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women of rubies

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Omobolanle Ajijola is a Certified Trauma Counselor trained in Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Early Trauma and an Executive Member of the African Network of Professional Counselors(ANEPCO).

An NLP Practitioner and a passionate Gender-Based Violence Advocate as well as being a trained certified Emotional Intelligence Specialist, she  passionately  spreads awareness against sexual and all forms of gender-based violence and is concerned about the total well-being of families and by extension children.

Omobolanle is the founder of Bina AI-Amal Safety Foundation, a non-governmental, and not-for-profit organization that provides social and economic empowerment to Survivors and Victims of Gender-Based Violence and disadvantaged communities across Nigeria.

She loves and enjoys working with families and children and this has led her to volunteer with organizations that share the same vision namely Rescue Village Africa, Heartminders Initiative, Amazing Amazon Initiative, and Black Diamond Support Foundation to name a few.

She has gone on numerous campaigns to schools and communities and has participated in road rallies to raise awareness on child sexual abuse and the rights of the African Child, Sexual and Gender-Based Violence, and Gender inequality.

Her passion has led her to attend various courses tailored to child safety and sexual abuse prevention.

Omobolanle is a firm believer in securing a safe and well-balanced environment free from all forms of Violence. A true global change agent, while speaking with Women of Rubies, she gave this explorative insights on her journey;

Childhood Influence

I grew up , pretty much sheltered with my siblings , not going out much and spent a lot of time with my Grandma who was the resident conflict resolver in her area.

People would come to her with their issues and I’d watch her listen and then help sort whatever the issue was and soothe hurt tempers.

Same with helping those in need, no one came to her door in tears and left the same, she had a solution to every challenge.

She would always give back or give out to whoever was in need and when thanked she would say she was but a servant of Allah doing his bidding.

Watching my grandma (God rest her soul) advocate for what was right no matter if it got her on the wrong side of people and her big heart when it came to giving ,shaped me into the woman I am today.

My parents aren’t any different and till date still help whoever comes to their door.

Inspiration Behind Bina Al- Amal foundation?

My deep passion  to effect lasting change in people’s live that made a real difference was the inspiration behind the foundation.

I’d gone on numerous Sexual Abuse awareness campaigns and the stories of abuse we heard stayed with me, I wanted to do more.

Watching children and women roam the streets without a roof over their head and no access to basic amenities and the high numbers of women who would turn up for Empowerment programs worried me a lot, and after a summer school project at an informal settlement in 2019

My mind was made up, I knew what I had to do.

Managing life as a certified trauma counsellor, NLP practitioner and a GBV advocate, 

Each role requires a lot of energy and focus and  I’ve been able to merge all into one and balance them all.

It’s not been easy but managing my time and prioritizing has helped me maintain the balance needed to flourish.

Experience as a multiple hand volunteer for several organizations

It’s been very educative, each volunteer role came from a personal experience and working for each Organization has taught me lot of things ranging from leadership, rapport and communication building, conflict resolution among other things.

It’s an experience I won’t trade for anything.

My work at Bina Al-Amal foundation, and its impact since inception

At Bina Al-Amal Foundation we provide the support , encouragement and empowerment to that people who live in informal settlements and we also provide the interventions needed for Survivors and Victims of Gender Based Violence .

Basically we offer prevention and intervention against Child Abuse, Rape, domestic violence, and all forms of violence against children and women while Providing prompt sensitive and psychosocial support to survivors of abuse and ensuring perpetrator is prosecuted, Provision of sexual abuse awareness programs to engage and enlighten Teenagers and young Adults on Sexual and Gender based violence and the need to be more socially and morally aware while providing the necessary psychosocial support ,   Provision of temporary shelters for the homeless for women especially women and families who had gone through one forms of abuse and those who live in informal settlements (shanties and rural areas),

Empowerment for women in rural and vulnerable communities and Free Education for children in rural and vulnerable communities.

Our impact since inception has been amazing.

For our survivors and Victims of Sexual and Gender based Violence, we have been able to offer psychosocial and intervention services to at least 10 families and counting.

For our informal community recipients , we have been able to offer education to over 100 of the children in the informal community as well as provision of palliative during the covid -19 lockdown.

Our teen conferences designed to educate and empower young adults has reached over 100 youths and counting, providing them with information on the dangers of sexual and gender based violence and the importance of leadership skills

Work Challenges

Our major challenge has been getting the required amount of help our informal settlement residents in terms of the shelter need as they are constantly being evicted

Another challenge is their belief system , they feel they have no hope and no one cares about them.

For our Survivors and Victims it’s tackling the silence and stigmatization that doesn’t encourage them to open up freely about their experiences

For our teens and young adults it’s helping them with the difficult choices and temptations they face in a world where information overload is everywhere. 

Other projects and activities?

We are working on a building a stable environment for our informal settlement residents and helping them create a better quality of life through Empowerment and Job creating programmes.

A group therapy hub for our Trauma warriors and a teen hub for our Young adults to help them cope with this fat paced world.

3 Women Who Inspire Me

Christiane Amanpour, Oreoluwa Adebiyi and Mrs Achenyo Idachaba for their fearlessness in reporting the truth,  Their can do attitude and above all love for humanity.

They inspire me to be a better version of myself and to continue to push through even when people don’t understand the journey.

My experience at social Innovators Bootcamp and its forthcoming impact

To be honest , I’d joined the bootcamp to achieve two things: to gain clarity and get the structure needed and to come 2nd was a bit of a shock. I never imagined I’d make it to the top 3. It was a humbling experience for me, I gained so much more than what I signed up for.

My SIBC Experience taught me one valuable lesson, I’m doing something right and this is going to set the tone for a lot of our activities moving forward at Bina Al-Amal Foundation.

Right steps to take in reporting a case of Domestic Violence & Rape.

For Both cases the most important thing  and the first step is to Document evidence.

For a rape victim the best way to Document evidence is to go as soon they are able to a Sexual Assault Referral Centre preferably Mirabel Centre to get checked by a doctor and to get the medical attention needed

For a Domestic Violence Victim, we encourage them to take pictures of bruises, take voice recordings only if it is safe to do so.

Next step is to go to a police station to report the case. At the station, ask for their Gender Desk or Family Support Unit.

After this the police would ask for evidence of assault to which a letter  would be sent to the Sexual Assault Referral Centre who carried out the examination for the rape victim.

For the Domestic Violence Victim, evidence would also be collected.

How to overcome Trauma, and stay grounded

In handling Trauma, I encourage client’s to

1)Give yourself time. It takes time – weeks or months – to accept what has happened and to learn to live with it,take it one step at a time.

2)Acknowledging your experience,that way, you can start to understand what drives your feelings of fear and anxiety, and change your perspective over time.

3) Join a Support Group, being involved with other survivors of trauma, sometimes hearing others and knowing you’re not alone offers you some of the comfort needed.

4)Ask for support from family and friends willing to help, don’t isolate yourself.

5)Take some time for yourself: It’s okay to want to be by yourself or with close family and friends

6)Talk it over with a Professional. This is where therapy comes in to give a more grounded sense of healing.

7)Get into a routine to resting a sense of normalcy

8) Exercise.

On staying grounded:

1)Appreciate life’s simple pleasures.

2)Practice gratitude.

3)Take a break.

4)Prioritize your mental and emotional health.

5)Be the change you want to see in the world.

6)Stay active.

As a Woman of Rubies

What makes me a Woman of Rubies is my selfless character and passion to see a fellow woman attain great heights and my not giving up on those who need me.

Social Media Handles:

Email: omobolanleajijola@gmail.com

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/ajijolabolanle

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/bolanleajijola.3

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ajijola-bolanle

 

 

“The world is waiting for you to unleash your greatness.” – Odunayo Sanya.

Our ‘Woman in Leadership’ this week is Odunayo Sanya.

Odunayo is a Nigerian executive with over 23 years of experience in the corporate world. She currently serves as the Executive Secretary of the MTN Nigeria Foundation. Her work experience spans education, financial services, telecommunications and development sectors. She is a gifted writer who received widespread acclaim for her book ‘Alphabets of Leadership for Young Minds,’ which she published in 2019.

Odunayo is an International speaker. A Certified Coach, Speaker, and Trainer with the John Maxwell Team. She is an alumna of the Lagos Business School and the Institute of Management Development Switzerland, with executive training from the Harvard Business School and Cornell University.

She is also the convener of the ‘Thrive Circle’ a mentorship platform which she describes as her ‘pandemic story’. The Thrive Circle is a platform for individuals seeking growth in life and career. Odunayo is passionate about youth empowerment, leadership, mentorship, and nation building. In 2019, she received the Marketing World ‘Customer Service Thought Leader Award’ in Accra, Ghana. She was the 2019 Global Leadership Program Speaker at Coventry University in the United Kingdom. She shares her inspiring journey in this exclusive interview.

Interview with Odunayo Sanya

Childhood Influence

First, I’d like to thank Women of Rubies for having me and for creating this platform to showcase and encourage women. My childhood was exciting with a disciplinarian as a dad. I was brought up to cherish family – I come from a close-knit family of nine; Dad, Mum, 2 boys and 5 girls.

 

My childhood was in Lagos. From a young age, my parents taught me (likewise my siblings) to embrace the world with an open mind, this found expression in the choice of schools i attended – F.G.G.C Akure (Ondo State) & New-Bussa (Niger State). The choice of the boarding house shaped me and strengthened my sense of independence. I learnt diversity and inclusion from my parents, they never discriminated. The boarding house helped my social skills, it opened me up to interactions with diverse individuals and great minds. I was brought up to be comfortable in my skin and to strive for excellence. At a point in primary school, my dad taught me maths after school. I learnt from my parents that “putting in a word for someone is easier when the individual brings value to the table.”

Adventure was a pastime for my parents as i was encouraged to take some bold steps – i recall my dad seeing an advert in the newspapers for a new university that is, University of Abuja and he encouraged me to apply though we knew no one in Abuja at that time. And yes! I got the admission and as they say, the rest is history. I spent my Youth Service year in a small village called Ukpa in Ogoja, Cross Rivers State. My first job was outside Lagos (my parents lived and still live in Lagos). As a child I had a prayerful Grandma who taught me about God.

I would say YES, my childhood prepared me in more ways than one.

 

Inspiration behind The Thrive Circle

I have a strong passion for people, and I get very excited when individuals realize their potential. Someone described me as a ‘serial mentor’ (lol!). I had a strong desire to birth a platform for sharing knowledge that will enable individuals to thrive in their neck of the woods. The perfect opportunity came with the COVID-19 pandemic, the fear in the air was palpable and the confusion was like we had never known, i had a conviction within me that this was the right time. The first session was tagged ‘Finding Strength in Adversity.’ It’s been twenty-two speakers and thirty-one sessions after, ‘Thrive Circle’ is still standing. We are a community committed to learning.

 

The Journey so far

I am grateful for the journey. It has tested my resilience. I have expanded my network of friends and acquaintances. My knowledge horizon has been broadened, topics such as; Entrepreneurship, The Future of work, Mental Health, Crucial Conversations, Strategy, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict Management, Ethics, Risk Management and many more have been discussed in the Thrive Circle. We have also played host to accomplished professionals as our speakers. The future for Thrive Circle is bright – watch out.

 

Impact of being an International Speaker, and Certified Coach 

My first international speaking engagement was borne of the need to affirm myself. I had a strong desire to share my thoughts with other professionals and enrich the discussions in the field of Customer Experience. Was i scared? Yes, I was. Did it go well? Yes, it did and opened more opportunities for me. We are all speakers, and our voices are gifts from the ‘Grand Overall Designer’ (GOD). The question is ‘How are we using it? I am also a John Maxwell Certified Coach.

 

 

Being a Coach and a Speaker has enabled my growth and depth. As it is said, ‘Sameness is the death of a speaker’ and since I don’t want to die yet (lol!) it keeps me on my toes to keep gleaning new knowledge and applying them to my life. In terms of impact, i am a much better individual, leader, team member, mother, wife and member of the society. It has helped me with the mastery of human relationships and excellent delivery people. The most important impact is the privilege of connecting people to their aspirations and potentials. Speaking whether as a hobby or professionally is 99% about the audience (listener) and maybe 1% about the speaker.

 

My Customer Thought Leader Award, 2021 Sales Ruby Influencer Award & recognition as one of the Top 100 Career Women

 

These awards came as surprises. I recall for the sales Ruby award, I was getting ready to retire for the night and I got a message from a secondary school friend that she had voted. I was at a loss, I asked her what for, she then laughed at me and sent me the link to nominations. It however feels good when one’s good work is recognized by others. It really is humbling. I see this as a call to do more and be more.

 

Challenges of My Work at MTN Nigeria

On a lighter note, I have been working from home for over a year now and enjoying every bit of it. One of the greatest challenges of WFH is the near loss of work-life-balance. I self regulate and try to keep to a time regime to prevent any form of burn out. My Organization also ensures we keep to healthy work regimes.Challenges are a constant part of life. These challenges are opportunities in disguise. My work keeps me on my toes and presents me with the opportunity to serve and innovate. Creating and implementing service experiences and engagement strategies for 75m customers is a huge responsibility. I recently, changed roles and I look forward to the opportunity of enabling people and communities through the MTN Nigeria Foundation.

 

Other Projects & Activities

I am an Author. My book ‘Alphabets of Leadership for Young Minds’ is listed in the United States Library of Congress, it is targeted at youth ages 10 – 16. I desired to give my oldest daughter a journal filled with my thoughts on various leadership topics as she moved into the boarding house. The journal was to help her navigate the new phase of her life and be a valued member of her community. The journal became the book.

My work with youths through the John Maxwell Team exposed me to the dearth of understanding of Leadership at that level – it has been positioned as the exclusive preserve of adults. The book is my contribution to nation building. I decided to put down my thoughts and make it available to every Youth. The book is listed in the United States Library of Congress and available on:

It is also available at Laterna Ventures, Oko Awo Street, Victoria Island Lagos

 

3 Women Who Inspire Me to Be Better And Why

My Grandmother of blessed memory – she taught me to love God.

My Mum – she taught me resilience.

Mother Theresa – She embodied the fact that Leadership and purpose are conjoined, when you walk in purpose you will Lead. Most important, her life teaches that you don’t need a position to lead. Lead from wherever you are.

 

 Advice to Young Women Who Wish to Be Trailblazers Like Me

 

1) ‘The world is waiting for you to unleash your greatness, don’t negotiate away your purpose in the face of seeming difficulties.’

2) ‘Dreams are free but the journey is not’

3) ‘You are limitless until you tell yourself otherwise’

4) ‘Let the quality of your work speak for you when you are not there’

5) ‘Be comfortable being you.’

 

Being a Woman of Rubies

Hmmm!! I should be asking you that question.

First, is that God says my worth is far above rubies – Prov 31.

Second is that I carry in me the seed of greatness and I am nurturing it.

Third is that I seek to add value to the people and environments I find myself in.

Maybe you should carry out a survey and let us compare the results.

 

 

You can connect with Odunayo Sanya through her handles below:

 

Linkedin – odunayo moritiwon sanya

Instagram – Odunayo.Sanya

Facebook – Odun Moritiwon Sanya

Roseline Adewuyi is a social educator a gender advocate, and a blogger at
roselineadewuyi.com addressing the concerns of girls and women, particularly in the African context.

She is also a 2018 Dalai Lama Fellow, a 2016 YALI RLC alumna, and a 2017 ONE Champion, her work on female empowerment has taken her to the United States, Ghana, Rwanda, Ethiopia, France, and other countries. She holds a Bachelor of Arts and Masters degree in French Language.

Her area of specialization as a French Literature student has been Feminist Theory. According to her, this strengthens her academic knowledge in the field of advocacy. In 2018, she represented Nigeria in a program on Human Rights sponsored by the French Embassy in Nigeria. She was among the sixty women doing phenomenal things celebrated by Business Day Women’s Hub in marking Nigeria’s 60th Independence in 2020. She hopes to keep contributing to the girls’ development through advocacy.

She has also been featured on the Nigerian Tribune, National Television called Nigerian Television Authority (NTA), and RFI (Radio France Internationale) for her works. She is also a member of the Commonwealth Youth Gender Equality Network. From 2019 to 2020, She worked as a Translator and Interpreter with the African Union.  While speaking with Women of Rubies on this interview, she took us through her explicit journey as a trailblazer.

Growing Up 

As a developing woman, I witnessed many a difference in the prejudiced treatment of men and women. This was quite surprising for me because I lived with the idea that both genders are first humans regardless of appearances. So, I could not fathom why there is a difference in the treatment of the female gender and how we are seen. As a young girl, it baffled me and left me with more questions than answers.

As a result, I had an internal conflict about my identity. I was curious about the reason behind people seeing us differently, why gender roles existed, and why people tried to box women. I also wanted to know why people associated certain character traits or qualities with a gender. I was confused and wondered if I should accept this or challenge these assumptions. I asked many questions concerning my identity but got no answers. With growth came the understanding of how things worked, and I began to gradually realize why things were the way they were.

There was a burning desire to launch out and find my lost voice. During my university days as an Arts student, I was exposed to books that facilitated my understanding. Following a popular saying “literature is the mirror of life”; I was able to imagine and understand, to some extent, the lived experience of many girls and women all over the world particularly in Africa.

On this personal trajectory, I am still on the path. I am not there yet but I am constantly growing as a leader and I want more girls to confess in the future that I inspired them.

Why I chose  French as a major

I chose to study the French language because I am drawn to languages. This might be a little difficult to describe if you are not like me. But let me try: I believe that everyone has something that makes them tick. It could be a skill that they are good at or the fire of a passion that burns bright in their heart. For me, though, my penchant is languages. I love the way words differently sound in different languages. I love trying out new sounds and trying to relate with people of different cultures. I guess it is also linked to my innate desire to relate with people on a deeper level. And one of the best ways to do that is to learn their language. I chose French because it was the earliest foreign language to which I was introduced. And I would say, I fell in love right there and then. You know the way some old-time couples say, “When I saw her, I knew she was the one”? That’s how the French language was for me!

Women of Rubies interview With Roseline Adewuyi

Experience as a translator / interpreter for the African Union

Working with the African Union was quite an adventure. Although it was something a lot different from what I was used to and I was far from home, I enjoyed every bit of it. I was in a place where my ideas mattered. I had colleagues who admired and respected me. I also worked with a boss who was like a father and a mentor to me. The best and simplest way to put it is that I had a great time!

I would say that working with the AU changed a lot of things for me. Now, I understand clearly that you can’t say you know about a place until you have lived there. I am saying this because of people who love to share stereotypes about places they have never been to. Before I went to the place where I worked, I was told that I would not be safe as a woman. No one will ‘barber’ my hair etc. to my surprise, I found everything to be the exact opposite of what people had conjectured. This taught me a lot!

While working with the AU, I also learned a lot about networking, personal development, and tolerance.

Recognition Awards

My advocacy and the things I do have never been about recognition or awards. I just want to make a difference and inspire people. Generally, I am shy and I don’t like being in the spotlight. But I have learnt that letting people shine the light on what you are doing paves way for more people to benefit from your advocacy. So, I see these awards, not as rewards for my good works, but as a way to reach out to and connect with more people. While I am super grateful that people honour me, what I am looking out for is creating and leveraging opportunities to collaborate with more people or organisations because I have a message to relay to the world. I would also like to say that every award I got so far has been on merit. I say this because I have been persuaded in the past to pay for some awards but I will never do that! If I get an award, it has to be deserved and not bought. This is one of the reasons why I do not rate awards. I focus more on impacts because there is no point in doing all of this if it is just for the awards. I always look at the big picture and see the impact I am making — one young girl at a time. And that’s weightier than all the awards in the world to me!

My Advocacy with the Girl Child and Women

My advocacy is focused on breaking stereotypes and unlearning indoctrination in the form of deeply entrenched societal constructs that are regressive to women. I am all out for teaching young girls and inspiring women to break away from age-long societal norms, constructs, and stereotypes that have limited their progress by showing them that they can do anything and be whomever they choose to be regardless of society’s dictates. I teach them to discard society’s scripts and follow personal passion and purpose to be the best version of whom they want to be.

Therefore, I am fierce against cultural and traditional norms. I believe that society has to do away with some of these cultural elements, while some are reviewed, and others are preserved.

I am also unrepentantly particular about re-imaging women in our society and orienting a woman that she belongs in the society.

Asides from this, I have observed that educational institutions which are supposed to be hallmarks of enlightenment foster gender inequality. We can see examples around, girls being denied leadership opportunities, indoctrinating them with the mindset of being assistants, discouraging women who want to be student union president, leaders of their groups among others. The educational institution, as a citadel of learning, should not be a place where societal constructs are amplified or embraced. Rather than recycling these archaic norms and traditions, I advocate that our institutions should show people a better way of doing things. I advocate that girls should be seen as students just as boys. Their abilities should be rated before their gender. They should be given equal opportunities when it comes to leadership. I encourage teachers to show their students that women can be national leaders, doctors, pilots, governors, etc. Chores should be shared equally to teach responsibility. Thus, through education, we can also create a society devoid of gender bias or discrimination. I am highly interested and involved in the revamping of educational institutions to be conscious about schools being more gender-inclusive, gender-responsive, and gender friendly.

Clarity on the misconception of what feminism Is

Yes, I know there are a lot of misconceptions about feminism. Many people berate feminism today because they misunderstand it or have a wrong notion about the movement. Several people, even those who believe in equality, refuse to be associated with the word “feminism” because some pioneering advocates have ideals or a lifestyle they don’t want to emulate or be associated with. But is a concept or idea defined by the people representing it or do the people representing the idea let the idea define them? According to the dictionary, “feminism is the belief that men and women are equal and thus deserve equal rights and opportunities”. Simply put, Feminism is the belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

You can read more on this  article from my blog.(https://roselineadewuyi.com/misconceptions-of-feminism-the-propounders-meant-well/)

 Challenges 

Some challenges I encounter regularly include:

  • I am often misconstrued
  • I get backlashes from people who think I don’t mean well.
  • I get tons of insults too. Someone once remarked that if she got half the insults I get, she would have snapped and lashed out at her critics. Thankfully, what I am working for is bigger than any insults!
  • Some people don’t see our work as noble and so they are against it. They won’t even listen to you or try to get your point of view. This makes them closed off to your advocacy.
  • Finances are a huge challenge! Advocacy is not easy. It is not cheap either. It takes money to put events together, create published materials that you would distribute for free, and so on. I am always grateful for and open to any partnerships by people or organizations who are as passionate about girl child advocacy as I am.

Other projects and activities

I am currently working on teaching girls about the corporate world, higher education, soft skills, and work-life balance. It’s a project in the pipeline. The major activities of my initiative have been directed toward organising seminars for girls and staging school outreaches.

Writing has helped me to harness the didactic value or power of the ink as a tool for social change through my blog centres on the cause of the girl child ad women. The subject matter of my writings focuses on contemporary issues particularly within the Nigerian context on their plight on the blog.

3 women who inspire me  and why

My mum inspires me. She is the most selfless person I know. I am not perfect but I am thankful to her for who I am today. I am forever grateful for the values she taught me.

I am inspired also by the hope of girls, ladies, and women who, in the future, will shatter glass ceilings, breakthrough concrete walls, stride on sticky floors and escape career labyrinths.

How I cope with backlash in my Advocacy journey

It can be challenging. That is why it amuses me when some say people are feminists because it is trendy. With the backlash, insult, and abuse that I get regularly, I wonder why someone would be a feminist because of that reason. If I am to go by the things that are said to me that get to me, I would have backed out since.

With the backlash that I get regularly, I would have chosen another cause or struggle but I channel my rage into changing things to keep me going especially when it comes to teenage girls and women, whom I do not want them to limit themselves.

It can be challenging because insults will be hurled at one. One might be forced to react to some things but one knows that one radiates light and one must be different.

May I never be forced to use abusive words amid backlashes. I always pray for the grace to be polite and courteous however difficult.

Being a gender advocate is definitely not for the faint hearted. There are oppositions, misinterpretations, and backlashes. In the midst of this, I always connect back to my intention, reconnect with my why. With this, I gain a better perspective and I push on.

I think of girls and women that have been inspired by my work. I also know that not everyone will believe in an individual’s vision. Change-makers always have to face oppositions so I draw strength from those who have gone ahead.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am a Woman of Rubies because, in addition to being passionate about my cause, I believe in people. I want the best for them and I always try to be empathetic to their experiences. Being a Woman of Rubies sounds a lot like the woman in Proverbs. Being a woman of rubies to me means that I am purposeful, highly guided by morals, ethics, values and a sense of character.

 

You can connect with Adewuyi Roseline through her handles below:

Facebook – ­https://www.facebook.com/roselineadebimpe.adewuyi

Linkedin – linkedin.com/in/roseline-adewuyi-803826112

Twitter – https://twitter.com/AdewuyiRoseline

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/adewuyiroseline/

Website – roselineadewuyi.com

 

2020 ended leaving me feeling emotionally exhausted , even while I consciously detoxed at intervals through out the year, When  I laid my head on my pillow on December 31st ,  I felt I used up all my energy, and I could hear  my body screaming “Slam the brakes, Esther”. I listened….only to wake up on January 1st to the sad news that a friend passed away due to Covid19.

This is my situation, but truth is we all get emotionally exhausted at some point in our lives. It is normal to experience an overdose of one emotion or another and deal with their hardship and struggle, and only through this experience can we truly see the beauty of life. But when the emotional exhaustion turns into a perpetual experience of negative emotions, it isn’t healthy anymore.

Emotions are the driving forces that build our character, and they give flavor to our lives. The more we understand emotions, the better we can deal and nurture them. The ability to deal and nurture our emotions and the emotions of others is called emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the capacity for identifying the signs of emotional exhaustion. It is natural to be emotional, show emotions to oneself, and share and express them to others. It is a crucial part of the individual’s personal and social development.

But can we really recognize our emotions in a way so we don’t get entangled by them—in a way that we get emotionally exhausted?

The Meaning of Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is the state when negative emotions overwhelm the present moment—in any aspect of life—over and over again,. Today, emotional exhaustion is closely linked to emotional labor, which when poorly managed results in being burn out

However, emotional exhaustion can also be an outcome of social, familial, friendly, or intimate relationships.

Regardless of the source, when you repeatedly feel the following:

  • Worried
  • Bored
  • Anxious
  • Unworthy
  • Unhappy

This increases the emotions of becoming even more:

  • Frustrated
  • Fearful
  • Doubtful
  • Angry and
  • Annoyed

And you reach a state of being emotionally exhausted—a state of dullness, confusion, and tiredness.

“Repeatedly” means daily. Every day, deep inside of you, there is the feeling of one or few of the above-mentioned emotions, overwhelming your present moment, playing a part in your daily activities—robbing a significant amount of your physical and mental strength and vitality.

What Are the Symptoms?

The symptoms are subjective or objective indicators that you feel within yourself. The first symptoms feel mostly like:

  • Tiredness – a subjective indicator that you feel somehow exhausted (physically or mentally), which at the same time might also be true that you’re not if your statement has the inclination of complaining.
  • Boredom – an objective indicator that gives you the unpleasant feeling of not knowing what to do—being disengaged from positive emotions, feeling dull, and empty.

Further symptoms would be the constant feeling of being unworthy of the things you do or unhappy with the things you do, regardless of your accomplishments.

Feeling constantly tired (physically) and disconnected from what is going on around you is a symptom that you’re emotionally exhausted. These symptoms lead inevitably to a behavioral pattern that evolves into a chronic habit of complaining. This leads to the objective signs of emotional exhaustion, which impacts professional and social life.

What Are the Signs?

The signs of emotional exhaustion can be detected through speech, tone of voice, body, and facial movements. Normally. they are to be detected by an outside observant like a professional or a loved one—any trusted person with an understanding of how emotions work.

Here are two things we need to do to identify the signs (as well as the symptoms) of emotional exhaustion:

  1. Improve self-awareness for more precise detection of the signs (the same goes for the symptoms as well);
  2. The openness to share our situation, feelings, and emotions with a trusted person—an observer with enough competence on the subject matter who can inform us about any signs of emotional exhaustion.

3 Signs of Emotional Exhaustion

The signs of emotional exhaustion are hidden in your emotional expression, and they show through your mood and the way you react and manage your emotions.

When lacking self-awareness, the most efficient way to identify the signs of emotional exhaustion is to seek professional support or ask your loved ones to have a closer look at your behavior, your reactions—like body posture, facial movements (micro-expression), and verbal or non-verbal expressions.

I know, it is not easy to share such personal feelings and weaknesses with others. But one thing that we must understand is that we are all interconnected, and our personal growth is dependent on communication and interrelation with the people around us. And that applies especially when things go wrong.

If you don’t open to your closest, how can you nurture your positive emotions and express positive qualities and virtues to others?

Self-awareness detects emotional exhaustion. As a meditation teacher, it is my daily business to analyze, study, and share my opinions about emotions. The meditation as the fundamental element of reviving the self-awareness can help to manage this whole subject matter.

My research in this field has proven that we can detect signs of emotional exhaustion once we objectively experience the following moods:

1. You Feel Tired Very Quickly and Very Often (Physical Exhaustion)

It is nothing but natural to become physically exhausted after performing physical activity. After a rest, the body recovers, recharges strength, and replenishes energy. Usually, in this condition, you have the stamina and the resilience to absorb many of the below-mentioned signs. But once the physical exhaustion becomes chronic, the body cannot replenish its energy that easily. That’s when you will feel fatigued.

2. You Lose Interest in Engaging in Daily Activities

Chronic tiredness results in a mood that expresses demotivation, idleness, annoyance, and frustration. These are signs of emotional exhaustion—showing no motivation, no vitality for engaging in or exploring new things in life.

3. You Feel Insecure, Incapable, and Unworthy

The need for isolation arises and you reach a mood where you feel insecure. Doubtful and anxious, you begin to question your capabilities and your self-esteem sinks lower and lower. The cocktail of these feelings and moods creates so much confusion, resentment, and sadness up to a point of complete emotional exhaustion—a state of burn-out.

How to Prevent or Get Over This Exhaustion?

One organic way to recover from emotional exhaustion: Meditation. I meditate alot .

  • Prevent the development of emotions—in other words, learn to identify the emotion before it arises and cut its process of evolvement. For example, the feeling of boredom leads to annoyance, and that leads to rejection, irritation, frustration, and so on.
  • Once a negative thought arises and creates a destructive feeling, it is a sign that negative emotion is about to erupt. The idea here is to disrupt the creation of this process and exchange it with a constructive mental and physical activity.
  • As emotions are the result of the unconscious repetition and acknowledgment of feelings that are supported by the constant creation of thoughts, it is imperative to understand that the root cause of emotional exhaustion is found in the creation of these thoughts.

Final Thoughts

One thing worth remembering is that no human being is spared from the turmoil of emotions. You, me, and everyone else suffer and enjoy the effect of the emotions that we create for ourselves.

The above technique sheds light on how you can identify, understand, and move through the whole spectrum of emotions to get over the emotional exhaustion and achieve emotional balance. This way, you can safely experience being the victim as well as the beneficiary of your various emotions.

Know that emotions are there to be analyzed and understood, not only to be enjoyed or avoided. Embrace them, handle them, and don’t get lost in them.

Stay Safe, Stay Safe and keep your thoughts positive in 2021!

Mondays are always an interesting day to write about. I have previously touched on the Monday Blues. Those of us who have to get going and get it done at work. It is difficult, but our hard work is what makes America great. Keep it up and keep going.

If you are reading this, you made it to another beginning of the week. The reset button has been pressed. You have your coffee, energy drink, juice, tea, or if you’re like me, just a glass of water. You log onto to read a blog and find an article with the title of Monday Motivation.

I am a believer in living your dreams. I was not always like that, but I am now. I learned that you need to at least try to do something that you enjoy doing. If you try and fail, well, at least you tried. If you succeed and are able to make money doing what you love, then you will always be happy in my experience.

We all know that it does not always happen that way, does it? Life can be tough and unmerciful. As you work at it, you might find that doing what you love can be very difficult.

Sometimes, you try, but it just does not work out no matter what you do, who you know, or where you study. You do not get the break you need and you end up stuck in a job that seems completely mindless. Maybe not even mindless, but it could seem like something you do not want to do at all.

Where does that lead you? You get stuck sweeping floors, in a windowless cubicle, a basement, or working up one too many beads of sweat. Hey, if you dreamed of any of those things, that is great. Those are just examples.

Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that it is no fun when you do not love what you do, especially if you have at one time you did.

It can feel like every day is the same thing over and over again. The annoying coworker, the harsh boss, the too friendly receptionist, and of course the HR director who thinks they are a prison warden. You see and hear all of these things and at times you call in sick just to get away. Believe me, I have done it before.

As each minute, hour, day, week, month, year, and for some, decade pass by, you feel like there is no end in sight. You just want to keep on keeping on, but you also want to pull your hair out when it seems like everything is going wrong. Trust me, things will go wrong. Sad, but it’s true.

Am I striking a nerve with anyone?

I bet you are starting to wonder where the motivation is? Do not worry, that is up next.

I will give you some advice: find something you love and just do it. It sounds so simple that it is almost cliché.

 

You might be wondering, “Wait, what happened to all of that “life is tough” talk?” It is true, but what I am talking about is during your “me time.” If you do not have any, make some. You need it.

During this time, do not just sit around and watch TV or do nothing on the computer, do something you love.

If you are an artisan: write, make music, sculpt, sew, draw, paint, or whatever. If you are a cook: try out new recipes as often as you can. If you are into computers: program, invent games, or create an app. If you are into sports: join a gym, ride a bike, learn to skate, learn karate, or take up shooting. If like to read: try a new genre, subscribe to a magazine, or read a long old fashioned novel like War and Peace. Of course, all of these suggestions are just examples. There is no shortage of fun things to love or to learn to love.

Whatever it is, you need that time to yourself to recharge and rejuvenate. I honestly think that more people are unhappy in their work because they do not take that special time for them. It is something that is so important.

I honestly hope that this did motivate you. If you find yourself in a job that is not your first choice, do something you love no matter what.

By : Jacob Airey 

Do you sometimes feel you are not good enough, or think your best isn’t enough? This article is for you.

Confidence — it’s a powerful word and an even more powerful feeling. Can you remember a time in your life when you felt confident? A time when you felt unstoppable… on top of the world? Now imagine you could feel that way more often. What impact would that have on your health and well-being, your career, your relationships?

Not only does being confident feel good, it helps you seize potential opportunities, take more chances and make that big change or take the next step in your life and career. Life is crazy, busy and beautiful. Figuring out how to be more confident is just part of the journey.

So how to be more confident?

Lack of confidence can stem from many places.

Perhaps, growing up, your parents said a certain career was outside your reach and you could ‘never do that’. Or maybe you have a belief system that says ‘I could never start my own business, I’m not entrepreneurial’.

Perhaps you had a bad experience which opened the door for self-doubt to creep in. Or maybe your inner self-critic is telling you ‘you can’t’ or ‘you’re not good enough’. Maybe (ok, likely) you’re comparing yourself to someone else – a friend, colleague or spouse.

Or perhaps you feel there is something missing in your life – a relationship, the dream job, kids, a degree or title.

Here are 9 powerful ways to be more confident

1. Uncover What Gives You Confidence

This is personal, so it will vary from person to person. There’s no one size fits all approach to confidence and what works for one, won’t always work for another.

How can you figure out what gives you confidence? Think about a couple times in your life when you felt most confident. Now, think about what was it about those times that made you feel so empowered.

Was it the environment you were in? Something you were doing? A feeling you had? The more you get clear about this for yourself, the easier it will be to tap into when you need it.

2. Be True to You

One of the surest ways to lose confidence is try to be someone else. One of the best ways to build your confidence? Be true to yourself

When you’re trying to be someone you’re not, every part of you resists it. You are not everyone else. You are you. And the more you can understand who you are and what you value the stronger you will be.

When you stray away from who you are, you lose confidence because it’s ‘just not you’.

How?

Think about what makes you, uniquely you. Write it down. Think about what you value and what’s important to you. Write that down, too.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself

Nothing zaps your confidence more than comparing yourself to others. Especially now, with social media and the wonderful opportunity to judge yourself against so many others! Lack of confidence comes from a gap in where you see yourself and where you think you should be.

Imagine you are preparing to give a big presentation or speech. So you do your research, which includes watching some of the best speakers in the world doing their Ted Talks. Of course you are going to feel inferior.

How?

Stop comparing yourself to others. Just stop. If you still feel a compelling need to compare – compare yourself to yourself. Measure how far you’ve come. See how much improvement you’ve made. Acknowledge your wins and successes.

4. Realize You Are Enough

This may sound a little bit corny, but try it. This positive affirmation will resonate at a deep level and have a powerful effect on your subconscious.

How?

Every day for the next 21 days repeat this mantra “I am enough.” Don’t just say it, but feel it, deeply, at the core of who you are.

Want to get more specific? Replace ‘enough’ with whatever word you’d like to ‘be’. What would give you the most confidence?

I am brave. I am strong. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am confident. I got this.

5. Acquire New Skills

Since confidence is often directly linked to abilities, one of the best ways to build your confidence is to get new skills or experience and step out of your comfort zone.

Growing your skills will in turn grow your confidence. And please, as you work on building your skills and expertise, don’t mistake a lack of perfection for a lack of ability. No one is perfect. But if you’ve got a perfectionist bone in your body (like I do), it can make you think that just because you’re not the best, that you’re not good at all.

Make sure to check yourself – am I really not good at this, or am I not good as I want to be just yet?

How?

Ask yourself: Is there a specific area where you are lacking confidence? How can you expand your expertise in this area?

6. Change Your State

Changing your physical and mental ‘state’ is one of the quickest ways to access a feeling of confidence. To do this, you need to know what the state of ‘confidence’ looks, feels and sounds like for you.

How?

Here are a few strategies you can use to access that:

  • Remember – Think of a specific time, associated with feeling confident. Sink into that feeling deeply and moment by moment relive every detail.
  • Imagine – Imagine how you would feel if you were confident. How would you act? Feel? Be?
  • Modelling – Think about someone you know who exudes confidence. Imagine what that person would do.

7. Find Yourself a Cheerleader

Yes, while I understand confidence is a state from within, you can also boost your confidence by the people you choose to spend your time with.

How?

Make a concerted effort to surround yourself with others who provide encouragement, positivity, and inspiration.

Spend more time with people who ‘get you’ and see all of your greatness – and less time with those that zap your confidence or cause you to feel self-doubt.

8. Just Do It

When Nike came up with this slogan in the late 80’s, they knew just how to get the general population off their butts and moving. Turns out, this is a great strategy for being more confident too.

Action builds confidence and each step you take builds it further.

How?

Think of one step you could take right now that would get you moving in the right direction. Then Just Do It and see what happens. An incredible thing about human brain is that once it realizes something is working, it will keep that momentum going!

Final Thoughts

Being more confident starts with one thing — YOU.

YOU making the decision to take action. And when all else fails, YOU can make a choice.

YOU can choose to be confident. YOU can choose confidence over fear and self-doubt.

Your mind believes what you tell it. If you continue to tell yourself the story that you are not confident, you will believe it and your self-doubt will continue. But if you tell yourself you can do it, that you got this, your mind will believe that too.

Remember, fostering a strong sense of confidence is critical to experiencing overall levels of health, happiness and success.

And once you get started you’ll be unstoppable. Be brave. Be confident. You got this.

When life breaks  you that it seems impossible to ever be healed. However, you were made to overcome and conquer. Here are eight  ways you can find hope when your world gets dark.

  1. Find hope in letting go

Sometimes you need to realize the thing making you feel hopeless really is hopeless. Much of the circumstances of this world are out of your control. When this is the case, the most helpful thing to do is to realize that you can’t change the situation and teach yourself to accept it and let go.

2. Find hope in charity

This one is my best therapy. Serving others works in two ways to help you redevelop hope. First, it gets you outside of yourself and your hopeless feelings by focusing you entirely on someone else and their needs. Second, serving helps you see the world from the perspective of someone less fortunate than yourself, elevating your perspective on your issues.

3. Find hope in prayer

Connecting with a power greater than yourself is key to redeveloping faith. You can find so much peace from the assurance that there is someone greater than you.

4. Find hope in gratitude

Reflecting on all the amazing things in your life makes all the difference when attempting to rediscover hope. When you are desperately hopeless, this can be an enormous challenge. However, with effort, you can discover meaningful and valuable pieces of your life. Make a habit of taking inventory of all your blessings and use it as a way to redevelop hope.

5. Find hope in people

Sometimes you need to lean on other people and that’s fine. Let your friends and family know that you’re struggling and look to them for that light in your life. You will feel better.

6. Find hope in stories

Engaging with uplifting stories does everything to build your hope. Seeing examples of people who were able to make their way out of hard times is an inspiring and powerful tool to redeveloping hope.This is my niche and one of the reasons the women of rubies platform came into existence.

7. Find hope in fun

Sometimes you need to separate yourself from everything that’s bringing you down. Reinvent your life by doing things that make you happy.

8.  Find hope in change

Sometimes the smallest change can make the biggest difference in restoring hope. Make a new friend, take a different route to work or try a new diet. Small changes, even though they may not be related to the source of your hopelessness, make all the difference when rediscovering hope.

 

About Esther

Esther is the  Editor-in-chief of women of rubies, a social  activist, PR expert, Writer, Author and columnist with the Guardian Newspaper.

Twitter & IG : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

 

 

 

 

The Social activist, and convener of several development projects took to her social media page  few days ago to announce her new initiative “Get Talking with Esther”. The multi-award winning author and columnist said the show is aimed at helping people find their voice and communicate their thoughts through words, and promote positivity on social media.
Esther started her career over 10 years ago as a social activist, and she has since taken her gift to other areas, doing humanitarian work and giving hope to the helpless and downtrodden in the society. Her Initiatives include; Walk against rape, Women of Rubies, Men who Inspire and Rubygirls, all under the umbrella of Rubies Ink Initiative.
According to Esther; “ I am very expressive, I love to write and read from people, I love to celebrate people and give them hope, I love when I can feel people’s thoughts through words, and “Get talking with Esther” is just about that.  A #Tweetchat session that will give you the ambience of a show.
Basically, using my platform, years of experience, and skillset for social good to give everyone a voice. We are going to be fixing broken tables, Bringing “Under the table” conversations to the front burner for positivity. Sharing life experiences, healing and learning.
The show kicks off on August 8th, with family therapist and life coach; Praise Fowowe as the first guest.
Those who follow the chats have the opportunity of winning free gifts, food, and cash prizes weekly. #GetTalkingwithEsther is supported by Greenbliss Apartments and Abimbola Oki’s Dpotters Catering services.
To get more scoop on the initiative, kindly follow @estherijewere and Tweet using #GettalkingwithEsther
Click this link to follow and be part of the show  https://twitter.com/EstherIjewere?s=09

We can all feel stuck at times in our emotions. They can be so strong that they literally dominate our thoughts and it can be hard to focus on anything else. God gives us a way to deal with tough emotions and that it through prayer. Let’s  look at 5 emotions we can all face and how you can turn your heart to God.

When you’re feeling worried….

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Write down everything you are worried about. Write down everything you feel grateful for.  Pray about each worry. Thank God for everything you feel grateful for.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7

God’s promise is that by turning to prayer, he can take our worries away and actually give us peace!

When you’re feeling afraid…

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. God wants us to tell him all our fears and share all our feelings with him.

PSALM 34:4

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. [5] Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him.

When your heart is sad and angry

What relationships in your life cause you pain and sadness? Who do you feel bitter towards? Pray about the hurt, sadness, and pain you feel that is making you angry.

When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Do not give the devil a way to defeat you. Share the anger with God and ask him to help you let go of it.

Pray about how the anger hurts relationships and allows Satan to defeat you and divide relationships.

PSALM 73:21

God can help us  deal with our pain and sadness. He can help us overcome bitterness when that is our response to the pain.

When you’re feeling jealous…

Anger is cruel and destroys like a flood, but no one can put up with jealousy! Who do you have jealousy towards? Admit jealousy to God in prayer and how it hurts, divides, and distances your  relationships. Peace of mind means a healthy body, but jealousy will rot your bones.

PROVERBS 14:30

Pray about how jealousy harms you, how it makes you unhappy or depressed because you always feel like other people have it better than you.

When you’re feeling disappointed…

It is sad not to get what you hoped for. But wishes that come true are like eating fruit from the tree of life. What disappointments have you experienced in your life? Take time to share those things with God.

PROVERBS 13:12

Disappointment affects our hearts more than we realize.

Challenge:

Decide everyday to take time to journal out your feelings to God (each of ones listed above). Take time to pray through those feelings everyday along with scriptures that help you understand God’s perspective on those emotions.

Photocredit ; http://thehoustonblackpages.com/

By: Esther Ijewere

Email: Esther@womenofrubies.com

Twitter & Instagram : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

***Esther Is a Social Activist, Writer, Author Columnist and the Editor in Chief of Women of Rubies.

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” If that’s true, you’d better believe that you’re going to catch any noxious qualities your top 5 are suffering from. Keep in mind: these kinds of infections aren’t only spread through physical contact. You can catch them through social media or even television. In other words, the 5 people you spend the most time with could be people you haven’t met, people whose Instagram profiles you constantly peruse or even fictional characters on a television show you watch daily.

At any rate, if any of your top 5 people are on this list, quarantine yourself from them post-haste before you catch their bad qualities.

The pessimist

You find the day looks a little grayer after hanging out with this fellow. She has a habit of seeing the mud instead of the sun, and she tends to leave glasses half empty all over your house. Her negativity is catching, so make sure to expel this friend from your life.

Symptoms of spending time with the pessimist are: loss of sunny attitude, prevalent dissatisfaction with daily activities, whiny voice and chronic complaining.

The envier

She can’t help but want what you have. This is the girl  who starts telling you how great single life is as soon as you have a boyfriend or plays down the fact that you rocked it at work. Good friends are happy about your successes, but the envier is not a good friend.

Symptoms of having this character in your life: unusual dissatisfaction with and unwarranted guilt for things you were previously grateful for.

The gossiper

I’m not going to say there’s no satisfaction from gossiping, but at the end of the day, do you want to be a person who talks about others behind their backs? This friend makes all that dishing so easy-it’s practically inescapable. He thinks he’s making others look bad, but when all is said and done, the gossiper is the one who’s looking pretty awful.

Symptoms of chilling with your gossiper homie: increased unfair judgment, damaged friendships and loss of trust.

The victim

“Woe is me!” is the mantra of this friend. She doesn’t appreciate your advice because there’s obviously nothing she can do to fix the situation. I mean, it’s not like any of her life’s tragedies are her fault.

Symptoms of having a victim in your life: recurring pointed finger, loss of problem-solving skills and reduced motivation.

The backstabber

Let’s be real-Caesar didn’t seem too surprised when Brutus approached him with a knife. You know which friends you can trust and which you can’t. Don’t give someone trust they don’t deserve. The backstabber wants the upper hand, and staying friends with this character is just giving him the opportunity to take it.

Symptoms of developing a relationship with a backstabber: damaged reputation, diminished self-esteem and increased desire to grab knives.

Even though these people are infecting you, take care when removing them from your life. After all, your goodness may have a healing effect on them. This doesn’t mean you should be in the business of fixing anyone. It just means you should do your best to avoid causing further damage when you might have the power to soothe their ails.

On the other hand, you can always avoid making these toxic people the top 5 who occupy your life. Limit their presence on your news feed. Dilute their influence by hanging out with them in groups. And if this toxic person is someone you don’t even know, remove him or her completely.