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Uru Eke

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There are those who live for the likes and comments. Constantly refreshing their feed to see if the numbers have gone up. How many views their videos have had in the last fifteen mins. Oh, the addiction has caused many anxiety attacks and depression. Having said all of this, the gift of social media is the connection with billions of people around the world, real time news, a place to share information and passion.

You attend a party, and rather than the revelers have a good time, you find them on their phones snapchattinginstagramming, tweeting, and updating their statuses. It sometimes replaces human interaction, and contributes to social divide. You find that some people are being discriminated against because of the kind of phone they use, or the quality of the pictures taken, or the lack of SnapChat filters thereof. Believe it or not, this actually happens.

Depending on how you use social media, it can be a curse or a blessing. Either way, technology has come to stay, and with it comes a wild world of innovative ideas that shape our daily lives. Social media enables real-time communication with family, friends, associates, and acquaintances, as well as enable us stay up to date with their lives and personal business. It can be lethargic, therapeutic or routine.

It can be used, abused or taken advantage of depending on the user’s intentions. Having said that, the power of social media is greater than any one individual, organization or country. For instance, go after Beyonce, troll her and see what happens to you. She has an entire community of what is called Beehives who will taunt and torment you with bee emojis, and you may be forced to temporarily suspend your account to be rid of them.

I prefer to see social media as somewhat of a revolution, where people can air their grievances, rise against tyrannical government policies, demand change, or simply rant. Some have cashed in big time with it, while some have gone down the dark road of destruction. There are those who use it for popularity, fame or notoriety, so many cases I don’t even know where to begin. From the actress who got naked on a live feed, or the transgender who boasts of a sugar daddy who funds his lavish lifestyle, to couples calling each out and going to war. Sadly, it is also used as a scamming tool, where fake accounts of famous people are created and used to ask unsuspecting fans for benefits or money. How about merchants who steal pictures from other people’s pages, post it on theirs, and when you pay for the items—poof! the page is gone, disappeared into oblivion.

Back in the day, you needed to log into Pornhub to see a nude picture, or slot in an x-rated DVD. Now tits and ass stare you dead in eye.

There are those who live for the likes and comments. Constantly refreshing their feed to see if the numbers have gone up. How many views their videos have had in the last fifteen mins. Oh, the addiction has caused many anxiety attacks and depression. Having said all of this, the gift of social media is the connection with billions of people around the world, real time news, a place to share information and passion.

It is a tool that is used by almost every single one of us. If used correctly, social media can aid crowdfunding,where supporters, users, friends or family can lend a hand. We’ve seen cases where ailing celebrities used their platforms to appeal for assistance, and with the help of reposts, entire medical bills running into millions were offset. Influencers grow brands or the brands grow the influencers. Buy and sell from the comfort of your home, advertise your products, and get exposure for your business at lower costs than any other means of traditional marketing. Educational institutes, teachers and professors can extend their classroom discussions and post assignments, quizzes and tests and assist students with homework.

As per 2017 statistics, a person spends an average of 135 minutes per day on social media, for some this is before sunrise. In conclusion, social media can give you fantastic returns if you use it positively and wisely. If you’re not taking advantage of social media, you’re missing out on a fast, inexpensive, and effective way to reach almost half the world’s population.

Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually

The world is turning digital and so has the dating game. A lot more people have explored the option of dating online because, to be honest, except you’re very active socially, the chances of meeting ‘the one’ on your daily grind are limiting.

There used to be a stigma surrounding online dating, and I think part of it was residual, as judgement was passed down from our parents. Our parents didn’t grow up with the internet, so they view it with a certain distance. But with the advent of the technology, the internet and social media, our world has been cracked wide open.

You get to watch people livestream everything about themselves, post pictures of their day-to-day activities, ups, downs and daily grind. Send a message to a stranger via their social network handle and if you’re lucky, you get a response. Technology has made it somewhat easier to date and connect with people all around the globe. Imagine If your soulmate lived in China and you live all the way in Bulgaria, at least with various apps you can watch and communicate with them in real time.

Almost every facet of our lives is online now: buying clothes, watching TV, ordering food, filing taxes, registering to vote, getting a job, streaming movies, and so on. Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually. And the people you find on these sites vary so much, you really can’t go wrong.

There was a dating show I used to watch called Millionaire Matchmaker, where millionaires paid premium to this lady called Patty to find them a match. During the opening montage she would say, “Everybody wants love, but not everyone finds it.” She has positioned herself as a connector and boasts of a very high success rate, but you would have to pay heavy for her service. For those of us who can’t afford an expensive matchmaker, the internet is free.

Love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods. A few celebrities couples we know have confessed to have connected this way, and are in loving meaningful relationships/marriages today.

Please, if you are going to date online, tread with caution, as there are a lot of weirdos prowling the cyberspace. A few years ago a story made the headlines about a girl called Cynthia Osokogu, daughter to a military officer, who was murdered by a man she met on Facebook. So it is absolutely important to be careful and observant when talking to anyone online. Put your FBI cap on, do some background checks if you must. Don’t give away to much information about yourself. For years there have been stories of internet love scams, and as popular as these stories are, more and more people keep falling prey.

Dating online also allows people exaggerate their profile by fabricating their lives to seem more attractive. So it’s important to be discerning. Take your time, ask questions – lots of questions. Ask for pictures, make video calls, and if they refuse to a video call – red flags should start to go up.

Not to discourage you, but if you are going to try dating online, research your options. Forbes reports that there are about 8,000 dating sites in the world, so ask for recommendations from friends, family, etc. Check out the popular ones, sites that have conducted interviews and have media coverage. In essence, open your mind to other forms of connecting with people and see searching online as a possibility.

I don’t think I went through much of a hoe phase, but not because I didn’t want to. Thinking back now I feel like I missed out on a lot. I don’t drink or smoke, so a lot of the time I was very aware, with my inhibitions staring right back at me.

I wish I had a few one nightstands and dabbled in the casual dating scene a bit more or maybe just experimented in general.

According to Urban Dictionary, the hoe phase is a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people.

These activities do not always end in sex, but can lead to it. You have a high tendency to dance provocatively with strangers, be a tease in social settings, flirt non-stop, make-out with others, and get caught up in the moment.

This phase helps you establish what you like and what you don’t. You explore your sexuality, and have fun. You have the ability to stop these actions or snap out of the phase.

Please if you are a member of the moral police, take your judgmental hat off and read, or just skip this post and keep it moving. The inspiration to write this article came from reading stories from Joro Olumofin’s page; if you don’t follow him you better start.

Now there were a few posts where some couples got married, but throughout their entire courtship they decided against having sex. Come the wedding night when the goods were being sampled, it’s either they didn’t know what to do, or the husband was an indomie man (premature ejaculation issues).

There were also men who complained about their wives’ just lying in bed like bed linen and not adventurous or exciting enough.

Some people complained about how tepid their marriages had become, and how cheating brought back the excitement.

There was one lady who was getting married a virgin and scared of sex as she had been circumcised and thinks she might never enjoy it.

A particular story stood out to me the most; it was about a married lady who is sleeping with a dad (also married) in her daughter’s school. She claims she’s been with her husband for 13 years, never cheated on him prior to getting married or through out the marriage up until this point. Right now she doesn’t know what’s come over her and she doesn’t think she can stop. She says she’s doing things with the man she’s never done before or with her husband. Sex in different places, various positions, she even mentioned in broad daylight against the wall. Wow!! That, I certainly never tried.

The closest I ever came to a hoe phase was in an article I wrote a while back about DTFing (Down to F%$king) with this hot mocha latte I met. It was supposed to be a drive by, on both our parts… but I found myself holding onto him. Ever since that ordeal, I’ve locked up shop and checked into the celibacy hotel room 101. But with the wedding epidemic hitting us left right centre, I’m wondering if I’ve been out there enough, dated enough, had enough wild uninhibited sex, so that when I do tie the knot, I will be experienced enough for my husband and won’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything or crave any other man aside from him.

I know what the Bible says about fornication, but the practicality is the hoe phase does in a peculiar way play a role in ship shaping us. When you’ve been there, done it all I doubt anything will faze you. You would have had your fill and peaked!

There’s this guy who’s been asking me out for a long while. To me, he looks like he’s been around the block; plus I’m way too scared to date him. I doubt I ever will, because he reminds of the type of men I run away from.

During one of our conversations I asked him why he hasn’t given up on me, and in his words “Uru I’ve been with beautiful women of all shapes and sizes, from different races. I’ve seen it all. You are the sort of homely girl I want to settle with” I rolled my eyes and told him to take several seats. Was that supposed to be some sort of compliment? So I’m not beautiful, just homely? Rubbish!! Anyway, clearly he’d been through his hoe phase and was ready to hang his boots, I think.

Some people are of the opinion that women should go through their hoe phase in their 30s, maybe that’s why it’s labeled the dirty thirties,

I guess maybe because women reach their sexual peak in their 30’s and start to know what they want and how they want it (sexually), Wendy Williams would suggest you go through your hoe phase in your twenties – this is going by some of the advice she gives her audience during her ‘Ask Wendy’ segment.

If you havn’t been through a hoe phase and have arrived at the marriage juncture, there’s no going back, although that’s easier said than done.

I put myself in the shoes of the lady who’s having an affair with someone at her daughter’s school, and to be honest I don’t know what I’d do. Maybe she’s doing it a result of several things;
1. Dynamics between husband and wife
2. The loss of excitement in the marriage
3. When spouse turns to sibling. i.e so used to each other they seem like brother and sister

Whatever her reasons are, I’m thinking maybe if she had her hoe phase, this gentleman that she’s cheating with may not have had the chance to sway her.

In conclusion, I would agree with Mark Zacchiomy “regardless whether you’re a male or female, before you settle down with the one you care most about, you should go through a promiscuous phase at some point in your life.
Date people. Date a lot of people. Date more than one person at a time. While you’re looking, you might as well see what’s out there. When you’re in search of a new car, you don’t just go to the first one that interests you and stick with it; you shop around.

You don’t have to sleep with someone you’re dating, but it’s your prerogative and you shouldn’t be judged one way or the other”. You may never know what you want in life until you know what you don’t want first.

Uru Eke

About Uru Eke

Uru Eke is an actress, host, and activist.Her website is www.urueke.netInstagram: @urueke