self development - Women of Rubies

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Names Of Convicted Sex Offenders Now On NAPTIP’s Register (See Full List)

Remember how a petition was launched in March, urging the Nigerian government to implement a sex offenders registry (i.e rape, paedophilia, sexual harassment and assault)?

Well, the National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) has now published names and photographs of some convicted sex offenders on the Nigeria Sex Offender Register.

The DG of NAPTIP, Dame Julie Okah-Donli, shared a list over the weekend via Twitter. She said the agency is determined to start naming and shaming all sex offenders, and more names of sex offenders would be published once they are convicted.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Editor

Stephanie Linus: 3 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself Everyday

Star actress Stephanie Linus shares three reasons why everyone should love themselves every day on her website recently and we absolutely agree with her.

She says:

Whether or not you are capable of giving and receiving love starts with how much you have come to love yourself. Loving yourself should not be mistaken for narcissism or selfishness. It is about accepting and being comfortable with yourself, and above all embracing your uniqueness by not wishing you were someone else.

A popular old saying goes “You cannot love others if you do not love yourself.” This is a truth that should not be despised; you cannot give what you have not felt or experienced for yourself. Love starts with “Me”. It flows from within and only flourishes when is coming from a place of security and consistency.

Here are three reasons why you should be head over heels in love with “You”:

You deserve to be loved: If you do not love yourself for who you are, you would find it very easy to believe that you do not deserve to be loved. If you are in a relationship, you begin to think everything that goes wrong is your fault and then you justify your partner if he/she is abusing you emotionally or physically. Loving yourself means you realizing that you deserve everything good – including someone who would love and respect you for who you are.
When you love who you are, you accept who you are: Loving yourself is knowing yourself perfectly well. It is about being truthful about your positive and negative sides and choosing to focus on the positive side. This is not an excuse to stop improving yourself, but instead accepting your unique traits rather than comparing yourself to others.
You are Confident and Live a Happy Life: When you love yourself, you are more confident about your body, your choices, your job and everything you can think about. It also means you live a life free of worries and endless comparisons with other people because you do not feel like you are missing out on a particular quality of life.

SL Fabz, the best approach to life is loving and leading every step of the way, and it all starts from the inside.

xoxo SL

Credit: StephanieDaily.com

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Octavia Spencer Donates Breathing Monitors To Medical Facilities In Alabama And New York

Oscar winning actress Octavia Spencer recently announced a donation of breathing monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York fighting the coronavirus pandemic.

Spencer partnered with Mikucare, a company that specializes in baby monitors, to provide their state of the art monitors to medical facilities. The monitors track everything from breathing levels to sleep patterns, equipped with two-way talk and video capabilities that allow medical staff to communicate with patients without even being in the room.

“I, like many of you, have felt helpless in knowing how to help during this time. Seeing what is happening in the communities that I love, I have teamed up with @Mikucare to donate monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York to provide much needed relief to nurses as they navigate care for COVID-19 patients,” Spencer wrote on Instagram.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Emeka Nobis: Dear Men,Let’s Talk About Rape

Rape on my mind!

I slept with thoughts of the act of rape on my mind and woke this morning with the thoughts too.
I’ve had interactions with ladies who have been raped, but this week I’ve had to interact with three that are dear to my heart.

In dealing with them, because of my training now and my perceptible powers, I sensed clouds around them. You know how you sense something is amiss, but somehow you can’t place a finger on it.
How did I sense?

I have come to know when a hug is given halfheartedly, a hurried act to extend a warm hand, but just short enough to allow for that detachment within that creates a shell of retreat.

When I was able to ‘pierce’ through the wall to get them to a place of divulgence, my heart was torn.
I’ll spare you the details. Personally, I don’t understand (perhaps, never will) how a man finds pleasure in forceful, unconsenting sex. It’s because for me, I love to fuse with my woman during sex. It’s not just sex, it’s the motions, the art and science of the rhythms called lovemaking.

While I may not exhaustively list all the reasons men rape women – ego massage, peer pressure, rejection and many others – this is a call to my dear men (and sons in the making) concerning our women.
Beyond the physical, rape does a lot of damage to the emotional stability of a woman. It leaves a gulf too difficult to cover in many years. The spillover of some of these effects are seen in marriage.
A lady recovering from effects of rape may shrink back in embarrassment when you touch her hand. She may reject all your well-intentioned requests to take her to lunch. She may not consider leaders in whatever capacity as worthy of being listened to.

There are so many. The end result can be cracked marriages when the spouse can’t just understand the frigidity during sex or withdrawal from the public or inability to deeply communicate.
My dear men, we have work on our hands to do.

It scares me when I walk the streets and see young boys and men who are derelicts, desiring love and care, but left to fend for themselves though ferocious means at the car parks and dark street corners.
Such men may never consider the dignity of a woman worth preserving or elevating. It’s truly worrisome. I wish I can have all the money in the world to remove them from the streets, reform their minds and instil progressive codes into their subconscious.

My dear men, I say it again : We have work!
Yes, a lot has been said about protecting the women. If you truly dissect it, the women live all their lives with this fear of men and still end up marrying men. It’s a dangerous thing to merge untrained men with trained women within the walls of marriage.

When my friend, Queenette Itsemhe Enilama, who is working so hard to raise legendary men of honour, told me the depth of the depravity of this dimension, I shivered. She’s someone whose heart yearns for raising gallant men.

It’s a danger because the male species aren’t being looked at because all the tablets of precautions and advice are thrown at women to gobble up. We end up raising clueless men.
Dear men, we have work!

Let’s start from our families. It starts with me teaching my son Best not how to be a man in masculine terms, but about the dignity of humanity and the respect for all – male and female alike.

It starts with our dismantling the patriarchal system that tends to mash women underneath and quash their voices in the comity of local communities.

It starts with us expunging religious dogmas and teachings that alienate women from pulpits and keep them in perpetual servitude to the whims and caprices of “ordained men.”

It starts by destroying the clamour for silence when rape is reported. For it’s by maintaining silence that we give power to the offenders, quash the honour of the victims, and crown rape with adorable vestments.

Can we? Yes, we can.

You can start by doing so today after reading this post!

Start by knowing that humanity is in all of us and we are bound by one thing – the red blood that flows in our veins irrespective of colour, creed, religion and political affiliations.

Start by letting a friend read this and by tagging your friends so that together we can create a narrative that can help humanity.

I love you!
Curled from his Facebook page.

***Emeka is also an Ambassador of Walk Against Rape Nigeria***

In self development June 9, 2020 By Editor

SIJU YUSUF : NO TO RAPE

‘I like you’ He said as he pressed his lips against hers so swiftly as if to meet a timeline.

The slap that followed the unsolicited ‘lip pressing’ was even swifter.

‘How dare you?’ She asked in a tone so lethal, one would think the soft spoken naive girl had just been possessed by the forces of darkness.

Her eyes narrowed with disgust as she clenched her fist tightly in a bid to restrain herself from further physical expression.

She would never have thought she was capable of defending herself with an assault so publicly.

How could she have known he would harass her this way?

She’s just a fresher at the university and her friends brother was supposed to help her settle in while he concludes his extra year.

She has just been reduced to her body or was it her lips? She has been defiled. Violated. Molested.

Isn’t this rape? Only without penetration?

Oh God, why her?

Why anyone? What did she do wrong?

She has been scarred. That girl too. Oh the boy. And the other one. On and on.

Rape victims, they are scarred. Emotionally, physically.

**********************************

You do not pray to be violated. How can anyone make light of such an occurrence. An evil act that is forever etched in the memory of the victims.

Forever.

Silence doesn’t mean consent! What is happening to morals and values? We deliberately flushed them down the drain?

Heck!

Any non-consensual sexual acts or actions against a person either by physical force, coercion or abuse of authority is violation of rights and a clearly defined case of rape.

For the sake of emphasis, a person who is incapable of giving valid consent due to unconsciousness, age, intellectual disability and is engaged in the act, is being raped!

A person who therefore knowingly makes light of these actions is an enabler who aids and abets and whose punishment should be as severe as the perpetrators. Or what other intents does an enabler have?

Many organizations are working tirelessly to reduce the statistics on rape reporting which as at today is a grossly dark figure of 91.6%. Actions of enablers, such as; stigmatizing victims, making jokes out of the act, silencing or encouraging victims to remain silent are reasons why the efforts of these organizations are perceptibly futile.

Individuals are joining walks to stop rape yet some other persons are belittling their efforts, perhaps, more interested in making it a parody.

Rape is not a joke!

Victims should not be stigmatized!

Victims should not be mocked!

Enabling is as evil as perpetrating!

#saynotorape

In self development June 8, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Remi Kyne: 5 Lies You Should Stop Telling Today

Little lies like “I’m on my way” are pretty harmless. But there are other little lies that mean big business in your life. These lies can seem insignificant but are very powerful. They can say a lot about how you feel about yourself or someone else. They can also be used as a place holder or time saver. But in the end they can really cost you in life and love. So here are 5 lies you need to unlearn right now.

Little lies can actually bring big problems. Here are 5 ‘harmless’ lies that will really hurt your life.

“I’m fine”

No, you’re not. This is the go-to lie of anyone who doesn’t feel like explaining themselves. More often than not you are far from fine when you say, “I’m fine.” What you’re really saying is, “I’m trying to be fine. I want to be fine. I’m upset. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m scared. But I’m totally not fine.”

You really need to trust someone to spill your guts to. But that’s what friends, and family, is for. Follow-up to this salient admission with, “I could use some support. That will help me actually be fine.”

“I don’t care”

Yes, you do. It might be embarrassing to admit you still have an emotional investment in a situation that is dead, dying or toxic. But being honest with yourself will help you be honest with others. Your friends and family may not respond well to an honest statement like, “It really bothers me.” But if you back it up with “But I know things are the way they should be,” or “I know it’s for the best,” you can avoid some eye rolls and head shakes. You care right now but you will be okay, eventually.

“I’m over it”

Are you really? Or do you want to be? If you’re just angry, offended and defensive it will seep through a tough exterior. Holding grudges is unhealthy for your mind and body. But letting bad behavior go and moving forward without processing it can be harmful too. Being “over” something means you acknowledge what happened and understand your feelings about it. You can then accept your decision to move on with or without someone, or something. When you’re really over it it holds no weight over you.

“I don’t know”

Are you sure? Trust your gut. If you feel something is brewing, investigate. If your partner is being distant, find out why. If you’re not being kept in the loop, make some calls. Be proactive in your life and make things happen. Don’t let your life happen to you.

“I’m trying”

But what are you doing? Trying means you’re putting in work to get what and where you want. Thinking about things is only the first step. Planning is a good follow-up. But then you need follow-through. You need to do. Keep a checklist of whatever you’re working toward and make sure to mark it off regularly. If you are truly trying you should have a record of your steps for success.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide your feeling or your faults than admit something deeper is going on. You have to trust your own feelings to trust another person with them. You must be honest with yourself and be honest with others.

Looking to the future and coming from where you’d like to be is an encouraging mental exercise. But it can lead you to living a less than genuine life. Don’t get used to holding in or denying your true feelings. Be open and let your support system support you through hard times.

In self development June 8, 2020 By Editor

Oluwatosin Arodudu: Men, Ego & The Craving For Respect From Women

“The only thing that a man needs is respect”

I hear this popular statement every now and then being used to charge women to be respectful towards their husbands. It is said that the only thing close to the heart of a man, that he needs and craves, is respect. This statement has wreaked a lot of havoc in many homes. It has created a lot of men who have become unapproachable gods their homes, and to the society at large. This statement has positioned some men and pitted them strategically against their wives. It has made them stiff-necked, and like a panther, prowling quietly seeking for ways to accuse their wives and all women, as being disrespectful. It has created lots of men who have become an opposition on their own path of progress. They will not discuss issues with their wives because they see her input or advise to them as a sign of disrespect.

I was having a discussion with a couple… engaged to be married. Whenever this woman chipped in her own idea to our discussion, the man would shut her up and tell her she argues too much. He tells her to keep to quiet and stop arguing. We were having a brainy discourse, and this was his reaction to his intended wife. I watched that scenario play out all through the conversation. The woman is actually like an aunt to me, so I called her aside and told her: “Aunt, you would be making a mistake getting married to this man. He is going to project his self esteem issues on you and crush you. Please give this union a second thought. ”

She ended up calling off their engagement after a while, because she had an epiphany of the kind of prison she would subject herself to, all in the name of respect. Shortly afterwards, she met and married a man who saw her as a partner and celebrated her intelligence rather than crush it.

You can’t say because you are a man, then you disrespect your wife privately and publicly and yet demand absolute respect from her in return. How possible is this? Is she not human? Even if she respects you despite the disrespect you churn out at her, understand that the kind of respect she gives you is coming from a place of bitterness and hatred.

It will take a lot of grace for a woman to keep doling out respect to a man who constantly disrespects her. That kind of respect if actually given by the woman, despite the disrespect she gets from the man, is toxic and it will attract ill luck.

Dear man what kind of a man are you? Are you a man of honor? How do you treat your wife? Do you know that respect begat respect? The kind of respect you showed her while you both were still in a relationship before marriage that made her so sweet towards you, why has that respect suddenly gone out the window?

Some homes are going through a whole lot of hardship because of this same respect issue that we keep saying is exclusive to men. Decisions which should have been jointly made by the man and the woman becomes the sole decision of the man. He deliberately decides not to seek for his wife’s input, because somewhere in his subconscious he feels if her input ends up to be right, then he would have lost respect in her eyes.

This is so wrong, and a terrible mindset. Sometimes your wife sees what you can’t see. Women are naturally intuitive and have the gift to perceive whatever might go wrong. How can you have such a beautiful gift in the form of your wife and you decide to belittle and treat her condescendingly? Don’t you realize you are short changing yourself and delaying your own advancement in life?

A woman once told me she can’t discuss issues that are ruining their marriage with her husband. The man would be so aggressive, not willing to listen, and she would forget everything she wanted to discuss. I told her to try another method – writing down a list, and agreeing with him on a convenient time for their discussion. She did this, and immediately the discussion started the man flared up and turned everything into a huge fight which ended up in tears for her. According to him, she was being confrontational by writing down a list of what she wanted to discuss with him.

Why are some men so full of ego and so impossible?

In conclusion everybody needs respect.

The man and the woman both deserve respect. It is what you plant in your wife that you will reap in double folds. That is why some women, even if they become scholars, business or company executives in life, would adore their husbands, and show him so much respect in private and in public.

Ask around or ask her why she does this, she would tell you her husband cherishes, respects, adores and supports her.

The only thing a man needs is not respect, a man needs a good heart in him, he needs to be respectful towards his wife. He needs to cherish, support and adore her. He needs to see her as his partner. He needs to seek her input in every decision that concerns their marriage and even some personal decisions. There is no good woman you treat this way that will not treat you even better.

A man and a woman both needs respect so their union can thrive on healthy grounds.

Photo Credit: Tracy Whiteside | Dreamstime.com

About Oluwatosin Arodudu

Oluwatosin Olajumoke Arodudu is a lawyer, a mediator, a negotiator and an arbitrator. She advocates for women’s rights and children’s rights. She is the author of the book Motherhood and the Society. She blogs at www.musingsandthots.com

Source: Bellanaija

In self development June 8, 2020 By Editor

Over 25 & Still Live At Home? Here Are 9 Struggles You Can Relate With

The whole idea of being an adult is that you are independent and you fend for yourself. Based on this idea, the general expectation is that by the adult age of 25 you have completed your education, gotten a job and moved out of your parent’s home. Unfortunately, the economy and a dreary labour market have created a boomerang effect, which now compels young adults to move back into their parents, or never even leave at all upon completing their education or finding a job.

Sure, it would seem that living with one’s parents would provide the perfect succor: a free room, free and regular home-cooked meal, the warmth and company of loved ones, and perhaps even free transportation; but those who actually live this reality would beg to differ.

Here are 9 of the struggles you face when you are over 25 and still living with your parents:

You are forced to live by your parent’s rules
This can be very agonizing because all the time you spent away at school and NYSC, you had a taste of freedom but now that you are back at your parents’, the joy of doing things the way you want them and at your own pace is completely gone. Your parents take that away from you.

You find that you have to schedule your movements around a curfew set by your parents; you need to seek their permission before going anywhere, or doing anything really. You have to conform to their house rules no matter how ridiculous it seems. Now, this would not be a problem if it did not completely stunt your social life. You cannot hang out as freely as you would like, and/or be in a stable relationship – because you do not have control of your time.

You start to believe that your sole purpose in life is to answer questions and run errands
“Why are you still sleeping? It’s already 6 a.m and you father needs his morning tea”

“Have you taken out the garbage?”

“Please bring that remote for me”

“Where are you going? With whom, and why? Also, when will you be back?”

The questions and errands are endless and you cannot escape them. Your excuses, no matter how valid, do not count; and when you insist, you are labeled ungrateful or lazy.

You find yourself trapped in annoying social situations
“Folake come downstairs and greet our old neighbour’s mother-in-law. She is here to visit”.
Your mother yells at you to come down and greet every Dick, Tom, and Harry, and you cannot escape because It’s rude not to apparently. Some days, you are the designated driver and fuel ‘purchaser’, you spend the whole day driving your parents.

Other days you are forced to tackle Lagos Island alongside your mother in the bid to buy Ankara for the family “and co”. Every event is dubbed a “family event” and you must attend -whether you had previous plans or not.

The worst is when you have had a tiring day at work and all you want to do is get home, eat a large plate and go straight to bed. Getting home, you find a house full of your parents’ friends or even worse, relatives and you have to serve them.

You are forced to listen to your parent’s advice and opinion on everything
Your parents will share their view on everything with you, whether you pay attention or not. They will still give you lectures on even the most obvious things and tell you what they think you should be doing.

Your mother will become your nutritionist and doctor telling what you should eat or drink and why. The most irritating is when they start with the phrase “When I was your age…” Ehen? And so? Are we the same? Were you 25 in 2017, biko?

You parents confuse you with mixed signals about your expenditure
One minute your parents are scolding you for spending money on food outside- when there is food at home, the next they are throwing shade at you for finishing the food they bought with their hard earned money. Other times, they complain that you never pitch in to cover bills at home, but when you actually do, they turn around and say that you have insulted or humiliated them, and they do not need your chicken change.
Basically, you do not know how best to spend your money around them, because you don’t know if you will be condemned or praised for it.

You get blamed and yelled at for everything that goes wrong in the house
You feel like Cinderella after her father passed, because the way you see it, your parents treat you worse than Lady Tremaine.

Aside from the fact that you are not allowed to say no to their whims, you are constantly yelled at, and blamed for any and everything that goes wrong in the house. Even when it is clear that you are not at fault or you have an alibi, the fault will still be linked to you… somehow.

You start to feel like your life is a struggle to exist without annoying your parents. After a while, you decide to operate on the low-key and make yourself scarce to avoid the incessant nagging, but then it becomes a big deal that you are always in your room ignoring and snubbing other members of the household.

Privacy in unattainable
You may have your own room, but it does not in any way guarantee any measure of privacy. Your parents and siblings do not bother to knock, they just barge in and let you know what is on their mind. Should you venture to lock your door, they will pound on it and ask you what you are hiding and why you feel the need to lock the door anyway.

They do not hesitate to enter and search your room when you are away. Worse is when you finally have a visitor. Rather than leave you and your guest to the living room, you parents or siblings will choose that very moment to watch their favorite show in the living room as well.

You have to share everything
You cannot buy anything for just yourself anymore. Doing so will make you look ungrateful and greedy. If you feel like ordering Dominos pizza, you will have to order the large box, so that you can offer to you parents, siblings and house helps some slices. If you go for a party, an event or short trip, you have to bring back something for the house. Your mother uses Armani ‘Idole’, but the moment she smells Gucci ‘Envy Me’ on you, she decides she is in love with it and now comes to your room to spray it before going out every day.
“Obinna, please ‘borrow’ me your phone let me quickly call your sister” and 1 hour 15 minutes later, when your credit has run out, you are handed back your phone.

You still do not save as much as you thought you would
The idea behind moving back to your parents’ is so that you can save enough money to rent a nice place and probably get a car. Two years later, your account is still in the same state as it was before you moved in. You realize the living in your parents’ home has done more harm than good. You actually spend more (on yourself and family) because you feel more secure and basically, you have become a little spoilt…you indulge more.
You keep procrastinating too, because…who wants to go through the stress of moving out?

Do you relate with any of these struggles? Do you have more to share?

Source: Bellanaija

By: Nkem Ndem

In self development June 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Enitan Facos: 3 Huge Mistakes Women Make That Push Men Away

So you met a man and everything was going great between the two of you. Or so you thought.

Then, quick as lightning, he was out the door.

When it comes to relationships, women and men have unique perspectives. From first date etiquette to when to sleep with their partner, the outlooks are diverse.

However, when a man pulls away from the woman he’s seeing it’s usually for a specific reason.

Here are three HUGE mistakes you may be making that push men away.

You’re clingy

If there’s one thing that’ll send any man running it’s a clingy woman. Sure, it’s nice to be affectionate and show him that he’s on your mind, but when you make him your be and end all, he’ll start to feel smothered.

When this happens he’ll try to regain his independence by pulling away.

What’s worse is when you make it known that you’re falling for him, too quickly. Since men are looking for fun in the beginning of a relationship, letting him know that you’re already planning your future together will scare him away.

Instead of showing your emotions too soon, it’s crucial that you remain calm, cool and collected.

Remember, if a man senses that a woman wants more from him and the relationship than he’s prepared to give, he will pull away.

You’re insecure

Studies have shown that 97% of women are unhappy with their bodies at least once a day.

However, when it comes to relationships showing your insecurities is never a good idea.

Sure, it’s nice to be comfortable enough to talk about your gym routine or the healthy eating kick you’re on with your man, but if you’re asking him “Do these jeans make me look fat” or nagging anytime an attractive woman talks to him, then you’re digging your own relationship grave.

The problem is that once your insecurities start to show there’s no going back. Instead of pushing him away with your self-doubts show him your happy-go-lucky side and he’ll be hooked.

A good tip to follow is to pretend that every date with your man is a first because there’s no way you’d let him see this side of you then.

You’re unhappy without him

Just because you’re happy when you’re with him it doesn’t mean that he isn’t catching on to your negativity when he’s not in the room. In fact, if he knows that he’s your sole source of happiness then it’s likely to push him away.

The problem here is this type of situation makes him feel pressured to keep you content, and that’s a huge responsibility for anyone!

Instead of relying on him to keep you smiling, make the most of your life. Do the things that you love. When you do, you’ll not only be making yourself happier, but it’ll improve the overall quality of your relationship too.

For a deeper insight on what pushes men away take a moment and watch this free video presentation by relationship expert, Amy North.

Source: https://hackspirit.com/3-huge-mistakes-women-make-that-push-men-away/

In self development May 31, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Toddy Rosiji: 10 Signs He Loves You But Scared To Fall For You

Is your man giving you mixed signals? You think he might love you, but for some reason, he appears hesitant about it? When it comes to dealing with men and their complicated behavior, it can be tough to understand what they’re truly thinking.

After all, sometimes a man is cold BECAUSE they love you, and other times they’re cold BECAUSE they just don’t like you.

However, when you research and understand male psychology, it’s not as complicated as you might think.

So in this article, I thought we’d go over tried and true ways to figure out exactly how he is truly feeling.

We’ll also go over the reasons why he might be scared about falling in love with you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

He can’t help but stare at you

This is an obvious sign that he loves you. Guys will generally do it naturally.

Whether you’re doing something boring like working on your laptop, or you’re taking out the washing to dry, he can’t help but look at you doing it.All you have to do is glance over his way every now and then and see if you catch him looking.If he is looking, you can bet your bottom dollar that he loves you.

Also, focus on how he looks at you when you’re having a conversation with him. You’ll see the kind of puppy love eyes with a cute smile that naturally occurs when you start talking.

Once you see your man doing this, it’s a clear sign he is genuinely in love.

Now if he is scared about his feelings, he might quickly look away when he catches you looking. He doesn’t want you to know that he can’t help but look at you.

But if he maintains eye contact with you, then he definitely isn’t scared about his feelings and he is letting you know directly he likes you.

He’s ignoring you

Surely if he is ignoring you he doesn’t love you, right?Wrong!

Sometimes a guy ignores you because he loves you, particularly if he is scared about it.

Sound confusing?

Well, some guys will go out of their way to do anything but appear desperate.They don’t want to show that they love you because then that will give everything away.

It’s also a way to protect their ego.If they think that you might not be interested in them, then they’ll pull back on expressing their emotions.And the best way to do this is to ignore you.

But don’t worry, once you start showing that you’re interested, too, then he’ll come around and start expressing himself better. He won’t be scared that he is falling in love with you because he knows that you’re falling for him.

3.He remembers every little detail of what you say

We’ve all heard before men aren’t the best listeners. And to be honest, for the most part, that is probably true.But if your man loves you, he’ll listen to everything you say. He hangs on it! If you mention that you’re attending your sister’s friend’s birthday party, he’ll be the first to ask how it was the next day.

If he mentions that your allergic to peanuts, then any restaurant that he chooses for you to go to, he’ll make sure peanuts aren’t on the menu. When he’s listening unconditionally to what you’re saying, you know it’s true love.

He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.

4.He struggles to express his feelings with you

This is a clear sign that he’s scared of falling in love with you, but might be scared about those feelings. He knows he cares for you deeply, and it’s starting to worry him.

Why would it worry him? A common reason for a man is that the strong emotions he is feeling are something he can’t control.

Men like to be in control, and his feelings for you are becoming so strong that he doesn’t know how to handle it.

He won’t be able to talk about his emotions because he fears he’ll lose control.

The best he can do is avoid talking about it.

Also, it’s important to realize that men, in general, are scared of talking about their feelings.

Many men have grown up believing that they need to not let emotions affect them, so they do their best to ignore them.

So, how can you get him to open up?

The most important quality you need to show is that you’re trustworthy. Tell him you’re there for him. Open up to him so he feels comfortable opening up to you.

Sometimes, you can’t force him to talk about his emotions. You need to let him know that you’re there for him and then be patient.

5. His friends know how much he cares about you

This is a clear sign that he loves you if his friends know a huge deal about you. Perhaps they know what your job is, how you two met, and what sport you love to play. How could this be the case when he is scared to admit that he loves you?

Simple.

Guys find it much easier to communicate with their guy friends, and they’ll naturally share the details of someone they’re keen on.

It shows that he can’t get you off his mind.

What’s more, he’ll also invite you out with his friends so he can show you off.

When a guy falls in love, he becomes naturally protective of his love interest. This is basic male psychology.

When you’ve had an argument with a friend, he’ll naturally take your side.

When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.

He can’t help it.

Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves for various reasons, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.

He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.

7.He is acting nervous around you

This goes back to the point before about ignoring you. The reason he is feeling nervous has to do with his emotions. He is feeling something strongly and is starting to realize that he loves you.

But because of this, he’ll want to impress you at all costs.

What does this do?

It puts pressure on him to perform! He wants to make you interested in him, which will make him nervous.He doesn’t want to lose you, and he doesn’t want you to not like him.

So how can you tell if he is nervous?

Nervous people tend to be more fidgety. He also might have trouble speaking clearly around you, which will cause him to speak less.Another sign that someone is nervous is if their acting hyper or weird.

So if your man is acting a little hyper and telling weird jokes, keep in mind that he is just nervous because he likes you.

Once he starts feeling more comfortable, he’ll come around and start acting normal again.

Remember that if he loves you but is scared to admit that he loves you, this will only add to his nerves when he’s around you.

He’ll realize that he hasn’t exactly got total control over his emotions and that will make him scared, anxious, and fearful.

This will lead to even more nervous behavior that we spoke about above.

8.He constantly seeks out your advice

If he is asking for your opinion on important decisions that he needs to make, it’s obvious that he trusts your guidance and might be already in love with you.

It shows that he truly cares what you think. He thinks you’re intelligent and that you actually care about giving him good advice.

This is especially the case if he is revealing details about his life when he seeks your guidance. This is a great clue that he trusts you and desperately wants to bare his soul to you.

And if he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.

9.He wants to be around you all the time

When a guy loves you, they can’t help but try to get as close as they can to their love interest. If you’re out to dinner with a group of people, he’ll somehow find a way to sit next to you. If you’re at a party, then he manages to position himself near you for the majority of the time. The funny thing is, he doesn’t really mean to. It just happens subconsciously because he loves being around you.

10.He can’t stop complimenting you

He looks at you and says you’re beautiful. He comments on how kind and caring you are. He tells you how much he appreciates the meals you cook or the job you’ve committed yourself to.

He goes out of his way to let you know that you’re awesome. And it’s obvious you’re having a bad day, he’ll do his best to lift you up by complimenting you.

It’s not because he is trying to suck up to you, it’s just that he finds it hard to say that he loves you, and instead says it in other ways.

11.He displays little signs of affection.

Don’t get twisted. The little things DO count.

Little gestures of love show that he is in love with you. He cares for you and he is thinking of you.

Those little things can be as simple as holding hands or buying you a small gift to lift your spirit ups.

It’s also a key sign if he is doing it not to impress you, but just to make you feel better.

It shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling. After all, it’s difficult to constantly pre-meditate little signs of affection.

And we all can say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count

12.He keeps supporting you

No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re cooking dinner for the two of you, or you’re pursuing your dreams in your career, he is always supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.

He wants the best for you. He wants you to realize your potential and he wants you to be fulfilled.He can’t help but encourage you to follow your dreams because your happiness is paramount to his happiness.

And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. That’s just how it is.

Reasons why he might be scared to fall for you

It’s all well and good to work out that he loves you and is scared about it, but the deeper issue is why the hell is he scared about it?

There could be several reasons he is scared about falling for you, some of which are more innocent than others.

So if the signs are pointing that he is scared to be falling for you, here are the most common reasons why:

1.He has just got out of a long-term relationship

He’s had a long-term relationship, and he’s been going through a tough break-up. This is extremely common.

He’s told himself he doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a while, and then you come along which starts giving him the feels.Love physically hurts because our bodies release hormones and endorphins to protect us and ready us to move as quickly as possible away from the perceived threat.But that threat lingers in our mind for days, weeks, months and even years in some cases after a bad break up. That’s why he is scared about falling for you. He doesn’t want to get hurt again.

2.He’s been hurt in the past

When you’ve been hurt in the past because a previous partner has cheated on you, or abused you, it can make you very skeptical of getting in a relationship with someone else.This is why his guard might be up, and he is naturally afraid of getting close to anyone again. But don’t worry. All this means is that you have to build trust with him. The more he trusts you, the more he’ll open up and eventually let his guard down. Remember that dating a person that’s been hurt in the past is all about making them feel safe and secure in the relationship.

When he understands that he can trust you, it will alleviate his worries about falling for someone that could potentially hurt him.

3.He doesn’t think you like him back

Can you come across as a bit of an ice queen? You know the old resting bitch face even when you don’t intend to? When it appears like you’re not interested, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s going to be scared about falling for you. This is can even happen in relationships, where a partner fears that they are falling much harder for their lover than their partner.

Nobody wants to be the one with stronger feelings. It can lead to neediness, desperation, and getting hurt. The good news is that there is an easy way to overcome this. All you have to do is show him that you are interested, and he’ll realize that the feelings are reciprocated. There are different ways to show him that you like him, whether it’s buying him gifts or showing him affectiob when he least expects it.

Once he knows that you like or love him, he’ll be more willing to show his feelings, too.

Source:https://hackspirit.com/signs-he-loves-you-but-is-scared/