KEMI AMUSHAN : AVOID TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
I am sure most of you have heard this saying before…“If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Most times, I promise you that its bullshit. Dating is hard enough without having to dodge to avoid people who are so bad, they seem like they come directly from a fantasy movie. It’s easy to think that it can’t happen to you. This problem is much more common than one would think, really. The way that a con artist manipulates his or her way into your life and lays it down to ruin your life is incredibly shame inducing, honestly and that’s why it’s easy to wonder why you didn’t catch it sooner or wish you had done something differently. The kind of attachment that these people create in the first few months of knowing them is strong and intoxicating, so much so that kind-hearted, empathetic people are often quick for manipulation.
For this reason, many people who have crossed paths with one of these nasty characters never tell their stories. If they do, they are used to not being believed. After all, no one wants to think that their charming new flame is in fact a sociopath or narcissist.
Unfortunately, I too have had my fair share of these types of men. One of my ex-boyfriends lied about every single detail he ever told me about himself. Recently, one of my old friends got angry at me that I would not help him lie to a new catch of his about his having three small children he had abandoned in the UK. Trust me, I blocked him instantly. Such a wicked and irresponsible man. He began bad mouthing me to our mutual friends that those ones started to believe that I had a personal vendetta against him, not that he had lied about anything or was capable of doing anything wrong.
But unfortunately for him, His new flame was smart to run like hell after finding out that not only did he lie about having kids, but also a whole host of other personal details. After she found a picture of him and his family on a mutual friends page on Facebook, he told us that she was psycho to be looking so heavily into his personal details. He also explained to our mutual friends that his crazy ex-wife had “forced” him to marry her, knowing he clearly wasn’t the father of the three kids, cruelly making him the fall guy. Can you imagine?
After hearing lots of other people’s stories about their experiences with sociopaths and con artists, I realize that so far I have gotten off really easily. Even if you have already had the unfortunate experience of a run-in with a sociopath, that doesn’t mean it will not happen again or that there will actually be any warning signs next time. But you have to know what they are all about…being able to sight their bullshit way across before they get to you.
I am sure you know that being a sociopath is a personality disorder. If you didn’t know, now you do. How do you know one? Impulsivity, lack of responsibility, lack of guilt, poor impulse control, lack of empathy, inability to form meaningful relationships, continued antisocial behavior, lack of behavior change after punishment, and strong emotional immaturity and so on. On the surface, the sociopath appears charming, accomplished, and worldly. So you need to watch closely. See beyond the surface.
With the type of traits I listed above earlier, that’s just one of a few. These types of people are usually so arrogant that they believe the rest of humanity is weak since they can be manipulated with their emotions.
I dated a narcissist once and oh my god, I wanted to pull my hair out when I got pushed to the wall. Like sociopaths, narcissists are also hard people to have relationships with. All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths.
Narcissists also have an overly grandiose sense of self-worth and a lack of empathy for others. They are arrogant, manipulative, need admiration from others, and are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, and ideal love. They often maintain longer relationships than sociopaths even though their relationships can be just as twisted. Narcissists are not as likely to get as violent as sociopaths, but they can dish out emotional abuse just fine. They are considered less likely to be as sadistic as sociopaths.
The bottom line is that you don’t want a relationship with a narcissist either, and their relationships often follow the same relationship phases as a pairing with a sociopath.
Please run, run like hell if you start seeing these traits in the person you are dating. They never change, they only get worse. Trust me, I’m talking from three failed relationships with a narcissist. I took off early because I knew my worth and I could never allow such a person to bring me down…because that’s all they do. Choose wisely.
To our happiness. Cheers.
April 26, 2017