My Heart is heavy, no one deserves abuse. I’m inspired to respond to ignorant comments made to an abused victim’s brave story. In this month of Domestic Violence (DV) awareness, here’s some ways we can make a difference: Asking a DV victim ‘what did you do? is not a good way to give advice. Asking her to adjust ‘herself’ or do some behavior modifications does not address the root cause and places responsibility solely on the victim. Advocating ‘run’ sounds good on paper, but doesn’t offer her the practicality needed immediately. It doesn’t tell her HOW to go about it if she’s unemployed, in a situation where there are no helpers or family etc.
Any statement that doesn’t deflect the pain or impact of the abuse on its victim is unfair and unkind. It promotes a false assumption that the victim somehow contributed to his anger. The issue here is not to blame her, blast her or tell her to divorce, BUT to focus on the abuse. When a bloodied battered helpless woman is crying out for help and all we offer in her pain is distant unsympathetic lectures on her ‘adjusting’ her behavior and ‘taking it’, that’s not love. Whatever religion we practice, if we aren’t showing compassion then it is cold religion and biased judgment and is not the Heart of God.
The reason some people die in pain rather than ask for help is because of unsympathetic vibes from people around them. Why not offer support even if we don’t have all the facts? Offer kindness, and ASK the victim what help she actually needs? Dear Abused Woman, You are beautiful and worthy and you are a Queen.
You do not deserve abuse, irrespective of the facts leading to it. You are not alone and you will yet overcome. You will still experience beautiful dreams beyond this drama. Yes, you can go against popular grains to save your life. You deserve to Live. There are a variety of unbiased professional agencies that can help address this. You alone cannot change him, intentional intervention is mostly necessary. You already won because you cried out for help, it isn’t shameful, it is Courage. Dear Friend, Family, Onlookers of DV, Affirm the victim without endorsing the abuse. Offer support or be a listener without asking dumb questions. Be the shelter and safety net for them in their chaos. Ask how they would love to be helped, without bruising their boundaries.
Empower them towards financial independence until they can find their feet (some DV victims have no means to start a new life and are heavily dependent on their abusers for subsistence). Don’t enable the abuser or disable the abused by your action or words.
Take a stand against violence even if the perpetrator is your brother, father etc Protect the battered woman’s honour. Gossip a No-No. Pray for, and love them back into wholeness and confidence. Signed, One who believes in you. Eden A.Onwuk (C)dreden 10.8.16 #Enlightenmentoverarguments #Educationoverignorance