I wrote this book to let women know that they don’t know have to live in misery, the constant fear of not knowing when next he will lose his temper and beat them again, living in a state of unhappiness, sadness, and being emotionally drained just because they want a man. The truth is it takes two people to make a relationship work and if you’re will a partner whose not carrying his weight, it might be time for you to let go off dead weight and move on with your life so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

I agree that no one is perfect but your partner’s flaws should be manageable like leaving his socks on the floor or not taking his plate to the sink after eating, it should not be anything like the follows: physical abuse e.g. getting angry and putting his hands on you, verbal abuse e.g. Calling you out of your name, like Bitch, goat, you’re stupid, you’re crazy, etc. or emotional abuse e.g. cheating on you with someone (another woman) (weather emotional cheating or physical cheating) or with something (watching dirty movies like pornography) These vices should be deal-breakers for you because you could lose your life from these forms of abuse.

Physical abuse is very dangerous as you can lose your life at any moment and with this form of abuse, the man would have tried you several times and if you failed to check him, he thinks it’s okay to push it to the next level. I will tell you what I mean before a man gets to the point of putting his hands on a woman, he would first of all start by raising his voice at her during an argument and if she doesn’t politely but firmly tells him, I don’t want you raising your voice at me during a disagreement and if you continue to do that, I would have to end the relationship, if he listens and changes, you continue the relationship, but if he doesn’t and even tries to put his hands on you for speaking up then you know that you have to love yourself enough to leave that relationship. In these relationship waters today, women have to develop a backbone to stand up for themselves or you will end up a casualty.

Emotional abuse is more of a slow but silent killer after you discover infidelity, it breaks you down and if you keep forgiving him and taking him back, you keep breaking yourself down and soon your organs will not be able to function as it should because of the toxicity of the relationship. I know a true story of a woman who kept taking her husband back after cheating on her and sleeping with multiple women and impregnating two of those women but she claimed that she stood on 1Cor 13 vs 4-6, Love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sin but I do not agree that this should be used in the context of an abusive relationship because a man who repeatedly cheats on you is not in love with you in the true sense of the word love. She was recently diagnosed with Cancer and immediately I felt in my heart that all those years of taking this man back have led to this. You have to be able to love yourself to leave a relationship that is toxic and abusive because if you lose your life, that man with move on to another woman and not eve act like you ever existed. Stop taking an abuser back, leave that relationship so that you can attract real love and the man that God has for you.

When going into a relationship, you have to know who you are and have your standards meaning what are your deal-breakers. The reason is a man can fake for a long time and you meat his representative and after one year or two years of marriage, when he is more relaxed, the mask comes off and you see the real him. Another reason why you must have your standards and be ready to leave once those standards are broken is that you do not know who raised him, the truth is some men just grew but were never raised, their mother never held them accountable for telling lies, coming home late, having two to three girlfriends simultaneously and so they grew up thinking they could get away with lying and cheating on women and playing with their hearts as if it’s their doormat.

If you’re in a toxic and abusive relationship, you need to evaluate that relationship right now so you don’t become the next casualty, you must tell yourself the truth; this is not God’s best for you. Somewhere in the bible, it says, “The blessings of God makes rich and adds no sorrow” if the relationship that you’re in brings you sorrow, sadness, uncertainty please understand that the relationship was not orchestrated by God and you have to find the courage and self-love to boldly walk away so that you can stop blocking your blessings so that you can attract real and authentic love and meet the person that God has for you.

Blessings

Adaora Okekeocha

Author & Relationship Coach.