Nafessa williams


There are rules and regulations when it comes to dating and relationships. Some are more important than others, like being honest and faithful. But there is one common mistake that people make that kills a relationship: Becoming an option.
In the beginning, when a guy is into a woman, he will go out of his way to get her. He will pursue her persistently. He will call, text, and try to spend as much time with her as he can. He will do his best to impress her and make her want him. He will act like he is the luckiest man in the world to be with her.
For the woman, life is great. It is an amazing thing for a woman to see herself through the eyes of a man who wants her. She gets her hopes up and eventually lets her guard down. And just when she thinks the relationship is taking off, the guy pulls back. Why is that? Because he knows that he got her. He doesn’t have to chase her anymore. She has made him a priority, so she has become an option for him. And the relationship begins its slow death.

For a relationship to be successful, each person involved needs to make the other a priority. It is impossible to be a happy couple when one person sees the other as a choice. I’ have been in a relationship where I was the choice, though I did not know it at the time. It did not end well, but I learned my lesson. Be a priority, not an option.Women make excuses for men treating them like options all the time. It is silly and exhausting. Instead of making excuses, we need to look at the big picture, read the signals, realize we deserve more, and get the hell out of that relationship.Here are a few signs that you have become an option in a relationship instead of a priority:

He has Become Distant
He used to text you every morning or every night like clockwork. Now, not so much. Now, your conversations are few and far between and not nearly as happy and fun as they used to be. He stops asking about your day. He stops flirting with you. If you do not initiate the conversation, you could go days without speaking. He takes forever to respond or forgets to answer all together. He says he has been busy and he is always in a crappy mood. However, you can’t help but notice that he still has time to keep up his presence on social media e.g watsapp etc. without complaining.

He Stopped Making Time For You
Unless you are in a long distance relationship, spending time together is important. If you often go more than a week without seeing the man you are dating, but he still manages to grab beers with his friends, you have become an option. Life gets hectic, but people make time for their priorities.If you used to see each other often, but now face time is rare, something is wrong. If a guy wants to be with you, he will find a way to be with you. He will go out of his way even if it means only spending an hour with you and not just to have sex. If he is not making an effort to see you, he does not really care about seeing you.

You have Got A Bad Feeling
This is the most important of the signs. It is so important to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that something has changed, that something is off, then something is definitely wrong. There is nothing worse then feeling that pit in your stomach. It sucks to worry and wonder about where you stand in a relationship.
So what do you do if and when these things happen? There are a few things, but what is more important is what you do not do. Do not complain or nag. That will only push him farther away and make you look and feel pathetic. Again, if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you.
So, if you have got a bad feeling, speak up. Ask him what the deal is. Make it clear that you are not cool with the way the relationship is going. The easiest way to understand what is going on and stop worrying, is to talk about it. If a guy cares about you and your feelings, he will stop doing things that upset or worry you. If having a conversation about what is bothering you does not lead to any change, then you should move on because you are not a priority.

If he has become distant or stopped texting, you should become distant and stop texting. Stop reaching out to him and see what happens. If you feel like you are doing all of the work, stop trying to make plans and initiate conversations. Do not coddle him or listen to him complain if he is giving you nothing in return.
Give him two weeks. Think of it as giving yourself two weeks notice and a guy the benefit of the doubt. If he is into you, he will notice the shift in your behaviour and try to compensate. He will try to fix things. He has two weeks to get his crap together, and if you do not hear from him in that time, If he does not reach out to you, well take it as a sign that you are no longer dating.If he stops making time for you, find something else to do. You had a life before him. Do not stop living it without him. Make plans and hang out with your friends. Start dating other people again. Do not drop what you are doing whenever he calls. Show him that you have a life without him. If he does not try to be more present, then you have your answer. You are not a priority.
Do not play games. Do not act like you do not care when you do. Just stop putting in more effort than he is and see what happens. If he disappears, oh well. You are better off getting rid of him now than spending another however many months being a choice. Everyone deserves better than that. Be a priority, not an option.
To our happiness, cheers.

Written by: Kemi Amushan

Pic credit: https://www.google.com/search?q=black+woman+feeling+happy&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj3qb3b8ePbAhUI74MKHeDVB8QQ_AUICigB&biw=1518&bih=723&dpr=0.9#imgrc=7I0olUubZhnomM: