Happiness - Women of Rubies

In Inspiration February 28, 2023 By Esther Ijewere

13 Situations You Should Never Say Yes To If You Want to Be Happy

Do you want to be happy? Like really happy, I mean innate happiness that gives you inner peace?

Most people do! But what do you do when that happiness eludes you? If that’s the case, it’s time to take a close look at your life and how you conduct it.

Often, we put ourselves in damaging situations without realizing the harm that they cause. Being aware of these patterns can stop them in their tracks. I can share this conveniently because for some funny reason I always find myself in some of these situations, but I am aware the lot of it could apply to others as well

Here are 13 situations you should never say yes to if you want to be happy.

1. Feel Lonely When You are Alone

While there are things best done by your lonesome, it’s hard to get some positive thinking going when you allow yourself to actually feel lonely while you’re alone. Here are some things that bring happiness if you may be alone or away from friends

-Playing online multiplayer games, solitaire, etc.

-Reflect on your place in life, where you want to be and what it takes to get there.

-Watching movies where booing the characters is encouraged.

2. Comparisons

The human want and need to compare ourselves with others is something as old as time itself, although there is nothing positive to be gained from it. There is no point in chasing after a life we don’t have, all the while ignoring what we do have. Consider instead doing the following things when you feel jealousy:

-Turn off social media for the day.

-Control your content feed. Don’t fill it with things that will cause you jealousy.

-Indulge in the things that make you happy, with no regard for how “good” or “productive” it is.

-quotes to be happy

3. Exes Calling you back cannot make you happy

The relationship had ended for a good reason. Leave it there for the sake of your mental health, and move on towards more positive things instead:

-Do some self-introspection. What lessons about yourself did that relationship teach you? What else can you do better next time?

-Hang out with your friends. Have them support you in this emotionally distressing time, and let them distract you.

-Acknowledge the bad, but also celebrate the good that came from it. Positive thinking doesn’t have to be one done through rose-tinted glasses – it’s essential to recognize and appreciate both the good and the bad in any relationship.

4. Working for jobs you hate

The term ‘burnout’ exists for a reason – if we don’t get that much-needed rest, it starts having dire consequences on our emotional, mental, and physical health.

Medically, this should come as no surprise – just the single, independent factor of working overtime increases the risk of coronary heart disease. So – just what should you do for the sake of your health?

-Consider leaving your job, or switching to a different position within the company if that isn’t possible.

-Take a look at The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor – the principles in it are an excellent place to start.

-Identify what the individual elements about your job that is contributing to your stress are. Perhaps you can deal with them on a case-by-case basis to make it manageable.

5. Sitting for Too Long

Since physical health is related to mental and emotional health, this might be something you’d want to look into. Studies have shown that sitting down for too long can negatively affect your cardiovascular health – no matter how much exercise you do. Sadly, with the whole #Covid19 situation, It is possible to find yourself siting at a spot for a longtime, since there is an enforced stay at home to contain the virus.

So instead of lounging on a sofa or hunching over your keyboard, why not consider the following?

-Invest in a standing desk. A motor-controlled one can raise and lower the height, depending on whether you need to stand or sit for something.

-Watch your favorite shows while walking on a treadmill, If you don’t have one , just walk around while watching the movie, Better health and good entertainment equal a positive net bonus!

6. Drama and Gossip Inhibit Happy Feelings

There’s no point in being nosy about someone else’s circumstances and behavior – especially if it has nothing to do with you. Instead, it’s best to just focus on your own lives, and what is immediately relevant to you. Here are some reasons why:

-Improving your personal experience is something that should take up all of your focus.

-Engaging in drama and gossip about someone else’s lives only serves to add more stress and distraction.

-Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you. If you would hate to be on the receiving end of that kind of unwanted attention, then why would you inflict it on others?

7. Worrying too much

Just what has worry ever brought us aside from fear and anxiety? While some may argue positive thinking in these times is naïve and simple-minded, the fact is that nothing good can be gained from worrying. So – what can you do instead?

-Enjoy every moment as it comes into your life.

-Be productive, make something tangible with your hands as some kind of progress.

-Narrow your focus towards things you can directly handle and have control over.

8. Idleness

It’s so easy to try squeezing in one more episode of your favorite Netflix show before getting started on work or hitting that snooze alarm for another five more minutes. This all inevitably ends up in stress and frustration when we realize too late that we’re now out of time.

-Chip away at it. If you can’t get started properly, just pen down some notes first.

-Happy people do not procrastinate. Start when you should.

-Talk to someone about it. Sometimes you just need someone to organize it for you.

9. Settling

At some point, it can be incredibly easy to just settle for “good enough.” This can apply to just about anything – career, friendships, and relationships. It’s one thing to be comfortable, but it’s another to settle for complacency and bare minimum. If you find yourself getting bored, consider the following points:

-Sign the both of you up for some sort of adventurous trip, or a simple pottery class.

-Talk to your friend. Maybe there’s something between you both that’s been making it hard for you both to bond closer.

-Aim for a better job or career – there’s no point in staying in a poor job.

10. Hurrying

It’s tempting to rush forward and to prove to yourself that you’re capable of keeping up with the pack. This, however, is detrimental to your happiness. Here are a few ways to steal back a few more precious minutes:

-Prioritize things that are important first.

-Manage your time efficiently.

-Don’t pressure yourself – you don’t need to rush.

-Understand that you can’t do everything you want in one go, and that’s okay.

11. Spending Time with Toxic People

It only makes sense that surrounding ourselves with toxic, negative people will only serve to worsen our moods and mental states. Just how can you improve yourself and find a better life’s purpose if you’re continually being sabotaged at every corner?

The best way to be happy is to avoid such a scenario. Here are some tips:

-Avoid people who belittle you. It’s hard to keep a positive outlook when they’re always talking down your goals and dreams.

-Look out for people who bring joy and happiness into your life and drop anyone who doesn’t.

-Cut out people who don’t know the difference between crushing you and giving you constructive criticism.

12. Blame

Nobody likes to be in the wrong. It’s a horrible feeling and one that we naturally try to avoid. This often means that our first reaction to trouble is to blame someone else, so we don’t have to deal with the consequences.

In reality, this actually can make things worse. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but there are benefits to be gained from taking responsibility for your actions:

-Taking responsibility also means taking control of the situation and yourself.

-You create an opportunity for you to learn from the problem.

-You forge your sense of self and your capabilities through the process of resolving the issue.

-You’ll learn to develop a sense of courage, and as you overcome the problem.

13. Learning to say NO

Many of us have been raised with this mindset that unless there is something that makes fulfilling the request impossible, we should always say ‘yes’ to it. In our minds, to refuse would be to hurt somehow or disappoint them.

In reality, learning how to say no is an important skill. Here are some reasons why:

-You establish healthy emotional boundaries. This isn’t just good for you – it’s also great for others, as they know where your clear boundaries lie.

-You give yourself time to do things you want to do. You don’t need an excuse to reserve your limited time and energy for things and people that are important to you.

-You’ll learn how to stand up for yourself.

My final thoughts

Being happy can be difficult. The journey to happiness is often fraught with other more negative emotions. But by choosing the situations you allow yourself to be a part of, you can move more quickly along the rocky road that leads to that happiness.

Remember it is okay to take this one step at a time, if perhaps you are guilty of all.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development January 25, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, REPEAT THESE 12 PHRASES

Before depression medications like Xanax and Prozac were introduced and became the norm for depression treatment, people relied on phrases or mantras to help calm their system and relieve anxiety. The practice of repeating phrases until you feel better has been done for centuries among those who believe in various faith traditions. These phrases are like hymns and chants that implore spiritual and psychological healing, but you can still use these phrases to repeat under your breath as a remedy for when you’re feeling depressed.

HERE ARE 12 PHRASES TO REPEAT TO YOURSELF IF YOU’RE FEELING DEPRESSED

1. I AM STRONG.

It’s a misconception that only the weak and the needy suffer from depression. It’s also a myth that those who ask for help are actually the weakest because they depend on someone else. On the contrary, many depressed people who ask for help show self-awareness, and that’s a sign of strength. It shows that they want to change their situation.

2. I WILL GET BETTER.

Depression triggers hopelessness. Saying these words over and over promotes positive thoughts despite your emotionally stormy state. The reality is, eventually you will get better because the dark clouds hanging over you won’t be there forever.

3. I AM STILL BREATHING.

Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh believes in mindful breathing and shared a similar phrase in his book “You Are Here.” The practice of concentrating on the breaths you take, while chanting this phrase, helps the mind to unite with the body, thus bringing a sense of calmness.

4. LET IT GO.

There is a lot of wisdom in the famous words from Elsa, the animated Disney character from “Frozen.” If you find yourself in an obsessive state of anxiety, where you worry about things that haven’t happen or won’t likely happen or conflicts that might arise, then simply say these three words over and over.

5. BE NOT AFRAID.

This phrase, and its variation, “Fear not,” is repeated over a hundred times in the Scriptures. Many people, including the non-religious, find comfort in it. There seems to be a healing power in meditating on the words of a Higher Being and repeating the phrase could pacify anxieties. While the fear is still there, uttering the phrase gives you control over it.

6. THERE’S NO DANGER.

Depression can trigger thoughts and feelings that might make you feel your life is under a threat. Saying these words repeatedly should appease your thoughts and open your eyes to the reality that the danger is all in your mind. This phrase goes hand in hand with, “Be not afraid. “

7. I HAVE INNER PEACE.

“Om Shanti Om” means inner peace and it is the simplest mantra that Tibetan monks often chant. Invite inner peace into your mind and body to relieve depression and its physical symptoms. You will start feeling your tensed chest loosening up by repeating to yourself that you have inner peace.

8. MY THOUGHTS, WORDS, AND ACTIONS CONTRIBUTE TO MY HAPPINESS AND FREEDOM.

This phrase encourages a life of positivity, compassion, and empathy. It implores a person to live as a servant of life who is in harmony with other beings, including nature and the environment. It has its roots in the tenets of Jivamukti Yoga, which shows the path to enlightenment.

9. SOMEDAY THIS PAIN WILL MAKE SENSE.

People who haven’t experienced sadness or pain aren’t interesting because there’s no depth and growth in them. While it seems like life is full of misfortunes now and it’s causing a wave of depression in you, be assured that one day you’ll see the purpose in your pain. By repeating the phrase over and over, you will find your strength, resilience, and maturity.

10. I NEED TO BE KIND TO MYSELF IN MY SUFFERING.

Kristin Neff in her book “Self-Compassion” had a similar mantra for handling negative emotions. She said that it’s important to acknowledge your pain and suffering, so you can treat yourself with compassion in moments of difficulty. It follows the same advice as famed teacher Pema Chödrön in the book “When Things Fall Apart,” where she instructs followers to face their problems, not run away from them. Feeling depressed should help you see what’s vital to your life and it should trigger your drive to overcome it. After all, life is about surviving.

11. ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Depression may spike because you feel a loss of control over a situation that’s causing stress. This phrase helps to remind yourself to beat that depressed feeling slowly but surely. When life drags you down, your best choice is to take a moment to help lessen the weight of your burden. One day, nothing will hold you back.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Depression can be crippling but it’s an emotion you can help control with positive thinking. The choice is yours – you can either let either let this pain hold you back or let this feeling enlighten you. Hopefully, one of these suggested phrases will help you find peace.

12. TRUST IN THE PROCESS.

Obstacles are part of life, but depression sometimes leads you to ask questions like, “Why me?” or, “Why does this keep happening to me?” or, “Why is my life so challenging?” It’s hard to see the right path clearly during your most troubled times, but with this phrase, you can condition your mind to see obstacles as part of a learning opportunity. They’re not there to make a victim out of you. You have to trust in the process.

Source: Power of positivity

In self development January 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

HOW TO STOP BEING SAD AND START FEELING HAPPY

Sadness is a base line feeling that feeds into all of our other feelings such as anger, frustration and fear. The deeper we bury the feeling of sadness the harder it is to feel happy.

Sadly, We live in a society where it is important to fit in . Leading a positive and happy life is highly valued and feeling sad or “blue” about life is not so valued. As a result, we are constantly trying to always be positive and happy. In our minds there is no room for sadness.

This is not a realistic way to live life, forcing happiness just to fit in is as good as eating a food that taste bad just to make the cook feel good.

Keeping up an impression of positivity and happiness when you are feeling sad is draining and hard work. If anything this charade will intensify your feelings of sadness, and you will struggle to find the pathway that will lead you to living a happy, resilient life.

The 5 key strategies below have helped me and they are practical ways for you to successfully manage sadness in your life so you that can have a life that flows with happiness.

1. Recognize Your Type of Sadness

There are 3 types of sadness that most of us fall into:

Short-Term Sadness

This is a passing mood that may last anything from a day to a week. Sometimes there is a reason for this feeling but sometimes there is not.

Generally lack of sleep, no physical activity and excess stress are associated with this sadness.

The best approach to dealing with this sadness is to lower your stress level by having a few nights of great sleep, getting active by doing some exercise and looking at ways to break up your routine.

Pampering your self, going for a massage, reducing alcohol intake and eating healthy food are effective ways to manage short-term sadness.

Trigger Sadness

This feeling of sadness has been activated as a result of a traumatic event that has happened to you, such as the death of someone close to you, losing your job, divorce or financial challenges. I can relate to this one totally because I experienced it for a longtime after my marriage broke.

This feeling of sadness can make you feel helpless and vulnerable and it does not go away overnight. The key to managing trigger sadness is looking for ways to support you to process these feelings and not bury them.

One way for you to manage these deep feelings of sadness is to talk about and share your feelings with someone who can console you, support you and counsel you. Having a supportive network of family and friends is key to you managing your feelings of sadness.

It is also wise to get professional support such as therapist to guide you through practical steps to processing your feelings of sadness.

Depression

If you feel sad, hopeless, helpless, unable to eat or sleep and have no energy for a period of time of more than one month or two, then you are likely to feeling depressed.

Depression is usually set off as a result of event that usually you would cope with. However, for some reason, your coping mechanism has broken down.

Depression is complicated and it can vary from person to person. If you have these feelings, then it is wise that you seek the advice of a doctor.

The strategies presented in the rest of this article can along with specialist support enable you to live a happy fulfilled life.

2. Identify What Happiness Means To You

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” — Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey

Happiness is the only cure for sadness. There is no other cure that works better. It sounds so easy to say however it is not so easy to achieve.

At its most basic level, happiness is a feeling that comes about as a result of us doing things in our lives that we love to do.

So if we are feeling sad, then we should take action and activities that brings a joy such as catching up with a friend, going for a walk, getting a massage, going out to dinner, going to the movies, or hiding away to read a good book. The list of activities that we can do that make us feel happy is extensive.

When we feel sad, we are more likely to want to withdraw and not do anything. We tend to disengage from everything that is going on around us.

The only way we can start to feel happy is to take action and start doing things.

We can never avoid the feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment. However, we can deal with them in constructive ways that will help avoid excessive suffering.

It is so important to know what happiness means to you because when you know this, you will have meaning and purpose in your life. This is what brings to your life the feeling of happiness and the experiences of joy.

3. Commit To Practising These 3 Actions of Happiness Daily

When you are feeling sad, you are more likely to want to avoid people.

These 3 actions of happiness are very practical ways in which you take action to move away from feeling sad to feeling more joyous. All it takes is for you make a choice, take action and commit to consistently doing these actions of happiness.

Gratitude

Expressing gratitude on a daily basis and actively appreciating those people in your life who are important to you are very simple yet, powerful actions that will take you from a place of sadness to a more joyful place.

Acceptance

Accepting the things that you cannot change and acting on the things that you can change are key to you finding joy and peace in your life. Once you acknowledge the reality of your situation, you can then plan to take effective action that will enable you to move forward to a better place in your life.

Acts of Kindness

When you are feeling sad, your focus is very inward at self. Helping others is a great way to feel better about you. It is often the spontaneous acts of kindness that give us the most joy. Trust me this is a tested and trusted approach for me.

The more we help others and the more we interact and engage with people the less we tend to withdraw and focus inwardly on our feelings of sadness.

Happiness and joy are external feelings that need to be shared with others and an act of kindness is an effective way for us to share and feel joy with others.

4. Eliminate destination Happinness

Sudden happiness does not exist and the phrase “I will be happy when…” indicates that happiness comes when you get what it is you believe will make you happy.

Many people think that if they win the Lottery, then they will be happy – this is not true.

Be careful that you don’t equate happiness with momentary pleasure because if you do, you will eventually feel conflicted and discontent. It is these feelings will take you to a place of sadness.

Final Thoughts

Focus on looking for ways where you create a life where happiness is a feeling that you have total responsibility for – no one else, just you.

When you have created a life where you have attained this, then the phrase “I will be happy when…” is eliminated from your vocabulary.

How sad we feel and the reasons why we feel sad is different for everyone. The one thing we all have in common however, is that it is impossible for us to go from feeling sad to feeling happy instantly.

The above four strategies are practical ways that support you to manage your feelings of sadness where you are in control and empowered to choose to how you want to feel and how you want to live your life. Let’s hope you choose – happiness.

“If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” — Lao Tzu