I just wanted to share my opinion on the subject matter. Hopefully, people can see reasons as to why I think this way.

Personally, I do not believe that anyone “should” pamper or spend on anyone. What I mean is that it is NOT a responsibility or an obligation that someone has to “fulfill”.

Therefore, I believe that these “should” mindsets are also responsible for a good number of unnecessary issues in relationships… men “should” do this, women “should” do that, it is a man who is “supposed” to do this or women are not “supposed” to do this, and so on.

It is silly to me… nonsense, in my opinion.

And NO, I’m not talking about gender roles in nature. No! I am talking about these things we call “culture” in this part of the world, that people use as excuses to cover up their selfishness or pride.

All of the women I’ve had relations with in the past, did not think that way, thankfully. I mean, they did not think that as the man, I “should” spend on them or that I was “supposed” to be the one pampering, and so on. And yes, they were ALL Nigerians!

Well, there was one (the Devil Woman) who thought I was “supposed” to do a loooong list of things lol.

In the other relationships however, we both pampered each other, and spent on each other. But we did so because we WANTED to… not because we were obligated to, not because we “should” or were “supposed” to.

We take each other out without the other having to ask, at random and on occasions. We gift each other things at random and on occasion, not because it is required, but because we want to. We pampered and spent on each other as we were capable and able to… NOT because it was a “requirement”. We give because we want to.

I am grateful that I am able give. I give when I can, as often as I can. My former roommate once said that I have the gift of gift giving, or something like that.

But I don’t give gifts because I am “supposed” to, or because as a man I “should” give gifts. I do because I love them and so I want to make them happy. It never mattered who gave or didn’t give, or how often the gift, money or pampering was give. We did not care about all that at all.

If you love someone, you will pamper and spend on them BECAUSE you love them… NOT because you are a man and men “should” gift more, or women “should” receive more, or whatever.
If you claim to love someone, but refuse to pamper or spend on them because it is NOT your “responsibility” as a woman, then I think that maybe you are just being selfish.

Because I don’t see why you would have the capability to pamper your man (once in a while like Helium suggested) and then you will fold your hands and say “Mba! Not me! He’s the man in the relationship. He’s the one who should pamper me.” Mbiko, why?
If you hold back from doing these things that you actually can, and you choose not to, simply because it’s your partner who “should” do those things… then I think you are probably being selfish.

If your excuse is that your partner will feel you’re desperate or that you’re throwing yourself at them… then I think you’re in the wrong relationship. I’m sorry!

If your excuse is that your partner will take your spending and pampering for granted, or that they will take advantage of it then… then I think you are probably in the wrong relationship! You better find your way out of that relationship while you can!

I mean, why would you want to be in a serious relationship with someone who will take you for granted (or take advantage of you), for ANY reason whatsoever? If that’s the kind of partner you desire, then by every means… don’t pamper them, so that they won’t take advantage or take you for granted. Because the “right” person for you is not one who will take you for granted, whether you pamper them or not, whether you throw yourself at them or not, whether you spend on them or not.

I often say that… if one “has” to get a second job, just to be in a relationship with you, then something is NOT right. If being your boyfriend means I need a second source of income, then something is NOT right.

So I don’t think anyone “should”. Do you love them or do you not? Because that’s what all this boils down to… it’s either you love them or you don’t!

Read my definition of love again (attached below), and there you will find the simple answer to whether or not who “should” do this or that.

I welcome your comments.

By: Okiemute Omuta

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