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9 Relationship Deal Breakers That You Shouldn’t Tolerate

Do you have relationship deal breakers?

A deal breaker is a factor to consider when deciding whether to follow through with something or not. It’s that little something that makes you say “I’m done!” even when you really love someone or you’ve been together forever.

It may sound harsh — after all, no relationship is perfect, right? — but having a list of relationship deal breakers is actually a healthy way to protect yourself from toxic situations.

Don’t get caught up in controlling, hurtful, and potentially dangerous relationships. Here are 9 relationship deal breakers that you should seriously consider when deciding whether your sweetheart is actually worth your time.

1. There Is Abuse in the Relationship

A healthy relationship is about respect, putting your spouse first, and treating them how you want to be treated.

On the other hand, a partner who lays a hand on you or emotionally abuses you is a major relationship deal-breaker[1].

Many people convince themselves that just because it happens once doesn’t mean it will happen again. Remember, you deserve a healthy relationship, and someone who abuses you physically or emotionally even once isn’t worth your time.

2. You’re a Secret

If you find out that your spouse hasn’t told their friends or family about you, run for your life! Because being a secret means one of three things.

  • They are already in a relationship and you are the side piece.
  • They can’t commit.
  • They are embarrassed by you.

Your time is valuable and shouldn’t be wasted being with someone who would rather keep you as their dirty little secret.

3. Plans Are Constantly Cancelled

Does your partner always seem to be ditching out on plans with you last minute?

Sure, there are legitimate reasons that your partner may be doing this, such as being called into work unexpectedly, but feeling like the person you’re crazy about is bailing on your company in favor of partying with their friends is definitely shady.

If you find that your long-term partner starts doing this, it may be signs of a deeper problem in the relationship that needs to be discussed.

4. Your Partner Isn’t Faithful

When it comes to cheating, put your foot down immediately. Don’t forgive and wait for the next round of heartbreak. If you have both agreed to a monogamous relationship, both parties should be respecting that decision.

Even if you put breaking your trust and your heart aside, your partner’s cheating on you puts you at risk for depression, sexually transmitted infections, and major embarrassment.

If your partner doesn’t love and respect you enough to stay faithful, dump them. They aren’t worth your time.

5. They Fight Dirty

There are times when we’ve all said stupid things in the heat of an argument, but there’s a difference between getting caught up and using a disagreement as an excuse to be a complete jerk.

If, during an argument, your partner or spouse:

  • Brings up past experiences with the intention of hurting your feelings
  • Calls you rude or degrading names
  • Gaslights you to make you feel crazy
  • Attacks you instead of the issue
  • Uses the silent treatment

Then you should consider walking away.

Healthy relationships are about open communication and fair conflict resolutions[ — not about seeing who can hurt the other more.

6. You Want Different Things

Sometimes, even if you really love each other, your relationship game just isn’t meant to work out.

He wants East Coast, you want West.

She wants to save money, you want to spend.

He wants kids, you’re fine riding as a duo.

Even if you get along well, these fundamental differences in your goals and where you see your lives going are going to cause serious resentment problems if you don’t address them soon.

7. They’re Unbelievably Selfish

We’re all selfish from time to time, but some people take it too far.

If you feel like you’re giving your all to your spouse, and all they’re doing is taking, focusing on themselves, and taking advantage of your kindness, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

Don’t spend a second longer with a selfish narcissist. Trust me, it isn’t worth the headache.

8. They’re Always Jealous

Healthy jealousy is totally cool when it inspires couples to treat each other better and not take one another for granted.

However, controlling, hack-your-Facebook-and-demand-your-phone-password jealousy[3] should never be tolerated. This is a sign of insecurity and can quickly develop into dangerous or abusive behavior. It’s better to get out before it reaches that point.

9. You’re Always Fighting

Do you feel like you and your spouse are always arguing?

Sure, even happy couples argue, but constantly arguing with a partner is one of our relationship deal breakers because it shows that you have poor communication skills.

Communication is everything when it comes to a healthy, happy relationship. Couples need to be able to talk to each other in order to build empathy, resolve problems, and get closer. This means addressing problems as the arise, not letting them sit and turn into huge fights down the line.

Source: Lifehack

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Nkem Ndem: Keeping Secrets Could Actually Save Your Relationship

Anyone who has ever been close to me will tell you one thing: I hate secrets. Communication is a huge deal for me in any kind of relationship. Even though I grew up being told to keep secrets from people, as a way to protect myself, experience has made me understand that sharing thoughts, feelings, deepest fears, dreams and struggles is key to building an open, honest and healthy relationship.

Of course, not everyone feels completely comfortable engaging in self-disclosure… even when it comes to the people they are closest to, or are even intimate with. There is always the strong need to protect one’s interests, avoid confrontation, conflict or manipulation, and of course, the fear of losing the person completely.

Then again, there are secrets…and then there are secrets. For instance, not telling your girlfriend that you still stalk your ex or even stalk their own ex on social media, or not admitting to how much time you waste doing random, unfruitful things like playing online games, window shopping or even picking your eyes or nose, may not necessarily count as major secrets. No one will necessarily give you the side eye if you keep any of these little secrets from your partner as they are more like innocent little blips and do not directly affect the other party.

However, withholding information that directly affects or concerns the other individual or omitting any information that reveals the core of your identity, thus keeping your partner from having a complete picture of you (flaws and all) definitely constitutes as keeping a secret.

NKEM SAYS: KEEPING SECRETS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Anyone who has ever been close to me will tell you one thing: I hate secrets. Communication is a huge deal for me in any kind of relationship. Even though I grew up being told to keep secrets from people, as a way to protect myself, experience has made me understand that sharing thoughts, feelings, deepest fears, dreams and struggles is key to building an open, honest and healthy relationship.
Of course, not everyone feels completely comfortable engaging in self-disclosure… even when it comes to the people they are closest to, or are even intimate with. There is always the strong need to protect one’s interests, avoid confrontation, conflict or manipulation, and of course, the fear of losing the person completely.
Then again, there are secrets…and then there are secrets. For instance, not telling your girlfriend that you still stalk your ex or even stalk their own ex on social media, or not admitting to how much time you waste doing random, unfruitful things like playing online games, window shopping or even picking your eyes or nose, may not necessarily count as major secrets. No one will necessarily give you the side eye if you keep any of these little secrets from your partner as they are more like innocent little blips and do not directly affect the other party.
Continue reading on www.Womenofrubies.com link in bio #Womenofrubies #relationship #secret

Some of these secrets are usually linked to unpleasant topics such as money troubles/finances, job situation, fidelity or issues related to past or present mistakes.

Keeping secrets certainly indicates a lack of certain elements including trust, authenticity, and real intimacy.

However, it appears secrets could also help breed these same elements. I recently hung out with some colleagues, and during our discussions, the topic of keeping secrets in a relationship came up.

One of the guys raised a point that early in a relationship, it can be difficult to know just how much to reveal to the other person and so secrets become necessary to protect the growth of that relationship. He confessed that he had recently been introduced to a girl with whom he had been started dating for just about 1 month. He explained that on their last date, she had asked him how he raised the money to start his business. And rather than telling her it was savings he made from the time he was a yahoo boy, he told her he got financial support from his friends and family.
According to him, he was protecting the relationship as it was still at its blueprint stage and he was not yet comfortable disclosing the sins of his past.

Again, he wanted her to get to know him and fall in love with him for who he really is before sharing all that information with her. His submission was that just as no parent tells a child the whole truth, people in relationships should accept the ongoing need to edit their full reality to ensure trust and intimacy are forged. His situation also suggested that until you reach a certain comfort level, whereby you are both in it for the long haul, you are probably better off keeping a few things under wraps.

Sometimes when we meet someone new, we get drawn into the fantasy world where we believe that we have found “the one” and so we do all we can to build a foundation of trust. We forget the fact that relationships, especially nowadays, are volatile at best, and we turn our personal life into an open book, killing our relationships before it even gets the chance to thrive.

Surely, keeping certain dark secrets and revealing them in small doses and at appropriate times in relationships may be in everyone’s best interest. Chances are that you are not even the only one keeping a secret or two. You may be shocked later on, when you find out what your partner is keeping also under wraps.

Do you agree or not?

Nkem Ndem

About Nkem Ndem

Nkem Ndem V. is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for online writing(web content and blog) and editing, screenwriting, ghost writing, copy proofreading and book reviews. With a degree in Mass Communications, Nkem has been working as a freelance writer since 2011 and has collaborated with several organizations including Jumia, SpiceTV Africa, and Bella Naija. Also, she works part-time as an English language tutor to prep candidates for EDEXCEL IGCSE, TOEFL or IELTS. Check out her Instagram page @kem_dem. Also, she tweets with the handle @ndemv and can be contacted via email: nkemndemv@gmail.com.

Source : Bellanaija

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How Tinuola Okenimkpe Is Helping Women Find The Courage To Live Their Best Lives After Divorce Or Separation

Ending a marriage you have spent years nurturing can be very hard. On one hand, you are happy you have made a good decision for yourself, on the other hand, you feel an overwhelming feeling of loss.

It can be particularly hard for women who don’t have the right support or who live in a society where divorced women are stigmatized.

For these reasons and more, Tinuola Okenimkpe is sharing her personal experience to help divorced and separated women move on and live their best lives after divorce.

ABOUT TINUOLA OKENIMKPE

Tinuola Okenimkpe, popularly known as Tinu-Ola-Onipekun, was born in Kaduna, Nigeria. She studied Computer science at Yaba College of Technology, Lagos, Nigeria.

She started her journey as an entrepreneur at the age of 19 and currently owns and runs a cake store known as Dreamtreats Cakes.

A divorced mother of 2 children and an adopted cousin, Tinuola, who has a can-do attitude towards life, loves to inspire others to pick up their dead dreams once again, dust them and run with it. She derives fulfilment from helping women get back on their feet especially after experiencing a loss.

BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS

Beautiful Beginnings is an organization she founded to provide support for women who have experienced a loss. She has gone ahead to release her debut book also titled Beautiful Beginnings, focused on helping others find the courage to move on just like she did.

She has another soon to be released book titled Now That You Are Divorced, a step by step guide to finding your groove back.

WHY SHE STARTED BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS AND WROTE A BOOK

My marriage ended after 10 years. From my experience, I found out that society has defined the way a divorced woman should look and how she should carry herself. It was considered a thing of shame and you were literally labeled a failure.

After divorce, one was expected to be silent, and talking about it only made it worse. Due to lack of support both from the community, religious organizations and sometimes even family, most women considered divorce an end to their lives and their dreams.

And many others remained in marriages that should never have been because of the fear of stigmatization. I also found that many divorced people had a sense of overwhelming loneliness during this process and for many, it was literally impossible to pull through.

Over the last 9 years, I discovered a lot of things I wish I had known earlier on. While that knowledge may not have eased the pain, it would definitely have made a lot of things easier and helped me get my groove back earlier.

I am very passionate about helping other divorced women through that season and that is why I started a support system known as Beautiful Beginnings.

HER BOOK – BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS

Reading the book Beautiful Beginnings will give you a fresh perspective and help you find the courage to move on.

You can also sign up for Walk With Me, a 30 days session.

Benefits include:

– Discover the truth about who you really are
–  Get tips for going through a divorce with less drama
–  Pick up your dreams again…. they are valid and possible.
–  Learn to raise outstanding kids despite and in spite of what you are going through
–  Find the courage to move on with your career or start a business
–  Build a support system
–  Get your groove back

 

GET IN TOUCH WITH TINUOLA OKENIMKPE

Instagram: instagram.com/tinuolaonipekun

Facebook: Tinu Ola-Onipekun

Phone call: 09079006877

WhatsApp: 09079006877

Email: mybbeginnings@gmail.com

 

This article was culled from Woman.ng, In support of the Author’s work as it relates to marriage and separation. It is not our original content , neither did we conduct this interview.

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If Your Husband Does These 14 Things, He’s The Best Husband Ever

Many marriages end because of ingratitude. As time goes by, couples forget to appreciate the little things in life. But being grateful every day helps sweethearts stay happily married.

Noticing and appreciating the things your husband does for you helps you see what really matters, rather than focusing on his flaws (which every man has). Your spouse is the most important person in your life, so do your marriage a favor and praise him for all these things he does for you:

  1. He trusts you ,He doesn’t doubt your actions.
  1. He is loyal to you ,He has nothing to hide. You have access to everything in his life and know what he does.
  1. He knows your tastes , He knows your favorite chocolate, the kind of movies you like to watch and your hobbies.
  1. He gives you some time to yourself , If you want to go out with your friends, get a haircut or watch a movie alone, he doesn’t care. He knows that sometimes you just need some alone time
  2. He helps you be better,He does not accept any self-hate talk you throw at yourself. Instead, he helps you build confidence and encourages you to get up when you’re discouraged.
  3. He laughs at your jokes … even when they are not funny.
  4. He believes you, He knows you’ll be honest with him.
  5. He laughs with you, He makes you laugh and you have fun together.
  6. He values your feelings , He always takes into account how you feel.
  7. You feel loved by him, You just know you are the love of his life.
  8. He makes your complicated life easier, He gives solutions and seeks to avoid conflicts.
  9. He helps you with house work, He washes the dishes and takes care of the kids without you even asking.
  10. He consoles you when you’re sad , He doesn’t like to see you upset and does everything he can to make you feel better
  11. He adores ​​your smile , He tries to see your smile every day.

Yes, your husband will slip up and hurt your feelings. It’s usually the people closest to us that hurt us the most. The important thing to remember is that he tries to be better every day. And if he tries to do even a few of these 15 things, you can be sure that he loves you.

Source: Family Share

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Toddy Rosiji: 4 Signs You Are Better Off As Friends With Him

Sometimes the line between like and love can be hard to distinguish. We’ve all been in that one relationship with a guy where all the pieces fit together perfectly.

He was charming and smart and funny and sweet and you get along like gangbusters. But in spite of all of this, there was a little voice in your head wondering…

“Would we be better off just as friends?”

Let’s get one thing straight right now: There is nothing WRONG with friendship.

Friendship is dope as hell and really rewarding for the people in it. How can you tell if he’s a perfect boyfriend or better off as your bud? There are lots of different signs, but we’ve pulled together the big ones to help you out.

Here are 4  signs you and your boyfriend are better of just as best friends

  1. You can’t imagine a future together.

You’ve been dating exclusively for a little while now. So it’s natural you stop to think about the future.

Not so natural?

Maybe you just can’t picture it. Or you don’t like what you see. You like him a lot, maybe you even love him, but when you think about making a life with him in it you draw a blank.

2. You love him but not that way.

When your friends talk about how much they love their boyfriends you get worried. Sure, you LOVE your boyfriend, but you aren’t on cloud nine or anything.

He’s a great guy, you take care of each other, you’ve got a lot of common interests. But it doesn’t seem like the storybook love affair true love is supposed to be. That’s because it isn’t … it’s true friendship.

3. You hate living with him.

You guys have been living together for a while and… You can’t stand it. It’s not that you each have quirks and need to get used to each other.  It’s that you aren’t compatible as living partners romantically.  You’d be better off as buddies, hell, even as roommates.

4. You want to open the relationship up.

Your relationship is going just okay. You have sex, and it’s also just okay. You don’t want to break up because it feels like there’s no real reason to. But you want to open up the relationship so that you can meet new people. Boredom and dissatisfaction in your relationship is not a sign you should open things up.

It’s a sign you’re dating a friend and not a lover.

 

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11 WAYS TO BE A MORE LOVING PARTNER

“Are you in a relationship presently and you are trying to figure out how to love your partner more?”

“Are you about to go into one and need to know how to love your partner right ?”

This article is for you!

Read on and learn some of the doable ways in which you can learn how to love — become more loving, win your partner back, and enjoy a satisfying relationship. Once you know what genuine love looks like, it will be easy to implement.

Most people mistakenly think that love is a feeling. Here’s the thing, they have it all wrong.

In order to be more loving, you have to understand what love truly is. It’s not just a feeling. It’s a Commitment. It’s an Action. It’s a Decision..

It’s understandable why we’re confused about love. The movie industry has put a spell on us. They have us believe that two people can fall in love.

True, genuine love begins after the spell wears out, after the honeymoon ends and real life begins.

Are you ready to become a more loving partner? You look ready to me. Let’s go!

1. Commit to Your Relationship

Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability. Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.

If you have that commitment, read on.

 

2. Invest Time

The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take. One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.

If you want to become more loving, find time every day to connect with your loved one. You can do this with a text, a phone call, or a lunch date. Be creative.

 

3. Communicate Your Love

There are countless and effective ways to do this. Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand.

As a writer, one of my favorite guidelines is, show, don’t just tell. By doing this, the writer provokes a reaction from their readers, helps them feel the emotion the character is feeling. This works in real life as well.

Take an action, however small, that SHOWS your partner you love them.

4. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does

One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it.

Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million little things that keep a home going, and it’s easy to forget that someone is doing it. Acknowledge it.

 

5. Be Supportive

In what ways can you be supportive to your partner? Maybe it’s supporting a hobby they have, or wishing them a fun girl’s day out, or being there for every music recital, etc. When you’re supportive, your partner will feel like they can’t fail. It will provide the encouragement they need to keep going and have fun at the same time.

6. Provide Space

Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.

Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family is important. You don’t have to be by their side 24/7.

“We all need time to explore, reflect, and express ourselves individually.”

Create a space for your partner so that they can express their creativity. Let them be them without you. Remember, they were someone long before you came along.

7. Avoid Put Downs

Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.

For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!”

What are you trying to accomplish? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having a constructive discussion. It actually sounds like a war in progress.

We have enough strife in the world. Don’t allow it to infiltrate your home. Speak with respect. Let love be the motivator, not pettiness.

8. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.

Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take. Willingness to compromise can go a long way in creating happiness and feelings of well-being in the relationship.

9. Listen

You might think you’re listening, but next time your partner is talking, pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are you really listening? Are you formulating your answer? Have you tuned out? True listening requires a great deal of effort, but it is a gift to the person who is feeling heard.

When you truly listen, the other person feels valued, important, like they matter. And isn’t that a gift you want to give your partner? It doesn’t cost a thing, but the dividends are priceless. True listening is the encapsulation of love.

Try this exercise, ask your partner a question, then really listen. Don’t get discouraged if your mind wanders for a spell, bring it back and re-focus. Your partner will sense your attentiveness and be ever so grateful.

10. Drop Old Issues

It might sound crazy to bring up past issues and hurts while in an argument, but couples do it all the time. There is no reason to bring up the past. Ask yourself: “What’s the point? What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to fix the problem or make it worse?” Old issues have no place in the present. Let them go. Concentrate on the here and now.

The bottom line is: make your relationship stronger, not weaken it.

11. Learn to say “Sorry” and mean it

People make mistakes. It’s good to apologize. Not just a fake apology, but a true, heart-felt apology. Apologies go a long way to repair a broken relationship. If you are in the wrong, say it. Mean it. Make sure the person understands that you are making amends.

You are not going to come off as weak if you say you’re sorry. Not only will you validate your partner’s feelings, you’ll gain respect. More than likely, your partner will say something like, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that.” Make amends when you need to. Your partner will look at you with the loving eyes you crave.

Final Thoughts

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Being loving is the most amazing gift you can give. All the heart flutters, the butterflies in the belly, and the buckling knees, can’t replace genuine loving acts.

Don’t allow your relationship to be fed by simply stringing a set of words together. It takes a great deal more than that. It takes a Commitment, an Action, and a Decision. Done over and over again.

You have everything you need right here. It’s the start you need to make it to the finish line of your relationship. If your relationship has suffered an injury, implement the above tips for a week, a month. See what happens.

– Esther Ijewere™©

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

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7 SIGNS YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

An ideal relationship is one of equity, where both partners give and take happily in a positive, healthy dynamic. But maybe you’re having some doubts about your own relationship. Is it really one of reciprocity? Does your partner care for you as much as you care for them?

Unfortunately, differences in commitment levels are far from unusual in relationships. But you and your partner both deserve to be with someone who they share a balanced dynamic with, so you need to make sure you’re not being taken for granted or led on.

Here are 7 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Care About Your Relationship

1.You hardly interact

How often do you and your partner interact? If they are interested in you beyond a superficial level, they would want to spend as much time as they can with you. This doesn’t mean they won’t be busy or have their own hobbies and commitments. But it does mean that they’d make an effort to see you or at least talk to you very regularly.

Consider;

How often do you go on dates? Is it often many weeks before you see each other in person?

Do you text each other regularly? Or are there long gaps between messages, and many days that you go without speaking?

Do you call each other, especially when you can’t see each other for a while?

How quickly do they respond to your messages or attempts at interaction?

Do they often make last-minute plans, or cancel long-made ones?

If your partner doesn’t seem to want to spend that much time interacting with you, they probably only think of you as a side-fling.

2 – They Avoid Presenting You As a Partner

When you’re with someone you care for, it’s hard not to want to show them off. You proudly announce that this is your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. You tag them in cute pictures on social media. You tell others stories about them.

But what if your partner just thinks of you as a fling? They likely won’t want to make others think you’re their partner because they don’t see this as a long-term thing.

A partner who is in it for the long run will:

Be very excited about showing you off to others

Proudly bring you around with them

Introduce you as their partner in a positive way

Tell others about you, even just in passing

Have no problems posting social media photos or statuses that involve you

On the other hand, a partner who doesn’t care about sticking with you will:

Introduce you as a friend or refuse to use committed terms for you

Seem embarrassed by you, as though they don’t want to be seen with you

Never talk about you, ever

Refuse to be open about your relationship on social media

3 – You’ve Never Met Their Friends Or Family

Someone’s friends and family are the people they spend time with. These are the lovely people your partner cares most about. If you were an important part of your partner’s life, they would have decided to introduce you to the other people they love so that their worlds can collide in harmony.

But if your partner doesn’t want you to meet anyone he knows, there’s a good chance that’s because they don’t think it’s necessary. You won’t be around for long enough for the stress and anxiety of these meetings to be worth it, and maybe your partner doesn’t see there being much of a point, to begin with.

4 – You Initiate Everything

No matter what, it seems like you’re always initiating every interaction you have with your partner. They never take the first step, and it’s enough to make anyone wonder if the relationship is a real, committed one. Sadly, the answer is probably “no”. This goes for:

Texts

Calls

Dates

Intimacy

Gestures of affection

Gifts

Your positive thinking may spur you to continue this pattern of repeated and unreciprocated initiation, but be careful. There’s a good chance that they just don’t consider you worth that effort.

5 – Your Interactions Revolve around Physical Intimacy

Does your partner only seem to ring you up for intimate activities, as though you’re a number to casually dial for booty call services? Perhaps you’ve noticed that, no matter what you’re doing, things always slowly devolve into private, steamy exchanges.

This is even more of a red flag if you try to get your partner to do other activities with you outside of the bedroom, but they repeatedly turn you down. It definitely sounds like they’re only interested in intimate activities, and not in being with you in the long run. Sure, intimacy is important in all sexual relationships, but it shouldn’t be all that you do.

6 – They Don’t do Anything for you

Relationships are about give and take, and a healthy one involves plenty of that. More importantly, a positive and committed relationship has both partners making “sacrificial” types of gestures for the betterment of their significant other’s life or happiness.

They don’t have to be big gestures, and you certainly shouldn’t expect a partner to give up everything in their life for you. But there are some common signs of commitment through small sacrifices, including:

Doing things for you that they don’t necessarily enjoy

Changing up their schedule every now and then to be with you

Helping you whittle down small things on your to-do list

Being there for you when you’re feeling down

Offering to help you out with small tasks

Buying you simple but meaningful gifts

Actively trying to make you happy

If your partner refuses to do absolutely anything at all for you, there’s a good chance that they don’t care about you or your relationship.

7 – You Only Seem To Meet at The same Place and time

Couples typically like the process of switching things up every once in a while, and doing the exact same thing can get fairly monotonous and boring. But for some reason, everything about your relationship is monotonous. You meet at the same places every time you do meet, or at the exact same time, or only at night, or even all three.

Why is this a bad sign? Well, it could indicate that your partner doesn’t want to bring you into their life – they just want you to be a regular stop in their daily routine. It sounds nice until you realize that this means you’re not a partner in this situation: you’re a convenient number on a list.

This can also indicate that:

Your partner is hiding something

Your partner doesn’t want to alter their schedule to see you

Or, your partner is meeting with you out of convenience

Of course, jumping to these conclusions quickly is a bad idea, but you should be ready for the unexpected when you bring this up to your partner.

8 – They Don’t Know Much About You (And They Don’t Ask)

Does your partner sometimes feel like a stranger? Do they buy your least favorite chocolate to give you as a gift, even after you’ve told them you dislike it countless times? Do they have no idea what you do for a living? Have they mixed up your hobbies multiple times?

A partner who doesn’t know much about you is probably not interested in finding out more about you and committing it to memory. It’s even worse if they never ask – it truly shows that they have little to no actual interest in you.

This also goes the other way around. A partner who is committed often shares more about themselves with their significant other, according to studies that examine the positive and negative links between self-disclosure and commitment readiness.

9 – They Don’t Talk About The Future

Someone who cares about your relationship and is committed to you will happily discuss the future with you. This doesn’t have to be about marriage or having kids, either (and in most newer relationships, it won’t be!). Instead, you may notice things like:

Your partner talks about his future while including you in it

Your partner seems to naturally include you in all their future plans

Or, your partner expresses a desire to be with you for a long time

Your partner makes plans months in advance with you for vacations, dates, or other events

Your partner is happy to have an open, honest conversation about the direction of your relationship

On the flip side, a partner who completely refuses to talk about the future at all, they probably are not committed to you and don’t care about the relationship nearly as much as you do.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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9 THINGS EVERY MAN LOVES TO HEAR

“Do you know saying the right things to your man could make him love you more”

“Do you know a man respects you more when you say the things he loves to hear”

A Selfless partner should know how to comfort their men with subtle, kind, positive and inspiring words.

If you want to learn how to speak to your partners, then this piece is for you.

Here are 9 things every man loves to hear;

1. “I LOVE YOU!”

Even the toughest man will melt a bit when his partner professes their love for him. They love hearing we love them. Also, they like hugs, kisses and cuddling too. Even a nicely-worded email or text message will work.

2. “YOU’RE THE BEST (DAD/HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/ETC.)!”

It’s less of an ego-boost as it is a verbalization of respect. It’s a testament to both our efforts and our priorities – which are the woman and her well-being.

3. “I APPRECIATE YOU AS A MAN!”

As stated, men need to feel like men.. It has everything to do with knowing that their partner appreciates something about their character (honesty, integrity, selflessness, etc.) or something else.

4. “I RESPECT YOU!”

As men age, They have less of a need to be recognized for selfish reasons . This feeling is replaced by the need to feel respected out of love. They love feeling admired and respected from the people who love and care about them!

5. “I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO.”

Men need to feel like they are good providers for the people they love. If they believe anything less, they don’t perceive themselves as the man they should be. As such, when they are told that you’re thankful for their hard work, effort, and for providing, it means a tremendous deal to them.

6. “YOU LOOK GREAT!”

This one’s a no-brainer, right? After spending a significant amount in a relationship, they still love hearing that our partner finds them attractive. This is particularly the case if they’ve been putting in some time at the gym. Your compliments serve as a reward for their hard work and as motivation to keep them going.

7. “I TRUST YOU.”

There are fewer things more sacred than trusting someone with your life. When you’re in a relationship, this is an essential truth. Here’s a bit of advice from Georgianna Donadio, Ph.D., “The best time to share your feelings (is) just before or during close intimacy. At that time, levels of oxytocin, a hormone that enhances feelings of trust, love and intimacy, are elevated, making it the best moment to love talk with your partner.”

 8. “I’M LISTENING.”

Men and women communicate very differently. For example, in an argument, a woman is usually more willing to sit down and have a dialogue. The man often feels an inclination to seek solitude to think things over or distract himself. They do love hearing “I’m listening” or “I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk” in any case.

9. “THANK YOU.”

Similar to women, men appreciate recognition for efforts small and little. “Thank you” is a straightforward yet powerful phrase that shows them your appreciation for what they do. (Here’s a tip, ladies: if you say “Thank you” on a regular basis for something they do, they are much more likely to do it again.) …Take this from a “Lovina” *winks*

– Esther Ijewere™

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9 SIGNS A MAN LIKES YOU (BUT IS AFRAID TO SAY IT)

“Do you feel a guy likes you but he is afraid to say it”? This article is just for you!

Some men are shy like that, they will do everything and anything to please you, while acting like you are just a friend. Lol.

The dating scene is tough to navigate. It’s especially difficult when you have to try to read someone and figure out whether they actually like you or not. The fact that lots of people can be cripplingly shy about their attraction definitely doesn’t help matters!

Luckily, no matter how cautious someone is, they’re sure to let slip a few tell-tale signs that indicate their interest. Though they can differ from person to person, for the most part, they’re pretty reliable!

1.   He Jokes about liking you!

It’s not unusual for someone to fear rejection. In fact, it’s very natural. As such, a man who is afraid you aren’t interested and will turn him down may try to test the waters and gauge your reaction to a suggestion that he might like you. He may do this by making jokes about:

Having a crush on you

Going out on a date with you

Calling you his girlfriend or boyfriend

Doing something romantic together

The reason he may tell these jokes is so that if your reaction to them is not positive, he can just laugh it off and play it like a harmless, innocent joke, avoiding awkwardness and saving face.

Depending on whether you want this guy to like you or not, tailor your reactions to be clear and concise so he understands them. React negatively if you’re not interested, and positively if you are. Usually, all you have to do in this scenario if you want him to ask you out is to just react well, and after a few of these jokes, he’ll make the leap and say them for real.

2.   His body language

Body language speaks much louder than verbal language in many cases. That’s why communication, on the whole, is just as much about nonverbal language as it is about the words you say.

There are a number of ways that body language can be one of the biggest signs a man likes you. To begin with, pupil dilation is a very quick and easy way to see if someone likes you, or at least likes your appearance. Pupils dilate when they see something pleasing, after all.

Here are a bunch of other body language signs that you can take note of, such as:

An open facial expression (parted lips, slightly flared nostrils, slightly raised eyebrows)

Touching his face while looking at you

Open arms, not crossed

Facing you with his whole body

Leaning in towards you

Fidgeting with hair

A quick eyebrow raise and lower

Smoothing clothing

Playing with buttons

Fiddling or pulling socks

Spread legs when seated and facing you

Standing with legs at hip-width apart, hands on hips

Sitting on the edge of a seat

Standing straight, chest puffed, shoulders back

“Accidental” light touching

Doing big or loud motions to attract your attention

3.   He appears Jealous, even though he hides it

When you like someone and they don’t know about it, it’s easy to get jealous when other people interact with them. The same is true for most men. As such, if you speak to other people who suit your sexual orientation, flirt with them, or spend time with them, you might notice that the man you’re wondering about gets agitated or angry.

Of course, if this man is a good person, they’ll likely not admit their jealousy and won’t let it get out of hand. Jealousy, after all, is not a very positive emotion and can be toxic. But you might still be able to notice his gritted teeth and demeanor changes when he sees you with someone else.

4.   His Friends know who you are

If you hang out with this guy and his friends and they all seem to know about you, then it’s pretty easy to figure out that the man in question has been talking about you to his buddies. This means he’s likely talked about you, his interest in you, or shared some of his thoughts or feelings about you with them.

Think about it – when you’ve got a crush, don’t you tell your close friends, too? Men do the same, and even shy guys are likely to share their attraction to you with those they trust.

5.   You catch him staring

A man infatuated can’t help looking at the person he’s into. He wants to watch everything they do and admires their subtle actions and movements easily. So if you continually catch a man staring, even just quick, subtle glances, there’s a good chance that he’s into you.

Usually, when you meet the eyes of a man staring at you, he’ll quickly avert his gaze and pretend he wasn’t even looking. This is because he’s frightened of being caught, and isn’t ready to reveal his feelings for you yet. He’ll pretend to be busy, quickly glance at his phone or out the window, and basically look like someone putting on a very unconvincing act!

But, if a man lets you see that he’s staring at you, he’s already flirting with you! At that point, it’s on you to either encourage or discourage the interactions to achieve the end-goal you desire.

It’s difficult not to notice when someone’s eyes are tracking you. The human brain is actually capable of feeling an odd sensation when someone’s gaze won’t leave us, alerting us of what’s going on. Use this positive sixth-sense of sorts to determine whether that guy is watching you!

6.   He acts anxious or nervous

If someone is usually confident and smooth but acts nervously around you, then it’s a sign that they feel something special for you. If he’s usually relaxed and laid-back but becomes high-strung and fidgety whenever you’re around, that’s a pretty good indicator that he likes you!

How can you tell if someone is nervous? Here are some common nervous behaviors that he may exhibit:

A cracking, dry voice

Lots of throat-clearing

Fidgeting with any nearby object

Forgetting information

Blushing

Pacing around or swaying from side to side

Shrinking away or “escaping” the situation

Freezing up

7.   He gives you mild compliments

When someone gives you big compliments, they are being open and honest, and likely aren’t trying to hide anything. They aren’t worried about coming on too strong because they might not be coming onto you at all.

But when a man gives you very small, subtle compliments, it’s often because they’re being extra careful. They’re afraid to tell you that they like you and therefore are giving you “safe” compliments that won’t result in awkwardness or embarrassment if you turn them down. Examples include:

You look nice.

You’re a really good listener.

That’s a nice shirt/skirt/dress.

You did well on that project.

It’s fun hanging out with you!

You’re pretty cool.

You’re really good at (insert hobby or talent).

I like what you’ve done with your hair.

8.   He smiles alot around you

When a man feels good around you, he’s more likely to fall for you. Of course, feeling good also means you’re more likely to be in a good mood. So, if a man is feeling warm and fuzzy inside, they’re sure to let it show on their face through generous smiles. It’s a totally natural and positive reaction!

Of course, do note that smiling doesn’t always refer to happiness – but you can’t deny that someone ecstatic to see you will be grinning from ear to ear! A lot of times, a man who likes you but is afraid to say it will try to dampen his smile or make it less obvious so his feelings aren’t found out.

As such, it’s important that you pay attention to how the smiling occurs. Does this guy smile all the time? Is he usually serious, but now has a bit of a grin? Does he look like he’s trying not to smile too much? Take note!

9.   He Somehow Always Manages To Spend Some Time With You

Someone who likes you is going to want to spend time with you. That’s just how it works. After all, being with that person makes you feel good, so it’s only natural to want to increase those feelings.

Of course, we’re not talking about stalking or predatory behavior. We’re referring to the ways that someone will try to see you as often as he can!

If a man likes you but is afraid of showing it, he will find any and every excuse possible to hang out with you. He just happens to be around you a lot, or chooses or be in close quarters with you. He might:

Decide to attend an event because he knows you’re going

Join your table during meals

Seem to have something to say to you often

Stop by your table/desk/place of work often, even if it’s just for a few minutes

Give you his full attention whenever he is around you

“Bump into you” fairly often

There is more…

When someone is trying to hide their feelings, it can be tough to decipher them and figure out whether or not they’re into you. One or two of these 9 signs a man likes you on very rare occasions may not indicate a serious crush, but several of them exhibited often certainly point to that!

What is there to do next? Well, if you aren’t interested, make it clear. But if you are, then why not make the first move? Waiting it out is a fine option, but it’s definitely a slow one, and sometimes you have to learn to take a leap of faith. So get your positive thinking going and just go for it!

Esther Ijewere™©

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10 SIGNS YOU ARE DATING A MAN CHILD

Are you dating a man child? Do you know the attributes of a man child? There are many men in relationships who behave like children and expect their women to keep putting up with their childish behaviour. They don’t know what it means to love and respect a woman. Some men still behave like babies who need to be bottle fed because they are still holding on to the archaic belief that men are like babies.

Such men are bad news. Women should stop putting up with them for the sake of their sanity. Women should be careful not to fall for the tantrums these men throw. They are the ones who believe that abuse is not bad. They subtly encourage emotional and psychological abuse. They use religion and culture to cover up abuse.

Here are 10 characteristics of a man child women shouldn’t ignore:

He refuses to grow up

A man child refuses to grow up. He believes that a woman must babysit him, take care of him and clean up after him. Dealing with this kind of man brings nothing but drama and heartaches. He expects you to wash his clothes, clean his apartment, clean up after his relatives, and pay his bills too. When he goes into debt, he expects you to bail him out. He expects you to always make excuses for his bad behaviour, rationalize his poor choices and please him at all costs.

He whines about not getting sex

When you are not in the mood to have sex, the man child throws a tantrum. He complains about not getting what he wants like a child he didn’t get his favourite candy. He remains in a bad mood and becomes distant for not getting what he wants. He punishes you for not having sex with him by being moody. He also gives you the silent treatment. He doesn’t care about you or your reasons for not having sex with him. He’s selfish. It’s all about him. You really don’t matter.

He avoids conflict

Don’t let a man make you feel like you are troublesome because you need to discuss an issue. That is one of the signs of a man child. He will tell you he doesn’t want to fight and  won’t engage in an argument. He will claim that you love fight too much instead of listening to your concerns and working with you to make sure your relationship continues to go smoothly. Sometimes, arguing is part of a healthy relationship.

He avoids responsibilities

He will try to get away with doing things for you no matter how little they are. If you need a ride to the airport, he will come up with excuses as to why he can’t do it. If you need help with your car, he has reasons why he just can’t be there.

He tries to make you jealous

If a man child is unfaithful, or flirts with other women in your presence, he dismisses your concerns about his irresponsible actions. When you say it makes you uncomfortable, he tells you that doing that is not technically cheating.

He is quick to stop his woman from advancing in her career

All a man child wants to do is play with you. So if you can’t join him for fun because you are working hard for yourself and making your own money, he is not excited for you. He is not proud of you. He only complains that you don’t spend time with him. he sees your advancement to the top as a threat to his masculinity. Dealing with a man child is stressful. It’s like everything you do or say is a problem.

He supports gender equality when it benefits him

A man child supports feminism only when it suits him and when his woman has to settle his bills. That is when he will shout gender equality until his voice goes hoarse. A man child will let you foot the bill every time, because you have a lot more money than he does or because you offer to do so. He won’t remember then that it is an abomination for a woman to pay for a man’s food or take care of his money needs.

He subscribes to toxic masculinity

He thinks to be masculine means to never discuss emotions. He sees men who show emotions as weak men. If you try to ask him about his feelings, he becomes irritated with you, as if you are crossing a line and shouts you down. A man child leaves you feeling like you did something wrong.

He splashes negative feelings everywhere

A man child can be a little bit too comfortable with his emotions. He may have been a spoiled child whose tantrums were never dealt with. He will go to your friend’s birthday party in a bad mood sulking about what happened to him that day. He will not control his emotions, even if that means ruining everyone else’s mood.

He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions

Such men don’t know what it means to be responsible or take responsibility for their actions. They blame you for cheating on you, blame you for being abusive and also blame you when things start going downhill for them. Such men find it hard to own up to their mistakes and actions.

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