Most people find it hard to believe me when I say I’m an oddball (considering the fact that I’m usually the life of the party, anywhere I go)..but that’s just the truth. While growing up, I felt that I didn’t really fit in at home or in school but I just played along and did what I was told to do..but I felt out of place! I was quite a spontaneous and stubborn girl so I broke lot of rules and jinxs. I didn’t want to look like a bastard so I stopped being myself and tried being all obedient.
While my friends were writing love letters in primary school, I preferred writing short stories..I even dared to start a mini magazine then, and forged an imaginary email address..lily@yahoo.com (lol, what was I even thinking??). In secondary school, I tried writing love letters but i failed. I was contented writing abusive letters upandan because I could abuse a ghost then!
I knew I didn’t really fit in but I was trying my very best to fit in so everyone wouldn’t see me as a weirdo. I wanted to be a whole lot in the future so I kept on changing careers and when people started tagging me as being unserious, I chose to be a lawyer but I knew I had a lot of talents and wanted to maximise all my potentials! I gained admission into tertiary institution and rushed into a relationship so I could prove to friends that I wasn’t all ‘holy-holy’ and I ended up burning my fingers in the process!
Arrghhh, let me cut the whole story short! All my life, I tried too hard to please family and friends..literally everyone, and then everyone started taking me for granted. I wanted everyone to pat me on the back for being a good and obedient girl. I looked for love in the wrong places. I wanted kudos for stuffing my real self into a dark closet, and embracing a personality that ‘suits’ everyone. The love didn’t come, the validation and pat on the back didn’t come too. Instead, I got cheated, insulted, and disappointed repeatedly.
I finally gave myself a knock on the head one day and realized I wasn’t really living..I decided to stop giving a damn! I snatched my inner power and changed the game! I stopped pleasing everybody. I love laughing and smiling a lot but changed because people told me it was all weird and annoying..but now? I laugh with careless abandon! I used to talk a lot but tied up my tongue because people and boyfriends didn’t like my opinionated self..but now? I talk and ask questions..i talk to everyone, including babies and old people (I can talk and greet for Africa.) I left toxic relationships and stay away from people that try to frustrate or judge me! I no longer struggle with making career decision because I now realize that I am made to be an entrepreneur! Yes, I don’t stress myself up by trying to fit in. I am happy the way I am. I talk and relate with everyone I meet without having to pretend to be who I am not! I am truly living now!
It doesn’t matter who you are, don’t try to change to please people (except if you are a mean, awful person). Be your own kind of DUFF, be your own kind of geek. Be you. Do you. Don’t try to be who you are not, just so you can find love or acceptance. We all are not perfect but we are perfect enough in our Creator’s eyes! Be proud of your flaws. Don’t try to hide under anybody’s shadow except God’s own, of course. Seek validation from God, not human beings! If you feel the need to change your lifestyle, do so…not because anybody ask you to, but because you want to.
I Am Lydia And I Am Proud Of Who I Am. I Don’t Follow The Crowd Anymore, I Walk Alone And I Am Not Afraid.
*drops pen*
Written by Lydia Oladejo