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Temi Olajide
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Temi Olajide: I Want To Help Working Mums Enjoy Motherhood While Achieving Their Goals

Temi Olajide is a Certified Child Sleep / Potty Training Consultant and Child Psychologist. She is Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant, Founder and Lead Strategist at Mummyclinic Global Services, founded in December 2017. Her organization hosts an online platform that provides strategies and result-driven solutions to the challenges of child-rearing. The organization which is also a sleep training platform for children in West Africa helps mothers to successfully combine the requirements of life and motherhood while responding correctly to the peculiarities of the digital age. She successfully worked with over 1500 mothers within the first year of establishment.

Beyond her certification in Child Psychology, Potty Training and Child Sleep Behaviour, she holds a B.Sc. in Chemistry, a certification in Introductory Journalism from the London College of Media and Journalism and  Makeup Artistry and Aesthetic Spa certification.

Temi is also the author of the fast-selling Amazon book;  Wi-Fi Kids and Analog Parents, a comprehensive book that equips parents on how to raise well-rounded kids in the digital age.

She shares her story in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I will say yes, my parents did their best to live intentionally and their lives were transparent to us and were both great role models. I wanted to be a modified version of them though not with as many kids, by the way, I’m the first and only girl with three brothers.

I would also my parents lives parented me, I would have loved for them to have been more approachable early on in my life because there are some experiences you would have loved to share as a young girl growing up, but typical Nigerian parents then weren’t that approachable, the fear of some many other things wouldn’t allow that, lol. But they never lived a lie, so I grew up using their lives as a guide, which I usually encourage parents to do. If you cannot do so much, just be a good example because your kids can see through you and learn just to be like you as many parents don’t practice what they preach and that’s where you start to lose your kids.

Inspiration behind Mummyclinicc

Mummyclinicc was founded to empower mums on how to overcome day-to-day mummy challenges by providing them with quick hacks and solutions, achieve work and life success, and improve their well-being and state of mental health while they raise well-rounded children in this digital age.

Let me share a background story of what prepared me for mummyclinicc.

After marriage, I sat down one day and analyzed what kind of mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be that mum that enjoyed her life and work while raising my kids. But the narrative around me didn’t reflect what I desired. The narrative I saw was that as a mum you will experience sleepless nights, it’s overwhelming, tiring, and exhausting,  it’s either you choose your career or your children, and it’s not fun and fulfilling asides having these babies. I didn’t want my life to be all these. I  know being a mum is very challenging but I said to myself since I  can’t avoid it so why not look for easier ways to overcome these challenges and enjoy the journey, I started to seek knowledge and read books to find solutions. I wanted to change this narrative so that I can enjoy this journey despite the challenges. So I became deliberate from day one when I got pregnant with my first. And that was the beginning of being an intentional mum, I didn’t leave things to chance except pray for God’s guidance and blessings on my effort as I knew God wouldn’t come down to do my job. Then the digital age came, joined Instagram in 2016 and I saw many mums struggling and unhappy with the journey of motherhood, I remember always seeing posts of mums struggling with getting their kids  to go to bed early, sleeping through the night and potty training and I always told myself, this shouldn’t be a problem any mum should be facing, I can help  but didn’t know how

I will have sleepless nights many times thinking why will these mums be going through all this when solutions exist but I am a very private person and thinking of how I will cope with social media which can still be a struggle times though.

Then my late dad’s funeral will play again in my head, Temitope, if you die today, what value will you have added to mankind? So I decided to finally take a plunge and live my dreams because I knew I was called to help working mothers. I knew it was time to overcome my fears and start to fulfil my dreams of helping more mums than those around me and adding more value to humanity.

I knew 80% of our problems are solved as mums if raising our kids gives us some form of peace and joy.

I’m always unhappy and troubled when I see or hear other mums unhappy and overwhelmed because this was what I wanted to avoid as a mum and I know they can also achieve it if they allow me to help them. This was how Mummyclinicc was birth. Taking mums from exhausted/overwhelmed to enjoyment despite our challenges.

Being  Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant

We have been able to sleep train over 700 children in our sleep school and it’s amazing how you see the lifestyle of mums transform and become productive when their child’s sleep habits and sleep is improved. We’ve witnessed improved bonding between husbands and wives as they get more time to spend with each other as soon as the kids are in bed and not witnessing any interruption in their beds through the night too. We have had testimonies of children feeding better, behaving calmer, becoming healthier and doing better at school due to improved sleep lifestyle and so many more.

I’ve heard some mums say why to hire a sleep consultant, our parents didn’t sleep-train us until I explain to them that life sleep-trained us. Imagine our lives without the internet, youtube, 24-7 Tv programs, phones, tabs, and generators. Everyone including our parents went to bed early by 10 pm after the news and we kids after dinner, so we were able to enjoy the benefits of sleep. But imagine our lives now and the benefits of sleep and our physiological body system are still required, our bodies are still the same and don’t understand the Internet age but we are depriving it of the benefits. Even as adults, inadequate sleep is leading to many illnesses now and it’s during consolidated adequate sleep that our brain cells are repaired and our children’s growth hormones are developed.

Leaving the banking industry to pitch my tent as a Child sleep and potty training advocate

I left the banking industry after having my first child to give me more time to be hands-on with him and I didn’t have a lot of support around me at that time as my mum wasn’t in the country. I also wanted a career as a business consultant because that was my desire after graduating from school which I am today which I combine with Mummyclinicc. I became a Child sleep and potty training consultant solely out of a passion to help other mums. I just want every other working mum out there to enjoy motherhood while achieving their dreams and raising well-rounded children. That this is doable.

Work-life balance of being a certified Potty Training Consultant, Child Psychologist, Wife  and Mom

I have immense support from my husband, my children and my mum, they’ve been a great help. And there is something I never fail to do, asking for help, even if it will cost me.

Being Intentional with my life has also helped, me plan my day. I guard the use of my time jealousy as I know time is life. I also started to involve and integrate my kids at a very young age with house chores and my work, so that helped as well. I refuel regularly by taking care of myself and doing what I enjoy doing I ditched perfectionism. Nothing like a perfect mum or wife, I just work at being the best for my family.

Finally, I prioritize. I focus on what’s important each time, so I’m able to give my best to whatever I choose to focus on.

Other projects and activities

Asides from our sleep and potty training services, as a child psychologist I also help mums through our classes and mummy coaching programs on building trust with their children, getting kids to listen and cooperate with them, sex education for kids, confidence and positive personality building for lifelong success and other challenges mum face.

Challenges of Being a Social Entrepreneur

Poor Internet  Services in our country are a major for me because we work with mums across the world, and poor internet connection makes it more frustrating in helping as many mums as we will love to help as our platform is majorly using the online space to reach out.

Collaborating with people and organizations can be a herculean task also in our Country especially pitching our services to organizations to help women employees become more productive.

Lack of funds to expand is also a major challenge. We don’t want to only help mums that can afford our services or be able to access the free resources we give daily on our platform only

Potty Training Nuggets

The first thing about potty training is education. We advise mums to educate themselves before getting started. Many times we just want to jump into potty training, get potty and tell the child to sit on it. That is why many children wouldn’t cooperate so easily with us on the first try.

Secondly, the type of potty matters, imagine sitting on a toilet that is too low, high or the toilet bowl is too wide for your bum, you wouldn’t be comfortable and enjoy the process of using it, likewise with children, comfort matters especially something you’re weaning them into, if not it becomes a stressful process for you and your child.

My fast-selling book Wi-Fi Kids and why it’s a must-have for every parent

It’s a must-have because it addresses the changes in the dynamics of parenting in this age compared to ours and how to handle those changes, it provides a much-needed guide for raising children in the digital age. It is so all-encompassing and it highlights the pros and cons of the digital age, sex education for kids, understanding and communicating with children in the digital age, and constructing boundaries, among other salient issues bordering on parenting in the digital age. We need to understand what our digital children require from us to allow them to thrive and navigate successfully at this age.

I use this analogy, our parents were trained with walls, and our walls were our churches, schools, mosques and family. We believed everything we were told because there was no other source of information. Imagine our mothers telling us then that if a man touches us, we will get pregnant and we believed, even a 2year old in this digital age will say, Mum, why are you lying, it’s impossible. We should understand that we are raising our children now with no walls, if you lie to them, google is now everyone’s new friend. Learning and information are not limited to what we were limited with, so you will agree with me that the tactics that are used to find battles in a place with walls/restriction are different from a place with no walls, no walls means more danger, confusing to navigate and porous to attack. Parenting Strategy has to be different, which is why my book is a must-have for every parent at this age, nothing to do with you being techy, it’s a mindset shift!

To Moms who are finding it hard to get the necessary support and resources, they need to train their children.

Honestly, not every mum will get desired support from families and friends, but thank God for the online space, support and resources that now exist compared to when I was having kids.

If you can’t get free help, if you can afford to pay for help and support, please do. I did and I’m still doing so I’m not a fan of giving excuses, whining and blaming my circumstance for not having the support I desire.

Trying to figure things out in this digital age is becoming more costly than the cost of seeking help from people. I remembered when we were growing up, it took a village to raise us, our parents will go to their friends, neighbours, pastors and school for help and support, but at this age, everyone is keeping their problems to themselves, you don’t want people to know your challenges before they spread it around (which can be understandable because there is a trust issue in this age) but it still doesn’t take away the fact that you need to seek help when needed because we can’t do this alone, and that is why if you can’t get it free please seek professional help on time before its too late, everything happens so fast in this age.

Government  and  the child health sector

I believe they should have improved medical child-friendly facilities for children as parents will be more comfortable in taking their children to the hospitals without self-medicating which usually leads to more complications. Then if they can make access to medical facilities free for children, it will reduce child mortality rates as parents will take their kids quicker for treatments rather than self-medicating or figuring it out instead of waiting till the last minute and health deteriorated.

Challenges Mum faces

 I would say one of the major challenges is having to get their children to listen and cooperate with them without having to shout, spank or nag them and knowing appropriate ways to discipline and set boundaries with the peculiarities of the digital age.

Dear Mums….

Dear mum, There is nothing like this how things are when you become a mum, you must have sleepless nights,  shout, nag, be overwhelmed, and give up something for something. Times have changed and help is here, Solutions exist. Please reach out for help, no mum deserve to suffer in silence.

You deserve to live the best version of yourself while raising the best version of your children. Remember you can’t give what you don’t have and your kids will most likely be like you or a  better version of you. The question is what version of you are your kids seeing and learning from?

At mummyclinicc, we provide quick proven solutions to all your worrisome mummy headaches,  while you achieve work & life success to live a healthier life and improve your well-being and state of mental health while you raise the best version of your child in this age and enjoy your mummy life.

We can be reached through our website www.mummyclinicc.com and our Instagram page @mummyclinicc.

 

 

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SEX CARRIES 60% BLAME IN HIGH RATE OF SEPARATION AND DIVORCE- MO DARASAYO

We do know that a healthy sex in marriage is one of the most commonly cited traits among happy couples when asked how they make it work.  These couples have managed to maintain intimacy for years, still enjoying their bond and maintaining the fondness they have for one another.

Sex and marriage go hand in hand. If you can buy this argument, you can most likely understand why is sex so important in a marriage. Intimacy enhances long-term relationships, and this is what Sex Therapist Mo Darasayo advocates for .

Mo Darasayo (MDS is a Sex Enthusiast and Therapist. She helps people overcome problems of bad sex through therapy. An initiative she  started due to her personal experience over 20 months ago and having counsel over 10 couples and many individuals, she decided to take it up as a job and build it up as a notable Brand in the Sex Therapy industry.

She shares her personal journey and joy of seeing marriages work with me in this inspiring interview.

Childhood Influence

I grew up in a polygamous Home. Last Child of 8. Had my primary education in St. Michaels School Ibadan before i moved to Galaxy Schools for Common Entrance Examination, then proceeded to Our Lady of Apostles Mary way Odo ona for my Secondary Education. Then studied Accounting in the Higher Institutions. Not so close to Dad until Mom passed away in 2006. And growing up i don’t hear much about sex. It’s either about religion or Education. I’m either in Church or School. Most novels i read back in school were mostly about Education. No lovey-dovey, if my steps found me reading anything relating to sex or romance, i might be in troubles. So I stayed off. My Childhood didn’t prepare me for what i am doing right now, I’ll say Marriage did.

Inspiration behind my passion for the Sex Industry

Okay, I’ve been looking for a platform to share this personal experience, it’s about time. Sex Therapy Industry is the last place i thought I’ll found myself. I mean, by age and experience I don’t belong here. But here I’m at. After leaving school I had the opportunity to work in the Media, worked under Mrs Funmi Davies Farodoye on her then program “Wazobia plus” at Mitv. We moved to Ltv 8 in Ikeja to start another program, opportunity came again to work with PR Media on Afrima project in 2016. This was my journey plus my Food Business before i started my job as a Therapist in 2018.

I got married in 2015 and before Marriage Hubby and I lived miles apart. Away from the fact that as a religious person, the said distance caused a big issue for us. We got married and then I got to know i do not have the stamina I should have for Sex, by stamina, I meant urge. Pregnancy came and I couldn’t keep up with sex, was in and out of the hospital for almost all the period and when I finally put to bed it was through CS. I could remember vividly Hubby and I didn’t have sex for solid eight months after my first child, because he was scared I gave birth through CS, we didn’t know better. After this whole thing I realised we had both lost it, when he wanted sex, I don’t want, when I’m horny he’s not in the mood. Sooner than expected he got transfer to another state. That was another sour beginning in our sex life. We’d go month(s) without sex and physical touch. Then one day I talked to a friend about my predicament because i was tired. Then i heard worse, lol. She told me even her own husband that live with her is not touching her as expected that it’s marriage thing, we tend to get tired of ourselves because we see often (See finish syndrome). I knew there was more so i started doing my research and reading online. Then i found help and decided to start helping people with their sex life, because sex is not even the way some of us see it. Beyond the physical thrust and touch, sex is psychological. I started like a joke on my favorite social platform (Facebook) and today by God’s grace it’s become something I’m known for, added to the tutelage I received to prepare me for the journey.

How you can differentiate Love and Lust and how to sight a red flag

Love and Lust looks same but not the same and can never be same. And it will take God’s grace to know if a man truly want you with the intentions of marriage or just want to get laid. A man can pretend to be in love with you for months even years, pretending to be there for you and giving you everything they could afford just to get laid with you and after sex would desert you.

 

Testimonials

In almost two years of doing online and off-line Therapy sessions, I’ve had amazing testimonies. From teaching how to have a good and balanced sex life on Facebook, to having one on one session with couples and intending couples, the testimonies has been massive. One that stood out was this Lady with Female mutilation that sent me a mail this year, after few weeks of Online Therapy she’s doing so well in bed with her partner now. In her words “I’m glad i know you Mo, the World needs more people like you”.

 

Sex is Important to Marriage

Sex is very very very important in marriage. To have and live a good married life your sex life must be the bomb. Know what your partners want, varieties of sex styles, suitable times their body want sex. Keep exploring and compromise. When you’re not in the mood for sex, communicate with your partner. Sex is never too much and should not be too much

Sex as a factor of Divorce and Marriage

Sex carries 60% blames in high rate of separation and divorce in this time. I once had a Therapy session with a couple where the Man threatened to cheat on the wife if she doesn’t up her sex games. And when emotional issues like this comes in, problems abound. I tell Couples that their sex lives depends on both parties, like I said earlier, it’s all about what we both want and how we can reach an agreement. If it takes having a sex timetable to achieve your aim as a couple go ahead and whatever issues you feel you need to sort speak about it and seek professional help. Seek Therapy not Kayamata.

Safe Sex Nuggets

I tell people to discuss their sex history with new partner if the relationship would involve having sex to avoid stories that touch the nerves. Communication is key

°Use condom if you’re having sex with multiple partners to avoid STI’s or deadlier diseases.

°Be aware of your body and that of your partner, look for a sign or sores, blister, rash or discharge.

°Say no to drugs before sex, this might increase the chance that you will partake in high-risk sex.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Helping others find fulfilment in what seems difficult and not achievable is what make me a Woman of Rubies. I’m glad i found this path and I’m walking it.

To women who still don’t see sex as an integral part of marriage

My Final word for women who don’t see sex as an integral part of marriage is try as much as you can and give your best in sex aspect in your marriage. Whatever difficult you’re facing in that aspect, discuss with your partner and you both could find a solution to it. Sex can make or mar your marriage, the decision to hold on lies in our hands and between our thighs.

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BOLI LA’N TA WAS INSPIRED BY MY LOVE FOR ROASTED PLANTAIN- OMOLOLA KAYODE

Omolola Olanrewaju Kayode was born on June 17th 1995, an only child her late dad who died in 2010 but the last born for of her mother .

Omolola’s journey is one of resilience, determination and doggedness, From struggling to attend school from her young age to  sleeping in Ketu garage for 11months with her parents at the age of 6 . Her mum sold drinks at the entrance of Ketu Demurin bus park, which exposed her to brutality of all kinds, from being pursued by armed Mopols with whips, to them carting away with her goods. Lola’s mum raised her through this livelihood and this in no little way made Lola more determined to make something our of her life against all odds.

After her education, she started working as an auxiliary nurse to earn a living, but she thought to do something on the side to give back, and this informed her decision to go into the Roasted plantain business, populary known as “Boli”, a popular roadside snack in Nigeria, where the Plantain is roasted and sold with groundnut, and displayed stylishly on the local burner.

However, Lola decided to take her vision a step higher by creating  a full business venture called “Boli la’ n ta” ​, ​a wonderful snack eaten by both high and low income earners,  by packaging the plantain with stew and other delicious condiments , selling  to corporate workers and residents of high brow areas across Lagos, she also caters at parties and big events in Lagos.

Her story went viral on Facebook few weeks ago when several Nigerian celebrities posted their photos of them with Lola’s signature roasted plantain, this in no little gave her business and edge and made her motivated to keep pushing.

The wonderful budding entrepreneur who is hopeful her business will make more impact,and passion for animals and humanitarian work ​with me in this interview.

Childhood Influence

My childhood was a mix of love, fun, trials, hustles and strength. My mum carried me for 13months and 2weeks before finally being able to deliver me at a TBA’s facility, I never tasted breast milk because of how sick she got after my birth for a stretch of 6months as I was told. At the age of 5 we got homeless and the only choice of shelter we had was my Mum’s sales space at Ketu Garage , I would be laid  to sleep in the counter while my dad and mum would take turns to watch on the bench and once it’s 4am ,mum starts displaying her wares and dad takes me to the public bathroom to freshen me up for school . After 8months my parents were able to save up enough money for an apartment. I was born in a highly competitive environment; everyone wants to be ahead of the other and with such setting you can’t afford to slow down. My mum wakes up at 3:30 and sets out at 4a.m to Ketu market where she has a sales space and there are almost 10 people around her selling the same products, the earlier you resume the better for your business. I grew knowing that you must keep surviving no matter what odds comes your way .

Inspiration behind her business Boli La’n ta

Boli La’n Ta was inspired by my love for roasted plantain and the ringing mentality of growth. There was a day I was coming from Oshodi with some of my friends and we were hungry and needed to eat something, so I suggested we go for boli. We approached a woman selling it and she selected the ones we wanted, which she gave us with groundnut. “As she was selling, an idea dropped in me and I asked her, ‘Why can’t you sell ponmo and fish together with the boli?’ She responded she wouldn’t be able to do that as it would not attract buyers. At home, I woke up at about 2am and the only thing that kept coming into my mind was how to prepare and package boli differently.

My first pack of boli, earned me N700; the second with croaker fish fetched her N2,500. The orders starting going up from that moment.

Feedback since I started

The positive feedbacks and extreme support towards my business made me feel indescribably happy and more determined to sharpen my skills. Also, I make my customers understand my plantain is not carbonized, I visit the main plantain market to buy it but when I have a big order, I buy outside Lagos.

Challenges

Transportation and the market unexpected uprise.

Other passion

I am always happy whenever there’s an avenue for me to assist humans or animals, I believe a purposeful life is that lived by making others happy.  My inquisition made me love animals as I see all as pets, seeing beyond the physical features and carefully studying the works of God in them amuses me a lot . I also do a lot of humanitarian work with several notable Ngo’s, helping hopeless women and giving hope to street kids.

Advice to young female budding entrepreneurs

They mustn’t give up on their vision as no one would see those dreams come to life except they themselves. Contribute maximum strength focus and persistence towards the determination for success. They should channel all their energy towards standing out in their field of choice and not shiver from like brand’s pressure instead dare to be indomitable.

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“THE PERSON YOU MARRY HAS THE ABILITY TO MAKE OR DISRUPT YOUR JOURNEY”- AMAKA CHIBUZO-OBI

They say Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds the true friend in his wife. This is one of things Amaka Chibuzo-Obi’s organization wivesroundtable advocates for.

An  organisation dedicated to using media to empower women with valuable information, tools and resources to help them live wholesomely.

Amaka who is also the founder of The Wivesroundtable Foundation ; dedicated to improving the lives of indigent, low income women in her community, using entrepreneurship and education, is also an NLP and results certified coach, a Family Life practitioner and a certified Positive Psychology practitioner.

A graduate of Computer Science from the University of Calabar with an MBA from Lagos State University, Amaka Chibuzo-Obi is passionate about women development and empowerment having coached many women to fulfill their dreams. The beautiful wife and mom of three is also an event compere, having hosted many high brow events with glowing testimonials

Childhood Influence

I had an interesting life growing up. I was an only child to a woman who was mother to many. My mom was that woman who opened her doors and her heart to everyone who needed help. I saw generosity, empathy and the desire to make a difference, first hand in my mother. She died when I was just 8 years old (God keep resting her beautiful soul) So growing up, I always knew I wanted to change people’s lives for good. I had no idea how, what path I will take or what vehicle will lead me there but I just knew I was going to do something that will cause major impact in lives and in my world.  Even though I battled low self-esteem and acute shyness at one point in my life, this desire to positively affect my world helped me overcome all that and keep the focus. So yes, my childhood kind of prepared me for what I do now.

Inspiration behind  Wivesroundtable franchise

Like I said, I had always wanted to make a mark in my world, to positively affect lives and impact people. I just didn’t know how. I grew up watching Oprah Winfrey and loved how she used media to make a difference. I wanted to be like her. I dreamed I would one day rule the screens like Oprah. I kept that dream in the coolers as I faced the realities of life. After youth service, I came to Lagos in search of a better life. I took up a job in a media independent agency. In the years I worked there, I got married. I remember coming back from that break after the wedding to my colleagues who warmly welcomed me, especially the married ones. Shouts of “welcome to the club” filled the air. One welcome actually played a huge part in changing the trajectory of my life. A good friend (or so I thought), someone with whom I had shared so many things in confidence, walked up and after welcoming me, she said “Ehen, Amaka, now I can really talk to you. Because now you are married, you will understand me better”. This got me thinking deeply. I realized 2 very important things as I thought about this remark. (1) That married women felt more comfortable discussing with other married women on issues important to them (2) That married women didn’t have a lot of avenues to vent. So, years later, in 2011, Wivesroundtable was created. And it started as an online platform for married women to anonymously relate with one another, share their stories, experiences, concerns and challenges and get suggestions and encouragement from each other. This later morphed into the Wivesroundtable radio show which started airing every Thursday evening 8pm on 92.3 Inspiration FM Lagos in April 2013.

To further meet our objective of being an agent of positive change in the lives of women, The Wivesroundtable Foundation was born in 2019. This foundation’s objective is to empower poor and vulnerable women through entrepreneurship and financial literacy. We set them up in business and then train them for several months after, so they can learn the basic skills required to effectively and successfully run their businesses

Being  a certified computer scientist, but tilting my tent in the Coaching sector

Let me be very honest with you, when I filled in “Computer science” on my JAMB form back in the day, even I knew that I wasn’t going to go on that path! I only did the sciences to prove to my father that he had an intelligent daughter. LOL. You know how it was back then with the science Vs Arts dichotomy. Because of my desire to directly and intimately affect people’s lives positively, especially women, coaching was the most logical way to go. So, after I had satisfied myself in the paid employment industry and left to start Wivesroundtable, I started empowering myself with knowledge, courses and certifications that will help me be a coach that will hold women’s hands on their way to a life of well-being

Being  a certified coach, family life practitioner, Positive psychology practitioner, radio host, women’s advocate, wife and mom, and managing it all

Two words – Intentional living and Support. I tell people, women especially that I don’t claim to be super woman or super mom o. I do what I can, when I can. I prioritize per time. I don’t entertain guilt that will cause me to ignore myself and my needs in the scheme of things. I remind myself daily that, I matter too. That my goals and dreams matter. I look for, pray for and get capable hands to support me on my journey. My husband is also incredibly amazing and highly supportive. He allows me space to fly while he fans the wind beneath my sail. Every woman deserves to have support and should also be open to utilize the ones they have, so they can go for and achieve their dreams. Also, God has been super faithful and gracious. He has given me the Grace, Strength and Courage to do all these.

Wivesroundtable Radioshow

The Wivesroundtable radio show which started airing on Thursday April 11th 2013 has aired 339 episodes as at Thursday 28th November 2019. In this time, it reaches an approximate 180,000 people every single week in and around Lagos! The Wivesroundtable radio show has changed people’s mindset and beliefs about themselves and their relationships. We receive emails very frequently from fans of the radio show who just write in to appreciate us for the work we do. More than 15 women have gotten their fertility issues resolved from information and resources gotten on the Wivesroundtable show! Numerous marriages have been restored and businesses set on the path to success. The Wivesroundtable radio show has, in various major ways, been a catalyst for positive growth and development in the lives of numerous people.

Challenges of being a Social Entrepreneur

There are many issues facing us at Wivesroundtable, top of which is the issue of Finance. The business terrain in Nigeria is a very peculiar one. There are many jobs we do for advertisers where payment gets delayed for as much as a year! Also, financial support is a crippling challenge in our work with The Wivesroundtable Foundation. Raising funds to empower the women is a herculean task – people who wish to support usually have little means and those with the wherewithal most times ignore the call. In spite of all these challenges, we still push through because we know what our goal is and we do not desire to stop anywhere short of it.

My thoughts on Society’s  perception of women who don’t conform to pressure to marry at a certain age?

The society is changing gradually but surely. We live in a society where marriage is a big deal. From when a girl is born, the prayers for her getting a good husband and beautiful children starts. So, you can imagine the shock when said girl gets to a certain age and isn’t yet married. Society kind of gets disappointed and tries to shame her into getting married. This is actually very ridiculous because marriage is just one of the very many things humans do on earth. If a woman chooses not to, it’s her life and therefore, her prerogative. I am glad that the narrative is changing. More and more people are refusing to be cowered into taking a major decision such as getting married just because society wants them to. More and more people are taking control. One thing I know is that, society will find a way to adapt as the narratives continues to change (it always does) so women should keep standing up for their rights.

Being a Woman of Rubies

My empathy, my strength, my resolve to make a positive difference and my resilience to not give up all make me a bona-fide woman of rubies!

Final word for Women, especially wives who are finding it hard to have a work life balance.

Know yourself and the dynamics of your life. Utilize every resource available to you. Remind yourself daily that you matter too. Don’t be shy or afraid to speak up and ask for help when needed, especially when speaking up has the potential to favor you. Know yourself well enough to know your path and love yourself enough to follow it doggedly.

Nuggets for singles and Married, especially the newly weds

Let me start with the singles – Realize that the person you marry has the ability to make or disrupt your journey so open your eyes wide when dating. TALK! Talk about all areas of life, so you can have an idea of how the person reasons and how he/she sees life. Ask relevant questions. Ensure that your goals and dreams are in alignment or at least, that the other person is not opposed to yours.

Then for the newlyweds, realize that the butterflies in the tummy will settle sooner or later. This doesn’t mean you have fallen out of love. It just means that the journey has started in earnest. From there on out, what will keep you both will be a firm commitment to and mutual respect of each other. See yourselves as a team – much like Arsenal and Liverpool. Teams score together, win together and celebrate together. They also lose together if they do not prepare or perform well. When you realize that it is TOGETHER not INDIVIDUAL, you will take the other person’s matter like yours and help each other be better versions of yourselves. Be kind. Be considerate. Be open. Practice effective communication. Learn it, if need be. Develop yourself inside marriage. Do not take your marriage for granted. Work on it like you do for every other thing of importance in your life. Your marriage is worth it. You are worth it.

On a last note…

I coach women how to create Balance in their lives so they can effectively play the different roles they have and still live a life of well-being and harmony. My mantra is “Creating a better world one woman at a time” (which is also the payoff line for the Wivesroundtable Foundation) and I do at least one thing every day to achieve this. It is my desire to affect the lives of women in Nigeria and beyond. Some people say “Women have so many initiatives for them. Isn’t it too much?” I always reply “It isn’t nearly enough!”

Women deserve every single initiative directed at empowering them. After centuries of being marginalized, discriminated against and belittled, women need all the help they can get to get on their feet, drag a chair and sit at the table! A world where women aren’t afraid to be and do all they want to do; is a world I dream to see. That is what I work to achieve! You can find out more about what we do at our website www.wivesroundtable.com.ng. My name is Amaka Chibuzo-Obi and I am proud to be a woman!

 

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AISHA SALEH: AN UNSTOPPEABLE STAR OUT OF A LAGOS SLUM

* Her dream to represent Nigeria at an international children’s conference was dashed by immigration officers in Lagos but she has not given up hope. Nicknamed by some as ‘Nigerian’s Malala’.

From the most unlikely places and amidst the darkest odds, stars keep emerging on the Nigerian horizon. One of them is 14-year-old Aisha Saleh who is currently making waves following the alleged frustration of her efforts to represent Nigeria at the International Children’s Conference in Geneva, Switzerland hosted by the United Nations recently (commemorating the 30th anniversary of the UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child).

Aisha was born in Lagos on December 21, 2005 ago to petty trader Zainab Saleh and taxi driver Saleh Mohammed. At age seven, she lost her mother thus she and her younger brother Mohammed moved in to live with her grandmother in Monkey Village, a very impoverished neighourhood sited in a valley off the highbrow Allen Avenue in Lagos.

But the dark circumstances of her childhood and surrounding environment have not deterred Aisha from shining like a luminous star. Well known among her peers, school mates and teachers as an academic genius, Aisha spent only four years in primary school as against six as she was promoted twice.  Right from her nursery and primary school at Opebi Primary School in Lagos, and currently in Junior Secondary School Three at Opebi Grammar School, also in Lagos, Aisha consistently takes first position in her class. Her eloquent and apt answers to questions and her unusual intellectual depth continue to outstand her teachers and school mates alike.

A polyglot, from age 10, she was already speaking five languages including English, Arabic, Hausa, Yoruba and Egun. Aisha who is talented in arts and designs, hopes to become a lawyer in the future in order to  bring justice to oppressed children and people in general as she witnesses in her neighbourhood all the time.

In 2016, at age 11, the Centre for Children’s Health Education, Orientation and Protection (CEE-HOPE), a child’s rights and development non-profit, started work in her community, engaging the children, starting an educational empowerment program and mentoring the children about their rights among others.

CEE-HOPE also started the Girls-Go-for-Greatness (Triple G) club and after discovering Aisha, made her the community coordinator of Triple G and also community librarian. Aisha currently helps to enlighten the children in Monkey Village about their educational and human rights, educates parents against marrying off their girl children (as child marriages and teenage prostitutions are rife among the Lagos’ urban poor and impoverished neighborhoods). She also gives out books to fellow children. Besides she enlightens the guardians in her neighbourhoods originating from neighbouring countries about the criminality of not sending their wards to school but using children as young as five as househelps.

Aisha also helps to coordinate children and teach toddlers during CEE-HOPE’s annual summer school program in the community.

At CEE-HOPE’s events both within and outside her community, Aisha shines brightly with her performances and scholarly contributions.

Since 2016, CEE-HOPE enrolled Aisha on its girl educational scholarship program to help her realise her educational dreams. In the past she was also awarded scholarship by The Women’s Helping Hands Initiative (TWHHI), an initiative of Mrs. Dolapo Osinbajo (wife of the current vice president of Nigeria which works with underprivileged children in Lagos.

Betty Abah, founder of CEE-HOPE which works with children in slum communities and beyond, describes Aisha as ‘a clear-cut genius, an unstoppable meter and one of our biggest discoveries.’

Aisha recently spoke on her botched trip to Switzerland, her activism in her community and future aspirations.

Childhood Influence

I was living with my parents and younger brother. But then, when I was seven, I lost my mum. We had to come and live with my grandmother in Monkey Village, a slum area in Opebi, Ikeja, Lagos State. My grandmother took care of us until I started primary school. I performed excellently in primary school and as a result was given double promotion so I spent four years in primary school. CEE-HOPE discovered me in 2016 in Monkey Village and since then, I was made a child right’s defender and volunteer of CEE-HOPE. My childhood didn’t prepare me in any way for what I do now because we were poor and, living in such an area, it was all impossible. But God has sent CEE-HOPE to be helpers to me. I thank God because I know nothing is impossible when God says yes.

 

My  inspiring work at Monkey village

Some of my inspiring work that I do at Monkey Village are: I am the leader of the girls’ club in my community; I am also the community librarian and  I teach the toddlers in the community during my free hours and during CEE-HOPE’s summer school program. In addition, I talk to parents to send their children to school and not to marry them off early. My desire is for everybody to acquire a good education.

Breaking boundaries at 14, being an agent of change  and adding value to the society

For me to be an agent of change to my society, am very happy and I know one day I won’t only an agent of change to immediate community or my society but to the world at large.

My Impactful work with CEE-HOPE

 

Okay, I have been working with CEE-HOPE since 2016 when they came into my community. That time, most of the children here were not in school. After they organised three weeks of summer school with us and donated school materials and put some of us the girls on scholarship, things improved. I think more than 90% of the children are now in school. We also don’t have child marriages here like that again. Also, the books given to me as Librarian, I borrow the children and many of them are now interested in reading. Some of them have read more than 10 books and they keep asking for more. I also coordinate them to go for computer lessons at CEE-HOPE office in Ogba. I also believe that many of the parents want their children to be like me so that can be selected to travel abroad too. Also, because of what happened, many people now know about Monkey Village. So I believe that I am a good ambassador for my community and I believe that better things will come for us. Some people even call me Malala of Money Village

Barred from travelling because of immigration issues

At first, I was excited when I heard that I would be traveling to Switzerland to attend the child’s right convention anniversary where I was going to meet stakeholders, other teenagers like me and big celebrities. It took us three weeks to get the international passport. The passport office people at Ikoyi were asking for different kinds of documents and we were going back and forth to get the (documents). I was missing school because of that but the people at the passport office kept delaying until I missed my trip. They said it was a lie that I was about to be trafficked and they set up a panel to investigate us, and even with all the letters and documents from the organizer in Switzerland, from Amnesty International in Abuja, from CEE-HOPE, my school results showing that I always take position, they refused. It was when one big woman called another big man in Abuja, and the passport was produced in one day and the PCO personally gave me. My father’s own was produced in two days (because he was to travel with me). When we got to Abuja, the Embassy of Switzerland said it was too late to give us visa and my father and I just returned to Lagos very sad. All through the flight I couldn’t eat or talk. But I know Almighty Allah will guide me through. More opportunities will surely come.

Dear President Buhari…

I will like to say the President of Nigeria should talk to the people at the passport office that they should never look down on anybody because they were once like that before they became who they are today. I know they did that to me because they saw that me and my father are poor. In those three weeks, I saw many people bringing their children, even small babies to get international passports for them and none of those people were stopped or investigated. Apart from my case, I am sad because they must have done that to so many other poor people who could not even talk to journalists just like I did and their dreams were killed by these same people. It is very wrong and the president should stop them.

Knowing there are people out there rooting for me

Yes, I am aware my story has gone viral, I read some of the reports and I feel happy and I really appreciate knowing there are people out there rooting for me.

Being a Ruby Girl

My outstanding academic performance and work with fellow children in my community.

Dear marginalised teenagers striving to be better…

My advice to the teenagers out there striving to be better is that there should not be discouraged or join bad groups. They should read their books and avoid bad habits that may damage their lives and future. Our dreams are bigger than our present environment and one day, things will be better especially if they face their studies well. May God guide us through.

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“THE SOCIETY HAS PLACED TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY ON WOMEN”- WEYINMI ERIBO  

Weyinmi is a Geologist by background and has worked in the joint venture of the government of Nigeria and Sao-tome and Principe, her interest in the extractive sector led her to volunteer with Global Rights Nigeria.  Her personal life experiences further led her to creating a health and wellness brand, Roots and Brew, where she provides healthy alternative products and services in Abuja and beyond.

Given her recent interest in social enterprises, she worked briefly in a short term role with Acumen, a foremost impact investment company.

Through her entrepreneurial journey, Weyinmi has seen the gap of gender based investment and she has launched Wevvo, a resource and impact investment platform for single female breadwinners.

Weyinmi shares her inspiring story with me in this mind blowing interview

Childhood Influence

I am the 2nd female and  last of 6 children, my family has always been a close knit nuclear family.  My parents were civil servants and so we were an average middle class family. My dad is an English language scholar and so from a young age instilled the love of reading in us, coupled with my attending Nazareth Nursery and primary school in Festac where reading was a great culture.  Developing a strong reading culture early in my life has definitely helped me in my work now at it helps keep my curiosity strong and encourages my continuous love for learning. Unfortunately, none of my parents were entrepreneurs or business people so I didn’t really grow up with any form of exposure to that but my mum is the definition of resilience and tenacity. Those two values have kept me going in every aspect of my life and those are definitely values any entrepreneur needs.

Entrepreneurial Journey

My venture into entrepreneurship was as a result of the experience I gained handling family and personal health challenges. My dad had a stroke years ago, I was the only female child at home at the time and so it became my responsibility to handle his diet and lifestyle change. As a reader, my first instinct was to research as I had no clue about what a healthy lifestyle entailed at the time and then I got sucked in completely. My dad is alive today and there’s no evidence that he ever suffered a stroke. After that, I became like the resident unofficial doctor and nutritionist in the house.

Impact of being  a world bank womenx scholar and Intel she will connect recipient

The Intel she-will-connect programme gives basic digital literacy training and this has helped me immensely in my business. The training covered several areas including building a website and how to build graphics for your business. This has helped me till now as I handle the social media graphics for my business, design my complementary cards, fliers and more. The worldbank womenX scholarship was for a certificate in entrepreneurial management from the Enterprise development centre, Pan Atlantic University. I gained so much value from that program in terms of what to do in my business, what to look out for and how to avoid some of these pitfall mistakes entrepreneurs make. It further exposed me to a large network of entrepreneurs who keep you accountable and offer help when you need it.

Inspiration behind  Wevvo

Roots and Brew, my health and wellness brand, was built out of a passion to share with people like me and my father all the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle. I wasn’t keen on being an entrepreneur or making profit, I just wanted to share my knowledge to help people live healthier happier lives.

Wevvo is very dear to my heart. It is my story of finding my voice and my dignity.  Let me share my experience, which is basically what has shaped my Wevvo journey – I got married, gave birth and separated from my daughter’s father- all within an incredible 2 years frame but it has become part of my story of change, my story of strength. Those 2 years and a few years after that were tough but I was privileged to have my family support. Being a single mum isn’t something anyone really plans for and so I had to grow up grow up quickly to take care of my child and face the stigmatization that comes with that. Women struggle in many ways, and for female breadwinners its worse – it’s a full circle of negligence and lack of appreciation for the struggles we undergo. This is why I set up Wevvo – to enable women facing what I had to deal with have access to finance, support one another, change the narrative and thrive as a community.

Wevvo funding initiative and how it can be accessed

Wevvo is a resource and impact investment platform for single female breadwinners, that is, for women who are divorced, single mothers and female siblings who are responsible for their families. The idea is to empower these women with skills and finances to enable them make better decisions and improve the economies both for themselves and their children. Wevvo will provide seed funding (Wevvo Seed), business acceleration programs (Wevvo Speed) and micro credit loans (Wevvo Credit) at single digit interest rates for one year. Wevvo community seeks to create a safe space for these women to connect and support each other to navigate the struggles and challenges of being single female breadwinners and to know that they are not alone. We are hopeful that Wevvo will spread to other African countries and the world as the stigma is prevalent everywhere, some countries more than others. We have just launched our first business acceleration program to give business training, mentoring and access to $1000, Application portal is available on our website www.wevvo.ng.  Our social media handles, Instagram/Facebook: @wevvo.ng, twitter: @wevvo_ng.

Challenges

I am not insulated from the typical Nigerian challenges entrepreneurs’ face – high energy cost, infrastructure deficiency and access to finance. However, there are other layers peculiar to the wellness sector. A lot of us are yet to understand that the cost of living a healthy lifestyle is almost negligible when compared to the cost of treating illnesses. If you have experienced some health challenges, you would understand that sometimes one illness can wipe your whole account away. I find that we have to constantly educate our customers on the benefits of healthy alternative products we sell retail.

 

Changing the societal perception of single mums

The society has placed too much responsibility on us women. When a marriage fails, society says it’s the woman who didn’t try enough, when a woman gives birth outside of marriage, society says she is loose. If you were not raised by a single mother, you know at least one woman who is, a large number of these women are the most hardworking, resilient women you will ever come across. For too long, the society has looked at single female breadwinners through the wrong lens, I  think it’s time that a lot of these narratives are changed in order to de-stigmatize single motherhood and create a shift in the standard of values placed on one sex and not on the other.  As a society, we fail to acknowledge that beyond the women, there are lives of children involved. If we fail to support these women and provide growth opportunities, how do we then ensure that the children they cater for are given a bright future? There are so many success stories of single female breadwinners, we just need to create an environment for more of these women to thrive.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I failed the first time I tried to ride a bicycle, till today, I can’t ride a bicycle. It doesn’t make me a failure as a person, I just failed at something I tried. I am a consultant, an entrepreneur, a health and wellness advocate and a single female breadwinner who didn’t let a divorce define her and limit her dreams but instead used that as my motivation to build, to grow, to flourish and now to help other women like me thrive. I believe that a woman of rubies is one who uses the bricks thrown at her to build stairways for her and other women to climb up.

 

Dear Single Moms…

Do not let your past or current situation define the course of the rest of your life. Being a single female breadwinner is not a life sentence, it doesn’t change who you are or Gods calling on your life. Any woman who is providing for her family alone should be proud of herself, the shame and stigmatization remains a social construct and we cannot allow the opinions of people who are not wearing our shoes continue to dictate how we live our lives. The only limits are those we place on ourselves through our thoughts, beliefs and doubts. Marriage is a beautiful institution, it didn’t work out once doesn’t mean that it’s bad or not for you and it doesn’t make you a failure, it also doesn’t mean that it won’t work out again.  Please join our face book group: Wevvo-community of female breadwinners to connect with other women in a safe space.

 

 

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“THE IDEA OF PARENTING IS NOT TO RAISE YOUR CARBON COPY, BUT TO RAISE A WHOLESOME CHILD” – BUKOLA LAMEED

Bukola Lameed,  fondly called “Bookkies” is an incredible blend of passion and skill. Professional Counselor, Certified Cognitive Behavioural Change Therapist and one of Africa’s leading Family Mental Health Coach. The founder of Safety Republic  International whose job is to create solutions for preserving the mental and emotional wellness of every member of a nation (the family), help influence the best behaviour and happiness through Training, Coaching, Therapy and Advocacy.

She is an Author of the book, “In a Child’s Mind” and “A parenting Manual” as she uses her skills to raise the confidence and esteem of children who will feel secured as they transit into adulthood.

She is an Emotional Intelligence Certified Specialist, a seasoned International Speaker, Registered Social worker and licenced Family Life Therapist and Broadcaster using the media to propagate the awareness of mental wellness.

An Alumnus of Coventry University United Kingdom and intentional parent to three lovely children.

The wonderful coach who has helped a lot of Parents, especially moms understand the full scope of parenthood shares her inspiring story and journey with me in this interview.

 

Childhood Influence

I grew up in the midst of boys, 4 of them.  So I have the premonition of what the society term Masculinity. I am the 5th child the 1st girl in a family of 8.  Growing up for me was very adventurous and exciting, my childhood experiences were a little diffrent from a normal girl child, I was raised to be very indulged, never did house chores, never ran errands, no thanks to my dad (R. I.P).

Inspiration behind Safety Republic

The inspiration came from a place of helplessness and clueless ness to curiosity. If I didn’t know anything I knew I didn’t want to raise my children the way I was raised. I knew there was more to parenting than what I knew then. So I began to search for answers first on how to raise my children well. Moreso I have a deep passion to protect children because I wasn’t protected as a child, I decided to join and learn from several social groups that focuses on children. Then I discovered there’s a lot to learn, unlearn and relearn not only to raise my children but for every precious child. I realised beyond passion skill is required.

Parental Influence on a Child’s Mental Health

As an expert in the field of family mental and emotional health, child protection and safety,  I have discovered that children are the reflection of the adults around them, as a child handler you have to be mentally and emotionally stable before you can raise a mentally and emotionally stable child, who would also transit into becoming a stable adult and the cycle continues.  I realise that whoever we are as a  child is who we become as an adult.  So as parents (primary and secondary caregivers) we must consciously begin to preserve childhood experiences by first ensuring we intentionally  unlearn some unhealthy narratives first about ourselves as adults  and about our parenting roles and responsibilities.

Modern day Parenting & Social Media

Personally I believe that there is nothing like modern day parenting, parenting should still remain the same regardless of the century but the methods in achieving the desired results are what should be updated, just like how a car company would upgrade the features of a car brand, its still the same brand but they keep reviewing the systems and features for it to be relevant to what is obtainable at that period.

Challenges of being a Mental Health Advocate

Doing this work in it’s own is challenging, one of the many challenges we encounter is the ability to make adults unlearn certain cobditioned belief systems and unhealthy behaviours learnt from the environment,  culture and religion that had greatly affected and limited the benefits of living a wholesome lives…

Effect on broken Marriages on Kids

One of the many behavioural challenges children are facing came from the fact that they experienced their parents broken marriages. Adverse childhood experiences is a major factor every family should consider whenever they are making their decisions either to stick together or go their separate ways. Adults must begin to embrace therapy and seek professional counsel for both themselves and their children in order to make their decisions (divorce) easy on their children.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Looking at the meaning of Rubies, is exactly who I have always seen myself to be “a priceless precious jewel, passionate, powerful, pretty, and fierce, once in a life time kind of woman”. I am a Woman of Rubies

Parenting Nuggets

Parenting is an ART, you must learn it… you must first parent yourself before you can parent a child..

A child is a unique product that comes with his own unique user’s manual, that must be read and understood on order to get it working at it’s best!

As a parent you do not have the power to change a child, but you can learn the tools of influence.

Children’s vulnerability is adults responsibility,  children are not vulnerable when adults are responsible enough to parent them well.

Finally, the idea of parenting is not to raise your carbon copy, but to raise a wholesome child who can make his or her  own mistakes and create experiences to become his own unique self.

 

 

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“BEING AN ARTISTE, TEACHER AND MUSIC INSTRUCTOR HAS IMPACTED ME GREATLY”- COREISA JANELLE LEE

Coreisa Janelle Lee was born and raised in Birmingham, Alabama to two parents who dedicated their lives to pastoring a church. She attended a performance arts highscool in Alabama where she  majored in Music performance. After highschool she  accepted full scholarship to the Manhattan School of Music in New York city where she got her Bachelors degree in Music Performance.While Coreisa is her final year of her Masters Degree, she also works as a Flute Teachers Assistant , where she teach students privately about music and performance.

The young musician who grew up with three older brothers who are musicians, including her parents is very passionate about African Music, she recently found out about her Nigerian roots and she says the love and support has been huge online , while she looks forward to visiting the Country in the nearest future to showcase her talent and introduce her work to the larger Nigerian community and bring the history to the world through her talents.

Coreisa Janelle Lee shares her Inspiring story with me in this interview

Childhood Influence

My childhood absolutely prepared me for what I do now. I grew up in a household of all musicians. My dad and mother pastored a church in Birmingham, Alabama and had a strong belief in talents gifted by God. With my parents both having a background in music, they put me and my three older brothers into music class at a very young age. From there, I’ve danced, sung, played piano and discovered the flute. I started taking Flute lessons in the fourth grade and has stuck with that passion ever since.

Impact of coming from a family of “Musicians ”

My parents encouraged my practicing. They put me in all the music programs and pushed me to take all opportunities to continue my talent. They were my teachers at home, telling me what I could do to be better. I played piano in church every Sunday and I watched my brothers interest in music production, as they also fell in love with music. Really, I had no choice but to become a musician. It was my entire childhood. My parents pushed me to audition for the Alabama School of Fine Arts where I was accepted and awarded high training in Flute performance. I then was told to reach outside of the box and audition for a Music conservatory in New York City. I did and received a full scholarship to move to New York and to be trained by the great musicians there. While in New York, I was discovered by Meredith Vieira, a talk show host on NBC, where she invited me as a 19 year old girl to come on the show, tell my story and then was awarded a free, brand new 14,000 dollar professional flute. The rest is history.

Being a teacher and music instructor

Being a teacher and music instructor has impacted me greatly! Originally, I believed I needed more time to work on my skills before reaching out and telling others what they can do better. I was not seeking to teach but for more performance opportunities. After receiving a full scholarship for my Masters, I walked into a position that required me to be responsible for College level teaching. It forced me to realize that I have reached a level where it is time to give back. I had reached a level where I was looked up to, so teaching has definitely brought another level of confidence to my music and place in this world. Also, teaching has technically made me a better musician as there is a moment where you must know the things you are teaching in order for the student to fully receive what you are saying. You must demonstrate, you must speak with confidence and assurance; Therefore, it has pushed me to make sure I know what I am saying.

Plans to  bring my vision to Nigeria

I have big plans to visit home. It has been a journey of finding who I am and I am so happy to know I have Nigerian blood. I want to come visit and I would like to share my talents with all of my brothers and sisters. This is where I ask for help from those in Nigeria. I want to organize a recital/performance that will allow me to travel to Nigeria, share myself and meet as many people as possible. I will be graduating from My Masters soon and would like to plan this performance shortly after. If there is anyone with any ideas or wisdom please reach out to me as I would be so grateful! I am looking for performance spaces, a classical accompanist/orchestra and financial support to make it happen.

Challenges

As a musician, as an Artist, this life can be very unpredictable. At one point everything could make sense and the next you are searching for what’s next. It’s a push and pull on your sanity and I find this the hardest. From personal experience and seeing my students and colleagues experience the frustration, I know that this is simply the life of an artist. Choosing to steer from the 9 to 5 path means that you have to build your own career/success. You not only must organize a 9 to 5 schedule in order to perfect your craft, but must have enough business inside of you to bring enough revenue to stay afloat in the music world. It is very difficult, but once figured out, completely worth it.

On Giving up

I know of many stories of people where they felt like giving up, but for me personally I have never been pushed that far. It has been hard for sure, but I’ve known since a little girl that I am doing what I am meant to do. As I do not know the future, and I also believe “Faith without works is dead”, I continue to work and experience all of the troubles of planning my future, but I have not once questioned if I should give up or not. God has blessed my life and I am so grateful for this peace.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I agree that Women are nurturers by nature. I find those instincts within myself and thank my mother for being such a great example. Through everything I do, I look to encourage and uplift those around me. Now with the internet, I have found that I am able to touch and encourage many people on a wide scale and feel it is my duty to do so. As a musician, a platform that is universal, I have found my calling. My music, my story encourages and inspires others and has helped me to understand I must keep going. As one of the few African Classical Flute performers in the world, I have reached a place where my career is important for the youth growing up looking to see someone who looks like them and made it out successful. For them and for my family and many others, I have and will continue to rise and push. Thank you Women or Rubies for being a platform for people like me to express themselves. I am grateful for the recognition.

On recognition of upcoming musicians

I think being a musician on a recognized level is a very difficult and long journey. There are success stories of quick elevations to fame, but for the most part the stories are usually long and requires patience and smart work. I think those who are recognized deserve the attention and are appreciated, but unfortunately there are also those that work hard and go unnoticed – It is a battle of extremes. I think in order to balance this out, more successful musicians need to have it in there minds to bring more deserving musicians into the spotlight. We all need each other on this earth and no one can ever replace you. There is no need of selfishness and envy. We all have a place on this earth and should not hesitate to extend our hands out to uplift others.

Any final word for Women, especially young women who want to go into music?

You deserve your beauty and you deserve your talent. Never let anyone try and divide these two characteristics of you. You can be both and you ARE both. Hold yourself with dignity and strength and show the world your power. Do not look down on other women’s power. We are all powerful in nature, we are queens and we all have a place in this earth!

 

 

 

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FROM HOTEL CLEANER TO PHD HOLDER, MEET CONSTANCE MATSHIDISO LELAKA

Constance Matshidiso Lelaka completed her doctorate studies in January this year and she celebrated the achievement at her graduation day. Lelaka used to work as a hotel cleaner and waitress before pursuing her dream of furthering her studies. Just over two decades ago, Lelaka served tables and swept the floors of the Sandton City’s Garden Court Hotel. IOL reported the 43-year-old is now working as a Social Scientist Researcher at the Wits Reproductive Health and HIV Institute.

Lelaka went on to obtain her doctoral degree in Literature and Philosophy. Lelaka started working in the hotel in 1995 after her mother – a domestic worker – encouraged her to save money to further her studies. The 43-year-old said she made good tips during the 1995 Rugby World Cup. The doctorate graduate realised she had wanted to do social work since the tender age of 14. Lelaka was accepted to the Fort Hare University and she resigned from her hotel job to focus on her studies. In 1996, she enrolled for an honours degree in social work. Lelaka’s dream is to make a difference in other people’s lives.

Her supervisor, Professor Azwihagwisi Mavhandu-Mudzusi, persuaded Lelaka to pursue her PhD. “I decided to apply for the PhD later in 2015 and I completed it in January 2019,” she said. In similar news, Briefly.co.za previously reported that a SA man graduated with a doctorate degree at the age of 91. Andries Conradie became the oldest person to graduate with a PhD from Unisa.

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“I UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO LACK LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE IN CHILDHOOD” – ODUNAYO ALIU

Odunayo Aliu is a trained educator and child advocate. In the last seven years, she worked in education and environmental initiatives. She is the founder of Bramble; a flagship of Love Letters Child Support Initiative. In 2016, she started Love Letters Child Support Initiative to mobilise resources for children who didn’t go to school. They were able to help over 300 children return to school and adopted 36 children for regular sponsorship. Bramble creates alternative learning spaces where children from rural and marginalised backgrounds of Nigeria can have access to quality education. It helps children find their passion for learning through the use of play and creative resources. The aim is to raise a generation of children who are creative and enjoy solving problems.

Odunayo has benefitted from scholarships and training from national and global organizations which include Social Innovation Academy (SINA Uganda), African Changemaker, kanthari Institute of Social Change India, Green Institute, and Global Goodwill Ambassador. She is a member of Ashoka Changemakers.”

She shares her inspiring story with me in this interview

 Growing up

I was lucky to be born at the time when my dad as a high ranking civil servant was deployed to Lagos state. That could have marked the beginning of a good life for me but it didn’t last because shortly after that, things changed and I was whisked away from my parents to live with my grandmother. That was the beginning of a nomadic lifestyle which soon became the highlight of my childhood. In my early childhood, I had lived in about eight (8) different rural/sub-urban communities and had changed school about 10 times.

Unlike many children in some of the rural communities where I lived, I was lucky because I had the opportunity to go to school, and even though I did not learn much, I had many children to play with. That often distracted me from my challenges at home.  I later pursued a B.Sc. Ed in Education and Biology.

As a child separated from her parents, I understand what it means to lack love and acceptance in childhood. That is why I started Love Letters Child Support Initiative in 2016, to advocate for vulnerable children. Bramble is the education arm of this organization, as through education I got my escape from the hardships.

Inspiration behind Bramble

Bramble is a thorny plant. We chose this name because it symbolises the life of children who are neglected, who are poor and who are orphans, especially from rural parts of Nigeria. No one wants to identify with them and they are often seen as useless just like this plant, which for a long time doesn’t produce fruit. But Brambles are resilient, after some time with the right resources and patience, it begins to blossom and you can enjoy its many fruits – most common among them are blackberries and raspberries. Now who doesn’t enjoy a good blackberry jam?

At Bramble, we offer a space where children can find their passion for learning through creative resources. We craft the learning experience based on the need of each child and invest behind their intrinsic curiosity. We have designed a self-learning curriculum which includes project based learning. Our aim is to raise a generation of children who are creativity, thinks critically, and enjoy solving problem. Bramble provides alternatives which parents in rural communities do not have today.

Why Ibadan

I spent some years in the interiors of Ibadan while growing up. Ibadan is the third largest city in Nigeria with a high number of children who are already in labour force. Ibadan is also rich in diversity; the very poor and very rich, various religious groups, and even different nationalities, they all coexist peacefully. When we were ready to setup Bramble learning Space, Ibadan was the right place to begin.

In 2018, we began working in Ibadan. We have conducted community programs and a pilot project at Balogun Ibikunle, Ayeeye and Beere axis, Ibadan. We are currently working in Arikanki village, where we are building an alternative learning space for children who live in these communities.

Being a recipient of many awards and scholarships

I am grateful for all the trainings I have ever had and to all the good people who have invested their knowledge in me, they have all brought me thus far. Most of the trainings had come at a time when I needed a specific knowledge to move the organisation to the next milestone. A great example would be my one year study with kanthari Institute of Social Change, India. I gained a better perspective into everything that has to do with my work. This training gave my career a leap and gave me a family and friends and they are constantly encouraging me.

My 100k campaign for plastic bottles

On June 5, 2019- World Environment Day, Bramble launched a 3 month campaign for donations of 100,000 plastic bottles which will be used to build two classrooms for children in Arikanki village, Ibadan. This community exist and there is no school or any learning facility for the population of children that lives in it. Both Arikanki village and the five surrounding villages have to depend on low standard private schools which are situated miles away from the villages. Because of these circumstances, many parents end up choosing farming activities for their children over going to school.

We have been able to mobilise the number of bottles needed and we have begun the first phase of the construction work. We just concluded a 4-weeks holiday program that benefited over 60 children in this community and the first batch of children will resume at the learning space on September 16, 2019.

Entrepreneurial Challenge

One of the challenges we face regularly while working with community members is their inability to see education beyond the four-wall of a classroom. However, this has made us improve on our storytelling skills since we have to paint lucid images of alternative ways to education. Resource mobilization is a struggle. We also have to improvise with local resources which on the long run, makes our work more sustainable.

Giving up

 I have been overwhelmed and funnily, I often remember a song lyric that reads ‘Do dreams ever come true in this part of the world?’ But to me, giving up has never been an option. I do know this is my life call and I cannot be truly happy if I ignore it.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I guess I will spend my lifetime finding that out. There have been several times I amazed myself, especially how I dust off my butt when I hit the rock bottom…rest but don’t stop. I am a woman of purpose, I know this so well. It would be an honour to be considered among one of the many ‘faceless or nameless’ women trending the less travelled path.

Dear Woman…

Build your skills, have faith in your own journey and appreciate process.

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