SIJU YUSUF : SEX AND LOVE; CASUAL SEX
He is pestering me for sex. He said if I love him, I will agree to sleep with him’….. And she gave in…
He broke her hymen, making her just another conquest.
I am sure a good number of us have heard a tale as this. The narrative is sometimes different…
…A disgruntled spouse is ‘appeased’ with a round (or more) of sex…
What exactly is sexual intercourse? Simply defined as the penetration of a woman’s vagina with a male penis, typically resulting in orgasm and ejaculation.
A very bad age-long lie traded by people to fulfill their selfish desire is saying ‘sex is a demonstration of love’ in premarital exemplar.
The act in itself is not a foolproof display of love. The activities leading on to it may be related to great admiration or likeness or love under the right circumstances.
Sex is largely a demonstration of how much of the others ‘mess’ a partner is willing to take. (You can allow your imaginations run really wild).
Sex can be ‘done’ with ‘no iota of feelings’.
Sex workers who do business with say 5 people on a daily basis feel nothing towards them. The feeling usually transmitted is one of disgust and repulsion. They don’t even recall names, that is if it was volunteered in the first place.
What guarantees a continued ‘delusion of love’ after a one night stand?
Sex only strengthens a bond! It doesn’t guarantee love.
No wonder sex is not intended to be casual.
You have sex with the one you love and are married to NOT have sex in the hope that love will brew.
No long lasting love will grow on a wrong foundation.
When a person (usually a woman) shows her vulnerability by accepting to have sex with another in the hope that a love-relationship will be birthed, she is simply being taken advantage of, of her OWN accord. *Note carefully the choice of words*
The second scenario….
However a couple decides to settle their dispute is not and should not be the public’s decision as along as no one is getting hurt. However, I have found that sex is not really a superior arbitrator in marital disputes. The issues leading on to the squabble often remains till a ’round-table’ discussion.
Our attention today is largely on casual sex.
It is not surprising that Gary Chapman wrote on ‘The Five Love Languages’ (Arguably the most popular book on love languages).
and did not include Sex. The closest to it being ‘Physical touch’ which may as well just be a bear hug.
When we discuss sex in religion, we often discuss it in relation to its foreordination before the pep talk on the release of bonding related hormones and finally, maybe, a show of love.
There is a reason for that.
The aftermath of sex is more serious than the flimsy moments of pleasure.
Should we begin to consider the completely avoidable health exposures? Or much talked about unwanted pregnancies? How about the unhealthy soul ties that are not decided on at all?
‘Unhealthy soul ties are the consequences of sexual encounters with partners who life-long bonds are created with’.
Of note particularly is the emotions women tend to bring to the table. We cannot effectively discuss a subject without its intricate details and in this case; women and their emotional make up.
Several studies have shown that the psychological well-being of women is more likely to be affected than men after sex. Just because.
More importantly, a higher negative impact is recorded after casual sex in women, though this researches are still in infancy, hence, the inability for adequate referencing.
In this world of uncertainties, sexual relationship requires a responsible decision. The seemingly casual adventure should be engaged in with more serious thoughts because, it may not be as casual as intended after-all.
Sex is not casual.
April 26, 2017