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Who is a sadist?

A sadist is a person who experiences pleasure from watching others undergo discomfort or pain. A sadist can also engage in using emotional cruelty and intentionally manipulating other people through the use of calculated fear. More frequently, some sadist perform aggressive social behaviors and/or enjoy publicly humiliating other people to achieve a feeling of power and control over others. Surprisingly enough, even though sadistic personalities do gain pleasure and satisfaction from inflicting suffering and pain upon others, the act of sadism do not necessarily always involve usage of violence or physical aggression.

There are different classes of sadists;

ENFORCING SADIST

This category of sadistic people can often be found within important positions of authority, such as military sergeants, police officers, prison overseers and deans of universities. These individuals are in a situation where they feel that they are the ones who should be in charge of controlling, overseeing and punishing people for breaking laws, rules and regulations. Although they might have the opinion that they are actually acting for common interest, more critical, deeper motives are involved than just that. Enforcing sadists normally seek out rule breakers within their authoritarian domain, or within the society in general, and by doing so exercise the worst punishments they can give out for an individual case. The more they punish and dominate others, the more powerful and satisfied they feel. With more of these acts, their self-image of righteousness gets reinforced which increases their ego.

EXPLOSIVE SADIST

People having this form of sadistic personality are known to be unpredictably violent as they are disappointed or frustrated with their general lives. They lose control when they feel humiliated and/or hopeless and seek retribution for the deprecation and mistreatment to which they sense they have been subjected to.These sadists do not generally move about in grumpy or surly manner and as a result it is difficult to know what might set them off. Although the violence that gets released is nearly always directed at a particular individual, it primarily serves as a form of emotional release for the pent up feelings that the sadist had been holding inside himself or herself.

TYRANNICAL SADIST

This type of sadistic personality is counted among the more cruel and frightening of all subtypes as they seem to really relish their acts of brutalizing and menacing others. It appears that forcing their unwilling victims to submit and cower provides them with some special feeling of satisfaction. An important difference between the explosive sadists and the tyrannical ones is that the tyrannical sadists choose their victims quite carefully to make sure that they are not going to stand up and fight back when they are attacked. The tyrannical sadists normally have a low self-esteem and several inner insecurities that they try to conceal from the world. In order to do this and feel superior, they often overwhelm others by their behavior.

SPINELESS SADIST

This type of sadist is completely opposite of other three types, as they are extremely insecure and behave like cowards. These people anticipate real danger, project their hostile ideas and strike first, thereby hoping to forestall the antagonist and put forth questions later. Although these sadists are afraid of many things, during times of stress they try to enforce the fears of their enemies. Spineless sadists employ aggressive hostility to portray the idea that they are not intimidated or fearful, which allows them to manage their inner feelings and display exactly the opposite of how they are actually feeling. Their mannerisms can be termed as counterphobic, a trick that allows them to control their personal fears as well as divert and propagate a false aura of self-assurance and confidence. Spineless sadists even seek out scapegoats whom they gang up on as this allows them to live in a state of denial about their own inner states.

 

Below are some behavioral pattern of a sadist;

  • A sadistic individual does not hesitate to humiliate people intentionally in presence of others. The shame and disgrace that he inflicts on other people makes him feel larger than life and supremely important.
  • He considers all people to be under his control, no matter whether the other individual is a student, child, prisoner or patient, and treats them in an unkind and harsh manner. All that he hopes to gain is unchallenged dominance within a relationship.
  • A sadistic individual finds pleasure in causing pain to other people or harming them by lying without any apparent reason or without any motive to achieve any other goal. This action of harming others like that makes him feel contented and invincible.
  • Unlike a normal person, a sadistic individual frightens and terrorizes others for getting his job done.
  • He often puts restriction on the freedom of other people within a close relationship. For instance, a spouse may not be permitted to leave the premises of the house unaccompanied or the teenage daughter may not be allowed to attend various social functions. The controlling nature of the person makes it difficult for others to have his or her say. A sadistic person behaves as if his word is final and the ultimate law. Hence it should be obeyed, even if it may seem outrageous and senseless to others.
  • A sadistic individual gets highly enthralled by all forms of violence, martial arts, weapons, injuries, torture or death. He or she channelizes the inner killer instinct in various socially acceptable ways like “studying” as well as admiring historic figures such as cruel monarchs or dictators like Hitler.
  • He does not falter from making use of violence or cruelty for establishing his dominance in any form of relationship. The main goal is to exert full and unbroken control over an individual or situation.

 

 

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I do tell people that one of the most toxic, dangerous thing to do is to keep and nurse grudges. When you hold grudges against someone, you unconsciously become angry, bitter, and miserable…and from there, you proceed to looking for ways to make the person suffer (most especially when you see that the person is happy). Anger, bitterness, misery, grudges, unforgiving spirit, are all unnecessary baggages and you don’t need them in your life, so why don’t you throw them out!

I’m naturally a happy person so I hate any form of negative vibes around me. I don’t like dullness, bitterness, sadness, around me so I always try to make anywhere I am, lively. If you offend me, I will let you know straightaway(even if I have to ‘para’ for you) and if you don’t think the reasonable thing to do is to accept the fact that you have hurted my feelings and apologize, I would forgive you in my heart and forget about the whole drama because I can’t allow you to take my peace of mind and happiness away. People find it surprising the way I straighten people out(by mostly ‘para-ing’ for them) and within the next seconds, I’m back to my playful self with them. Whenever I’m asked how I easily switch like that, my response is always ”Life is too short, my happiness is important, and I can’t allow anything or anyone to block my blessings and happiness ke” If I have issues or disagreement with someone, I always look for ways to settle up and liven things up even if I’m right and the person is wrong. If I see that the person is being stiff and doesn’t want to settle up, I’d scoff and say ”wahala ti e ma niyen o..na you sabi” and move on with my life.

Do you know that when you keep grudges, you unconsiously block your blessings and happiness? Is anything or anyone worth losing your blessings and happiness, for? If you offend someone, what’s the big deal in apologizing to the person? Why wait for an apology before you can forgive? Sadly enough, some people find it hard and demeaning to say ‘sorry’. Some people gets ashamed when it comes to apologizing for being wrong. Don’t be like that. Don’t wait for someone to come and apologize to you before you can forgive. Don’t be proud or ashamed to apologize when you are wrong. Forgive and seek forgiveness for your own happiness and peace of mind. Even the Holy Books emphasize on the importance of letting go and forgiveness. There is one verse in the Bible that says ”Leave room for wrath but the sun must go down on your wrath” and the verse also clearly says that you must not take revenge but you should leave revenge for God. God knows that as human beings, we have emotions and so it is natural for us to get offended but we are not allowed to get too angry and we are not allowed to hold grudges. Trust me, I know how hard it is to let go and forgive, but you need to let go..it is very important. If you find it hard to forgive all on your own (you can’t even do it all on your own without God) talk to God in prayers and ask Him to help you..and He surely will help you.

I see people cursing, bad-mouthing, and causing problems for their exes, all because they dumped them. You don’t need that. Leave them to God and let Him handle them. I see people finding it hard to move on with their lives and learn to love again, because they are still smarting from the bad experiences they have had in their past relationships, and are finding it hard to forgive and forget…I say to you, it’s time to let go. Forget your past, bad experiences. Not every man/woman is going to be like your last partner. There is someone out there who is going to love you like you have never being loved before, and that person won’t be able to find you if you are still living in your past. Let go and let love find you!

Today, decide to throw out the unnecessary baggages you have been dragging around in your life. You don’t need them anymore because they are too heavy for your life and they are slowing your journey to a better, brighter place! It is time to throw out those unnecessary baggages, It is time to let go!

 

By Lydia Oladejo.

 

Facebook: Lydia Oladejo

Instagram: @lydiaoladejo

Email: lydiaoladejo@gmail.com

 

Dr Victoria Kisyombe is the founder and CEO of SELFINA, a non profit company in Tanzania that provides loans to mostly widows and young women. Starting from a very humble beginning, SELFINA has gone on to improve financial inclusion for women. More than 27,500 women have received lease finance, 250,000 lives have been impacted, 150,000 jobs created and more than US$ 17 million has been availed to women through a revolving fund.

SELFINA was birthed when her husband died in 1991, leaving her with three children and no property or asset, except a cow named Sero. She turned the cow into a source of income by milking the cow and selling the milk to sustain her family. She also managed to accumulate savings out of the income she yielded and in 2002, she started SELFINA in Dar es Salam and began loaning and leasing productive assets. The leased assets enable women to generate income sustainably, and at the end of the lease a client owns the asset in her own name. It becomes collateral that qualifies her for a traditional bank loan.

Victoria Kisyombe with her cow, Sero

During an interview, she said;

”I saw that there were other women, other widows—some of them had not been to school like I had been and they were less privileged than I had been—and I thought: ‘How are they managing?’”

Victoria’s successful micro-leasing model has generated praise beyond Tanzania. She has been profiled by the World Bank “Doing Business in Africa”, by CNN, Lionesses of Africa (South Africa) and by Deutsche Welle, etc.

In 2009, she received a TIAW World of Difference 100 Award in recognition of her outstanding contribution in making “all the difference in the world” to the economic empowerment of women by The Alliance for Women (Canada). In 2010, she received an Outstanding Social Entrepreneur Award from the World Economic Forum and Schwab Foundation for Social Entrepreneurs in recognition of visionary, pragmatic and courageous contributions that significantly improve the state of the world. In July 2014,she received a Global Leadership Award by Vital Voices Global Leadership founded by Hon. Hillary Clinton. She was also recognized as a Woman of Determination in recognition of her support on the development of SMEs in Tanzania, during the 50 years Independence celebrations of her country, Tanzania.

Last week I had loads of fun with the Old Girls’ Association of my secondary school. It was the maiden edition of our reunion and we were happy to see each other again. Of course we have changed, both in looks and sizes, but one thing was sure, we all have fond memories of our secondary school days. It was weird to realise that I graduated from secondary school exactly 20 years ago. There was so much to catch up on, and so much to gossip about. I am looking forward to the gathering again.

My school, St Joseph’s College Aba, was a very popular school and one of the best schools in our time. The standard of education and moral values were high. It also was also reputed to have the finest girls then, and as such our school activities always witnessed large turnout of male guests’ et al. We, the students, always represented that image with well-ironed short school uniforms and our heads held high.

I lived in boarding house and it was great fun. In fact, I learnt how to look out foe and take decisions for myself in the boarding house.I went into the boarding house young and naïve, but I came out sharp and street smart.

You see, lesbianism didn’t start today o. Oh no, even in Biblical times it has always existed. I, however, came to the knowledge of lesbianism in the boarding house. My school being an all-girls school was very much into lesbianism.

It was called ‘sure’ and the partners were referred to as lovers. Some school mothers and their school daughters turned their relationship from mentorship to lesbianism. It was a big deal then, and if as a junior student you didn’t have a lover you were deemed as being ‘jew’ – an unattractive and inactive person. I was initially curious to know what and how they did their ‘sure’ act, and when those who have experienced it narrated it to me, it just didn’t feel right to me. I believed intimacy was supposed to be between both sexes and not vice versa.

Anyway I kept my thoughts to myself and went about my business, no one wanted me as a ‘supe’. I was too stubborn to the seniors. I would flout school rules and regulations with my friend, and would be the first to report any senior that victimised or intimidated me to the principal – in well spoken English. God help the senior if she did not defend herself in English, as well as I did, the principal would show her pepper.

So, they all hated me and used every opportunity available to flog me. However in my JSS 3, I was almost lured into ‘supe’. It had become a norm amongst my friends, and I was almost the only one who didn’t have a lover.

One of the most beautiful and popular seniors in SS3 approached me after admiring my legs. I promised her I would think about it, because I had my reservations about her due to the rumours about her being possessed by evil spirits.

She persisted, buying me snacks during break, and making sure I ate the best portion of food during dinning hours.  Valentine’s day was approaching, so I decided to give the ‘supe’ thingy a trial. On Valentine’s Day, she sent me the biggest card I had ever seen and a set of lingerie. I was touched. Later that evening I honoured the invitation to her hostel, not knowing that I was going to sleep there. So when I entered the seniors’ hostel, I saw that all the bunk beds had been covered with mosquito nets and then bed sheets. There was practically no way to let air into the bed, I got scared because I can’t stay in a choked environment. She explained that the bed sheets were for privacy. I started wondering how I would breathe through the covering. I quickly lied to her that I hadn’t taken my bath because I thought that I would go back to sleep in my hostel. I begged her to let me go and freshen up and then come back. She agreed. I ran to my hostel and slept there.

She was very angry with me the next day. I apologised to her, promising to repeat the visit, while inwardly wondering how I would get myself out of the mess I was in. Fortunately for me, she woke up very early one morning and sat on the bare floor in front of her hostel. She refused to get up, claiming that she was instructed by her ‘people’ to stay there for the whole day, and indeed she stayed there even in the hot sun. My friends, the kain Ben Johnson wey I do. I ran faster than Usain Bolt and never contacted her again. I was more than relieved when she got another girl in my set as her ‘supe’ and forgot about me.

After that experience, I learnt never to allow myself be influenced by peer pressure or the need to belong. We can’t al  belong in the same place. Some can belong in the sitting room and some can belong in the kitchen.

You can share any tales about your secondary school as well….

She  was born in a small city called Ilesha, in the Western part of Nigeria. Her parents were educationists hence they were considered somewhat strict. She  grew up with four siblings,  second of five kids; Uduak lost two of her siblings in year 2000 and 2010 to Sickle Cell Disease (SCD).

Their  mum brought them up almost single handedly; as the dad was often away. She  was a little over a year when my mum discovered I had SCD.

 

ON LIVING WITH SCD

Living with SCD impacted my life in so many ways; both negatively and positively. As a teenager I battled with quite a lot of stigmatization especially because I looked very different from my peers in secondary school. I had somewhat stunted growth, yellowish eyes and looked very fragile.

I learnt to talk to my mum a lot and she would in turn advise me to tell God about how I felt. My parents were very religious; so they instilled in my siblings and me the need to appreciate our spirituality. I guess this is a big part of what helped me through life as one living with SCD.

As an adult, living with SCD has also affected my relationships with people especially in relation to getting married . I have had quite unpleasant experiences with parents of supposed spouses because of course no one really wants his or her son to have a wife who might be ill most of the time.

Dealing with SCD as an adult has been better compared to my childhood and teenage years; at least I learnt how to manage my health better and I am more careful. Every now and then though, I have had to cancel appointments, cancel outing with friends, and deal with crisis, mood swings, and hospital sessions and so on.

I established good relationship with my medical team and I have always had an excellent support system from my family and the few friends I have.

ON FINDING HER VOICE ON SCD

I schooled in Ghana and during this period I tried to find myself. I felt something was missing. I wanted to say something to the public about SCD but I found myself always timid when it came to SCD issues but quite bold on other issues.

After I lost my only brother in year 2010 in Russia, I decided to finally talk more about SCD i.e. to create the awareness and educate people but I became more occupied with my job as a Project Manager which entailed a lot of travelling; I could not quite make time to plan strategies on how to go about my awareness creation.

I finally got the bombshell when my friend and colleague told me her 1 year old son had SCD. I remember feeling extremely guilty because she categorically told me she didn’t know anything about SCD and here was I refusing to dedicate time to talk about it with people. I eagerly decided to work on creating awareness; this is when I came up with the Sickle Cell Support Group – Ghana (SCSG-Ghana).

SICKLE CELL SUPPORT GROUP

SCSG is a registered not-for-profit organization and a social health group that was formed in 2014 with the aim of creating aggressive awareness about Sickle Cell Disease (SCD), its causes and prevention, and providing educative support to persons living with SCD for improved quality of life. SCSG-Ghana is meant to reach out to persons living with SCD in Ghana.

So far, SCSG-Ghana has organized the SCD Awareness march which was done in June 2016 in collaboration with Lister Hospital, Sunlodge Hotel, Green TV, Business and Financial Time, Special Ice drinks, Chicken republic, Ghana Police, Green FM ad Ovation International.

I was in the US having my surgery done at this point but I have a very effective team that handled everything. I wasn’t thrilled that I missed it but I had no choice. SCSG-Ghana also has an awareness video which can be watched on our site on www.scsgghana.org or directly on YouTube

I believe SCSG-Ghana will do its own little part to gradually break the barriers that SCD has created by educating people. It is important that everyone knows their genotype. I believe this is the first step in avoiding SCD. SCD is inherited from carrier or suffering parents who have the double AS genotype.

FOR PEOPLE WHOSE LOVED ONES LIVE WITH SCD

I am of the opinion that people living with SCD need all the love and attention they can get. If you are a sibling, spouse, parent or friend, the best you can do is to be very loving. We do not need pity.

Some people tend to pity you when they discover you are living with SCD; but with me once I see you pity me, I start to avoid you. Pity is the last thing I need from anyone.

FOR PEOPLE LIVING WITH SCD

People living with SCD also need an excellent medical team. With me, for instance, I bond very well with my medical team, they are a very integral part of my life. I don’t hide or keep anything from my doctors. They know everything about my health. I also try to keep away from anything that causes me stress especially if I have the power to avoid it. I stay hydrated and keep to my doctors’ appointments the best I can; and as mama often advised, I rest even before I even feel tired.

I think as persons living with SCD we should also be careful of the kind of things we consume. Our organs tend to get damaged easily hence the need to consume the right kinds of foods. I recently became a dialysis patient because my kidney packed up as a result of severe damages from SCD, going through frequent infections, crisis and so on. I also think there were many foods I consumed that might have led to damaging my kidneys i.e. weighing down and overworking the kidneys. So now I don’t only battle with SCD but also with end stage renal failure.

ON TURNING 35

I turned 35 years in November, 2016 and for me it was the greatest joy ever. People always say I lie about my age because of my looks but I don’t see why I should tamper with my age. I live each day thankful for all the experiences I have had. I have been able to visit so many African and European countries. I have stayed in the US for a while and I can go whenever I want to. I have had exciting experiences with my work, I have met and made very good friends and I have a very supportive immediate and extended family. I can only stay thankful because I am not better than anyone. Ultimately, I think the best attitude in life is to be thankful in spite of what we think we are going through.

 

***** Uduak is battling renal failure and needs your help to raise the funds for her treatment. Kindly support her on her journey to better health with your donations and your prayers. Please click here to donate –> gofundme.com/debbie-kidney

 

This article was curled from woman.ng to support the fundraiser for Uduak’s surgery.

 

 

The United We Stand campaign is an effort to raise awareness about the rampant issue of counterfeiting, intellectual property theft and piracy in Nigeria.

Spread across many industries, it brings together all who continue to deal with these issues that not only affects their revenue, but also the purity and integrity of their hard work in creating their products.

Date: Friday, February 24th, 2017.
Time: 11.00 am.
Venue: Filmhouse Cinemas, off Bisola Durosinmi Etti Drive, Lekki Phase 1, Lagos.

Alongside renowned beauty entrepreneurs Tara Fela-Durotoye of House of Tara International and Oke Maduewesi of Zaron Cosmetics, members of the campaign collective include Funke Akindele-Bello, representing the entertainment industry and their struggle against intellectual property theft and illegal re-distribution; Temitayo Eyitayo of 24 Apparel standing in the gap for the producers of branded clothing and consumer goods fighting counterfeiting; Uzo Uzeoke sharing Emzor Pharmaceuticals’ battle against counterfeit medication and other products in the healthcare and wellness sector; and media entrepreneur Chude Jideonwo speaking on the widespread issue as it persists and affects us all across all sectors and social classes, both as creators and consumers.

The Hon. Minister of State for Industry, Trade and Investment, Hajiya Aisha Abubakar will deliver the keynote address to social influencers, entrepreneurs, small business owners and corporate body representatives, who have been invited to a stakeholder meeting towards finding a solution to these problems.

A moving documentary starring members of the campaign collective was directed by Kemi Adetiba and will also be screened at the meeting. In it, they recollect the journey from building their business to discovering their work is being illegally copied.

The campaign is a stand against injustice, imploring the Nigerian public to take the extra steps to preserve hard work and to ensure consumer safety. It is also a call for government and regulators to provide an enabling environment for businesses to thrive, and to encourage a change in consumer behaviour.

After the annual orientation camp in Abia state, Mr. Joseph an ailing National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) member was redeployed back to Bauchi state to be closer to home and enable him to get proper medical and family attention.

Mrs. Nancy Genesis, a very courageous fellow corp member single handled took it upon herself to travel with and care for him while he journeyed back home to his family in Bauchi state. Unfortunately, he died in Jos while still in transit.

This single act of service made a senior pastor with ECWA Good News Church Bauchi; Rev. Dauda Galadima recommend her for a post-NYSC award. He praised her selfless efforts and commended her for exhibiting the true essence of what the NYSC vision is all about.

Rev. Galadima who stated this at the burial service of the late Joseph appealed to the management of the NYSC to give her an award at the end of her Service Year for the help she granted late Joseph in his final moments.

Veteran showbiz journalist Azuka Ogujiuba has launched her media brand – Media Room Hub, an online magazine and website.
Azuka is renowned for her no-holds-barred features in ThisDay Newspaper and for the scoop of the decade Tiwa Savage interview. The debut edition of Media Room Hub features Nollywood superstar Mercy Johnson and her husband Price Odi Okojie on the cover.
You can read the full interview and check out the feature for free HERE.

Check out photos from the issue below.

See the loving couple on the set of the photoshoot

The notion that women do not support or empower women is now a thing of the past. On February 4, 2017, Inspired by Glory- a personal development and lifestyle platform for career women and female entrepreneurs and Bubez Centre for Women Empowerment, a platform committed to reducing poverty levels among Nigerian women through enhancing productivity and collaboration, partnered to provide a premier goals setting seminar which aimed to help participants create actionable goals and roadmaps for building fulfilled lives.

The seminar had in attendance female entrepreneurs and professional career women who learnt techniques on how to position their businesses and professional lives. During the workshop participants also learnt how to set Specific, Measurable, Attainable and Time based i.e. SMART Goals and where equipped with the know-how on how to remain focused, audacious and inspired towards success throughout the year.

The Goals Summit is a yearly event put together by Inspired by Glory Founder, Glory Edozien, who says, “more women need to be empowered with the tools to succeed. Setting yearly goals and giving women the tools to create actionable steps is the starting point of our empowerment efforts. This is why it was important for us to collaborate with the Bubez Centre for Women Empowerment which has since had a long standing reputation of empowering women.

The Bubez Centre for Women Empowerment was founded by MD and CEO of Bubez Foods, Ijeoma Ndukwe-Egwuronu. A dynamic and highly-sought- after business strategist who, after just a few years of starting her business in her kitchen, now records a 343 per cent increase in sales of their flagship product Bubez Pap, since the factory opening in June 2015.

Attendees of the workshop also expressed that the aims and objectives of the workshop had been met. One participant noted that the workshop was filled with relevant content and another remarked that she was glad she made the required investment to attend the workshop, as it was a great decision.