self development Archives

In self development November 26, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

FOLUKE DARAMOLA LAUNCHES RESCUE SCHEME FOR THE AGED

Nollywood actress of many years in Nigeria, Foluke Darmola Salako, has revealed in a no holds bare interview with the National Mandate newspaper on why she wants to float a social welfare intervention scheme to help intervene in the harsh situations some of the aged and generational Nollywood actors are passing through at the moment in their private lives in today’s Nigeria.

According to the delectable theatre practitioner, she said she was close to some of these actors and she is aware of the hard times they are going through at the moment, which needs the urgent intervention of all well-meaning Nigerians to help put smiles on their faces again.

“Some of these actors have put in so much over the many years in the growth, progress and development of the entertainment and Nollywood industry in Nigeria, and so, they do not deserve to be neglected, forgotten or left alone to continue to wriggle in economic hardship and pains just like that in a country they have done so much to act as veterans to contribute to the growth of the theatre and entertainment industry agelong in the country.

I am very close to many of them and I am always sad, when I see them look abandoned in their pitiable situations or when I receive calls consistently from some of them, telling me the ugly stories of what they have been passing through in their health and economic challenges.

Some of these evergreen veterans even call me on phone most times to ask me to assist them with money, which under normal circumstances they should be able to afford to attend to their situations.

So, I thought about it and I decided to help build a platform in the form of a pension scheme to help them have access to monthly stipends through my NGO to intervene in their situations.

I am also in the industry and I could be one of these helpless aged veterans tomorrow. So, I am taking it upon myself to use the platform of my NGO to help build mutual trust funds to alleviate their sufferings and intervene in their failing health situations.

We are in a make-belief industry, where people think because we are celebrities, all is well with us.

Those who are okay among us are okay, and those who are not, are not.

We all live in a country, where hardship hits many people so hard and Nollywood celebrities in Nigeria are not excluded.

That we are hardship free is not the picture. We may be popular on-screen, but that does not mean we do not have critical needs we are also battling within our private lives that need the humanitarian attention of all well-meaning Nigerians and our fans across the globe as humans.

I have come up with this initiative to sensitize the world about this fact and reality and to draw the attention of Nigerians to the fact that we also could be vulnerable needs, who deserve the kind gestures of humanitarian Nigerians.

Over the years, we come on social platforms to beg for the financial interventions of Nigerians, when some of us have critical health and economic challenges. But, for how long can we continue to constitute social nuisance in this regard?! For how long will this continue?! This is a situation that is demeaning in itself.

Actor Mr. ‘A’ is sick, please come and help with money to pay his medical bills have been the order of the day in our industry. But, with this initiative I am undertaking for the economically vulnerable, aged and forgotten ones in our midst, I am optimistic that it would go a long way to arresting, alleviating and reducing the ugly situation.

It is an initiative to consistently raise funds into a mutual benefit assurance pool and will be run in collaboration as well as in partnership with credible insurance and pension organisations.

We are already in progressive talks with IBTC pension managers; Crusader pensions; ECO Bank and co. for partnership and collaboration operations.

They will be involved in the running of the scheme, and in the long run, will always be there to help take care of the health situations of these veterans and also assist to provide money for them to survive optimally on monthly basis.

We will thereafter use part of the money we are able to build to invest in the production of TV series and a recreation cum production house that could always help to bring them back to active social and productive acting lives again.

I, therefore, call on all Nigerians of humanitarian nature and kind hearts to support and help to build capital funds for the successful running of this initiative.

This is about what we are trying to do. It is purely a not for profit humanitarian project. I am only passionate about helping these aged ones among us in the industry to live healthily, productively and happily again.”

Mrs. Foluke Daramola Salako has, however, announced the hosting of a gala event, which will see to the bringing of these actors together for celebration, honour and formal launch of this initiative to kick start in earnest.

The event, which will host many prominent and kind-hearted Nigerians has been slated to hold on Friday, November 29, 2019 at the prestigious Anchor event centre in the heart of Ikeja in Lagos.

On the list of those expected to grace the occasion are Asiwaju Bola Tinubu; his wife, the distinguished Senator Oluremi Tinubu; the governor of Lagos State, Mr. Babajide SanwoOlu; the speaker of the Lagos house of assembly, Honourable Mudashiru Obasa; the wives of all the governors in the South West; Ooni of Ife, His Imperial Majesty, Oba Enitan Adeyeye Ogunwusi; Iya Aladura Esther Ajayi; Taiwo Afolabi, Sifax boss; Chief (Mrs.) Remi Adiukwu Bakare and many others across Nigeria on the list.

In self development November 26, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MY FATHER WHO IS A PASTOR, SLEEPS WITH ME BEFORE HE PAYS MY SCHOOL FEES –FORTUNE

A young Nigerian lady has disclosed to the police how her father who happens to be a pastor has been sleeping with her since at the age of 13.

Fortune, 20, sadly revealed that her father, Apostle Williams Okon Bassey, who is the Presiding Pastor of Mount Zion Light House Full Gospel Church, Obio Imo Lane, Uyo, sleeps with her before paying her school fees.

Mr Odiko MacDon, the State Police Public Relations Officer narrating to newsmen disclosed that Fortune had gotten pregnant thrice for her father.

The victim stated that her father started having sexual intercourse with her at the age of 13.

The continuous sexual assault led her to become pregnant on three different occasions and the pregnancies were aborted by her mother.

She further revealed that the first time her father defiled her was in the church vestry. He threatened to place a curse on her if she dares tell anyone about his escapades.He also demands sex before paying her school fees or catering for her needs”, she said

In self development November 26, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

SIMON BILES IS USA’S FEMALE OLYMPIC ATHLETE OF THE YEAR

Simone Biles, the most outstanding gymnast, is clinching all the awards!

Biles has just been bestowed with “Female Olympic Athlete of the Year” at the Team USA awards.

Biles is the most decorated female gymnast Olympics and world championship history. She won five gold medals at the 2019 FIG World Championships, the most of any gymnast at a single event since 1958. In 70 years, she is the first woman to win six U.S. all around titles.

Team USA took to Twitter to congratulate Simone saying, “Synonymous with making history, synonymous with AMAZING us all every time she competes. GIVE IT UP for the 2019 Female Olympic Athlete of the Year, Simone Biles.”

Congrats Simone!

In self development November 25, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

#MONDAYMOTIVATION| HOW TO SPEAK UP AT WORK WITHOUT BEING OFFENSIVE

Having the ability and confidence to speak up at work is critical for several reasons. It’s important on a personal level because it can directly impact your career in either a positive or a negative way. Done correctly, it can have a very uplifting effect on your career and workplace happiness. Done in an inappropriate manner can have incredibly negative effects on your career, and also spread to those around you.

On a more macro level, the ability to speak up at work can be extremely productive and create great things for your immediate team and the organization as a whole. If you open your mouth at the wrong time or in the wrong place, all it’s going to do is create divides between your colleagues and negatively impact the work being done.

Let’s take a look at how to speak up at work without being offensive.

When and Where to Speak Up

As we mentioned, there are definitely times and places you should speak up at work; and there are also circumstances where you shouldn’t. Let’s look at some suggestions for when conditions are right for speaking up.

Situations

A general rule of thumb is if the situation involves you it’s a good idea to speak up. On the other hand, if it doesn’t involve you, that’s a good indicator to not worry about sharing your opinion.

Just today, my team and I had a meeting to review 4 different vendors that recently provided us with demo’s. We are looking for a tool to help us become more efficient as well as provide a better customer experience. We all offered our opinions regarding the products. This was a great situation for me to offer my thoughts on a tool we will all be using.

Several weeks ago, I walked by 2 associates who work in the same department as I do. We don’t work together daily but I do interact with them from time to time. One was expressing frustration and displeasure of having to work with someone in another department. This would be a situation where my input would be both not appreciated and not important, because it has nothing to do with me. So I kept walking.

Reasons

The best way to decide whether to speak up is to ask yourself – will something positive or good happen if I decide to offer my opinion? If the answer is yes, then by all means, speak up. If you have a hard time figuring out how something positive happens when you open your mouth, make sure you pause and really think about if you should say anything.

Referencing my situation before, where my team members and I were weighing in with our opinions on the vendors. This is a good reason to speak up and share my thoughts. My opinion was wanted for the good of the team. It’s a good reason for me to say what I’m thinking.

Let’s think about another situation. Let’s say a coworker of mine is starting to gossip to me about another coworker. First of all, there’s not really a good reason for the coworker to be gossiping to me about someone else. It is certainly not a good reason for me to start chiming in as well. Nothing good or positive is likely to come out of me speaking up in this situation.

Manner

The manner in which you speak up will make a difference too. If you share your opinion in a clear and positive way, typically good things will happen. This is true in most situations, from one-on-one with your boss or subordinate, to addressing a large group of people. Make sure you are prepared and communicate clearly.

On the other hand, if you mumble a lot or are unable to communicate in a clear manner, you aren’t doing yourself any favors. The people who are attempting to listen to you either won’t be able to hear you very well or understand you. This will only hurt your career and make the situation more muddied at work.

1. Be Clear

This is key to speaking up without being offensive. Make your opinion known or ask for what you want in a clear and straight forward manner without being demeaning to the other person.

Don’t make your voice softer or raise your volume, keep it in your normal speaking voice. Don’t try to emotionally manipulate the other person, just state your point in a clear and concise manner.

2. Stay Cool and Collected

Sometimes when we are stating our opinions, the conversation can begin to get heated. Different opinions and ways of doing things can cause friction. You think something should be done a certain way and someone else doesn’t agree with you.

If you are passionate about the subject, the conversation might begin to turn to a more animated discussion. When this happens, take a deep breath and pause. Let yourself calm down at least a little bit. Continuing the discussion when you are upset will usually only lead to saying things you’ll later regret.

3. Be Prepared

We all tend to feel a lot more confident when we feel prepared. This is true at work as well, whether it’s having a meeting or asking for a raise.

If you want to ask for a raise, come prepared and you probably won’t get defensive or aggressive when challenged. If you come prepared, you can show your boss the reasons why you deserve a raise. Maybe you could point out the money you saved the company or even better, new business you’ve brought it.

Come prepared and you’ll be ready to speak up at work without being offensive.

4. Use Good Body Language

When it’s time to be assertive and state what you want at work, make sure you are using positive body language. Keep your posture straight and use open body language. Look people in the eyes and and don’t clench your jaw or tighten your facial muscles. Smile from time to time. This will help you be assertive and clear.

When you use poor body language such as crossing your arms, frowning, talking in a loud and forceful manner, leaning in too much or pointing fingers, you will come across as aggressive and offensive.

5. Be Comfortable Saying No

Having the ability to say no will help you speak up at work without being offensive. Sometimes, what you see is a boss or manager who, for some reason, likes giving someone additional work simply because the other person allows it. As you might imagine, this can lead to resentment, anger, and eventually quitting and getting a new job. When things are busy, we all get extra work sometimes. If you are consistently getting more than your fair share, be comfortable saying no.

I recently was asked to take on an additional project. Okay, I’m a team player so I took the additional work on. A few weeks later, I was asked to take on another additional project. I said no, I simply don’t have the bandwidth and the project would suffer because I did not have the time to give it the attention it deserved. I said no and I did not get the project.

You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s advice on The Gentle Art of Saying No.

6. Offer Constructive Criticism

It’s okay to offer constructive criticism if it is your place. Personally, I am open to receiving constructive criticism. Not everybody is. I feel that if you can tell me something in a positive manner about how to get better, I am all for it. I like for that conversation to be able to swing both ways.

If you want to help someone get better and you feel they are receptive to it, by all means offer constructive criticism. Just make sure it is constructive.

If you are one of those people that likes to offer criticism without the constructive component, chances are you are coming across as offensive.

7. Let Other People Speak

A final component to remember is to let other people speak as well. You are entitled to speak up and share your opinions. It’s important for you to be assertive and have your voice heard at work to get what you want and need.

That being said, in order to not be offensive, make sure you let other people speak. Yes, your opinion is important and you should ensure you can be heard. It’s also important to allow other people the opportunity to speak up at work as well. Remember, half of effective communication is listening.

Bottom Line

We’ve taken a look at how to speak up at work without being offensive. As you can see, it’s important to be assertive at work when needed to get your opinion heard and speak up for your wants and needs.

It’s very possible to state your position and get what you need at work and in your career in a manner that works well for you and everyone you work with. This can be done in an assertive manner without being offensive.

Source: Life hack

In self development November 25, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

WAPA CALLS FOR JOINT ACTION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Lagos State Commissioner for Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation (WAPA), Mrs. Cecilia Bolaji Dada has said that the war against domestic violence must be jointly fought by parents, schools and society as a whole.

Dada made the call on Wednesday at a symposium organised by the Domestic Violence Unit of the Ministry with the theme, “Parents as Social Agents of Change”.

The Commissioner said that parents must play a crucial role in curbing domestic violence, appealing that they should set good examples for children by avoiding behavioural patterns that can set the young ones on the path destruction.“Parenting as an art is not limited to the biological parents of a child alone; rather, it is a tripartite phenomenon sitting on a three-legged stool.

This stool consists of the home, the school and the society at large, as what is fed into the child from the home front is what is taken to the larger society,”

Dada stated.While noting quarrels and disagreements are inevitable in some homes, Dada urged parents and other relevant stakeholders to make conscious efforts to shield children away from such fracas whenever they arise.According to Dada, the symposium was aimed at guiding parents against becoming a negative influence in the lives of their children and wards.In her words;

“I wish to state here that we do not encourage war or fighting in our homes, we are peace ambassadors. But then, as humans, challenging issues might arise from time to time, we disagree to agree. But when there are disagreements, let us avoid violence and also learn to shield our young ones from such challenging issues.”She advised both parents and young ones to engage themselves productively and avoid idleness at all cost, stressing that “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”.

In self development November 25, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

ERELU BISI FAYEMI: WHERE IS YOUR WRAPPER?

I was in Uganda a few years ago for one of the programs we used to run at the African Women’s Leadership Institute. One day, there was a report about something that had happened in one of the local markets. One of the women in the market went into labour unexpectedly. It seemed there was no time to get her to a nearby hospital or clinic, so the women around went into action. Some of them ran around to look for basins, hot water, towels, and razors. A few held her hand and encouraged her to push. Majority of the women around took out their wrappers and held them up, creating a protective ring around the woman, shielding her from prying eyes. Every now and then, this scenario plays itself in other markets around the continent, and the response is mostly the same – women bring out their wrappers to protect one of their own.

Sadly, this is no longer the case these days. Instead of wrappers coming out, it would be cell phones to record every graphic detail. Sure, help might still come, but not before the person concerned has all their pain and agony out there for all the world to see. Recently, there was the case of a young woman in Ajah, Lagos, who was found wandering the streets. Reports on how she got there vary, but she was stark naked, extremely emaciated and incoherent. Instead of immediately rushing to help, covering her up and getting her medical attention, onlookers laughed at her, threw things at her and recorded her on their cell phones. Without any idea of who she was or how she got there, judgements were made on the spot about her being the victim of ritualists which she must have brought on herself in her quest to make quick money. A good Samaritan, Keira Hewatch, stepped in and took her to the hospital. Even though many onlookers where not prepared to help the poor woman on the road, they tried to stop Keira from helping her, saying she too might be bewitched. Essentially, they refused to bring out their wrappers to protect and save someone and tried to stop someone else who was willing to bring out hers.

What do these wrappers signify? To me they mean protection, solidarity, sisterhood, empathy, kindness, compassion, duty, all those things and more that make us human beings. In the market places where the scene I described in Uganda happens, there is an unspoken protocol amongst the women – a responsibility to take care of one of their own who needs them. She is in pain. Afraid. But she has sisters around her, rooting for her and helping her. So, I ask us my dear sisters, where is your wrapper? Where is your wrapper to shield and protect other women and girls who need you? Where was your wrapper for the little girl who was molested by someone in your household and you said ‘Shhhhh’ and looked the other way? Where was your wrapper when someone you know said she was raped by someone she trusted? Did you ask her what she was wearing? Or if she seduced him? Where was your wrapper when your friend needed succour from an abusive husband? Did you gossip behind her back that it served her right, she is too arrogant? Where was your wrapper when your sister or daughter told you that her lecturers were harassing her in the University? Did you tell them that they must have done something to encourage them? Where was your wrapper when a young woman who could have been your own sister, daughter or niece was found on the streets naked? Where you one of the women who stood by and recorded her misery and threw things at her? Where you one of the men who tried to stop brave Keira from helping? What was in it for you to have a very sick woman die untended in broad daylight, with human beings baying for her blood like animals? Even animals care more for their own.

Our wrappers might all look different, with varying sizes, shapes and colours, but each and every one of us has a wrapper. Bring that wrapper out to shield another woman, or a man. Use it to help get her a contract, help with her rent, pay her children’s fees, help her with capital for a business or simply a discreet shoulder to cry on. Never let a day go by without bringing out that wrapper. The way God works is that the more wrappers you bring out for others, the more will come out for you. We don’t only need wrappers when we celebrate and buy Aso Ebi. We need the wrappers for our trials and tribulations and we all have them.

The women in the market place might never see the woman they helped again. She might never be able to say thank you. Yet she will never forget that other women stood by her and gave her dignity and covered her nakedness. Are we prepared to cover the nakedness of others, or do we want to be part of the mob that strips them naked? These days there seems to be a war against women. Not only is sexual violence at an all time high, these crimes are now committed in full view of the public. A young woman is accused of stealing and stripped naked, hands all over her and objects being stuck into her. When this happens, what do we do, will we look the other way? When a woman is being harassed online, do we join in the abuse? The more wrappers we bring out, the safer we will all be. There is another conversation to be had with the men, with our male leaders, with those who have the powers and privileges that weaken our agency and make us forget that we have wrappers in the first place. Today, we are talking to and about ourselves.

Let us all agree to bring out our beautiful, strong, diverse wrappers. Our wrappers of respect, love, dignity, support and endless hope. Thank you for bringing out your wrapper Keira. God bless us all.

This is an expanded version of a brief speech that was given at the ARISE Women’s Conference in Lagos, October 26^th, 2019.

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She is currently the 1^st Lady of Ekiti State. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com

In self development November 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

KUNYAZA: THE SENSUAL RWANDAN TRADITION WHICH GUARANTEES EXPLOSIVE FEMALE ORGASMS

In Rwanda, a traditional sexual practice almost guarantees female orgasm when done right. Female pleasure is not shunned but celebrated here. When contextualized to the current world realities, kunyaza is the height of equality in the bedroom.

Photograph: Trevor Cole/Unsplash

The Legend of the Flowing Waters

It is said during the Third Dynasty of the pre-colonial Rwandan monarchy, the King went to war leaving the Queen’s bed cold and uneventful. Being a woman of power, the Queen sought out a momentary distraction which she found in a guard named Kamagere.

Poor, panicky Kamagere found himself in the Queen’s quarters, quaking, trembling and missing the vaginal orifice as any man in his position would. But you see, he was not really missing! Unbeknownst to terror-stricken Kamagere, he was shaking, trembling and accidentally rubbing all the right places. Before she could understand this new art-form, this hedonistic wizardry in her bedroom, the Queen’s waters gushed out. The sacred waters were a symbol of a sexual revolution that turned patriarchal sexual expectations on their head. The age of egalitarian and equitable sex thus began. Call it kunyaza after the rivers of sacred water that have flowed from the deepest, most sacred parts of Rwandan and Burundian women.

Confronting The Orgasm Gap

In 2016, Olivier Jourdain released Sacred Water, a documentary on “kunyaza” and captured the world’s imagination. That the practice is popular in Rwanda, a country that consistently features in the world’s top five in gender equality only made the story even better. Here is a country where women lead and get orgasms. In the 21st century this should not make the news yet it does because there is an a gender gap in work-spaces and an “orgasm gap” in bedrooms. Men are likelier to get high positions in public offices and they are also likelier to orgasm in private rooms than women. Fortunately, the gender gap in work-spaces has the attention of the big economic institutions but who is talking about the orgasm gap or taking it too seriously? Enter Rwanda, where addressing the orgasm gap is a tradition! From the centuries-old practice of kunyaza, the modern world can learn much about female pleasure and its beauty.

How Do You Do It?

Dr. Nsekuye Bizimana explains that there are two distinct ways of practicing kunyaza. Bizimana calls the first, the simple practice whereby the man rhythmically and continuously strikes the glans of the clitoris with the glans of his erect penis. The man moves in the same motion from top to bottom and vice versa or from left to right and vice versa before eventually making circular movements. During the complex practice of kunyaza, the man performs conventional penile-vaginal penetration before holding his penis and moving it from side to side or round and round to stimulate the vagina from inside.The man may then withdraw from the vagina and revert to the simple practice of kunyaza. It is clearly a very technical exercise that some people will simply fail to satisfactorily perform. However, in the olden days, failure attracted traditional censure. One Felix who was interviewed by the New Internationalist said,

“If a man couldn’t do it, the families would get together and discuss the matter. They would take back the girl and give you back the cow you bought as a dowry, because you are a weak man.”

Female pleasure and the ability to make a woman ejaculate were, therefore, defining features of traditional masculinity. So while it is convenient to claim kunyaza is progressive gender equality in the bedroom, the practice is really about the assertion of masculinity. Despite this philosophical link to patriarchal hubris, kunyaza still fully accepts female pleasure as a phenomenon to be embraced rather than feared and repressed. That excitingly counter-intuitive conception of sexuality is what makes it special. Female sexuality is not unsavory and dangerous but is, instead, a beautiful thing to be celebrated and explored. While kunyaza in its original habitat may be driven by patriarchy, it can easily be contextualized to the modern feminist milieu. Kunyaza is part of the solution to the orgasm gap and the world should pay attention. Female desire and pleasure are not vulgar!

In self development November 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

5 DATING SAFETY RULES THAT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE

Here are some important tips to help you safely handle your first date in the “real” world.

Online dating has grown in popularity over the years. Now with the ever-evolving technology, several dating apps had emerged to take your online dating to another level. Faster and more reliable matches, so they claimed. But while online dating is starting to be a norm, it is vital to equip ourselves with safety measures in meeting someone we don’t really know. Here are some important tips to help you safely handle your first date in the “real” world.

• Research your new date online

I believe most of us are doing research already. But the question is, are we doing it correctly? Oh, yes. There is a proper and efficient way of doing research. A simple Google search won’t suffice. You must do some crosschecking of the person’s social media accounts such as LinkedIn Facebook, and Instagram. There are several resources online that will share tips on how to do a background check on someone you are dating. Take time to read them as they will be a big help for you.

Using sites like Nuwber to check up on a potential date may come very handy. This can help you verify if his or her dating profile is legit. If you can’t find any information about your date, consider that a red flag. In this day and age, it is next to impossible that a working adult doesn’t have any accounts on social media.

• Meet in Public

Drive yourself or use public transportation to get to your date. Also, have your first date in a public place where a lot of people are around. Choose a busy restaurant or a bustling café in the middle of the city. In case you need to prematurely end your date for any reason, you’ll have several exit routes at your disposal.

• Tell Someone About It

Tell your best friend or a close co-worker about your upcoming meet-up. Specify the location as well as the possible time frame. Decide on a time where you or your friend can call each other after the date. Knowing you have a safety net in case something goes wrong will give you a feeling of security and let you enjoy your date more.

• Be Mindful of the Food and Drinks

Be careful with the food being served on your first date especially if your date volunteered to cook. Online research has found that a third of women would go on dates just for the food. Sure, it might sound romantic that your date would cook for you, but beware. An ingredient you’re allergic to in the dish a person you don’t really know cooked may be the least of possible evils…

So why not go to a cafe of your choice to avoid surprises?

Drinking alcohol may well help you relax and ease the tension. Remember, however, that it’s important to have a clear mind so you can make smart choices and be mindful of your surroundings. Since this will be the first time to personally meet your date, it would be great to remember all the details when the morning comes, right?

• Trust Your Instincts

Like any other important decisions in your life, your instinct will be there as your guide. You may not logically know the reason, but if you feel something is not right, then leave. You are not obliged to finish your date. It is better to end it if you feel that way. It just means the right person for you is still out there.

Final Thoughts

As much as we want to enjoy the process and thrill of meeting for the first time, staying safe should be our top priority. No matter how much you feel connected to each other on your chats, you should perform a dating background check before deciding to meet. Keeping these tips in mind can surely help you have a successful and safe first date.

In self development November 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MISTAKES CAN HELP YOUR KIDS BECOME INDEPENDENT

Becoming independent is a critical part of growth and making mistakes can be a natural phenomenon that every individual will go through. How it is handled and lessons learnt from mistakes make the difference.

When kids make mistakes, most parents can be quick to judge their incompetence and lack of maturity, but then, it is a learning curve that gives everyone the opportunity to grow and become truly independent.

According to a parenting enthusiast and mum, Gift Adokie, when kids make mistakes that embarrass or disappoint their parents, it is important for parents to learn how to overcome the feelings of failure and not take it personally.

Having worked with parents as an educator of students with severe behaviour issues, she said that parents can do everything “right” and children will still make mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of life and critical to learning, growing, and becoming independent. Missteps and failures allow kids to gain valuable insight, develop critical thinking skills, and acquire essential traits like resilience, grit, and self-compassion.

According to Adokie: “When your child makes a mistake that disappoints or embarrasses you, berating yourself is not going to help this situation. Feeling guilty is not either. In both cases, you are taking responsibility for something that is not yours to own. If your children think you are blaming yourself for their actions or making excuses for them, that is giving them the wrong message.

“Taking time to communicate your expectations, your belief in their capability, and making a plan for moving forward is a far better way to spend your time and energy.”

Adokie stressed that it may be helpful to keep in mind that when parents take on their children’s mistakes, this becomes a detriment to their children when they get into the real world and do not know how to handle failure or take responsibility for their poor choices.

She added: “By communicating that mistakes are part of life, you also dismiss the notion that perfection is needed in life’s journey, which is also very damaging to personal growth, happiness and wellbeing. We never want our kids to believe they are failures when they experience failure.

“Commending them for owning a mistake and getting back up to try again is extremely beneficial. Sharing mistakes from your own life and how you handled them helps kids perceive you as a trusted source of support when things go wrong.”

Owning your own mistakes and apologising for them provides a powerful example for young people to follow.

She added that, above all, these are the three mistake reminders to keep in the forefront when kids make mistakes:

• How I collect myself and move forward in courage and love after making a misstep shows kids how to move forward in courage and love when they make a misstep.

• We are not the sum of our mistakes; we are not a collection of our failings; we are human and sometimes we just need a moment and every moment is a chance to start anew.

• Mistakes mean we are learning, growing, taking risks, and showing up. The day we stop making mistakes is the day we stop living. Let us live bravely, boldly, flawed, and full of hope.

By Ijeoma Thomas-Odia for Guardian

In self development November 22, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS A FEMINIST LONG BEFORE I KNEW WHAT THE WORD MEANT. I AM NOT GOING TO SHUT THE F* UP” -CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has said she will not be silenced while advocating for gender equality.

The author said this on Wednesday, November 20, 2019, while receiving an award at the “Equality Now.”

She said: “I was a feminist long before I knew what the word meant. Not because I read books but because I observed the world around me and saw how women were treated. Sometimes it can feel very lonely trying to prove that sexism exists, that we haven’t achieved basic equality for women around the world. Tonight is an oomph that shows me that it truly matters.

She added: “I’m going to remember this night when people tell me to shut up. I’m not going to shut the fuck up!”

The international organization, Equality Now honored Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Scarlett Curtis at the annual Make Equality Reality Gala in New York City.

Equality Now Global Executive Director Yasmeen Hassan said at the event: “Changing laws and mindsets is only possible through persistent activism. Our honorees tonight, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Scarlett Curtis, use the written word to do just that.”

Curtis is the author of the bestseller Feminists Don’t Wear Pink and Other Lies, and is a vocal activist across feminist issues from period poverty to female genital mutilation (FGM).

Singer-songwriter Rhonda Ross, daughter of singer and producer Diana Ross, presented Adichie with her Equality Now award. Ross invited a group of guests to welcome Adichie on stage by reading an excerpt from her book We Should All Be Feminists.

In her speech, Adichie also said storytelling has an important role to play in achieving equality.

“We really need to start thinking about ways to make women’s stories familiar to men. Men need to read more women’s stories.”

Credit: LIB