This is for the ladies! I may not be qualified to talk about relationships since I’ve never been married, neither have I been into many relationships to write extensively about this, but I would like to share my brief knowledge from my experience and hope you find it helpful.
I know every girl has a “checklist” for her dream guy. The “these-are-what-I-want-to-see-in-my-guy” list. I’m sure you are wondering how I know this. Well, that’s because I used to have one too.
A few years back, I was sitting with my friends, discussing random things, and the topic we ladies tend to discuss a lot came up. Yeah, you know that topic; who we would love to spend the rest of our lives with; our dream guy and the qualities he must possess. I recall one of my friends saying her dream guy must be tall, dark, handsome, have biceps to die for, and a lovely accent. Another had said her own dream guy should not be too tall because she isn’t really a tall person, he must have a nice set of teeth, a lovely smile, keeps a low cut, and have sexy dimple! Imagine the sight! He must also listen to everything she says, does everything she asks, must not get angry or argue with her. Hmm… he must really be a dummy.
A year before then, before I knew better, my checklist for my dream guy had been; the guy must be charming, have an amazing fashion sense, dimples to die for, keeps his hair or better still rock a dread, treats me like I’m priceless, takes me on trips, must be fun-loving etc. Please, do not get me wrong. Do note that all these are not bad. A girl deserves these things. She should at least dream. You know, have a set standard and all. She deserves to be treated like the Queen she is. But, she need to also know that it goes way beyond that. It’s way more than just the physical. Maybe at first sight, well yeah! Those are important. They may be what attracts you to your partner at first; but what happens later?
A year before then, I was thinking exactly like my friends. Our checklist for our dream guys does not include the most important qualities like; being a believer, loves and respects God, respects his elders, respects me, be caring, hardworking and purposeful, humble etc. Do our visions align? Do we have spiritual synergy? Do we share similar beliefs? We had only focused on the physical attributes which would only last for a while; the things that do not really matter. We have forgotten that such a man is dangerous if he doesn’t have a relationship with his Creator. We had only based our lists on the looks.
A man with a nice smile, sexy accent, wealthy, dangerously handsome, and all other qualities sounds fictive. Oh, we’ve seen too many fairytale movies. I would give that to Kdramas most of us were addicted to (I still watch sometimes though). Even if there is such a person, he would turn out to be a cheat. Humans have the tendency of being unfaithful especially when they do not have a relationship with God. Most humans still are unfaithful to God, so who are humans not to be cheated on?
Many of you may not agree with my point of view, but, I know for sure that having a checklist and sticking by it is a limitation. A checklist may be a guide initially, at least to point you towards your taste, but insisting on sticking by it limits you from seeing the possibility of that fantastic guy that is just around the corner which God has specially created for you. In fact, you may be seeing him every day at your workplace or school but you just have never thought of the possibility of you guys being together; why? Because your mind is fixed on the qualities your dream guy must possess.
Most women of marriageable age are still single, and others are in wrong relationships and marriages because they’ve spent their time looking for their special guy, not God’s choice for them. Others just jump into any proposal because of the fear of being ridiculed, being called bewitched due to their ages. Their God-given man had thought he could not stand a chance with their checklist and had gone for a lady on his own level.
I also think that a good relationship shouldn’t involve people of the same qualities. That relationship would be too dry. The world would be a boring place if people were the same. I know we all want exciting relationships and the better way of having that is marrying someone who is different from you, you have different likes, hobbies, and all. That way, you would be able to help each other and also try out new things. See another side of life. Imagine eating the same kind of food every day of your life, isn’t that boring? Imagine a life where he doesn’t have to disagree with your opinion even when you bring up a foolish one, he readily agrees with everything you suggest. Babe, that guy has no sense of his own. He only follows you foolishly, he’ll end up being your slave to your whims and thoughts, and you won’t get better ideas either. The little differences you have would make your relationship fun. His flaws should amuse you and there should be a quality of his that is annoying yet, attractive. Like what you both talk and laugh about, not what you laugh at. He shouldn’t be your stereotype. He should be his own person, unique.
In case you’re wondering about my own checklist, I gave up on it. I gave my life to Christ and then I realized He is so concerned about all that concerns me, even my relationship. I gave my checklist to Him and told him I would accept whoever He gives to me. The best and perfect gifts come from God. Do you want to have a good relationship? Have a relationship with God first, then you have that guy already!
Written by: Idris – Animashaun Olabisi
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