No one expects to get a ton of sleep when they have a newborn at home, but most of us believe that we’ll get more sleep when the kids are older.
New research suggests that’s a myth that sets parents up for frustration because parents (particularly mothers) are still sleep deprived four to six years after bringing a baby home.
The study examined the sleep patterns of 4,659 German parents who had a child between 2008 and 2015 and found that parents’ sleep duration and satisfaction don’t recover to pre-pregnancy levels until the first child is in first grade.
Parents of older children often feel like they shouldn’t be as tired as they are since they no longer have a baby at home, but this study proves that sleep deprivation doesn’t end when your child starts sleeping in a big kid bed. It continues, and we can’t address the problem if we don’t acknowledge it.
“While having children is a major source of joy for most parents it is possible that increased demands and responsibilities associated with the role as a parent lead to shorter sleep and decreased sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child,” says Dr. Sakari Lemola, of the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick.
And moms get less sleep than dads, a trend that starts right away and lasts until elementary school. Researchers found that in the first three months after a baby is born, mothers sleep on average one hour less than before pregnancy. In those first three months, dads lose out on about 15 minutes.
“Women tend to experience more sleep disruption than men after the birth of a child reflecting that mothers are still more often in the role of the primary caregiver than fathers,” says Dr. Lemola.
By the time the kids in the study were 4 to 6 years old the moms were still missing out on about 20 minutes of sleep, while dad’s sleep deficiency remained steady at 15 minutes below the pre-kids duration.
“We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” Dr. Lemola told The Guardian, explaining that kids may stop crying at night as they grow up, but they may wake up feeling sick or due to nightmares, and that stress related to parenting can also keep parents up at night.
First-time parents lose the most sleep compared to more experienced parents, the research notes, and in the first one and a half years of a child’s life, breastfeeding moms lost more sleep compared to bottle-feeding moms.
It may seem kind of bleak to think that you’ll still be losing sleep when your child is in kindergarten, but it’s important for parents to know this so we can set realistic expectations and give ourselves grace when we need it.
You can have a 4-year-old and be almost as tired as you were when they were 4 months old. It’s okay if you need to sneak in a nap today, or if you fall into bed tonight with your mascara on.
There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing wrong with your kiddo. It’s just a part of parenting.
The good news is, parents don’t get more sleep deprived the more kids they have. Whether you have one under six or three under six, you’re still only going to lose 20 minutes.
If you are feeling really sleep deprived, don’t be afraid to ask your village for help. If your partner, co-parent, a grandparent or trusted babysitter can stand in for you overnight, let them help you and get the sleep you need.
One day your kids will sleep through the night, but it’s okay to ask for help until that day comes.
Aduragbemi Akintepede is a nineteen year old undergraduate of Law at Olabisi Onabanjo University. She started writing at the early age of nine and published her first book, a play at the age of fourteen. She has also authored “New Cheese,” a memoir and “Late Last Year,” a short story.
Aduragbemi has a passion for writing, campaigning for women and child rights, acting, teaching and humanitarianism.
One Good Turn” which is her first published book is currently on Ogun State Ministry of Education Science and Technology’s Approved List of Textbooks for use in Junior Secondary Class Two, Literature-in-English text for 2019/2020 academic session in schools across the state.
She shares her inspiring story with me in this interview.
Childhood Influence
My parents are educationists, my dad used to be a civil servant at the Ministry of Education, Science and Technology while my mom is a teacher. So, as a little child, I had access to books early. While growing up in primary school, my dad used to have lots of books hanging around the house and some on shelves. I read “Eze Goes to school, Mayor of Casterbridge, Merchant of Venice, Things Fall Apart and books by Wole Soyinka which I didn’t understand but always kept reading. They informed my early writing and I started writing my version of stories as they came to me, in drama, firstly on the plain back of A4 papers not in use anymore at home, then, later I progressed to notebooks when I was admitted into secondary school.
My love for the female gender also grew from my home too. I have two siblings and they are both girls. So, we’re three girls. Our experiences while growing up as children made me love and appreciate femininity. That made me drift more towards the female gender, identifying with their struggles, empathizing with experiences of adult females around me, having a great feeling of joy when females around me are excelling and achieving feats.
My writing journey
I discovered that I love imagining stories and writing them out. Like I said, I started with drama, writing out dialogues. It was fun. Allowing my imagination run wild, writing things I felt should come after another. I had a friend in Junior Secondary Class One then who I write with on notebooks. I wrote my first play in Primary Four. I wrote the second with her. I had graduated to writing stories on notebooks. I would sit with her during break or after exams and start writing. It was our way of playing. Suggesting a plot of action, creating our characters to suit it. Making the dialogue flow. Everything was fun to us.
My friend left my school after our Junior Secondary education. In Senior Secondary Class Two, with the help of my parents, I was able to publish my first book, “One Good Turn Deserves Another.” A publisher advised them to let me publish my stories, so, my play was worked on and I became an author at fourteen.
Started at age 9 and publishing my first book at 14
Looking back, I must say that the journey so far has been God’s special grace. I am not the most creative or talented among my peers, I am still a budding writer but so far God has helped me to transition from then till now. When I started out, writing was a childhood hobby and I had the desire to make great impact, do great exploits even at my young age and that childhood dream is still driving me and I hope younger ones and adults alike can read from me and know that age can never be a determinant or barrier to success.
Being a Government endorsed Author at 19
I must say that being a government endorsed author at such a young age is an incredible honour for me and I’m still in awe of it. I should be the youngest author on the entire list of recommend texts for secondary schools in the state and I feel so honoured. It is also a great encouragement to me and to fellow young people that your age notwithstanding, you can be anything you set your mind to become.
My passion for women, child rights, humanitarian work and it’s Impact
I am passionate about women and children. For women, I recognize and can relate to their strengths, struggles, challenges and flaws.
We have single mothers in our society, we also have women who are married yet single in the actual sense because they bear the entire responsibilities of the home or are denied of marital bliss, love and affection. Naturally, I have a sense of empathy for them and it breaks my heart when I hear sad stories about women being abused, sidelined, going through one pain or the other.
I have always been passionate about the reading culture, mostly for teenagers because I feel it is declining in my generation and it is important to start with the little ones.
I did a revision to my first book early this year shortly before it was adopted by the Ogun state government for Junior Secondary Class Two. I ensured I included lots of vocabularies in it, some of which I learnt myself during the course of writing. It also has questions for each Act in the play. All of these were put in place so that as much as students are reading the didactic part of it with morals being instructed into them, they are also adding to their wealth of knowledge and usage of new words and can also attempt questions on what they have read.
My Goals
I intend to have a book drive in primary and secondary schools firstly in Ogun state where it is a recommended literature text, then, extend it to other states. I also intend to partner with brands mentioned in the play such as Bigi Drinks, Mentos Sweet and Nestlé as well as foundations owned by youths to have book reading sessions, talks, acting out of scenes from the book and also donating books to schools in indigent areas where students cannot afford to buy notebooks not to talk of literature texts.
Other Projects and Activities
I am also a member of organizations which give me platforms to reach out to these category of people I’m passionate about. I belong to Junior Chamber International Nigeria (JCIN), Jesunpadabo Charity Initiative which is a Christian missionary intitiative where people are fed with both the word of God and material needs too, Our Little Gist Foundation where we reach out to the girl child. By God’s grace, I am an executive member of these organizations and my activities in them always bring me a step closer to my dreams.
Balancing it all
I am a Law student in my third year, I don’t really have to give a detailed report to my parents on my academics because they trust me well enough to balance it all. However, I am accountable to my elder sister who is a medical student and also to an older friend of mine. They monitor my grades and academic progress. So, because I know I’ll have to give them a detailed report at the end of every semester, I ensure I perform well.
I also have people who do not cease to remind me to balance everything together. I have seniors in my Law faculty who commend me for doing well in other areas and also urge me to excel in my academics, so, I can be given a platform on my valedictory day to talk about school and my writing as well.
Personally, while following my passion, I always remind myself that I must excel in other areas too. So, I always try to create a balance, write or carry out other activities during semester breaks or periods I don’t have school work to do. I attend tutorials too almost every weekend and so far I have been excelling greatly in my academics.
Challenges
I am a young writer and as much as I really love writing. Most times, I lose interest in finishing up a story I’m working on. I keep procrastinating or waiting for inspiration. So, far, the knowledge that I am to take the first step- start writing, even if I feel inspired at the moment or not has been of great help. It is more like a farmer who keeps waiting for the sun to come out before setting out, he will definitely fail.
I also have a particular person, my older friend whom I mentioned earlier, Lanre Omodele who really keeps me in track. He gives me deadlines to finish up a story I have lost interest in or been procrastinating.
On Giving up
No, there hasn’t. I am passionate about everything I do and that drives me. There are times I feel discouraged or have low moments but there has never been a time I felt like giving everything up. When I’m down, I turn to God for strength, allow myself to drop my fears and worries at His feet and walk into His rest. My parents have also been very supportive. They help out in almost all areas and are fully involved in every process; writing, editing, publishing and marketing. The immense support and sacrifices of my family, adults who believe in me and youths alike keeps me going.
Being a Woman of Rubies
I feel so honoured to be a Ruby Woman and I feel that what makes me a Woman of Rubies is that I don’t allow anything limit me from going for whatever I want and also the courage to always do things afraid. I also feel that my desire to impact and impart younger generations, to be an epitome of the saying, “it is never too late or too early to start something new or achieve great feats,” makes me a Woman of Rubies.
Dear Young Woman….
For young women who are hesitant to take a leap of faith even while being afraid, I will advice them with two of my personal quotes from my second book, a memoir, “New Cheese” which goes thus:
“Work on self discovery and dare to be a new, better and positive version of you than you were yesterday.”
“Embrace you, assess you, celebrate you and above all, love you everyday to know you deserve the newest cheese out there!”
Black women are out here diversifying the #BlackExcellence portfolio! 25-year-old Catari Jackson just became the Shreveport Police Department’s (SPD) first Black woman in Mounted Patrol, the Shreveport Times reports.
Jackson has been a patrol officer with the SPD for four years. When she transitioned departments to Shreveport’s downtown area, she was informed that she would be going to “horse school” as a training requirement for officers in that area.
Jackson didn’t know she was literally blazing a new trail. While completing her four-week course to get certified in Mounted Patrol someone told Jackson, “Um, have you noticed you’re the first?” The thought never crossed her mind. Jackson spoke to the press saying, “It’s a great feeling…God placed me here to be an example for other young women.”
Photo courtesy of Emily Enfinger/The Times
The image of Jackson in uniform and with her horse is a welcomed one. After a Shreveport Police group on Facebook shared photos of the new members of the Mounted Patrol, the ones featuring her received a plethora of likes and shares.
We’re excited for young kids and other women in Shreveport and beyond to see this type of representation. Congratulations Catari! We wish you and your horse, Rock, the best in your new endeavors!
Nihmatallah Akashat is a Lawyer, Wife , Mom and one of the beautiful faces on popular daytime show “Your View”. The graduate of Law from the Lagos State University; stands out daily with her Hijab on our screen, reflecting the beauty of inclusion and showing us that the hijab is not an hindrance in anyway to women fulfilling their God given purpose.She shares her inspiring story and the challenges of being an influential figure in this interview.
Childhood preparation
Nothing prepared me for this career path. This is because I didn’t plan to be a tv host. However, I had always been opinionated and my expressions accommodated by my dad especially. This gave me an edge at my very first audition. I had something to say about all the topics I was thrown because I had been encouraged to have an opinion about everything. I watched Yourview from the beginning and hoped they will consider having a Muslim co-host. So I will say, I was inspired because I was a Muslim and Islam was not being represented well at the time I joined.
My Hijab Identity
My hijab is my identity. Without it I cannot appear in public among non family members. It is a religious covering yes, but for me it’s about functionality. Also part of the program setting is to have women from different cultures and beliefs on a show. We are glad to reflect that and show the world that every woman regardless of their ethnic background and religions counts.
Still a Lawyer
Yes, I am still practicing law. I am now managing partner cynosure practice barristers and solicitor. A law firm I co founded in 2016
Being a wife, Mom, TV Host and managing it all
It is the grace of God and setting of the right priorities. Family first and most pressing career need next. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the show or the firm. I have a support system also to help with my children and a very supportive husband.
My Inspiration
The life of the Prophet Muhammed is my inspiration. Even though he was a great leader he related and was touched by the ordinary people. I made it my model and it’s worked for me. I am inspired by the realistic success stories of ordinary people.
Challenges
Yourview has made me very influential but not yet rich however it gives the impression that am both rich and influential. This have made a lot of people come to me for help for every single kind of problem. Infact my pro bono cases are more than I can take. This is a major challenge for me. I am constantly, trying to say no . It’s very hard to explain to people that your job isn’t proportional to your bank account. sometimes.
On giving up
A few times I have felt like giving up. Especially, when it concerns family. However, I am patient with the situation and find the will to continue again.
Being a Woman of Rubies
I think that will be the fact that I am resilient. I am a fighter. I don’t give up.
Advice to aspiring Muslim TV host
My advice to aspiring Muslim tv host. Trust yourself and be unapologetically Muslim. You can achieve that by acquiring a balanced knowledge of your religion and any other discipline of your choice. The confidence comes from the knowledge and the acceptance of your way of life which is Islam. Sell your religion wherever you go by being an ambassador of Islam.
Yemi Alade exhibits amazing dexterity, vocal power, emotional precision, and smooth transitions on her fourth studio album “Woman of Steel”.
She experiments successfully with a Latino vibe in “Give Dem”, while Afrobeat numbers like “Vibe”, “Nobody” and highlife gems like “Yeba”, the provocative Duncan Mighty duet “Shake” give the album that unapologetic African tone expected from the renowned Mama Africa. “Steel” boasts a modern remake of Angélique Kidjo‘s classic “Wombo Lombo” christened “Shekere”, with the iconic multiple Grammy Award winner.
In “Home”, Yemi promises to follow her love interest to the ends of the world. She sings about unrequited love on “Nobody”, assuring her love interest that no one will love him the way she does. She dives deep into the African-highlife with Nollywood mega-star, Funke Akindele on “Poverty”, rejecting the “disease” while also stressing that she is working really hard to be the richest possible version of herself while proclaiming prosperity and good health. In true Yemi Alade fashion, she also includes a Swahili version of “Poverty”.
“Woman of Steel” is Alade’s fourth studio album following “Black Magic”, “Mama Africa”, and “King of Queens”.
Why do we often blame situations or other people when you don’t reach our targets?
Perhaps you are are the one holding yourself back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?
Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.
What is a Belief in this context you may ask?
It is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is
Here are 5 of the most common self-limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them
1. I Can’t
This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.
Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.
There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.
I Don’t Have Time
When you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want. Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.
When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:
Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.
3. I Am Not Good Enough
This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.
We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.
Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.
4. I Will Be Judged
We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.
You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.
If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself
When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.
I Am Not as Good as Them
This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.
This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.
If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.
Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.
There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.
The Bottom Line
Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.
True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.
Onugha Rosemary is a passionate educator and serial humanitarian, she alongside her wonderful team educate and support vulnerable children living in slums across Lagos. The graduate of Applied Microbiology from Ebonyi State University advocates for quality education, reduced poverty by education and empowerment of women in the society.
Rose who is also a food vendor, has been involved in
teaching and raising role models as well as carrying out humanitarian
activities with marginalised children by donating
school materials to aid easy learning as well as coaching them on the
needs of education not withstanding their immediate communities.
In her words: “I intend working with urban and rural slum
kids by making sure that each one of them have the privileged of attending
basic education and as well acquiring the needed skills to survive as an
individual”.
The serial Humanitarian shares he inspiring story with me in
this interview.
Growing up
My childhood and environment prepared me for what I’m doing
now. Growing up in a community where we had hoodlums and sex workers as
neighbours made we know who and what I don’t want to be like.
I had several occasions where I was sent out of school
because of fee. These are few things children in slums and undocumented areas
go through, when asked why you are at home, my parent could probably say I’m
not feeling too good.
My environment made me very ambitious because I really wish
I could change a lot of things, it made me who I am, it made me have a picture
of who I want to be. It made me aspire for greatness.
It was quite unfortunate that I didn’t grow up having role
models, I only grew up having people I didn’t want to be like and seeing
situation I’d never want to be in.
My passion for the vulnerable and less privileged in the society
I discovered that most times when interventions, outreaches,
sensitizations, quizzes, debates are being carried out the children living in
the slums are being exempted. They miss out on a lot of opportunities and
empowerment programs because of their environment, as a matter of fact, people
and even government hardly remember that they exist. I’m trying to be their
voice, to give them hope and as well motivate them to be their best versions of
themselves irrespective of their present environment.
Every child matter notwithstanding their environment and their background.
Working directly with slum kids
I believe all children should have an equal right and access
to education.
During my research I discovered that about 40 to 50 percent
of children living in slums do not have basic education. And this can further be a
disaster to the society in the future. I thought within myself how do I stop
this trend and reduce the level of illiteracy in Nigeria? This also formed the
basis of my outreach. As we know, education reduces poverty and it has been
noted that the level of poverty in the slum is in high rate. To tackle poverty,
disease, ill vices in the society and to create jobs and be employable,
educating the slum kids is the best shot.
Reception
Most times I go to these communities, I’m been looked down
on, like what has this small girl got to offer us. But at the end of the
visits both the children, school owners
and their parents are always grateful and they have a different mind set of
what education is about.
My Inspiration
Like I said earlier, my environment inspired me. My parents
as well especially my late father. He was able to raise us in a godly manner
with the help of my mother. Until this moment, I can’t explain how my parents
did it that we never took after the environment or joined the bad gangs. Till
this moment is bewildering. Honourable Buumba Malambo from Zambia also inspires
me she built a home for vulnerable children, orphan in her community as well as
educating them.
Also, the founder of La Roche Leadership foundation Mrs
Osoba, she is a humanitarian with a golden heart, she is also a member of the
Global Goodwill Ambassador. she has a library in her foundation that
enables children to read to fun and examination. She also donates educational
books to different government schools. She supports humanitarian workers to
create more impact in the society.
Dr DiPillar Richard who is the founder of Global Goodwill
Ambassadors worldwide, he unites humanitarian workers around the world with the
goal of making our world a better place. We also have the opportunity to
network with other humanitarian workers outside the country and as well learn
from them to create a greater impact in the society.
Reward
The greatest reward is the reward of fulfilment. Been able
to create an impact in the lives of these kids. Also, when I joined the Global
Goodwill Ambassadors network worldwide. When I got featured in a newspaper as
well. Those are the rewards for now.
Challenge
One of the challenge is getting funding for projects which
is the most challenging. Another is my gender, people tend to think that as a
woman you have less to offer, especially going to the slums where they believe
that women are not supposed to be educated but they can either fish, farm or
trade and also help out at home. It’s challenging having to change their mind
set and showing them women role models in all fields. That’s why we need more
women to engage in both science and politics, because the society has made them
believe that some profession are meant for a particular gender.
On giving up
Yes, sometimes when I have ideas written down and want to
implement them but not been able to
because of some situations like funds. For instance, I visited a community in
Alimosho Local Government Area of Lagos State and discovered that there is no
secondary school in Abaranje and Okerube communities. These two communities
only has primary education, we can
imagine what happens to the children after the primary education. Most of them
that their parents can’t afford a private school are either seen roaming about,
hawking, some have even joined hoodlums and some others not too good
gangs.
As individuals and government trying to reduce the crime
rate, illiteracy and poverty in the society, education should be the number
tool to help curb the menace. I have a temporal solution to educate children in
that community pending when the state government will erect a proper school and
classroom for the community.
Being a food vendor and serial Entrepreneur
My food vendor business is new and I’m still looking out for
more clients, so combining it with my
humanitarian work is not really stressful. Because we do mostly in bowls, for
meetings and office packs. I have people that can help out in both my
humanitarian work and my food business, so I can take an order to deliver meals
today and as well go for my outreach the same day. It’s just a matter of
planning and having volunteers to assist.
Being a Woman of Rubies
Been able to impact lives, giving hope to children living in
slums and undocumented areas and been able to empower women. A woman of rubies
is a woman that is a role model in her society.
For women in the development sector
You have to be dogged if you want to go into activism as a
woman, people will sometimes look down on you and make you feel you are making
a mistake doing what you are doing. Sometimes you might even get a threat on
your life, you will go to some places that you would be turned down but don’t
give up because a lot of people are looking up to you and would also like to
trade on the path. Giving up means you have succeeded in making people looking
up to you to loss focus.
There’s always light at the end of the tunnel and you’d be
surprised to know many lives you’ve been able to impact with your works.
Activist being appreciated
Activist are not appreciated enough, that’s why we need to
create more awareness to show the impacts of our activism and how our activism
has made changes in day to day life.
One thing I wish I could change in the education sector
I would like to change the conventional ways of teaching and
as well change the mind set of our tutors. Some of our schools still teaches
with the same methods our are parents were taught. Education has evolved from
been a normal classroom teaching to incorporating our day to day activities
into mathematics and all subjects.
Children should be able to mix fun with learning. Games, and life skills
should be incorporated into teaching. If children are guided to express
themselves and not been imposed, educational system would have a dynamic and
drastic turnaround in Nigeria. Education should not only be maths and English,
children should be given the space to be innovative and creative.
Peju Ugboma is the Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and also runs a blog, The Service Critic where she reviews restaurants. A graduate of Microbiology from the University of Lagos, she was the Head of Business Strategy at First Independent Global before resigning and setting up her business. Certified from Gastronimicum, Agde and Le Notre in France and The Taste Lab in the United Kingdom, Peju wants to launch a training school for aspiring chefs, baking enthusiasts and home cooks. In this interview, this ardent Manchester United fan talks about dumping Microbiology for dessert making, turning a huge business mistake into a best seller and three things women-owned businesses must do and avoid to stay successful.
Making desserts is a pretty unique concept, what led you down this path? I cannot honestly tell you why I chose desserts, but it possibly stemmed from watching chefs on TV do amazing stuff with butter, sugar and flour. I would watch on TV and wish there were places locally to buy them. I still remember the first time I went to a store on Awolowo Road in Ikoyi and saw a white forest gateau, I was in cloud nine.
When I started out, I knew only a handful of people who were doing desserts commercially for events back then. There were lots of cake makers but proper desserts connoisseurs weren’t available locally. I knew to be able to do it the way I saw it on TV, I would require at least basic knowledge in basic baking techniques, so I enrolled in a baking school locally for one month and the classes were very hands on. I also bought loads of books to help out. By the end of the first month, I knew I wanted more of the real stuff. I searched locally for a proper culinary school but nothing was available so I had to look outside Nigeria.
You switched from microbiology to dessert making, what informed this decision? To be honest, Microbiology was never my first choice. I come from a home where daddy’s words were the law. My dad initially wanted me to study Medicine but I didn’t score high enough in JAMB to study it.
Secretly, I was quite pleased, but I dared not show it outwardly. I had just about enough points to study microbiology. If I could have chosen my own course, it most likely would have been the arts. I hated Chemistry and other science subjects.
Peju Ugboma, Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and blogger, The Service Critic When I finished from university, I knew I was not going to do anything with the Microbiology, so I tried my hand at different things but I didn’t find any job exciting enough to keep me occupied till I went to work in a customer service training company.
I loved it enough to stay for a few years before I moved in a completely different direction into learning about business strategy. I learnt very quickly and was fully dedicated to it because I needed to grow up. I eventually got restless there after about two years. My husband (then boyfriend) knew how excited I was watching baking shows on TV, so he always encouraged me to try it out. Then I quit my job and went for my first baking course and 12 years later, I am still at it.
You were once a 9-5 employee for over five years, what would you say is the difference between entrepreneurship and full-time employment? Entrepreneurship is a full time job, especially when you are a start-up. You eat, drink, sleep and dream your new business.
In my candid opinion, entrepreneurship is way harder because you are responsible for other people’s livelihood. People are dependent on you so you have to strive to make sure things are done properly. If you don’t have a dime for yourself, you must provide for others.
When I started out, I was the baker, cleaner, delivery personnel, phone operator, shopper, everything! When you are in paid employment, you have a job description but with entrepreneurship, you are a one-man army.
In your opinion, what are some of the key issues startups face, especially in Nigeria? I know you have probably heard funding many times but I disagree. The main issue a lot of startups face is knowledge, the knowledge of how to run and manage a business properly.
You have a business idea, it looks good on paper and we run with it without adequate checks, research and even proper training on know-how. We start, then get stuck and eventually throw in the towel until the next best thing comes along. Access to funds is also another big problem.
I am very anti-get a loan from a bank to start a business, the interest rate will almost cripple whatever you have gathered. I am a firm believer in starting small and dreaming very big. Electricity is also a big problem. I know this is a third world problem but it’s a huge challenge in my line of work.
A large chunk of our generated income goes on power generation. I would also say human power because in my industry, retaining excellent staff who are dedicated to the job with great work ethics are very few and far between. Artisan turnover is quite high.
Your company pioneered frozen cookie dough in West Africa, tell us about that? The cookie dough project came about when there was some kind of ban on importation of goods into Nigeria. Before then, when you go to the freezer aisle of most supermarkets, there weren’t any locally manufactured brands of cookie dough stocked there. It got me thinking and research started on producing cookie dough locally.
The idea behind the frozen cookie dough was to create convenience and save time for the average home baker whilst still enjoying freshly baked cookies in the convenience of your home. All you need to do is place dough balls on trays and bake for 15 minutes.
The whole process took about 24 months from inception to product testing, sourcing packaging and licensing from NAFDAC. We rolled out and gradually started retailing in stores. We were stocked in about 22 stores in Lagos and Abuja then we hit a brick wall. I think it was largely because we had lapses in our marketing strategy and supply change management.
I am no longer ashamed to say that it failed the first time it launched, it was quite humbling and I refused to talk about it for a while but I have learnt a whole lot from this experience, because this kind of experience, as humbling as it is, helps you build resilience. We are back to drawing board trying to retrace our steps to understand why it didn’t work in the first instance. Hopefully, it will work out better and stay in the market for as long as we have projected it to stay.
How important is mentoring for women especially those in business? I have often heard women say it was a waste of their time, but in my own case, it was one of the wisest decisions I took. If you are in business, whether man or woman, you need mentoring. It is hard enough running your business solo, with you being the all in one CEO and ‘Jackie’ that does even the most menial of jobs.
Personally, I have benefitted from having a mentor who not only guides me as regards my business but spiritually and even issues regarding the home-front.
When I am asked how I chose a mentor, happenstance, I came across her by accident and I prayed that I was choosing the right person. The first question she asked was “what are you bringing to the table.” I was stunned. When I asked her why she said that, she wanted to know how serious I was about our relationship. I have since nicknamed her iya-aje because of how tough she gets when she needs me to do something.
Tell us something that has influenced your life and career positively today? It took me a while to figure this out, but life became much easier when I got an understanding of Proverbs 3:5-6. It says trust God with your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will straighten all crooked path before you. As hard it may be, I have chosen to trust Him.
As a member of BTS Welfare Hub, what do you do specifically for women? BTS Welfare Hub is a faith-based group, it doesn’t cater to just women, but to the needs of the downtrodden. The hub takes care of a range of things like visiting old people’s homes, orphanages, cerebral palsy centers, poor communities and visiting the streets to encourage someone. An average visit to a poor community will include sharing the word, praying with the people in these communities, encouraging and then giving out presents and food.
As a former business strategist, briefly tell us three basic things women must do/avoid when running a business? First, separate purses; your business account is not your personal account; you should not draw funds from the business account just because you can. I believe you should pay yourself a realistic salary. If the business is unable to pay you a salary, create an IOU, which can possibly go towards your equity in the company, there must be some sort of reimbursement for the work you do.
Second, whilst I believe you shouldn’t hire too soon, I also believe that it is important to delegate so that you don’t burn yourself out. Micromanaging when you delegate is a killer of creativity. You need to prioritize what is important, what can be delegated and what you can afford to put on the back-burner.
Finally, don’t be afraid to make a mistake or be too cautious to take a risk. I know it is not always easy to accept when we assume we have failed at something but it shouldn’t define who we are.
One of my biggest sellers at the moment, the cheesecake popsicle came about as a mistake I made when mixing one of our products. Now I am grateful that it happened, I acknowledge that it’s not all mistakes that have a somewhat happy ending but use whatever mistake as a stepping- stone to better yourself.
If you could influence change, what would you want to do for Nigerian women? If I could influence change, I would like to start with reorientation, reorientation of the mind, that being a woman is not a limiting factor. I can be anything I want to be if my mind is aligned to it and I am willing to put in the work.
A lot of our parents did some form of damage in us with a limiting mindset, that no matter what we do or achieve, the kitchen is where we will end up as women. I would also love for women to truly support one another, not just using it as a buzzword but also actually bearing one and other up. These are little things we can be deliberate about it.
What do you do to relax? What is your guilty pleasure? Relaxing is relative nowadays, as an entrepreneur, shutting down, mind body and soul is hard. So the easiest thing for me nowadays is reading and eating out. I also love watching football but nowadays the team I support isn’t doing well so it is a bit of a drag. My absolute guilty pleasure is travelling to new places, learning new cultures and experiencing new culinary adventures.
What should we expect from you in the next five years? Whenever I am asked this question, I get a bit overwhelmed. Whilst I understand the need to plan for the future, I have learnt to take it one day at a time, planning five years in advance in my books is a wrong pressure trigger.
So I will change from the next five years to tomorrow or in the near future; I want to co-own a properly run internationally certified culinary academy in Nigeria and an online culinary school because that’s where the business world is gearing up to. I pray for sustenance, God’s grace and grit to carry forth.
Emelife Stella Chinelo Amagbor 100 years record breaking
educational feat went viral few weeks
ago and alot of Nigerians wanted to know more about the woman who had made the
motherland proud. The story was shared across social media and on some
international platforms.
The Anambra State born academia got a scholarship from of
the university of Mysore, India and graduated in March 2019 with a FGPA of
9.26, and was awarded 20 gold medals during her convocation, this feat made it
the first time in over 100 years where any student will be honoured that way. Little
did Stella know her story was going to make rounds in the media
The Intelligent young woman who also has a bachelor degree,
(BSc Applied Chemistry) ,was also awarded the best graduating student of Usmanu
Danfodiyo University Sokoto in 2013/2014 academic session, graduating with CGPA
of 4.86.
Stella is inspired by
her hunger for knowledge and a better
life for herself, she shares her inspiring story in this interview.
In her words; “My parents were not the richest but they did all they could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education”.
Growing up
I grew up in Sokoto state though born in Zaria, Kaduna
state. I am the first of the seven children of Sir and Lady Christoper Emelife.
My parents were not the richest but they did all they
could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education available.
I attended Federal Government College Sokoto from primary level to secondary
level and this was by no means the best school in Sokoto at the time. All
through my studies, I was outstanding. I always made the best grades which
earned me several awards and scholarship.
I went on to do my bachelor’s degree in applied chemistry at Usmanu Dan
fodiyo University Sokoto where I also graduated as the best graduating student
in 2012/2013 academic session. It was never rosy. I had difficulties and
challenges especially with gaining admisssion into university. I wanted to
study medicine but did not get that course for reasons I am yet to lay my hands
on but all I knew was that I had the results required. I spent three years
battling with JAMB UTME and POSTUTME until I eventually changed to chemistry.
So I would say, yes, my childhood or my background indeed prepared me for what
I do now.
Why Chemistry?
For my bachelor degree in Applied chemistry, I will tell you
that I only chose to apply for it at the time because, firstly chemistry was my
favourite science subject apart from Mathematics in secondary school, I would
say I had a good foundation in chemistry and then secondly, I needed to apply
for a course that had less traffic. By less traffic I mean, a course that did
not have too many applicants just like medicine which was what I wanted to
study. However, in the course of my studies, I fell in love with chemistry and
decided to proceed in this field for my postgraduate studies.
100 years record
breaking viral story
Yes, my story went
viral after the announcement of my awards in India. I got an Indian government
scholarship in 2016 to go for a master degree course in chemistry. I accepted
the offer and began my master’s degree programme at University of Mysore, the
course went on till July/August 2018. I returned back to Nigeria and this year
2019, I was invited to attend my convocation ceremony where I will be officially
awarded my MSc Chemistry degree and along with it, I was informed that I will
be receiving numerous awards as a result of my outstanding performance in the
university. The university is one of the oldest universities in India and
highly reputable. I was informed that in the over 100 years history of the
university, no one has ever made such grades and most of all a foreigner. I
made a percentage of 92.6%. Hence, the best graduating student of the
university of Mysore. I went down to India in March 2019, received these
numerous awards (25 awards that included 20 gold medals and 5 cash prizes) and
almost all media houses in India had the news in all languages including
English and eventually, Nigerian bloggers got to know and then some Nigerian
news houses.
Reception
Abroad which of course is India, every single person who has
come across the news is totally amazed and wonder how I was able to break such
record of such university as notable as University of Mysore. More so were
those present at the convocation ceremony. Even the dignitaries could not help
but express how amazed they are and how proud of me they are and have since
been offering to assist me in any way they can through recommendations in case
I decide to take up a PhD course in India. I granted countless number of
interviews both offline and online. In fact, my name has been everywhere in
India especially amongst the academicians and the foreign students association
in all parts of India are so proud of me and my achievement. Now, at home, yes
the reception has been good amongst people who got to know about it, especially
on social media. My husband, my entire family and friends, my church, my alma
mater have all been so amazed at such performance. The Chemical Society of
Nigeria have been so excited about the news. I have also been granting a number
of interviews here and there. I am praying that apart from everyone getting
excited and sending in congratulatory messages, that I will attract the
attention of the federal government to at least consider me for a well-paying
job here in Nigeria.
My Inspiration
I am inspired by my
hunger for knowledge and a better life for myself, my family and the society at
large and I believe that getting to the peak of my career in life will bring me
all the happiness I seek for since at that height, I can inspire others and be
make all the impacts I yearn for in the society.
Who inspires me? Firstly my parents inspire me greatly.
Their determination to give us the best they can pushes me to be more and also
be a great parent like they are to me and then also, I am inspired by every
woman that I come across who is doing all she can to break all the conventional
laws or rules that hold women back and strife hard to achieve her goals
irrespective of her gender or whatever. If you ask for who my role model is,
then it is Late Prof. Dora Akunyili of blessed memory. I adore her and hope to
do greater than she did by the help of God.
What next?
I need a good job in the academia as a lecturer in the
university or as a quality control analyst or research and development
personnel in any reputable chemical industry where I can put in all my
knowledge to use, develop myself and also earn a good living to take care of
myself, my family and those around me that need help. I am also looking forward
to getting a very good PhD scholarship to start up my research career as soon
as possible.
On the long run, I have plans to work with NGOs in the
education sector to be able to make my own mark in education in Nigeria.
Challenges
The greatest
challenge I faced while studying in India was the cultural shock I faced. It
was my first time leaving Nigeria and for the fact that it was a totally
different continent made it so difficult for me at the very beginning. The
food, the way of life, the language, the accent and intonations, the religion.
No one understood me when I spoke because they say they do
not understand my accent. However, time changed everything. I became very used
to everything that I ate virtually every food, began to speak with the Indian
accent and I could understand a few of the native language hence I was able to
at least communicate with the bus drivers et al. Another challenge I faced was
the overwhelming academic activities and being the only foreigner in my class.
I stayed in school morning till evening from Monday to Saturday, stood for at
least 4 hours in the laboratory and had loads of assignments to submit within
short notice and practical records to submit also. It was so intense and scary
but eventually, by the Grace of God, I got used to it and made use of all
facilities at my disposal, used my time judiciously and became friends with
virtually all my classmates.
Giving up
In my first year if I had the financial capacity, I would
have ran back to Nigeria because I was getting too overwhelmed with the work
load. It was so intense and I thought, I could not just do this. I was afraid I
may not survive it. Many times I will cry while in the class receiving
lectures, other times in the lab I will be so lost and confused. I could no
longer concentrate. However, I cried to my family most especially my husband who is a huge
support system, and they all encouraged me with their kind words and prayers
and eventually, I got used to everything and even did not want to go back to
Nigeria, when it was time to. Hahahaha!!!
My Support System
I am happily married to Mr. John Oshiobode Amagbor who has
been of tremendous support to me. We live in Warri, Delta state. Also, I am
looking forward to collaborations with NGOs or bodies that propagate education
in public schools especially at the basic and secondary level. I will
appreciate getting connections to such agencies and organizations, I can do a
volunteer work with them even when I get a paying job.
Being a woman of
rubies
I believe I am a Woman of Rubies because I am very focused
and zealous. I do not let my gender come in my way of achieving the greatest
heights. I do not think because I am a woman in the midst of men, so I am a
second class ‘citizen’. I always believe I am even better and at advantage
because I am a woman. I hold my head high and raise my shadows while defending
myself or any right course because I am a human first then a woman. I am
fearless when discussing what I know, yet very humble to learn anything new
from anyone irrespective of gender or race. I am an inspiration to my own
family, my own society and soon the world. I represent womanhood everywhere I
go to. Yes, I am that Woman of Rubies.
To women who want to
study Chemistry
Any woman can be anything right she wants to be. There is no
gain going about wearing the cap “I am a woman’ about like Mo Abudu will
say. You are a human first then woman. Therefore, there is no limit to what you
can achieve just like everyother man.
Chemistry is not easy, however it is by no means the most
interesting physical science course and is highly interdisciplinary. Go for it,
as far as you are serious minded.
So, you think boys don’t need attention? Think again
The Affirmed Boy, is a book by Nigerian writer Queenette Enilama, that could change the way we raise our boys. At a time when the negative effects of social media and peer pressure, are wreaking havoc on the developmental process of the boy child, The Affirmed Boy is a book that gives boys an affirmation that they are enough and do not need to succumb to all the pressure to belong.
They can be positive influencers and immune to negative influence. Each page contains a unique lesson, in the form of an affirmation, that tackles a specific challenge in the life of a growing boy. Following the declaration of the affirmation, there is a supporting biblical scripture and a short but boy-tailored prayer, he would love to say. The affirmation page is followed by a Notes page where the reader can write thoughts and feelings about the lesson learned that day. Each page is colorful, with images to enhance its aesthetic value and make for a pleasurable read. At the end of the book, the affirmed boy would have begun to discover himself and develop self-awareness, self-worth and self-confidence, as well as, a well-rounded and emotionally sound.
The Affirmed Boy is a daily companion developmental book for boys between the ages of 6 and 14 years.
The Affirmed Boy is published by TAF PUBLISHING VENTURES Published: 18/05/2019 Available online at https://paystack.com/pay/affirmationforboys or you can pay into Zenith Bank account 2008632045, then send request, with proof of payment to WhatsApp at the number listed below. Queenette Enilama is a writer, certified Emotional Intelligence Coach and Co-Founder of the “NoBoyLeftBehind” Initiative, with a contagious passion for the boy child. She has written several stories, reviewed on a number of online platforms and is set to launch a series of E-books in the coming months. Her No Boys Left Behind initiative, trains, and grooms young boys and teenagers into excellent young men, with a different and responsible perspective on society. For more information about The Affirmed Boy, or to schedule an interview, with Queenette, please contact her on 09096780595 or email her at qenilama@gmail.com
Photo courtesy of Emily Enfinger/The Times
