Women of Rubies
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relationship tips
In Career Gems By

5 Things Your Partner Does Not Need To Know About You

Consider this relationship tips  101, these are  some things you really should not be telling that your boyfriend or girlfriend if you intend to keep the relationship going.

It’s OK to cut down on openness in a relationship from 100% to somewhere in the region of 90% or so. And here’s the reason: some people really just can’t handle the truth. It does not make them bad people or bad partners; they’re not just wired to be calm or stay sane in the face of certain revelations.

So instead of risking something beautiful over an inconsequential detail that’ll likely not hurt anyone if forever locked away in a vault, just keep mum and continue coasting with the love of your life.

Here are 5 times when it’s OK to leave some things unsaid;

For real, not many boyfriends/girlfriends want to hear the step by step narration and graphic details of how you had sex in a bathroom stall at the mall with your ex or some random babe.

As we already discussed in detail here, for the ladies, only your doctor and/or gynecologist deserves this information.

Really, this is literally opening the door for problems no one wants. Here’s the thing about revealing this information – you put your partner in a position to have his imagination roam and become paranoid.

Even if you searched and found out that they’ve been loyal and loyal to you, keep the good news to yourself.

There really is no way to justify snooping through his stuff in the first instance. You’re going to come off as distrustful and things may just go downhill from there. Better keep the info to yourself.

Ladies, your boyfriend does not need to know that you have been stalking his ex on social media. You’ll come off as insecure and you don’t need that.

Related;

5 relationship goals you should yearn to achieve

12 relationship deal breakers deal breakers you should not negotiate

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Jealous partner
In lifestyle By

6 Ways To Know A Jealous Partner Has Hacked Your Phone (And How To Protect Yourself)

A jealous partner is a ticking bomb. Have you ever dated an insecure person? or suspect your boyfriend/girlfriend could be monitoring you and just seems to know almost everything you are doing at any given time, even without you mentioning it to them?

If your answer is yes, then this article is for you. I got you covered.

Few days ago, I saw one of the biggest revelations on a private Whatsapp group I am privileged to be part of, A sister shared the story of how her boyfriend installed malware on her phone for 6 months, listening to her phone calls, reading her messages, he had access to all her phone apps, including banking apps.

Jelaous Partner

He was remotely controlling activities of her phone and she didn’t know till a fight broke out and he hit her then confessed out of anger .

An abusive partner or ex may be able to track you in detail through a secret app and keep tabs on all you do.

I shared the story on my Facebook page (Without mentioning the name of the sister of course) , and I was even confronted by more revelations; one sister actually said she cloned her boyfriend’s phone as well.

I was shocked, trust me the only place I have seen someone clone anyone’s phone is in Netflix series “YOU”, and that’s a totally different context because the character is a Narcissist and serial killer himself , aside his other ways.

Anyway, I did some digging deep to seek more knowledge as I can’t fathom why anyone would be so obsessed to a person they claim to love and monitor their lives that much. Well, I got you covered, here are 6 ways to know a jealous partner has hacked your phone according to an expert;

1. Noticeable decrease in battery life

While a phone’s battery life inevitably decreases over time, a smartphone that has been compromised by malware may start to display a significantly decreased lifespan. This is because the malware – or spy app – may be using up phone resources to scan the device and transmit the information back to a server.

Watch: 5 Ways To Stop Being A People Pleaser

2. Sluggish performance

Do you find your phone frequently freezing, or certain applications crashing? This could be down to malware that is overloading the phone’s resources or clashing with other applications. You may also experience continued running of applications despite efforts to close them, or even have the phone itself crash and/or restart repeatedly.

3. High data usage

Another sign of a compromised phone is an unusually high data bill at the end of the month, which can come from malware or spy apps running in the background, sending information back to its server.

4. Outgoing calls or texts you didn’t send

If you’re seeing lists of calls or texts to numbers you don’t know, be wary – these could be premium-rate numbers that malware is forcing your phone to contact; the proceeds of which land in the cyber-crim’s wallet. In this case, check your phone bill for any costs you don’t recognize.

5. Mystery pop-ups

While not all pop-ups mean your phone has been hacked, constant pop-up alerts could indicate that your phone has been infected with adware, a form of malware that forces devices to view certain pages that drive revenue through clicks.

Even if a pop-up isn’t the result of a compromised phone, many may be phishing links that attempt to get users to type in sensitive info – or download more malware. The vast majority of such pop-ups can be neutralised simply by shutting the window – though be sure you’re clicking the right X, as many are designed to shunt users towards clicking an area that instead opens up the target, sometimes malicious, site.

6. Unusual activity on any accounts linked to the device

If a hacker has access to your phone, they also have access to its accounts – from social media to email to various lifestyle or productivity apps. This could reveal itself in activity on your accounts, such as resetting a password, sending emails, marking unread emails that you don’t remember reading, or signing up for new accounts whose verification emails land in your inbox.

Jealous Partner

If this is the case, here is how to protect yourself

1.Since installing spy apps require physical access to your device, putting a passcode on your phone greatly reduces the chances of someone being able to access your phone in the first place. And since spy apps are often installed by someone close to you (think spouse or significant other), pick a code that won’t be guessed by anyone else.

2. Go through your apps list for ones you don’t recognize.

3. Keep in mind how you usually verify your identity with various accounts – for example, your bank will never ask you to input your full password or PIN.

4. Avoid clicking links from numbers you don’t know, or in curiously vague messages from friends, especially if you can’t see the full URL.

5.If you do click on the link and end up downloading an app, your Android phone should notify you. Delete the app and/or run a mobile security scan.

6. Create a strong password for your key accounts (email especially).

7. Enable login notifications so you’re aware of sign-ins from new computers or locations.

8 .Enable two-factor authentication so that even if someone discovers your password they can’t access your account without access to your phone.

9.To prevent someone resetting your password, lie when setting up password security questions. You would be amazed how many security questions rely on information that is easily available on the Internet or is widely known by your family and friends. Example if the name of your boyfriend is “Neka” and the device ask “What is the name of your spouse” as a test question, it’s ok to type something else. *winks*

Here are some tips and revelations from my Facebook page as well;

Jealous partnerJealous partner hacking phoneJealous PartnerJealous partner

Like Dewunmi Lagos commented on the last screenshot; “May God save us from any man or woman who has insecurity issues”. They are like ticking bombs and their explosion could result into violence.

Run from any jealous partner as far as you can. You deserve love that doesn’t require suffering first.

Have you experienced this in anyway too? Kindly share with us.

Kindly like, follow, share and drop your comments. *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts;

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@estherijeweree

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherijewere/

Related:

How to leave a toxic relationship

7 unrealistic expectations men have of women

5 dating apps for serious relationships

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Keep Reading
Ways to overcome obstacles
In lifestyle By

Tammy Rosiji: 7 Powerful Ways To Overcome Obstacles And Win In Life

Have you faced any obstacle that made you feel like nothing could be worse?

Obstacles and challenges  are the stumbling blocks that prevent you from reaching your goals. They are the limiting factors that hinder you from achieving your desired dreams, and you have to overcome these obstacles to move further in life.

It’s not enough to set goals; you need to actualize your goals. It is at the point of execution that life becomes unbearable as unexpected setbacks and obstacles set in.

It is not an understatement to say that every success comes with challenges. Those challenges often come as problems you need to solve. If you can solve them, you can then have the assurance that you can reach your goals.

5 Reasons Why Obstacles Are Important

So why is it important to overcome obstacles? Can you go through life without encountering any limitations?

Here are 7 reasons why obstacles are important in life.

1. Obstacles Reveal Your True Identity

Some life challenges will rip you apart. When this occurs, you get to know who you truly are. Sometimes, you don’t know your full capabilities and tendencies. Obstacles exist to test you and stretch you beyond limits.

The fact is once your limitations and inclinations have been revealed, you can begin to take steps to deal with them so you can win in life. You’ll be forced to overcome these obstacles, which will help reveal your true self.

2. Obstacles Direct Your Actions

Someone once said you could walk on water; you only need to know where the stones are placed. The stumbling blocks on your path create a new way to get to the next level or phase.

For instance, if someone continually hurts your feeling, the situation allows you to practice the art of forgiveness. Every problem comes with its solution. You only need to shift your perspective to uncover the lessons that challenges have to teach you.

No wonder Benjamin Franklin once affirmed that:

 

The things which hurt, instruct.

Once you receive instructions, learn, and make progress in the directions of your goals.

3. Obstacles Make You Tougher

No one comes with the natural ability to withstand challenges; you have to develop your resilience through life. And don’t you ever think everything will come to you on a platter of gold. That only happens in the grave

As long as you are here, you’d have to overcome obstacles and surmount difficulties. The essence of obstacles is to toughen you so you can be courageous. It would be best if you dared to change your circumstances – to improve yourself and the world.

And if you discover you are losing courage, obstacles can toughen you more so you can move to the next phase.

4. Obstacles Enable You to Focus on What Counts

Not everything counts in life, so you need to focus on your goals and pursue your life missions. Once you are clear about your goals and tasks, every obstacle that comes your way looks smaller and manageable.

But when you lack clues and direction, this uncertainty magnifies every limitation and makes your pursuit a massive mountain that you need to climb.

The bottom line is that you need to be clear about your goals and focus like a laser so you can surmount the few mountains that deserve your attention.

5. Obstacles Unleash Your Creativity

You don’t know how far you can run until you meet a lion in the jungle. That’s the beauty of life!

Without impediments, you may not reach the untrodden territory. It takes persisting and resisting to learn where others fail because they were impatient. Obstacles are capable of stretching your creative muscles so you can go beyond the limits.

6. Obstacles Help You Find Meaning to Your Life

Your perception of life determines your outcome. You might want to take a cue from the experience of President Abraham Lincoln. While he battled with depression all though, he led the United States through one of the most challenging times in history: The Civil War.

Lincoln discovered the art of fining meaning despite his inner turmoil by channeling his efforts outward by uniting the entire nation. He learned the art of endurance. He articulated this attitude and derived meaning from his obstacles.

He discovered purpose and found succor in a more prominent cause higher than his obstacles.

7. Obstacles Can Help You Discover Meaning Beyond Your Inner Troubles

Just like Lincoln, you can find your purpose when you cease from peering at your troubles and begin to seek how you can make others happy. You can rise above your obstacles by lifting others.

This strategy is one of the best approaches to deal with depression. It is a way of starving your problems of time so you can focus on others suffering.

Here’s the added advantage!

Focusing outward will enable you to improve inward.

7 Ways to Overcome Obstacles in Life

Now that you know the significance of obstacles, here are 7 ways you can turn them into stepping stones.

1. Find Out What’s Limiting You

Sit down and assess your limiting factors. What are the obstacles standing between you and your goals?

Figure out why you are not meeting the deadline. Avoid dredging up your list of complaints as it will eventually culminate into excuses.

For instance, if you said,’ I don’t have sufficient time,’ reflect on what you spend your time and energy on. Your limiting factors could be procrastination, complacency, or external events. If you said, ‘I don’t have enough funds,’ this is most times related to priorities.

Your immediate challenge may be a lack of motivation or time, or you need to commit to learning how to earn extra income and reduce your expenses.

2. Review the Obstacle’s Timeline

How long have you been dealing with the challenge? What attitude or habit is hindering you from overcoming the obstacles? Finding answers to these questions will enable you to make the right changes.

For instance, if you changed your job, there could be something about your new job or workplace that is challenging you. It could be the fact that you need to cope with a new environment.

Reflect on the different obstacles you have faced in life. Whether you work over them or not, take a cue from your experience and apply the lessons in dealing with new challenges.

3. Determine What’s Beyond You

Some challenges are beyond you. They are so daunting that you don’t have a clue on how to overcome them. Perhaps, you are even afraid or weak to the bone.

It shouldn’t be the end of the world. Just take a deep breath and list those things you can control, such as:

  • Your habits
  • How much energy you exert
  • Your decision when you are offered an opportunity
  • Your lifestyle-exercise, diet, and relaxation, all of which affect your mood and personal disposition

Focus on what you can control. Start by cultivating all the good habits to have in life.

4. Break Your Goals Down

Giant stride is not about taking one leap to the top of the highest mountain; it is about boldness to pursue your goals in the face of oppositions. It’s reasonable to break your goals into bits and develop a checklist to figure out the obstacles hindering you from actualizing the first box.

5. Maintain an Active Plan

Always work with a to do list . Begin your day with what you have to do and achieve your goal. Recognize that there will be obstacles and distractions. The lessons from facing obstacles will help you to adapt your plan in finding the best strategy to achieving your goals.

6. Improve Your Problem-Solving Skills

If you tend to make decisions base on your instincts, you may try to be more analytic.

Here are some strategies you can adopt to making a decision:

Worst case scenario: If I enroll for the copywriting course and I fail, where would I end up? Design a backup plan for this eventuality.

Cost-benefit analysis: What would I gain if I complete the copywriting course. Assess if the benefits are worth the sacrifices.

Final Thoughts

Obstacles give life meaning. As long as you are on the face of the earth, you will keep facing challenges. It’s up to you to change your perspectives and deal with obstacles with the right mindset. It’s either they become your stepping stones or stumbling blocks.

Choose to live your life by design and apply the tips I have shared above to overcome whatever obstacle you are facing. Stay safe, and stay strong!

 

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Sitting posture
In Career Gems By

6 Simple Ways To Improve Your Sitting Posture At Your Work Desk

If there is one thing this generation suffers from, it is poor posture. Take a look around you and observe keenly the people around your environment. You would see people with poor sitting, standing and walking postures.

In your work place, you would have noticed people hunched over their seats, with their backs bent.

You’re probably currently sitting at your desk reading this, blissfully unaware of your posture right now—and that’s perfectly normal. It can be difficult to always be mindful of your posture, especially during a hectic workday through hours of Zoom meetings and conference calls.

Your posture is a very important indicator of your overall health, as it supports blood flow, improves your mood, increases your confidence, and strengthens your other muscles and joints. Practicing better posture while at your desk at work or at home, even in the smallest ways, is a great way to be mindful of your health on a daily basis.

Here are a few quick ways you can improve your posture as you go along your workday.

Sitting posture

1. Switch up your seating

Your seating can make or break your posture—literally. Seating with little to no back support, worn-out chairs, and working from your couch or bed could wear on your body over time, straining your shoulders, spine, and lower back.

If your desk chair doesn’t have the support you need to sit comfortably and in an upright position for an hour or two at a time, you may need to switch up your seating.

A good, ergonomic chair for your workspace will have lumbar support to help the middle of your back, where most of the tension goes when you’re hunched over your desk. You also want to pick a chair that keeps your body at a neutral, upright position with an adequate seat height that keeps your arms and legs leveled and a backrest that isn’t too firm or too soft.

If you’re now working from home, make sure to be mindful of where and how you’re sitting. Set up your own workspace with a desk and chair that supports your back and shoulders and promotes better posture over time.

As much as you can, avoid working from your bed. Your spine will thank you.

2. Take frequent stretch breaks

It’s easy to get wrapped up in your workday and forget to move, so set an alert on your work calendar or on your phone as a regular reminder to take a break and switch up your posture by taking a walk, standing briefly in between meetings, stretching, or getting a quick exercise in.

Spending hours upon hours every day in a seated position where your back is either slouched or hunched over is detrimental to your posture. Many health professionals have declared that sitting has now become the new smoking, a popular myth that compares the negative chronic health effects of both, such as weight gain and diabetes.

Prolonged sitting can have long-lasting effects on not only your back but also on your overall health.

Make it a priority to get up and move around on a regular basis throughout your workday to give your body some relief from sitting and staring at a screen all day. Put yourself on a daily schedule to get some time away from the desk so you can give your back a break from sitting in an upright position, putting more pressure on your spine.

3. Exercise for better posture

When we exercise, we often forget to exercise for better posture, especially as working from home becomes more prevalent. Your posture is key to better overall health, and taking time to focus on it during your workday can help prevent lifelong body issues.

Exercising throughout the workday for better posture can be as simple as standing upright for an hour or two at a time at your desk, stretching and rotating your neck to relieve some of the tension from hours of working, or getting a good back bend at the waist to loosen up that lower back.

Give yourself a few small breaks during the workday to work out those kinks in your shoulders, neck, and back from sitting too long, and focus on exercises specifically for those areas.

4. Keep your workspace eye level

Hunching over your desk to look at your laptop or to type is one of the key indicators of poor posture. If your laptop or desktop computer isn’t eye level, it makes it easy to slouch and get stuck working that way for hours.

Do an overall assessment of your workspace, including your laptop, your monitor, your desk, and your computer accessories like your keyboard and mouse to make sure they are level to your eyesight and body to ensure that you’re not straining your neck, shoulders, and back to use your devices.

Your workspace should be at a comfortable level but upright enough where your posture isn’t compromised. Switch up the positioning of your workspace so that it’s easier to sit upright while still being effective throughout the day. If you work remotely or from home, find a better place to set up your workspace like on a high bar-style countertop where you can easily sit in an upright position, or even stand and work for a change of pace.

5. Be intentions about your sitting posture

Taking the time to connect with your body every so often throughout the day to see how it feels can seem like another item for your to-do list, but your back will definitely thank you for it!

Practice being mindful of your posture throughout the workday by setting frequent reminders on your phone to check in with your body.

Use this mindfulness to be more aware of your posture on a daily basis and when you place the most tension on your back. Do you find that your posture suffers during long Zoom meetings? Are you sitting for more than two to three hours at a time in the mornings or afternoons? Take note daily of all of your workspace habits and how it impacts your posture and your overall body. This will help you anticipate and be more mindful of your posture during the most stressful times of your day and prepare to change it up.

6. Keep your feet flat on the floor

Your feet and their position while at your desk play a crucial role in your overall posture while sitting. If your feet are crossed or elevated, that could compromise your posture, as your weight is primarily on one leg or your back is taking the brunt of it.

When your feet are flat on the floor and properly leveled, the weight of your body is evenly distributed across your hips. Keeping your feet flat on the floor also makes you more mindful of the overall stance of your body, as it unconsciously makes you straighten up.

Practice keeping your feet fully on the floor for longer periods of time instead of elevating them using a footrest or crossing your legs at the knees underneath your desk. Planting your feet on the ground will help you be more aware of your posture and if you’re slouched or hunched over your desk.

Your posture is a key indicator of your body’s health during your workday. Don’t ignore any signs of back or shoulder pain; make it a point to take care of yourself while working, starting with your posture

Which of these tips do you find helpful?
Which of these tips would you start practicing today?

What other useful tip would you like to add? Please share with us in the comment box below.

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Violent relationships
In lifestyle By

Model Ajuzie: 5 Factors That Make Women Stay In Violent Relationships

 There is a rise in domestic violence and it is more painful when you decide to stay because of the kids. What exactly are you teaching them? Do you realise the psychological and emotional effect the constant violence they witness have on them?
Every life matters but when you are constantly traumatized and you face physical abuse, it is better to leave, don’t wait for your abuser to change. Truth is nothing justifies Assault and battery. Domestic violence is not gender based but I would want to focus on women.  Women should stop  enduring DV. There is no accolade for enduring domestic violence.
I understand the stigma attached to being a divorced or single parent especially as a woman but that is not enough to stay where you are no longer accepted or tolerated. Most women have lost their lives as a result of the shame of speaking out. They try to hide their pain and wallow in self pity, denial and shame. I understand their are unfavourable factors that they might want to deal with which is why some prefer to endure abuse and live in denial.
I will like to mention but a few.

1. Parental Rules. 

Parents should learn to accept their kids who have the courage to walk out of ill  relationships. They should welcome them and make them feel at home. Some parents have lost their child because they don’t want to be associated with a daughter who walked out of a relationship not minding the grievance of what she passed through. They stigmatize her and give unrealistic advice with expectation that the abuser will change. They try to avoid whatever will according to them, tarnish their image or reputation amongst friends, colleagues and the society.

2. Religious doctrine 

Christianity tells you that marriage  is for better for worse and as such you are to endure and back your abuser in prayers. Your are to pray and fast for him to change. How do you achieve that? How do you remain  where you are constantly being beaten, inflected with physical injuries, you are mentally drained and emotionally broken? Just How? You are reminded that God hates divorce and for you not to offend God you just have to look for a way round the situation but walking away is certainly not one of those choices.

3.The society. 

The society already has a title for you as a woman who was once married and they try to pull you down with either their words or attitude. They act like a reminder to your previous status and some even try to stigmatise you especially when a child(ren) are involved.You’re most likely not to be given a fair judgement as they analyse and conclude on how, why and when you become a single parent or divorced woman.

4. You!

Yes you, you already have conditioned yourself to be too dependent on your abuser that you fear what the future holds outside that relationship. You prefer to take the insults for the fear of starting life afresh. You endure all his abuse because you feel that is the only way to gain respect. You have so built your world around him that you just don’t want to see beyond the abuse. You are scared of what your fellow married women would say and you don’t want to be mocked. I quite understand but the truth is not every one who walks out of an abusive relationship alive. Think about it.

5. The children 

Most women who died in The hands of their abusive partner stayed backed because of their  children. They were more concerned about the welfare of their kids but never really understood that theses kids are accumulating  and assimilating negative notions of how a family should live. You stay back for your children but have your asked what exactly are they learning in such a Commotinal environment? The bitter truth about staying in such a relationship is that when you die, these kids if not grown up will be told a different story about you. They will be lied them and you might be painted black. You stay and die for the children but their live goes on.
Finally, I am not advocating for you to leave a happy home but all I am saying is when domestic violence becomes a norm in your Violent relationships, please leave to live. Make your happiness and wellbeing your priority and walk out with confidence.
Remember that a life worth living is worth living well and marriage void of abuse of any sort is best enjoyed and appreciated.
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what men want
In lifestyle By

Remi Cole: 7 Unrealistic Expectations Men Have Of Women

Hey Guys. We love you, but some of the expectations you have of us, girls, range from bluntly absurd to rather mean. Just like you, we’re face the same limitations that are posed on us by being human.

If you stop expecting the next 7  things, our whole relationships may go onto the next quality level!

  1. We cannot look hot without taking no time to get ready.

Do you realize that even those “effortless, I just got out of bed look” requires hours of careful preparation – blow dry, face tone, mascara, bronzer, etc. Don’t pace nervously around the room, sighing for the tenth time, looking at your watch and moaning: “Are you ready, yet?”. Most of us were not born so naturally good-looking as you are. So sit down and wait if you’d like us to look gorgeous as hell.

2.  We won’t stop dating other people unless we are official

Just too many guys these days falsely assume that while they are still playing the field, hooking up, and going on dates with other girls, we would show the outmoded notion of chivalry and sit at home, patiently waiting for your call. That will likely not gonna happen until we become official. Until you are clear about your expectations, we will continue keeping our options open!

3. We won’t stop being friends with our male buddies

Yes, we are together now and we may be in love, but that absolutely doesn’t mean we should banish our male friends. They have been around for decades before you, supporting and helping us expecting nothing in return! If you expect that now you will be the only man in our life, you are very wrong. Having male friends for a girl is all right and you should deal with it. Men are 50% of the population and some of them are friends with women.

4. We can’t read your mind

As a man, you are likely not used to spilling out all your feelings and troubles. We get that. You are not used to complaining. You don’t want to appear weak and so on. But if something really bothers you – we want to know! We can see you are being passive-aggressive so something must be wrong. Yet, in most cases we cannot read your mind and magically guess the reason. Instead of playing an evening game of charade with questions like: “Did something happen at work yesterday?”, “Did you fight with Joe?”, “Is your Mom feeling well”? and so on, just tell us what’s wrong! We’d really appreciate that.

5. We can’t call you less and more at the same time

Yes, you don’t like us to be that annoying gal who rings you up ten times a day and texts in between the calls. Sure, no man likes overwhelming attention. That makes you feel creepy. Yet, at the same time, if we do not call you often enough, you just assume we are not that into you. Work with us to find the fine line that is not too much, not too little, but just right.

6.  We rarely make an exception in our rules for you

Most of us have these small rules when it comes to dating: “no kissing on the first date”, “the 5 date rule”, and so on. Those rules exist in a woman’s mind for a reason. We don’t want to feel cheap or used. We don’t want to get hurt or become too close before we get to know each other well enough. If you are, indeed, “worth it”, we’ll break the rules without any extra encouragement from your side.

7.  We can’t be casual and emotional all at once

Guys, we sometimes don’t mind having just a casual physical connection and not being in a relationship. Yet, if  you “don’t really look for a relationship right now,” then we don’t really look to deal with your emotional issues, go to brunch together or give an advice of what to say at a job interview. If this is “just sex,” just have sex with us, but don’t bring in your emotional baggage and false expectations in tow.

 

 

 

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Female Friendships
In lifestyle By

5 Reasons Why Female Friendships Are Important For Women’s Well-Being

A close-knit group of trusted friends is important for everyone’s well-being, but women in particular can benefit from their female friendships.

Here’s five benefits of female friendships, and why it’s so important to maintain and nurture them

Most of us have been dumped, experienced pain or loss, or faced conflict in our lives. As humans, we tend to go through highs and lows and these experiences can be a little easier when we have girlfriends to support us.

The truth is – having female friends is incredibly important for your mental health.

1. Female friends can understand you in ways that men may not

Although we are biologically alike, there are differences in the way different sexes can engage and react with situations. Without generalising too much, women tend to have nurturing, mothering qualities which can be empathetic and understanding when you need it the most.

So, when you vent about work or your in-laws, another woman can be more empathetic, validate your reasoning and draw on their own personal experiences to relate back to you.

A pattern I’ve seen in certain people who enter relationships is the isolation process that takes place after. They start spending all of their time with their significant other, coming to them for every type of support and slowly start fading away from their platonic relationships.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

Having an intimate connection with your significant other is great and expected in any healthy relationship. However, when it comes to vulnerability, it is never fair to confide in only one person.

When you are only confiding in one person for every single thing, you are inadvertently putting a heavy amount of pressure on that person. What you’re essentially doing is turning that person into an “emotional dumpster” so to speak.

And to put it simply, there are going to be times where your guy just can’t relate.

There are going to be times where your man is not going to be able to give you the comfort or support you need, and he really should not need to.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

The saying goes that “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” and there’s a lot of psychological truth to that. Even though men and women may complement each other, such friendships with our girlfriends are an outlet to “share problems, thoughts, feelings, and triumphs”.

By nature, women are more intuitive as well. Those things that come up that your guy thinks you are “overthinking” or being “crazy” about, your girls will be there to acknowledge your feelings and back with reasoning.

Confiding with your girlfriends gives you an entirely different level of emotional support.

2. Female friends can offer you a fresh perspective

Although women have the love and support of our partners, a female friend can offer you a different perspective in times of need.

For relationships, a female friend can act as an outsider looking in, giving honest advice that we may not always want to hear, but provides a different perspective that can positively influence our decisions.

Female friends can also be great for your self-esteem. A good female friend won’t fat-shame you or let you fat-shame yourself, they will tell you why you deserve that promotion or why your partner should treat you better.

After walking away from a conversation with a good female friend you should feel confident and supported.

3. Female friends can be a voice of honesty

Even if the honesty can come across as brutal, at least you know that you’re getting the absolute truth.

Female friends can be your sounding board, someone who will listen to your ideas, thoughts and opinions and then tell you what they honestly think. Recent research suggests that our female friends know us better than our partners. They therefore know when you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a night out dancing and drinking cocktails!

4. Female friends get better with age

Good quality girlfriends are like fine red wines: they get better with age. Recent research actually tells us that the average female friendship lasts 16 years, which is 6 years longer than the average romantic relationship. Once we turn 55, our friendships on average last 23 years! Female friends can challenge us to try new things, act as mentors in our career and push us to excel in all areas of life.

5. Female friendships can help us deal with stress.

Women and men biologically have differing responses to stress. Women who are stressed respond with a reaction called ‘tend and befriend’, which means they tend to nurture those around them and reach out to others, often other women.

Research has even shown that women have higher survival rates from breast cancer when they have strong friendships than those in social isolation.

So…

Contrary to popular opinions on how women are their worst enemies, a lot of women have agreed and acknowledged the positive impact and pleasant vibes female friendships has offered to them. And from this article, it is clear how much benefits female friendships have to offer.

Get past the notion of women not being able to befriend each other, get past that idea of women being there wist enemies and open your eyes to a new horizon. See that women are not just capable of bonding and being friends, women are truly meant to be friends with each other.

 

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C-Section
In Career Gems By

5 Tips To Help New Moms Recover From C-Section Surgery

Christina Hammond is a freelancer, with a busy schedule, on Essence she shares her experience with c-section and tips on how to prepare and recover quickly from it, especially those who didn’t plan to have one. She believes there isn’t enough information about this

“I have what doctors call a bicornuate uterus. This means that my uterus is split and somewhat heart-shaped. A woman with my condition has a high chance of miscarriage and going into preterm labor. By the grace of God, I was able to go full term. A woman with a bicornuate uterus is also more likely to deliver via C-section, which turned out to be my only option. OKy little one remained breached the entire pregnancy, so I mentally prepared to have major surgery. Three years prior to that, I had to have my left ovary removed. Because my recovery was a speedy one, I believed the C-section recovery would be similar.

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depressed partner
In lifestyle By

Olamide Ayeni: 5 Tips On How To Deal With A Depressed Partner

Living with a  depressed partner who is often unhappy, critical and negative isn’t easy, and it may also be hard to persuade the individual to get help. Depression can put a strain between you and your partner if it’s not handled properly.
Tips on how to cope with a depressed partner
Tips on how to cope with a depressed partner [Atinka Online]

 

Depression varies tremendously in severity, but it has many behavioral impacts that can profoundly affect all significant relationships. Many factors can contribute to one’s depression, most especially when he is in a low place in his life.

Depression results from shifts in brain chemistry that influence mood, thoughts, sex drive, sleep, appetite, and energy levels. All factors that could affect a marriage, as well as disrupt home and family life.

So what do you do when your partner or husband won’t talk to you but grumble, complain and mope around the house? Here’s how to deal with a depressed partner.

1. Find the root of the problem

You have to know what the problem is to solve it [How Africa]You have to know what the problem is to solve it [How Africa]

This is the first step to solving the problem. You have to know what the problem is to solve it. Is it the person’s job? Earnings? Or even you and the family? A problem shared is a problem solved. And in a case where he doesn’t talk, do some digging, but not snooping and getting into the partner’s business. Just gather enough information that would help in solving the problem.

2. Identify what you each can handle and stick to it

Supporting a significant other through a hard time is always going to be stressful. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, but it can be a danger to your well-being. You can’t help your partner if you’re too overwhelmed to function. When you’re helping your partner, be sure to give yourself some clear boundaries on what you can and cannot offer them. Getting a therapist for your partner is advised.

3. Seek help together

Support goes a long way in helping your spouse. Seek help together, whether it is a counselor you see or a professional therapist, a spiritual counselor or help from family members. You need to be by your partner’s side so the individual doesn’t go through the journey alone.

4. Demonstrate your love

Telling and showing your partner that you love them helps them [Pulse Nigeria]

Depression can make a person feel like a burden and unworthy of love and support. Proactively counteract those thoughts by telling and showing your partner that you love them. Let them know that you understand that depression is affecting their thoughts, feelings, and behavior and that you (still) love them. Reassure them that you are here to support them in their journey to get better.

5. Do family activities together

You can take him and the kids out, do something fun as you used to you when dating. Getting him distracted will help the recuperation process. He needs to feel needed and useful again, to know that there are people counting on him. You are the one who can best help your husband because you know him best.

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Meet Annabel Vundla And Refilwe Moreetsi
In Inspiration By

Queens Of The Sky | Meet Annabel Vundla And Refilwe Moreetsi, Two Black Female SA Pilots Who Just Made History

Captain Annabel Vundla and First Officer Refilwe Moreetsi are not just queens of the sky, they are history makers. The amazing pilots, who fly South African Airways planes, became the first black African female pilots to operate an SAA flight in its 88 years of existence.

Captain Annabel Vundla and First Officer Refilwe Moreetsi operated the flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town on Tuesday, 25 October 2022. The whole crew on Flight SA346 was female.

Captain Vundla made history for the second time. She is SAA’s first black African female captain. She is also a military flight instructor and a Presidential pilot.

Meet Annabel Vundla And Refilwe Moreetsi

Captain Vundla was born in 1980 and attended Kingsway Christian School for her primary education before moving to Mmabatho High School from 1991 to 1997.

Upon completing her Matric, Captain Vundla joined the South African National Defence Force (SANDF) for about two years. After serving in military training, she joined the South African Air Force in January 1999 and became a Presidential Pilot.

She has flown the Presidential Inkwazi BBJ1 (Boeing 737-700) jet, Falcon 50 and Citation II (C550) planes for 23 years.

In 2010, she joined South African Airways as a pilot., becoming the national carrier’s first black female captain.

Moreetsi attended Merensky High School from 2001 to 2005 before enrolling at Stellenbosch University. She attained a Higher Certificate in Military Studies and later a Bachelor of Military Science in Aeronautics/Aviation/Aerospace Science and Technology with distinction.

In 2006, she joined the South African Air Force as a pilot.

From 2008 to 2009, First Officer Moreetsi did a Pupil Pilot Course with the Central Flying School in Langebaanweg.

Despite achieving all these, First Captain Moreetsi felt this was not enough.

In 2010, she went to Starlight Aviation Group and got a Private Pilot’s Licence. The same year, she also went to the Helicopter Flying School.

From 2011 to 2013, while in the air force, Moreetsi was the Limpopo/Mpumalanga Branch Coordinator for the South African Women In Aviation.

The pilot then left the South African Air Force and joined South African Express Airways as First Officer from 2014 to 2016.

Two Black Female South Africa Pilots
Captain Annabel Vundla and First Officer Refilwe Moreetsi

 

First Officer Moreetsi’s academic pursuits resumed in 2016 when she enrolled at the Da Vinci Institute. In 2020, she graduated with a Bachelor of Commerce degree in Business Management, specialising in Aviation Management.

From 2016 to date, she has been with South African Airways, where she was Senior First Officer and later promoted to Deputy Fatigue Risk Management Specialist.

In June 2022, First Officer Refilwe Moreetsi was promoted to Fatigue Risk Management Specialist.

She had words of inspiration to girls on the day of her historic flight with Captain Annabel Vundla this week:

“My message to young girls is that your dreams are valid. If this is a career you would like to follow, it is possible. Your gender and your race are not a barrier.”

Recommended: I’m Passionate About Helping Women Gain Financial Freedom – Vanessa Ideh Shares Her Story

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