Tag

Dedoyin Ajayi

Browsing

Larmmy Ogidan-Odeseye popularly known as Chelsea Godmother is a wife, mom, senior software analyst, business strategist and philanthropist making a difference in the mental health community and in humanity at large. She shares her inspiring journey in this interview.

Childhood Influence

Everything in my childhood prepared me for what I do now. My mom is a retired teacher/headmistress, and my dad was a mechanic. I was born in Mushin, Lagos. I lost my dad on my 10th I remember a lot about my childhood and how I had to step up and grow up faster than I needed to. My dad has 3 wives, my mom was the youngest of them. I learnt a lot about hardwork, persistence and resilience. When I lost my dad, I remember the family swooping in and attempting to take everything he had worked for from us. He had a spare parts shopping complex in Ladipo, mushin then and the 56 shops had to be divided in to 3 parts. I spoke up at this meeting and told the family how it was supposed to be shared. They went with my suggestion. I was a little girl of 10 and the youngest in the room. That was a proud moment.

Inspiration behind Heartcafe

I saw Hauwa on twitter make a post about sponsoring therapy for 5 people through Dedoyin Ajayi. I knew that was my window of opportunity. I reached out to Hauwa who connected me to Dedoyin where I sponsored additional 20 people. Then I suggested us hosting a mental health space. Turns out Dedoyin was already hosting a group mental health session offline before the pandemic called Heartcafe. The online space kicked off and she brought me in as a co-founder.

The journey so far

It has been fulfilling. We host Heartcafe every Friday at 5pm and it’s amazing how much we have been able to achieve. The stories that are shared, the healing and therapy that are happening. We recently celebrated 1 year anniversary of Heartcafe and in a year, we have given free therapy sessions to 164 people and this is excluding the 100s of people that join us every week.

Advocating for issues centered around Mental Health, and what inspired this passion for such a worthy cause

I have worked with and been around people with mental illness and it just became a passion. I once worked in a pediatric behavioral health unit of a hospital as a consultant, and it just piqued my interest. There was a wave of suicide attempts one time on twitter and I knew I had to something in my capacity.

Being a senior software analyst, and how it has impacted me as a person

I work in Healthcare I.T. I’m a senior analyst for a software used in Hospitals for patient care. I build, customize and upgrade this system for different hospitals across the United States. You know growing up in Nigeria, our parents believe you should either be a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. At one point in my life, I wanted to be a doctor. I ended up studying Zoology in OAU. I know I’m never going to be a doctor. That dream has been squashed a long time ago so helping doctors, nurses and healthcare workers get their job done faster and more efficiently is getting the best of both worlds and it’s sure paying the bills.

My humanitarian work on Twitter

As someone who didn’t grow up with much, I know how it feels to not have. I know that my life has been a journey of grace and people have helped me along the way. This is how I am giving back. I also get a dopamine effect from helping people so I can’t stop.

The society and its support for women in tech

Being a woman in tech has its ups and down but I have been lucky to work with some amazing people who have given me opportunities regardless of my gender. I did notice that if I get interviewed by a woman for a contract, it’s much easier than getting interviewed by a man..lol. I didn’t let that stop me though. I think we as women can do more to let go of unfortunate situations and move on quickly rather than dwelling in it expecting self pity. As a woman, you do need to be extra tough. it’s not always fair but it is what it is.

3 women who inspire you and why

Esther in the bible: A queen. A risk taker and an influencer. Do you know what it means to go into the king’s bedroom and demand what you want at that time? I stan

Judy Faulkner: Google this woman. A mom, a mogul. I aspire to be her everyday. I wake up and ask myself “what would Judy do?”

ME!!!: I know this might sound a bit self-serving to some but I am an inspiration to myself. The things I am able to achieve day to day, my multi-tasking skills need to be studied.

Challenges  I experience in my line of work?

When everyone labels you the “I.T GUY” and somehow think you’re less deserving of respect. Someone once asked me where do you work, I mentioned “so so hospital” and she said, what department? I said, I.T. and she goes “so you don’t work there. You just work in I. T” I’m like, you will not be able to do your job if everyone on my team take a day off at the same time.

Other projects and activities

I do have a lot on my plate. I’m a mom of 3. Ages 5,3 and 1 so that’s a major project. I also have a business. I sell household items so I’m a petty trader and lastly, the first batch of JeLarmmy homes are now under construction, opening fall of 2022. Real estate has always been a side passion of mine and I’m glad I’m finally able to achieve it with more to come.

Being a Woman of Rubies

As a Christian, I have read through Prov 31 over and over. The way that woman runs her household is an inspiration. Women are smart, brilliant and powerful. Do not underestimate me and what I can achieve. My gender is my strength, not a limitation.

Advice for women who want to pitch their tent in the tech sector

DO IT! Find a niche and perfect it. Be indispensable when you do. You do not have to know how to code or write software programming languages to get into tech. There are so many fields that do not require that. Scrum master, product owner, Project management etc.

Being  happily married with amazing kids; and creating work life balance

The major thing that keeps me going is that Yomi, my husband, is a great support system for me. This man is my backbone. He knows how much I take on at a time and he is always willing to step in and handle things when I’m crashing under the weight. I’m also a good multi-tasker. I treat my family and work as a scrum project. Each person or item is a sprint. It keeps me organized. Believe it or not, I start my day with 45 minutes of exercise and meditation to also get my body and mind right and ready for the day. I’m a morning person. I’m usually up at 4 so I take care of myself before everybody else wakes up.

 Important tech nuggets with us

Like I said earlier, you don’t have to know how to code or write programming languages to get into tech. Also, if you want to get into I.T because everyone else is doing it, you will get bored. My advice is find a field or specialty that appeals to you, go for that and be a master in it.

 

 

On September 11th, Esther Ijewere hosted Psychotherapist and Mental Health Advocate; Dedoyin Ajayi on her famous Tweet chat session #GettalkingwithEsther, and they discussed how to live an wholesome life.

The  Psychotherapist did not only share the importance of protecting our Mental Health, but she also gave insight on what Therapy looks like, and why we all need to slam the brake sometimes and do what’s best for our emotional wellbeing.

See summary of the tweet chat below.   You can also read more about Dedoyin, and her work as a mental health advocate and Psychotherapist Here

 

 

Mental Health is often misunderstood, especially by those  who have never suffered from it. It is not well prioritized in our society as people are not well informed on what Mental Health actually looks like. Dedoyin Ajayi is changing that narrative.

The psychotherapist with a specialty in Emotional Health and a diploma in Professional Counselling is using her social media platforms to advocate and educate the society on Mental Health.

She’s also a certified Neuro-linguistic practitioner from the Academy of Modern and Applied Psychology. Dedoyin has a thriving counseling practice with an average of thirty hours per week, vested into both virtual and physical counselling sessions. She currently serves in the capacity of a consultant therapist three organizations, and specializes in helping individuals with suicide ideations, depression, childhood trauma, existential crises, and personality disorders.

She shares her inspiring journey exclusively with Esther Ijewere in this educative and insightful interview

Childhood Influence

It started when I was 7 years old. I remember that I’d fantasize about having an office where people came to cry. I’d give them a handkerchief and calm them down. As soon as they felt calm, they’d go outside and pay my secretary. I never quite understood the picture my imagination was painting, but I knew it was my very first inclination towards preparing me for my present career path

Why I pitched my tent in the  Mental Health sector

As a child, I had a profoundly small stature and I was bullied a lot because of this. It created a deep seated low self esteem that led to feelings of bitterness, resentment and inadequacy. I recall that I badly wanted to talk to somebody that wasn’t family. I knew something was terribly wrong and I needed help. I however didn’t know who to turn to. This helpless feeling drove me to a decision: being that person for other people. I wanted to be able to have the listening ears I didn’t have. This led to a voracious research about the mental health sector. My findings were very discouraging at the time, seeing as therapy wasn’t widely accepted and in some cases, even still being stigmatized. I however couldn’t deny the deep longing within me, to tread this path and here I am.

Being a psychotherapist, Neuro-linguistic practitioner, consultant and staying grounded

To be very honest, I’m not yet proud of how I manage it. Thankfully I have a wonderful support system in my husband and a few close friends who are to it that I rest and take my structured breaks. Sometimes I go through mental burn-outs but these episodes are becoming few and far between. I’m however learning to really prioritize my own mental needs as well.

My Mental Health advocacy on social media, and its impact so far

I became an active mental health advocate in 2018. This stemmed from a discovery I made, which was the fact that the Nigerian mental health community was grossly under-represented on social media. We have a few people doing great things but there was a huge content and information sparsity that needed to be addressed. It’s why I decided to become a voice of mental health for the Nigerian community. As for impact, the response was very discouraging at first, but I continued. The past one year has however been explosive. The feedback has been wild to say the least. I’ve had people sending me DMs, telling me how a post I made was specifically for them and this spurred them to book a session. Little by little, the stigmatization surrounding mental health is thinning out. The narrative is changing! I’m super excited.

Why the Government should support the Mental Health 

First and foremost, it’s no news that the government has been very laid back about the mental health sector, especially considering the fact that an average Nigerian today, has a pertinent issue bothering them. The need for structured emotional support cannot be overemphasized. I’d suggest that the government looks into building Walk-In Therapy Centres just the same way we have clinics. This would enable people to readily have access to subsidized mental health care. There should also be a massive Nationwide awareness sponsored by the government, with the aim of sensitizing people about their mental health. The more conversations we have about the mental health sector, the more growth we would experience as a country.

Challenges of my work

The primary challenge is stigmatization. A lot of people reach out to tell me about friends or family members they’d love to recommend therapy to, but would never be open to the idea of speaking to a “shrink” after all they are not mad.

Another issue is social support. While receiving mental health care, it is imperative that the patient has an effective support system which would further facilitate their recovery. Imagine having to go to work during a depressive phase because your boss doesn’t believe that depression is a valid reason to be exempt from work! This needs to change. All hands must be on deck to help rewrite the narrative about mental illness being a sign of laziness or cowardice.

Other projects and activities

Presently, I co-founded a mental health awareness initiative themed HEART CAFE with Olamide Ogidan-Odeseye (@larmmy). It’s a weekly meeting that is held on Twitter every Friday, where people come to unburden, network and most importantly receive psycho-educational tips that keep them up to speed about mental health. I also run a YouTube channel (Thededoyinajayi), where I get to talk about mental health issues as well as conversations surrounding relationships and lifestyle.

What I enjoy most about my job

The fulfillment that comes with seeing a client recover! Most especially suicidal clients. There’s nothing quite like it. I’d literally be grinning from ear to ear in gratitude and satisfaction.

3 women who inspire me and why

One of my major inspirations is Dr. Thema Bryant; a clinical psychologist practicing in the USA. She’s someone whose consistency serves as a major motivation.

Another woman who inspires me is Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. It’s her self confidence for me. The very fact that she’s able to rock her traditional attires in foreign or westernized settings is a reflection of her healthy self perception and the strength of her persona.

The third woman is Rinu Oduala (Savvy Rinu). She displayed a unique and uncanny strength during the whole #endsars campaign, and her intelligence is phenomenal. These three women are most definitely huge sources of inspiration to me.

When a person should seek therapy

Asides mainstream mental health issues like clinical depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and so on, therapy should be sought the moment you notice any alteration in the default emotional state. Feelings of deep sadness, incessant worrying, loss of concentration at work, relationship issues, abuse of any kind, frequent change in moods, loss of interest in activities as well as a deep gut feeling that something is wrong. The truth is ANYONE can come for therapy. Even if it’s for a holistic checkup. We all could do with emotional support systems.

Nuggets on how to stay mentally and emotionally balanced

To stay mentally and emotionally balanced, the very first step is SELF AWARENESS. You can’t manage what you don’t understand. Afterwards, it’s important to be intentional about taking mental recuperative breaks. It’s a form of self-care. Going for walks, swimming, taking dance/ music lessons, exercising and so on can serve as activities you can engage in during a mental recuperative break. Another vital thing is to filter through your relationships. Humans play a major role in our mental well-being. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love and validate you. Above all, never hesitate to seek help. Very important.

Being a Woman of Rubies

My implicit faith in humanity. I strongly believe that if we have a love-themed world, everything would be more colorful and beautiful. The fact that I choose to heal the world one heart at a time, makes me a Woman of Rubies.

***Dedoyin Ajayi can be reached on social media : @thededoyinajayi on IG, @dedoyinajayi on Twitter. A detailed overview on the services she renders are on dedoyinajayi.com