. You don’t want to deal with too much jargon.
Easy to read – You want a book to be engaging and entertaining to read. Information sticks better if the writing is amusing and can keep readers invested.
Solvability – The book provides clear advice that solves some of the common relationship problems and struggles.
Non-Cliche – It isn’t filled with typical cliches or theories that many people know about. The book should provide a new perspective on something familiar.

Now let’s dive in to the 10 essential books on relationships:

1. Difficult Conversations

One of the most frequent problems with couples is communication. To that extent, not having difficult conversations is also a problem. If couples want a relationship to last, they need to have those difficult conversations. But the reason most couples avoid those conversations is that they’re not sure what to do or are worried about these conversations hindering the relationship.

If you’re in that situation, I suggest you take a look at this book. While there are many books out there that teach you to be a great conversationalist, this book is a simplistic guide to help you navigate through every kind of difficult conversation or fight you may have—not just with couples, but with other people as well.

Buy “Difficult Conversations” here.

2. The 5 Love Languages

This is a top-tier relationship book that’s been on many lists before, and this won’t be the last. This book has a unique spin to what love is all about, and it helps you understand it in a profound manner.

According to the book, how we give and receive love can be divided into five parts. While we deliver love with these five “languages,” there are one or two of them that are more dominant than the other. This book helps you to identify your and your partner’s love languages to help communicate your love for one another better.

Buy “The 5 Love Languages” here.

3. Mindful Relationship Habits

Relationships have ups and downs, of course, and there are several ways to handle them. Sometimes, it’s being able to have those conversations and smooth things over. Other times, you get unique solutions like developing mindful relationship habits with your partner.

The idea with the habits mentioned in these books is to help you communicate clearly, avoid arguments, and better understand each other in thoughtful ways. All in all, it addresses the small relationship issues that you and your partner have to deal with.

Buy “Mindful Relationship Habits” here.

4. The Science of Happily Ever After

Growing up, the hope of relationships is to be able to live happily ever after—like what you’ve read in so many children’s books. This book is more of an adult expansion from that concept. But instead of filling you up with all kinds of hope with no rhyme or reason, the book is founded on science and hard facts.

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The author, Dr. Ty Tashiro, translates years of research and analysis of how we look for a partner to live “happily ever after” with and simplifies it. Using real-life scenarios, this book paints a path to guide you to your other half.

This book still applies to couples as well since this provides unique perspectives on how one can find enduring love for one another.

Buy “The Science of Happily Ever After” here.

5. Attached

Another science-based book, this one takes a different approach to the search for love. Instead, the research from this book talks about the “attachment theory.” The premise of the theory states why we need to be a relationship at all times and how we behave in those relationships as well.

The theory outlines three categories: anxious, avoidant, and secure. Written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist, you get a unique perspective in those fields and how it involves love. Overall, you’ll learn which of the three categories you fall into and how you can build your relationship around that.

Buy “Attached” here.

6. First Comes Love, Then Comes Money

One particular struggle I want to highlight in relationships is money. Finances alone cause a lot of disruption for couples. The reason for this is that couples don’t talk about money until it is a problem and by that point, you have two people arguing about money with no real way to steer the conversation or manage it.

Since many people don’t know how to talk about money—let alone to their partner—this book provides great insight into how people think about money. The book also explains the different kinds of money personalities and how you’re meant to interact with one another based on that information.

Buy “First Comes Love, Then Comes Money” here.

7. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

This is an older book on relationships, but it still holds up to this very day. The overall thesis of this book revolves around the idea that Martians (men) and Venusians (women) are at their happiest in relationships when they accept the differences as positives. Even though this is a familiar concept, it addresses some of the main struggles and complications in relationships—understanding one another and working through problems.

Buy “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” here.

8. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

With over a million copies sold, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book that’s revolutionized the way we think and understand, repair, and improve marriages. John Gottman Ph.D. conducted an extensive study spanning a period of years and distilled the results into this book that author Nan Silver supported.

He narrowed his research down to habits that either build marriages up or tear them down. From those habits, he created the seven principles that help guide marriages down a path to long-lasting relationships.

Buy “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” here.

In self development October 26, 2020 By Women of Rubies

How To Know When Your Partner Is Hiding Something From You

Although we’d like to believe that our partner would never lie to us, occasionally we get hit with a gut feeling that something just isn’t right. Maybe your partner has been more secretive with their phone. Perhaps they aren’t as talkative as normal. Regardless of the reason, if you’re trying to alleviate your anxiety, here’s how to know if your partner is hiding something.

They’re Hiding Accounts or Transactions

If you used to pay your bills together and your partner now suddenly takes care of the bills before you can see them, they may be hiding something. To find out the truth, visit a website like https://checkpeople.com. For a small fee, you’ll be able to run a background check on your partner. The report gives users a comprehensive report, covering everything from the criminal background to a credit check.

Simply review the accounts posted to their credit report to verify any loans, bank accounts, and credit cards they have in their name. If something doesn’t match what they’ve disclosed to you, they’re hiding something.

They Become Super Defensive

One of the first ways to uncover whether your partner is hiding something is to ask them. Opening the conversation with a calm, rational tone is important. You don’t want to come across as confrontational or manipulative. Start the dialogue with how you’re feeling and build from there.

Make sure to gauge their reaction, particularly if they get triggered or offended. This reaction is either a subconscious defense or an intentional response to avoid how they’re feeling. In a normal, healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable discussing their concerns without the other person blowing up emotionally. When a simple conversation winds up causing defensive behavior or irrational anger, there’s a good chance they’ve got something to hide.

Their Schedule Becomes Unpredictable and Odd

If your partner has always been a creature of habit, sudden changes in routine can be an indicator that something is awry. Changes to exercise routines or personal schedules (like driving into work early) may not be conclusive evidence that your partner is hiding something, but it is worth noticing if it seems to fluctuate.

Often, if a partner is considering an affair, changes to personal appearance are ways of getting more attention from new partners or interests. Pay attention to whether your partner suddenly has an interest in working out, dressing up, or increases their grooming routine. They may be trying to improve their overall health or emotional well being, but it’s worth a conversation if it’s out of character.

They Seem to Overly Compensate

After being with a partner for longer periods, romance and sweet gestures seem to fall by the wayside. This is especially true for couples who have been together long after the honeymoon phase of their relationship. Everyone enjoys affection and sweet gifts but pay attention to when these gifts are given.

While your partner may want to improve the romance within your relationship, it may also be a sign of hiding shady behavior. Purchasing flowers or jewelry randomly makes you feel good. However, if the gift-giving seems to follow a late return home or long business trips, trust your gut if you feel like something is off.

Something Just Doesn’t Add Up

The one problem with lying is the inability to keep up with the stories as time goes on. Eventually, inconsistencies are going to show up as they forget what they told you. Although no one can remember their day in perfect detail, listen for major discrepancies in their story.

If your partner told you he went out for lunch with a few coworkers and the story suddenly changes to not getting lunch at all, there’s a good chance he’s trying to hide something. Feel free to ask him to clarify what he did during his lunch break if the stories don’t add up. If the relationship is going to last, communication and honesty need to be at the front of the relationship.

When you have suspicions that something in your relationship isn’t quite right, it’s always a good idea to try and uncover the truth. Although your suspicion may be entirely unfounded, knowing the truth about any discrepancies or changes in behavior is important when you want to build your future together.

Source: Baucemag.com

In self development October 14, 2020 By Women of Rubies

These 5 Health Benefits Of Orange Are Priceless

Orange is undeniably sweet. And its health benefits are priceless.

It is true that many people don’t know how beneficial orange can be to our health. The few who knows are limited to the knowledge of vitamin C. At least, that is why they consume it.

However, there are other reasons why it is advisable for us to eat an orange on a daily basis. Because they are not only rich in nutrients, they also promote a clear-healthy skin and help lower the risk for many diseases as well.

In addition, it is important to note that one orange provides 130 percent of your vitamin C needs for the day, 2 percent of vitamin A needs, 6 percent of calcium and 0 percent of iron.

They also contain thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B-6, folate, pantothenic acid, phosphorus, magnesium, manganese, selenium, and copper.

And owing to their high vitamin C content, which is over twice the amount of daily need, oranges helps to boost the immune system.

Also included among the nutrients that are found in orange, is Choline. Choline, which is a very important nutrient, helps to maintain the structure of cellular membranes, aids in the transmission of nerve impulses, assists in the absorption of fat and reduces chronic inflammation.

Here are some of the health benefits of oranges

1. It lowers the risk of ischemic stroke

American Heart Association has made it known that eating a higher amount of citrus fruits like oranges and grapefruit lower the risk of ischemic stroke for women.

And this was as a result of a statistical report which shows that those who ate the highest amounts of citrus had a 19 percent lower risk of ischemic stroke than women who consumed the least.

2. It reduces the risk of Rheumatoid Arthritis

It has been medically proven that a glass of orange juice per day can keep the inflammation that usually arises from Arthritis at bay. In addition, the anti-inflammatory property of orange helps reduces the risk of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

3. It fights against cancer

Vitamin C, on the other hand, is a strong antioxidant. And being an excellent source of vitamin C, orange help fight the free radicals that cause cancer.

However, it is important to note that the amount necessary to consume for therapeutic purposes for cancer is beyond oral intake. High fiber intakes from fruits and vegetables are associated with a lowered risk of colorectal cancer.

4. It prevents stomach ulcer

Although this might sound unbelievable, it is true.

Owing to the high fiber content in oranges, orange helps to prevent ulcers. As a matter of fact, an orange a day can help keep stomach ulcers away.

5. It fights skin damage

When orange is eaten or applied topically, it helps fight skin damage caused by sun and other agents of skin damage.

It also helps to reduce wrinkles and improve the overall texture of the skin; because vitamin C plays an important role in the formation of collagen, which is the support system of the skin.

In self development October 14, 2020 By Women of Rubies

How To Stay Online Even After Your Internet Is Blocked

At this point, we all know the internet is a powerful tool. So powerful that a protest can be started online and then extended offline.

With the ongoing #EndSARS protest at its peak across Nigeria, many Nigerians have seen how potent the internet can be in stirring conversations around social issues, demanding for positive change from our leaders, coming up with new slang to buttress their points, and even crowdfunding to ensure that all protesters are well taken care of. But guess who has also ‘discovered’ the immense power of social media? The government. Those in political seats. Those in positions of power. Those who want the voices of the people to be silenced.

The power of the internet and social media is not new to Nigerian politicians, after all, in 2019, the Nigerian government tried to introduce the social media bill under the guise of curbing fake news. With the ongoing protest, the power of social media is, more than ever before, so glaring and there could arise an urgent need to block the internet or pass the bill.

So what do we do if we ever get to the stage where internet is blocked in Nigeria?

Use a VPN

A virtual private network (VPN) gives you online privacy and anonymity by creating a private network from a public internet connection.

Surfing the web or transacting on an unsecured Wi-Fi network, or using various social mediums means you could be exposing your private information and browsing habits. VPNs mask your internet protocol (IP) address so your online actions are virtually untraceable.

However, VPNs can differ from region to region, and it is important to know the safety and security of each specific network you choose to use.

In Nigeria, we have VPNs like ExpressVPN, NordVPN, CyberGhost, IPVanish and others. Please confirm their authenticity and security level before using any of them. Ensure it is also right for your device.

Use proxies or circumvention tools

People who are living under strict internet censorship by authoritarian governments have made good use of circumvention tools.

Circumvention tools will help you evade censorship and access the internet anonymously. Psiphon, an open source web proxy helps users skirt content-filtering systems. Psiphon has helped millions of people in freedom-restricted countries around the world safely access censored knowledge and ideas.

Tor defends you against tracking and surveillance. It prevents someone watching your connection from knowing what websites you visit. Tor tries to make all users look the same, making it difficult for you to be fingerprinted based on your browser and device information. It also isolates each website you visit so that third-party trackers and ads can’t follow you.

In short, Tor tries to prevent people from tracing your location or spying on your browsing habits. Tor is available for Windows, Mac, Linux, and Android.

Then there’s Orbot, a free proxy app that empowers other apps to use the internet more securely. Orbot uses Tor to encrypt your Internet traffic and then hides it by bouncing through a series of computers around the world.

Tails, a portable operating system, will protect you against surveillance and censorship. Tails includes a selection of applications to work on sensitive documents and communicate securely. Tails also uses the Tor network to protect your privacy online and help you avoid censorship.

Lantern uses peer-to-peer networks to get people in uncensored areas to share their Internet connection and servers with those without the same unfiltered level of access. It does more than that. If your favorite apps are blocked, you can download Lantern to easily access popular video, messaging and other apps while at school or work. It doesn’t end there, Lantern encrypts all of your traffic to blocked sites and services to protect your data and privacy.

Before you use any of them, carry out enough research on the one that’s best suitable for you. The government can sometimes use sophisticated technology to block these same sites or introduce jail terms for using them. We hope it wouldn’t get to this in Nigeria.

Protecting yourself digitally

Many of us do not pay attention to our cybersecurity. As you make use of the internet, you need to consider your safety and security, and protect your identity.

It starts with the easy things: ensure that all the sites you are using are delivered over HTTPS. This allows you to access the original site and not an altered version of it. You can install the HTTPS Everywhere extension in your browser.

Ensure you have an anti-virus software. This helps you remove malicious software from your laptop.

If you have not been clearing your browser’s cache, now is the time to put it into consideration. Never underestimate how much your browser’s cache knows about you. Your saved cookies, saved searches, and Web history could reveal your home address, family information, and other personal data.

Try to delete browser cookies and clear your browser history on a regular basis to protect that information that may be lurking in your web history.

Know where to seek help

What do they say about humans needing humans? If you engage in sharing sensitive information, especially the ones powers that be wouldn’t want you to share, it is important to know where to seek help when you are in trouble. For example, Access Now, is a site that runs a 24-hour digital security helpline. They advise users during emergencies, engage in global advocacies, bring the plight of arrested internet users to light and offer legal representation.

Although we hope that in Nigeria, we’ll never get to that stage where our online voices will be silenced, it is important to still ensure that as we carry out our day-to-day activities online, we protect ourselves in the process. Don’t get carried away. Ji ma sun.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development October 14, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Motunde Sotiminu: How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People Online

Never before in history have we had people’s lives or “highlights” glaring before our eyes. It used to be that we would have to go to the neighbor’s house to catch up on the gossip and the whereabouts of Lola or Kyshira. We could go for days without knowing about anyone’s business and if the person happened to be a celebrity, we were lucky to get it on the news or magazines. But as for the everyday woman, her business was her business. If I didn’t want to know what was going on in her life, I didn’t have too. Nowadays, it seems as if the world with instant messaging and social media has done a 360. I have Kyshira’s baby shower pictures in my face and I know that Lola is on holiday in the Bahamas and not only that, that she’s looking good, she’s lost weight, paid off her debt, and is traveling the world making passive income. Suddenly, I know all about my friend’s business and I begin judging and comparing myself to her. Well, why can’t I lose weight like she did, or look at me, I’m swamped in debt whereas Lola has paid off her student loans and is turning up in Nassau, Bahamas? And the cycle of self-pity, sadness, depression begins.

As much as social media is a force for good and has brought amazing opportunities for the majority of us, it has also shown its “other side” and the negative effects that can occur if we don’t watch out, guard our hearts, and lay down those boundaries.

So, how do we deal with comparison in the online space?

1. Set Boundaries

The same way one is encouraged to lay down boundaries in our relationships is the same way we have to lay boundaries on social media. And guess what? I love it. My favorite buttons on these social media platforms, especially Instagram are the MUTE, BLOCK, UNFOLLOW, RESTRICT, REPORT buttons. LOOL. I had to include the Report button lool because some people are crazy out here with the hate, trolls and all the negative energy. Sis, I encourage you to make full use of these buttons. They are there for a reason. If you know a certain person’s “highlights” are making you feel a certain type of way when you scroll through their posts or watch their stories, UNFOLLOW them. If they happen to be someone close to you or those types of people who will direct message you after you unfollow them lol, the MUTE button comes to the rescue.

The MUTE button is my favorite button. If I feel like a particular “influencer” or even a close friend is blowing all her vacation highlights on my timeline, sis becomes MUTED. And I encourage you to do the same. I know this may seem harsh or callous but it will save you in the long run. Guard your heart sis. Protect your mental health. Some people on Instagram are obsessed with showing us they have what we don’t have and so we have to quietly MUTE them. This way you save yourself from going down the rabbit hole of self-pity, comparison, depression, low self-esteem etc. We already have enough to deal with in 2020. We don’t need Kyshira living our best life to keep us down on ourselves. Again, guard your heart. You know the things you see that get you all worked up and in a funk, so take “precaution.”

2. Remember Social Media Is A Highlight Reel

I know we hear this so often that it becomes so cliche but sometimes I feel we need to hear this reminder again. Social media is a collection of “highlights”. Not too many people post their “low lights” on Instagram. It is a highlight reel. And it doesn’t make sense comparing your “lowlights” or your reality to someone else’s highlights. The grass is always greener on the other side. Social media is far from one’s reality. The truth is that no one’s life is perfect. Life is a roller coaster consisting of good and not so good moments. And happiness is being able to find joy and peace during this rollercoaster. Not everyone smiling on Instagram or Facebook is happy in real life. Some people are comfortable with putting up facades; when you get to know them better, you find out that not all that glitters is gold. So whenever you see yourself going down this trail of comparison, remember, you don’t know the full picture. And even if that’s the full picture, they always have ‘ish they are dealing with. And going with this perspective, you learn to be happy for people. You learn to be happy for them in the good times knowing the bad times do pop along the way. Again, perspective is super important.

3. Remember Everyone Is On Their Own Unique Journey

This has been a huge lifesaver for me; realizing that my journey is not going to be like Kyshira’s or Lola’s. We all have our own unique paths and that’s where the beauty lies in; being able to appreciate the differences in everyone’s journey. Kyshira might be engaged at 21 and have three kids before 30. That’s Kyshira’s path and that’s awesome, celebrate with her knowing you have your own unique journey and it will not always look like Kyshira.

Life would be so boring if everyone had similar journeys. Imagine how the world will be if we all looked like models or we all finished college and got our dream jobs at 21, got married at 27, quit our jobs at 30, and purchased our homes at 32. Life will be super boring. And God is a God of variety. Some people are naturally skinny, others are super curvy; some are happy with working a 9-5 for the majority of their lives while others are born to be entrepreneurs. We are all different. Let’s embrace our differences and appreciate our own unique journeys.

There is no one like you in this world. You have something that no one else has to offer. This is what makes you unique. Why don’t you celebrate and thrive being yourself? Why do you want to be like Kyshira or have her journey? You are beautiful just the way you are. Embrace and celebrate this.

With the instant accessibility to the “highlights” of people’s lives, it is important we guard our hearts, remember social media is a “highlight reel” and that everyone’s journey is different.

How do you deal with comparison in the online space? I would love to know your thoughts, feel free to drop them in the comments.

Source: Bauce Mag

In self development October 2, 2020 By Women of Rubies

3 Things You Should Do If You Feel Like Your Life Lacks Purpose

You might come to a point in life where you feel you haven’t achieved anything and you’re ashamed, but there’s no need to worry! There’s never time for you to turn your life around for the best, and it’s something that everyone should strive to achieve. Sometimes the changes you want to make are simple, and sometimes they’re incredibly difficult but the key is to not think about the work ahead, and instead the benefits.

Lose the attitude

Most people struggle with improving themselves because everything requires a high amount of effort. First of all, just try to consider what your life could be if you just stuck to a great routine. Once you have your personal ideas in mind, why should you slack at achieving it? It’s your life that you’re slowing down, and potentially your life that you’re ruining. Think of why you want to make the change, and what you want to leave behind. Believing in yourself is what’s going to power you and bring you to make the changes you want, don’t let there be any doubt.

Expand on yourself

It can be quite easy to give up and change your mind mid-way through your school life, and there are many people out there who aren’t putting their qualifications to good use. If you’re looking to make changes in your life, now might be the time. Depending on what you’ve already done, might be looking to go to medical school, or maybe returning to education like a university to follow a career path that you regret not doing. It’s never too late to follow your goals, and if the opportunity is there for you, you’ll wish you never passed it up!

Drop the bad habits

There are many habits out there that can hold you back. Not so much when it comes to career, but your health especially. Anything from smoking to a terrible diet can affect how you feel on a day to day basis, and it’s something that everyone should try to get out of at some point in their lives. This is one of the harder challenges to overcome, but it’s something you should if you’re truly looking for a greater lifestyle. Becoming a more active person can also help you to become more motivated too, and it’s proven that physical exercise can help you mentally, meaning you’re likely to have a more positive outlook on life.

It’s your life to lead, which means it’s up to you to make the most of it. Just because you feel like your life won’t get better, or there’s no way for you to improve, doesn’t make it true. There are many opportunities out there for everyone, big and small, so take a good look at what you’re currently doing and think of how you can better yourself. Giving yourself at least some kind of goal and working towards it is a step closer to an improved lifestyle, and helps you feel satisfied once you achieve it.

Source: Baucemagaine.com

In self development October 2, 2020 By Women of Rubies

6 Helpful Habits That Will Make You Feel Calmer

Modern life can be stressful and make you not feel calm at all. We work non-stop from nine to five, and even outside this time, we are constantly bombarded with a barrage of emails, social media notifications, and anxiety-inducing news headlines. We are living in the data age, and our lives can seem like a constant stream of information pouring into our heads. At times it can be overwhelming.

It is no wonder then that more and more people are struggling with their mental health. Almost half of all adults will experience a mental illness at some point in their lives. We could all do with a little more calmness in the world, but it is becoming harder and harder to find.

If you are struggling with the worries and stresses of today, it is possible to find some peace. By making a few subtle adjustments to your daily life, you will feel calmer and better equipped to deal with life in the digital age.

1. Cut down on technology

Our overuse of technology is one of the biggest contributors to mental health problems today. Excessive consumption of digital media, in particular social platforms such as Instagram and Facebook, can make us feel stressed, anxious, depressed, and low in self-esteem. By cutting out unnecessary technology use, you can replace these negative feelings with more positive ones. Read a book in your spare moments instead of scrolling aimlessly through social media. Invite a friend for coffee rather than texting. Choose the analog over the digital at every opportunity, and you will feel the calming benefits instantly.

2. Exercise

Exercise is the best natural mood-booster there is. Just 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per day will get your endorphins flowing, which helps to reduce stress and makes you happier and more productive. Not to mention the added levels of self-confidence that come with being fitter and stronger.

3. Spend time in nature

The mental health benefits of the outdoors are well-documented, but not enough people appreciate the advantages of spending a little time in nature. Going out for a lunchtime walk or taking the scenic route home can make you feel calm and peaceful and send any worries packing.

4. Socialize

People with a stable social network of friends and family have stronger mental health than those that are more isolated. Socializing with loved ones adds to your sense of self-worth and can make you feel more confident and stress-free. It also provides a medium to share positive experiences or emotional support to help you through tough times.

5. Eat better

Food is fuel for the body, so it should come as no surprise that what you eat has a direct influence on how you feel. An unhealthy diet full of fatty, oily foods will make you feel lethargic, tired, and irritable. Feel happier and at peace by adopting more healthy, balanced food habits. Plenty of fruit and vegetables will give your body the nutrients it craves while cutting down on alcohol and caffeine consumption will have an enormously positive impact on your anxiety levels.

6. Meditate

You don’t need to be an expert in things like chakras or Advaita Vedanta to experience the benefits of meditation. All you need is a quiet place to sit and focus on your breath. Just ten minutes of meditation a day can make you feel calmer, more confident, and increase your attention span. There are plenty of guided meditation apps to help you get started.

Source: BauceMagazine

In self development September 28, 2020 By Editor

#MondayMotivation| 4 Ways To Transform Stress Into Success

Ever set yourself a passionate goal that was so big it stressed you out, created anxiety, and had you wondering ‘why the hell am I doing this?’
What if you could convert that anxiety into focus, which then led to highly productive results? Once I learned the elements to do this, it was a major component in my success equation.

1. You must covet success at the deepest level
You must have a passionate desire to obtain your goal. If the fire isn’t in your belly, this isn’t going to work for you. You must be working towards something you really want.
The stress that arises when you’re working towards a passion is the type of energy you can harness to propel you towards your end goal, instead of letting it cripple you.
So ensure you’re on-purpose, fuelled by passion, and committed to the journey.

2.Identify good stress vs. bad stress
When you’re attempting to create your vision you are going to experience stress, but it’s important to learn how to identify the good vs the bad.

The body grows in response to stress. Stress promotes character growth, emotional growth, spiritual growth, and muscle growth. When you’re chasing your dream you’re guaranteed ups and downs, but allow that growth to make you stronger.
The bad kind of stress is when you don’t take control of your life. You are removed from your passion, in your safe zone, and yet things are still going wrong. This stress is debilitating, and makes you weaker and contributes to a ‘poor me’ mindset. No dreams were built feeling sorry for yourself.
If you believe anxiety debilitates, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Confront and change those beliefs and it will go a long way to convert those things into focus.

3. Surround yourself with success stories
Put yourself into a situation where you can see people already achieving what you’re striving for. Let their energy rub off on you!

You’re more likely to bungee jump off that bridge if everyone else is successfully doing it and loving it. Start seeing yourself as one of those people; convert that anxiety into enough focus to jump!
I put myself in front of people who were already earning the level of income I envisaged and struck up conversations with them around their success. Pick their brains! See how they’re showing up in life, and emulate that.

4.Back yourself to win
You’ll come across some people who are going to try and talk you down from your goal. They may be coming from a good place and think they’re helping you, but these discussions can create doubt and stress around the pursuit of your vision.
Don’t let them derail you. Hold your authority as the leader of your life, and respectfully let them know you’ve got this!
Take back your ownership and control and that anxious energy will support you instead of disable you.

Pic credit: Bing

In self development September 23, 2020 By Women of Rubies

This Black Woman Entrepreneur Is Teaching People How To Heal Through Breathing

The business of wellness has become increasingly popular over the last several years due to the trend of more Americans becoming conscious of their mental health. For the Black community, racial trauma along with other factors can contribute to more Black Americans dealing with anxiety and depression. One Black woman decided to create a series of workshops to help other Black women cope with their anxieties through breathing sessions.

Jasmine Marie is the founder of Black Girls Breathing, a special workshop series for Black women to practice breathwork, a type of breathing exercise or technique used to improve mental health. Marie found that this type of wellness exercise was critical for Black women who face their own set of challenges.

“After practicing breathwork and incorporating the tool into my life (while experiencing the many up’s and down’s of various chapters) for 4.5 years, I decided to get my breathwork training. During training, I noticed the lack of diversity in our groups (not uncommon for the wellness industry) and thought even more how this work isn’t really known in the Black community or accessible,” said Marie in an email interview with BLACK ENTERPRISE.

“I created Black Girls Breathing when I didn’t see any organizations focusing on bringing this work specifically for us while knowing the power of this tool and how Black people suffer from the highest rates of chronic stress and the related physical ailments related to it.”

Unlike mediation, breathwork can be described as an active practice that lets a person control their breathing, which can be used to boost immunity, enrich creativity, and reduce stress levels. For Marie, it was important to bring diversity in this space that is typically predominantly white to help Black women with their healing journeys.

“Black women have different experiences than non-Black women of color and white women,” she added.”It was important for me to acknowledge that our particular lived experiences and how the world perceives us has an impact on our mental health and create an environment that addresses that reality and offers tools to help us work through and heal through that.”

Customers can book virtual sessions amid the COVID-19 pandemic to take part in group sessions. Marie says in addition to healing in their own individuals, the sessions have also created a safe space for Black women to convene and feel relaxed.

“Most of the Black women who experience it once, come back and have begun to develop a practice. Now more than ever we’re seeing how lack of insurance and low-income due to layoffs have caused additional stress on top of the everyday stress felt of being Black,” said Marie.

“Our community has been so grateful that we’ve made the core of our work available in an accessible way. We’ve begun to host some sessions with a licensed therapist so the community benefits from traditional talk therapy + somatic healing (healing of the body). We look forward to expanding our work so more Black womxn can experience this powerful tool.”

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A post shared by black girls breathing™️ (@blackgirlsbreathing) on Jul 10, 2020 at 1:00pm PDT

In self development September 23, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Money Matters With Nimi: What Parents Need To Know Now That Schools Have Resumed

Due to the pandemic, the educational sector has faced some of the most profound changes, and so many of our children have been homeschooled for months through online learning, radio, and television.

With the new directive to reopen schools this month, many schools continue to maintain distance learning, but many others will reopen for physical classes. The government, school proprietors, teachers, parents, and the students themselves have been forced to innovate and create workable solutions. Education is a critical component that’ll help children realise their goals, and technology is key to fast-tracking our development as a nation

As physical schools begin to reopen, I hope we will merge the various forms of learning and not lose the life-changing skills that so many parents, teachers, and students have gained by embracing technology at this time.

Every new school year presents huge opportunities for children, along with some challenges for parents. The academic year comes with significant costs: school fees, uniforms, supplies, and all the paraphernalia that must be paid for. For most parents, particularly at this time with finances stretched and some job losses, it can be a huge challenge to prepare for children to go back to school.

Here are some things to consider as you prepare for the new term:

Plan ahead

Ideally, parents and guardians should have started planning for the school year long before the resumption date. When you shop early, without the pressure of time, there’s no rush and you can take advantage of sales. When you wait until the last minute, most items will be at full price. This is probably the most expensive time to shop for the school year. If there are some items that your child doesn’t need right away, you can decide to wait for when unsold inventory is being sold at discounted prices.

Review the school list

The school supply list can be quite daunting, so go through the list critically and determine if your child really needs every single item there. Check to see what your child brought home at the end of the last term, you will be surprised to find that there are many items at home that can be used this term. That way, you can avoid wasting money or duplicating items.

Make an inventory, it is important to keep track of what you’ve actually bought. Keep a list and give one to your child as they leave for school. Children should be accountable for their belongings and, at the end of each term, should be expected to bring them back home largely intact. Unpacking when they come home and ticking off the items that could still be used for the next term is a good idea. To encourage this habit, some parents give a small reward to children that respect, manage, and care for their personal possessions.

Prepare a budget

Most people cannot afford to buy every single thing on the school list. How much money do you have to spend? Set out a budget for school supplies including school books, lunch, the school bus, uniforms, allowance, and so on. Shop with your list, prioritise, and stick to it.

Going through the school list with your child is an opportunity to teach some valuable money lessons. Talk through the difference between wants and needs. For instance, the standard trainers that the school recommends for PE can be compared with the much more fashionable high-end trainers that they would rather have. This provides strong lessons in costs, prioritising, and budgeting. It is also a good idea to go along with them for some of the shopping trips.

Hand me downs

Uniforms are essential and are a constant part of a school-shopping list. Every child would love to have a brand new uniform each year but where there are older siblings who attended the same school, it makes perfect sense to hand them down to a younger child if they are in good condition, even if you can afford to buy new ones. Some schools offer second-hand uniforms in perfect condition for a fraction of the cost but many Nigerian parents are embarrassed by this. Don’t be.

The booklist

As children go through the same stages year on year, one can find second-hand books in good condition. When handing in your book list to the shop, request that they check for available second-hand alternatives in the correct edition listed on the book list. Talk to friends and relatives with children who have just completed the year above. So many parents find that they can do book swaps. Children should be taught to protect their books, so they can be used by others after them.

Buy in bulk

Some people advocate buying school items, such as stationeries like pencils and notebook paper, in bulk. This can lead to waste so be careful. This technique is most effective for households with multiple students. For single-child families, consider doubling up with others for extra savings on basic supplies. If you buy too much, they will get lost, lent out, given away, misplaced, or just never used.

Buy quality over quantity

It is tempting to buy a cheap school bag, lunch box, or water bottle, but what may seem cost-effective now will fall apart in no time at all. It pays to spend more on good quality, sturdy items that will last for a long time.

Quality and durability are key as opposed to being trendy or having the ‘latest’ version. Children face enormous peer pressure and when they start school and see that their friends are all using the latest version, they are embarrassed. It is important for parents to take the time to talk through these challenging issues as they seek to raise confident, well-adjusted children.

Send them to school healthy

Before your children go back to school, see to it that they are healthy and have had all their checkups: eyes, teeth, and general health, to avert any festering problems that could cause them to miss classes. The premium on a family medical and dental insurance plan is a small price to pay to ensure that have access to the best medical care. We all know packed lunches prepared at home are much healthier and cheaper than the fast food alternatives.

Coronavirus has not disappeared, but we must learn to live with it for the foreseeable future. While your child’s school is obliged to enforce the COVID-19 protocols, the onus is on you to ensure that they understand how to protect themselves and others by wearing face masks, washing their hands frequently, using sanitizers, social distancing, and sneezing or coughing responsibly. Without being healthy, they cannot learn effectively.

The most expensive school may not be the best

Today’s harsh economic climate has left thousands of parents struggling to pay for their children’s education. If your child is bright and talented, there may be opportunities for scholarships and bursaries, which should be explored. But where you have run your numbers, cut back on family expenses, even sold assets, and are still struggling to meet your obligations, it is time to have that serious conversation about withdrawing your child from a particular school and enrolling in a cheaper option.

For many parents who are earning in Naira and have children schooling abroad, the exchange rate and availability of foreign exchange make it increasingly difficult to keep paying the fees. Be careful not to jeopardize your livelihood and retirement plans to pay exorbitant school fees at all costs. It will be worse for everyone if you go broke!

Whatever you decide, the key to successful educational planning is to plan ahead and take advantage of the various products available including long-term educational plans, investments in property, etc. Start to plan for your children’s education from the time that they are born. This gives you the advantage of time to plan and prepare effectively for this important obligation. Your child’s education is the greatest legacy you can leave them.