This is part 2 of a 3-part series so if you haven’t read part 1, you really should so you can get the flow of the series. But we all know you are just going to go ahead and keep reading this anyway…*side-eye* Don’t worry – we know “ourselves”.
Parenting isn’t easy, we are still trying to figure out how to be adults and suddenly we are supposed to raising entire individuals – no pressure huhn?
Dealing with all of this can be a lot and it is my personal experience that a lot of younger parents and even older parents are frustrated half the time. We need to find smarter ways to deal with all the pressure that accompanies life and not pass on that pressure to our kids.
You really should read part 1 of this Here, don’t say I didn’t try.
When it comes to raising kids, everyone seems to think they know how you can do it and they are very quick to tell you, whether you ask for their opinion or not.
The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?
Yeah, I know the feeling – the first thing I said you could do in #part1 was ‘Hold your center’. The second thing you should know is big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…
Be very aware that Big Brother is ALWAYS watching
I’ve got 2 kids, one of them is 5 and the other is 2. Recently, I noticed my 5-year-old yelling at my 2-year old “come here, pick up your toys, get down from the table – NOW”, complete with this huge scowl as he peered down at his sister. He was being a big brother and correcting her but what was scary was how he was doing it. He was doing it just like me, word for word, action for action.
He was using the exact same words I used on or at him and in the exact same tone (I was mortified, o dear – when I asked for a mini me – I didn’t mean for him to copy wrong traits too).
Have you ever met a kid you thought was so polite only to meet their parent(s) and go – “oh, I see why” – because they are just as polite. It’s not a coincidence. Its ‘monkey see, monkey do’ especially when kids are so young.
Children rarely do as you say, they do as you do. Heck, even adults mimic behavior. Truth is whether your child is very young or much older, she is still learning by observing your behavior. It is the design of nature for humans to learn first by observing.
Your kids are watching you. They see how you treat others, how you speak, and in the most unlikely of times they will replay your behavior to you much to your amazement. Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, children are the real big brother.
They will copy your eating habits, copy how you treat yourself; they will learn esteem from you. They will learn how to treat others by the way you treat them. This is why YELLING and SHOVING are just soooo unproductive. You teach them not to be violent and at the minutest slip-up, you whip out the back-hand or scream at the top of your voice. Yet you expect these creatures to magically take on a calm, non-violent demeanor. How?
You constantly ask your child to do better, to be better; isn’t it high time you start taking your own advice?
Knowing that big brother always watches shouldn’t make you paranoid or make you feel bad. No. Don’t get overwhelmed. No matter how long you have been a parent you are still learning – its ok. Do the best you can.
Model the behavior you want to see in your kids. Show them how to act and how to behave and when you slip up, show them how you recover.
How you choose to do that is up you, just remember you are showing them how to behave by the way you behave, especially to them.
Now that you are aware, what is that one thing you know you do a hell of a lot of but you really don’t want your kid to copy? You know what to do.
Look out for #part3, last but certainly not the least of the series. It might make you cry.
About Olachi Olatunji
Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’
I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.
I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.
I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.
Olachi Olatunji
Chief Curator,
#TKOH
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